Lifelong Lutheran feeling crushed under the weight of the constant need to confess and repent. Help?

AnneFaye

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I know this is something I should have grasped by now. I love Jesus. I’ve been a Christian and Lutheran my whole life. I always will be. I have read about this topic before and have gone my whole life without it bothering me - but I’m struggling lately and really need help.

Every morning (for years) I faithfully do my devotions (I use Portals of Prayer and a few other random ones mixed in), daily Psalms, and prayers and Bible reading. I also work through different Bible studies daily (all of these are from Concordia so I know they are Lutheran-approved lol). I adore my church. Weekly Communion is what keeps me going.

Included in my daily prayers is the one that says: “Most merciful God, I confess that I am in bondage to sin and cannot free myself…” - it's starting to bug me and I feel guilty that it does bug me.

And then, in the Portals of Prayer I read constant reminders of what an awful sinner I am, so unworthy and on and on, ad nauseum it seems. Not just that of course, but in everything I come across in my Bible reading, devotionals, studies.

For the first time in my life, these past few weeks I’ve felt a growing resentfulness about it all, and today I'm mortified to admit that it has turned into actual anger. I remember eons ago reading about all this and some answers made sense, but I forget them all now. I’m sick of it all and so tired of feeling guilty all the time (and I mean that literally: tired. exhausted). Yes I’m told I "shouldn’t" feel guilty but then the constant reminders (devotions, Bible reading) of how I’m a filthy sinner - well why wouldn’t I feel guilty all the time?

This has been by far one of the worst years of my life. I'm 51 and have seen my fair share of pain, tragedy, tremendous heartache and so on - so that's saying something. I’m nearly broken physically, mentally and emotionally from this year.

I'd like to be clear though: I’m not “mad” at God at all for this suffering - I do believe strongly in the promise of Romans 8:28.

OTOH, I’ve hit this wall...

The entire message of the Bible points to the cross, where Jesus died for all of my (our) sins - past present and future. He even said “It is finished.” So what gives here? If it's finished why do I have to basically grovel every day?

Why do I have to work it all out with “fear and trembling” and constantly have it rubbed in my face (in my devotions, in my Bible reading) how I’m a disgusting sinner, undeserving of mercy and must every day confess, repent, rinse and repeat.

I’m mentally and emotionally completely wrung out with this. I feel spiritually ground down into dust and I need the love and comforting part, not the “I’m a disgusting sinner” part. I’m hurting.

I desperately want someone to explain it to me in a way I can wrap my mind around.

Yes, I know this topic is old, cliché, even eye-rolling - and I've gone years and years without a second thought about it. But for whatever reason, I’m really stuck right now and need a refresher as I don’t much feel like getting on my knees and begging for forgiveness for wrestling with and questioning it right now. I feel guilty about it and then I'm ticked off that I feel guilty. Rinse and repeat. I’m bone tired, body, mind and soul.

(FWIW, I’m not struggling with my faith in general. I’m struggling with this specific issue though, and struggling HARD.)

Thank you in advance to anyone willing to try to address this for me.
 

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Included in my daily prayers is the one that says: “Most merciful God, I confess that I am in bondage to sin and cannot free myself…” - it's starting to bug me and I feel guilty that it does bug me.
I am not Lutheran and I don't know how you have been taught, but,I have a question. Why are you confessing that you are in bondage when Lord Jesus has forgiven you of all sin? You are no longer in bondage. The jail cell is open. Walk out!
John 8:36
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Believe what the Bible says about you.
Romans 6:22
But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life.

IMHO you are "in bondage" because either you are confused about what Lord Jesus has done for you or you never understood what He has done for you. That is why you are feeling the way you do. Start walking in the freedom and love of our Father that Lord Jesus purchased for you by His blood on the cross.
 
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Gregory Thompson

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I know this is something I should have grasped by now. I love Jesus. I’ve been a Christian and Lutheran my whole life. I always will be. I have read about this topic before and have gone my whole life without it bothering me - but I’m struggling lately and really need help.

Every morning (for years) I faithfully do my devotions (I use Portals of Prayer and a few other random ones mixed in), daily Psalms, and prayers and Bible reading. I also work through different Bible studies daily (all of these are from Concordia so I know they are Lutheran-approved lol). I adore my church. Weekly Communion is what keeps me going.

Included in my daily prayers is the one that says: “Most merciful God, I confess that I am in bondage to sin and cannot free myself…” - it's starting to bug me and I feel guilty that it does bug me.

And then, in the Portals of Prayer I read constant reminders of what an awful sinner I am, so unworthy and on and on, ad nauseum it seems. Not just that of course, but in everything I come across in my Bible reading, devotionals, studies.

For the first time in my life, these past few weeks I’ve felt a growing resentfulness about it all, and today I'm mortified to admit that it has turned into actual anger. I remember eons ago reading about all this and some answers made sense, but I forget them all now. I’m sick of it all and so tired of feeling guilty all the time (and I mean that literally: tired. exhausted). Yes I’m told I "shouldn’t" feel guilty but then the constant reminders (devotions, Bible reading) of how I’m a filthy sinner - well why wouldn’t I feel guilty all the time?

This has been by far one of the worst years of my life. I'm 51 and have seen my fair share of pain, tragedy, tremendous heartache and so on - so that's saying something. I’m nearly broken physically, mentally and emotionally from this year.

I'd like to be clear though: I’m not “mad” at God at all for this suffering - I do believe strongly in the promise of Romans 8:28.

OTOH, I’ve hit this wall...

The entire message of the Bible points to the cross, where Jesus died for all of my (our) sins - past present and future. He even said “It is finished.” So what gives here? If it's finished why do I have to basically grovel every day?

Why do I have to work it all out with “fear and trembling” and constantly have it rubbed in my face (in my devotions, in my Bible reading) how I’m a disgusting sinner, undeserving of mercy and must every day confess, repent, rinse and repeat.

I’m mentally and emotionally completely wrung out with this. I feel spiritually ground down into dust and I need the love and comforting part, not the “I’m a disgusting sinner” part. I’m hurting.

I desperately want someone to explain it to me in a way I can wrap my mind around.

Yes, I know this topic is old, cliché, even eye-rolling - and I've gone years and years without a second thought about it. But for whatever reason, I’m really stuck right now and need a refresher as I don’t much feel like getting on my knees and begging for forgiveness for wrestling with and questioning it right now. I feel guilty about it and then I'm ticked off that I feel guilty. Rinse and repeat. I’m bone tired, body, mind and soul.

(FWIW, I’m not struggling with my faith in general. I’m struggling with this specific issue though, and struggling HARD.)

Thank you in advance to anyone willing to try to address this for me.

I'm not a Lutheran, but I've had an experience lately that might help give perspective.

For about a month or so I'd continue to play an audio bible in the background with the scripture "You are already clean because of what I have said to you" in mind. So every 2 and a half days the program goes from Genesis to Revelation.

What I noticed after consistently listening to the passages in order many times that pun jokes would arise in my mind as I listened to it, and I would stop revering the text and start examining it as a text with errors. I had noticed that familiarity had bred contempt.

I was reminded of this when you said you felt guilty because you were "bugged" I surmise from saying the same prayer every day. (but correct me if I'm wrong)

Since you have been practicing the Lutheran devotions for your whole life, you may have the expertise to improvise, and meditate deeper on the meaning of sin and repentance. And in meditating on these concepts in a Christian fashion, find a new means to breathe fresh life into your devotions to God.

I hope that helps.
 
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Halbhh

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I know this is something I should have grasped by now. I love Jesus. I’ve been a Christian and Lutheran my whole life. I always will be. I have read about this topic before and have gone my whole life without it bothering me - but I’m struggling lately and really need help.

Every morning (for years) I faithfully do my devotions (I use Portals of Prayer and a few other random ones mixed in), daily Psalms, and prayers and Bible reading. I also work through different Bible studies daily (all of these are from Concordia so I know they are Lutheran-approved lol). I adore my church. Weekly Communion is what keeps me going.

Included in my daily prayers is the one that says: “Most merciful God, I confess that I am in bondage to sin and cannot free myself…” - it's starting to bug me and I feel guilty that it does bug me.

And then, in the Portals of Prayer I read constant reminders of what an awful sinner I am, so unworthy and on and on, ad nauseum it seems. Not just that of course, but in everything I come across in my Bible reading, devotionals, studies.

For the first time in my life, these past few weeks I’ve felt a growing resentfulness about it all, and today I'm mortified to admit that it has turned into actual anger. I remember eons ago reading about all this and some answers made sense, but I forget them all now. I’m sick of it all and so tired of feeling guilty all the time (and I mean that literally: tired. exhausted). Yes I’m told I "shouldn’t" feel guilty but then the constant reminders (devotions, Bible reading) of how I’m a filthy sinner - well why wouldn’t I feel guilty all the time?

This has been by far one of the worst years of my life. I'm 51 and have seen my fair share of pain, tragedy, tremendous heartache and so on - so that's saying something. I’m nearly broken physically, mentally and emotionally from this year.

I'd like to be clear though: I’m not “mad” at God at all for this suffering - I do believe strongly in the promise of Romans 8:28.

OTOH, I’ve hit this wall...

The entire message of the Bible points to the cross, where Jesus died for all of my (our) sins - past present and future. He even said “It is finished.” So what gives here? If it's finished why do I have to basically grovel every day?

Why do I have to work it all out with “fear and trembling” and constantly have it rubbed in my face (in my devotions, in my Bible reading) how I’m a disgusting sinner, undeserving of mercy and must every day confess, repent, rinse and repeat.

I’m mentally and emotionally completely wrung out with this. I feel spiritually ground down into dust and I need the love and comforting part, not the “I’m a disgusting sinner” part. I’m hurting.

I desperately want someone to explain it to me in a way I can wrap my mind around.

Yes, I know this topic is old, cliché, even eye-rolling - and I've gone years and years without a second thought about it. But for whatever reason, I’m really stuck right now and need a refresher as I don’t much feel like getting on my knees and begging for forgiveness for wrestling with and questioning it right now. I feel guilty about it and then I'm ticked off that I feel guilty. Rinse and repeat. I’m bone tired, body, mind and soul.

(FWIW, I’m not struggling with my faith in general. I’m struggling with this specific issue though, and struggling HARD.)

Thank you in advance to anyone willing to try to address this for me.
I attend a Lutheran church. That we are sinners who have fallen short on our own merits is only one of many key things to know in the good news of salvation, leaving the other things, which are all just as important to hear.

For me, very little of what I hear in a month is devotionals or a thematic message, but most of my reading is from books in the Bible fully through, taking my time, so for me, I'm not hearing one message overemphasized. But I am getting things we all desperately need to hear.

Not too much vitamin C and not much D, but instead the entire range.

All the things we all need, all together.

If you read a gospel like Matthew, you'll be so glad. ❤
You'll hear 30 or 40 messages. It's so much better, so encouraging! :)
 
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Daniel9v9

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There’s a lot I can say here, and I’m happy to expand, but to put it briefly:

The first thing I would like to emphasise is that repentance and faith, confession and absolution, is not mechanical — to understand it mechanical terms would be a wrong understanding.

With that in mind, it’s good to turn our minds to the Lord’s Prayer and particularly two aspects of it:

1. Christ teaches, commands, and invites us to pray “Our Father in heaven”. This means that Almighty God truly is our dear Father, and through Christ, He has promised to hear us. Just think for a moment about this in earthly terms. Those with great authority — rulers, kings, prime ministers, and presidents — they are not very approachable. They’re generally not accessible to us. Yet, God, who is Lord of all, is saying to you that He is your Father. In other words, “Father” and “in heaven” are in some ways opposite, but they are true in God! And it is His will that we pray to Him who loves us and is almighty. So in other words, the fact that we can pray to God means that we are His forgiven children. We are justified, we are saved, we are a new creation in Christ!

2. Yet, even so, our Lord also teaches us to daily pray for forgives of sins. Why is that? Is it because Christ’s work is insufficient? Did He not pay for all sins? No, rather, God forgave you once and for all through the person and works of Jesus Christ, and He communicates His forgiveness to you in Baptism, and in the Eucharist, and through His Church, and daily as we pray we pray to Him. Point being, we are sinners, yes, but when God looks at you, He does not see your sins, for you are clothed in Christ! God forgave us once and for all, and every day! His love, grace, and mercy overflows!
 
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MarkRohfrietsch

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I know this is something I should have grasped by now. I love Jesus. I’ve been a Christian and Lutheran my whole life. I always will be. I have read about this topic before and have gone my whole life without it bothering me - but I’m struggling lately and really need help.

Every morning (for years) I faithfully do my devotions (I use Portals of Prayer and a few other random ones mixed in), daily Psalms, and prayers and Bible reading. I also work through different Bible studies daily (all of these are from Concordia so I know they are Lutheran-approved lol). I adore my church. Weekly Communion is what keeps me going.

Included in my daily prayers is the one that says: “Most merciful God, I confess that I am in bondage to sin and cannot free myself…” - it's starting to bug me and I feel guilty that it does bug me.

And then, in the Portals of Prayer I read constant reminders of what an awful sinner I am, so unworthy and on and on, ad nauseum it seems. Not just that of course, but in everything I come across in my Bible reading, devotionals, studies.

For the first time in my life, these past few weeks I’ve felt a growing resentfulness about it all, and today I'm mortified to admit that it has turned into actual anger. I remember eons ago reading about all this and some answers made sense, but I forget them all now. I’m sick of it all and so tired of feeling guilty all the time (and I mean that literally: tired. exhausted). Yes I’m told I "shouldn’t" feel guilty but then the constant reminders (devotions, Bible reading) of how I’m a filthy sinner - well why wouldn’t I feel guilty all the time?

This has been by far one of the worst years of my life. I'm 51 and have seen my fair share of pain, tragedy, tremendous heartache and so on - so that's saying something. I’m nearly broken physically, mentally and emotionally from this year.

I'd like to be clear though: I’m not “mad” at God at all for this suffering - I do believe strongly in the promise of Romans 8:28.

OTOH, I’ve hit this wall...

The entire message of the Bible points to the cross, where Jesus died for all of my (our) sins - past present and future. He even said “It is finished.” So what gives here? If it's finished why do I have to basically grovel every day?

Why do I have to work it all out with “fear and trembling” and constantly have it rubbed in my face (in my devotions, in my Bible reading) how I’m a disgusting sinner, undeserving of mercy and must every day confess, repent, rinse and repeat.

I’m mentally and emotionally completely wrung out with this. I feel spiritually ground down into dust and I need the love and comforting part, not the “I’m a disgusting sinner” part. I’m hurting.

I desperately want someone to explain it to me in a way I can wrap my mind around.

Yes, I know this topic is old, cliché, even eye-rolling - and I've gone years and years without a second thought about it. But for whatever reason, I’m really stuck right now and need a refresher as I don’t much feel like getting on my knees and begging for forgiveness for wrestling with and questioning it right now. I feel guilty about it and then I'm ticked off that I feel guilty. Rinse and repeat. I’m bone tired, body, mind and soul.

(FWIW, I’m not struggling with my faith in general. I’m struggling with this specific issue though, and struggling HARD.)

Thank you in advance to anyone willing to try to address this for me.
Have you Spoken to your Pastor about this specific thing? It sounds to me like you, consciously or not, are equating what you do with righteousness and maybe even sanctification. Both are gifts from God. Likewise, God does not not require pious practices, but we do. Living in the Word enables the Holy Spirit to work within our lives, and work in us in the life long process of Sanctification.

Again, please call your Pastor, and may God give you the comfort and peace that is only found in the Gospel of our Lord.
 
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AnneFaye

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I am not Lutheran

While I really do sincerely appreciate your kind response, there's a reason I'm posting specifically in the Lutheran forum, and even more specifically in the LCMS one. Blessings to you and yours.
 
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AnneFaye

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very little of what I hear in a month is devotionals or a thematic message

You know, maybe I should take a break from my devotionals and thematic studies - that could be the major problem here. I do read the Bible daily, BUT it's typically verses FROM my devotions and thematic studies.

I think you're onto something. :)

Definitely taking your advice, thank you so much, blessings to you and yours.
 
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AnneFaye

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Have you Spoken to your Pastor about this specific thing? It sounds to me like you, consciously or not, are equating what you do with righteousness and maybe even sanctification.

I think you nailed it. I also think, as another Lutheran helpfully explained, they don't focus so much on "devotions" and thematic things. I think that might be one of my problems, with the larger problem being what you refer to in your post, which I appreciate so much.

My pastor is wonderful, he doesn't "scare" me lol if that makes sense. I don't know why I haven't talked to him about this yet. Probably because I've been trying to push and push these growing resentments down and finally the steam built up too much and it was just recently.

I do need help from him. Thank you so much for your insight and advice, much appreciated. :)
 
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MarkRohfrietsch

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I think you nailed it. I also think, as another Lutheran helpfully explained, they don't focus so much on "devotions" and thematic things. I think that might be one of my problems, with the larger problem being what you refer to in your post, which I appreciate so much.

My pastor is wonderful, he doesn't "scare" me lol if that makes sense. I don't know why I haven't talked to him about this yet. Probably because I've been trying to push and push these growing resentments down and finally the steam built up too much and it was just recently.

I do need help from him. Thank you so much for your insight and advice, much appreciated. :)
God bless both you and your Pastor!!
 
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God bless both you and your Pastor!!
I know this is something I should have grasped by now. I love Jesus. I’ve been a Christian and Lutheran my whole life. I always will be. I have read about this topic before and have gone my whole life without it bothering me - but I’m struggling lately and really need help.

Every morning (for years) I faithfully do my devotions (I use Portals of Prayer and a few other random ones mixed in), daily Psalms, and prayers and Bible reading. I also work through different Bible studies daily (all of these are from Concordia so I know they are Lutheran-approved lol). I adore my church. Weekly Communion is what keeps me going.

Included in my daily prayers is the one that says: “Most merciful God, I confess that I am in bondage to sin and cannot free myself…” - it's starting to bug me and I feel guilty that it does bug me.

And then, in the Portals of Prayer I read constant reminders of what an awful sinner I am, so unworthy and on and on, ad nauseum it seems. Not just that of course, but in everything I come across in my Bible reading, devotionals, studies.

For the first time in my life, these past few weeks I’ve felt a growing resentfulness about it all, and today I'm mortified to admit that it has turned into actual anger. I remember eons ago reading about all this and some answers made sense, but I forget them all now. I’m sick of it all and so tired of feeling guilty all the time (and I mean that literally: tired. exhausted). Yes I’m told I "shouldn’t" feel guilty but then the constant reminders (devotions, Bible reading) of how I’m a filthy sinner - well why wouldn’t I feel guilty all the time?

This has been by far one of the worst years of my life. I'm 51 and have seen my fair share of pain, tragedy, tremendous heartache and so on - so that's saying something. I’m nearly broken physically, mentally and emotionally from this year.

I'd like to be clear though: I’m not “mad” at God at all for this suffering - I do believe strongly in the promise of Romans 8:28.

OTOH, I’ve hit this wall...

The entire message of the Bible points to the cross, where Jesus died for all of my (our) sins - past present and future. He even said “It is finished.” So what gives here? If it's finished why do I have to basically grovel every day?

Why do I have to work it all out with “fear and trembling” and constantly have it rubbed in my face (in my devotions, in my Bible reading) how I’m a disgusting sinner, undeserving of mercy and must every day confess, repent, rinse and repeat.

I’m mentally and emotionally completely wrung out with this. I feel spiritually ground down into dust and I need the love and comforting part, not the “I’m a disgusting sinner” part. I’m hurting.

I desperately want someone to explain it to me in a way I can wrap my mind around.

Yes, I know this topic is old, cliché, even eye-rolling - and I've gone years and years without a second thought about it. But for whatever reason, I’m really stuck right now and need a refresher as I don’t much feel like getting on my knees and begging for forgiveness for wrestling with and questioning it right now. I feel guilty about it and then I'm ticked off that I feel guilty. Rinse and repeat. I’m bone tired, body, mind and soul.

(FWIW, I’m not struggling with my faith in general. I’m struggling with this specific issue though, and struggling HARD.)

Thank you in advance to anyone willing to try to address this for me.

I know this thread is a bit old, but I have the urge to contribute something that has aided me. It's a bit hokey, but it's correct about guilt and condemnation thanks to the Cross (skip to about :28):


Whether the world, the devil, or your flesh are down on you, all that guilt just doesn't matter!
 
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