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Lesbian and hopeless

Iris20000

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Yeah so as the title says I'm struggling very much. I am a girl and I desire girls so much sexually that it's driving me crazy. I'm starting to hate men. Not their fault tho, it's mine and I can't help it. They can marry a woman, love her, sleep with her, make her happy etc and they won't go to hell cuz of that. However if I do the exact same thing I'll burn in hell. I can't explain how shortchanged I feel! I'm burning from frustration, I cry my heart out on a weekly basis and I'm slowly but surely falling into depression. I don't think you can empathize with my emotional pain that is sometimes so intense it literally hurts physically. I'm losing all my motivation to continue my life (im just 19) and I've even thought that I'd be better off dead at a young age (horrible I know, I regret it). I can't even practise my hobbies anymore. I used to have high hopes for the future but they're now falling to pieces together with my mental well-being and sanity. Yeah I may be making a fuss out of it but I don't seem able to deal with it. What's the point in landing a highly paid job if you can't share your happiness with your significant other? The fact that I'm prone to ocd and depression doesn't help me either. I've seen a counselor before because of my OCD and anxiety.
Now you're gonna tell me to pray. If only it was so easy...thing is I'm so incensed at my fate and God that I can't even stand hearing my parents talking about religion these days. I can't pray, okay? I just can't! I feel enraged resentful disconsolate and confused all at once. This isn't even healthy! I am out of my mind! I know it ! How am I going to live this life in this way? It's impossible! That's a straight-up highway to mental illness. I am thinking about it so much it's crazy and seeing happy hetero couples gives me a panick attack knowing I won't ever be able to experience that feeling and those males trigger an extreme anger in me. Sometimes I feel like giving up on everything and just going with the flow, be it even getting a girlfriend.
I have no hope and no happiness right now. No rest, no peace. Any little piece of advice would be more than appreciated.
 

Michie

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*sorry about my mistakes, i am not from an English speaking country*
Yeah so as the title says I'm struggling very much. I am a girl and I desire girls so much sexually that it's driving me crazy. I'm starting to hate men. Not their fault tho, it's mine and I can't help it. They can marry a woman, love her, sleep with her, make her happy etc and they won't go to hell cuz of that. However if I do the exact same thing I'll burn in hell. I can't explain how shortchanged I feel! I'm burning from frustration, I cry my heart out on a weekly basis and I'm slowly but surely falling into depression. I don't think you can empathize with my emotional pain that is sometimes so intense it literally hurts physically. I'm losing all my motivation to continue my life (im just 19) and I've even thought that I'd be better off dead at a young age (horrible I know, I regret it). I can't even practise my hobbies anymore. I used to have high hopes for the future but they're now falling to pieces together with my mental well-being and sanity. Yeah I may be making a fuss out of it but I don't seem able to deal with it. What's the point in landing a highly paid job if you can't share your happiness with your significant other? The fact that I'm prone to ocd and depression doesn't help me either. I've seen a counselor before because of my OCD and anxiety.
Now you're gonna tell me to pray. If only it was so easy...thing is I'm so incensed at my fate and God that I can't even stand hearing my parents talking about religion these days. I can't pray, okay? I just can't! I feel enraged resentful disconsolate and confused all at once. This isn't even healthy! I am out of my mind! I know it ! How am I going to live this life in this way? It's impossible! That's a straight-up highway to mental illness. I am thinking about it so much it's crazy and seeing happy hetero couples gives me a panick attack knowing I won't ever be able to experience that feeling and those males trigger an extreme anger in me. Sometimes I feel like giving up on everything and just going with the flow, be it even getting a girlfriend.
I have no hope and no happiness right now. No rest, no peace. Any little piece of advice would be more than appreciated.
First- **hugs** I’m so sorry you are going through this. :( Have you any access to a Christian professional that could help guide you through this? A doctor that could help with anxiety and depression?
 
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Iris20000

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First- **hugs** I’m so sorry you are going through this. :( Have you any access to a Christian professional that could help guide you through this? A doctor that could help with anxiety and depression?
Actually....I don't have many people to help me....
 
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Blood Bought 1953

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*sorry about my mistakes, i am not from an English speaking country*
Yeah so as the title says I'm struggling very much. I am a girl and I desire girls so much sexually that it's driving me crazy. I'm starting to hate men. Not their fault tho, it's mine and I can't help it. They can marry a woman, love her, sleep with her, make her happy etc and they won't go to hell cuz of that. However if I do the exact same thing I'll burn in hell. I can't explain how shortchanged I feel! I'm burning from frustration, I cry my heart out on a weekly basis and I'm slowly but surely falling into depression. I don't think you can empathize with my emotional pain that is sometimes so intense it literally hurts physically. I'm losing all my motivation to continue my life (im just 19) and I've even thought that I'd be better off dead at a young age (horrible I know, I regret it). I can't even practise my hobbies anymore. I used to have high hopes for the future but they're now falling to pieces together with my mental well-being and sanity. Yeah I may be making a fuss out of it but I don't seem able to deal with it. What's the point in landing a highly paid job if you can't share your happiness with your significant other? The fact that I'm prone to ocd and depression doesn't help me either. I've seen a counselor before because of my OCD and anxiety.
Now you're gonna tell me to pray. If only it was so easy...thing is I'm so incensed at my fate and God that I can't even stand hearing my parents talking about religion these days. I can't pray, okay? I just can't! I feel enraged resentful disconsolate and confused all at once. This isn't even healthy! I am out of my mind! I know it ! How am I going to live this life in this way? It's impossible! That's a straight-up highway to mental illness. I am thinking about it so much it's crazy and seeing happy hetero couples gives me a panick attack knowing I won't ever be able to experience that feeling and those males trigger an extreme anger in me. Sometimes I feel like giving up on everything and just going with the flow, be it even getting a girlfriend.
I have no hope and no happiness right now. No rest, no peace. Any little piece of advice would be more than appreciated.

If sexual sins were the criteria for Damnation.....just about everybody would be going there! Myself especially!
The ONLY reason anybody goes to Hell is because of “ UNBELIEF”.The Sin Issue was settled 2000 years ago .....your Sins are on the Cross , fully paid for....The only thing left for “ you” to do is to “ Cash In” on what has already been accomplished. You do that by putting your Faith in the Gospel Of Grace found in 1cor15:1-4..
The Secret To getting your sins forgiven and getting yourself changed so you can live a life pleasing to God is to get the Holy Spirit in you- Do That by Resting in the Gospel .....If you Do That alone, God will put His Spirit in you and change you from the inside out..not merely a “Change” , But a TRANSFORMATION ! Anybody can “ turn over a new leaf “——— God demands a Transformation , and only HE can do it.
If you do not believe the Gospel ,you are Lost .Your Lesbianism is just bad fruit from an unregenerate heart.....ask God to show you Mercy and open up your heart to an understanding of the Gospel That Saves and Transforms.....He will do it......He Promises you That HE will.....” Anybody( That includes Lesbians) That asks for Mercy shall receive Mercy” .....You will be in my prayers.....God bless...
 
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salt-n-light

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Yeah so as the title says I'm struggling very much. I am a girl and I desire girls so much sexually that it's driving me crazy. I'm starting to hate men. Not their fault tho, it's mine and I can't help it. They can marry a woman, love her, sleep with her, make her happy etc and they won't go to hell cuz of that. However if I do the exact same thing I'll burn in hell. I can't explain how shortchanged I feel! I'm burning from frustration, I cry my heart out on a weekly basis and I'm slowly but surely falling into depression. I don't think you can empathize with my emotional pain that is sometimes so intense it literally hurts physically. I'm losing all my motivation to continue my life (im just 19) and I've even thought that I'd be better off dead at a young age (horrible I know, I regret it). I can't even practise my hobbies anymore. I used to have high hopes for the future but they're now falling to pieces together with my mental well-being and sanity. Yeah I may be making a fuss out of it but I don't seem able to deal with it. What's the point in landing a highly paid job if you can't share your happiness with your significant other? The fact that I'm prone to ocd and depression doesn't help me either. I've seen a counselor before because of my OCD and anxiety.
Now you're gonna tell me to pray. If only it was so easy...thing is I'm so incensed at my fate and God that I can't even stand hearing my parents talking about religion these days. I can't pray, okay? I just can't! I feel enraged resentful disconsolate and confused all at once. This isn't even healthy! I am out of my mind! I know it ! How am I going to live this life in this way? It's impossible! That's a straight-up highway to mental illness. I am thinking about it so much it's crazy and seeing happy hetero couples gives me a panick attack knowing I won't ever be able to experience that feeling and those males trigger an extreme anger in me. Sometimes I feel like giving up on everything and just going with the flow, be it even getting a girlfriend.
I have no hope and no happiness right now. No rest, no peace. Any little piece of advice would be more than appreciated.

I struggle with this as well at times, but the difference from before to now is that the struggle is like any other struggle.

In general, you're not alone in the magnitude of the struggle, the sin we can't quite grasp on becomes the most important sin to tackle. If I'm worry about my gluttony, it overshadows everything else. And because it presses so much on my mind, it also causes the most stress, and thus becomes alot easier to tap into wanting to do it all the more, just to relief the pain of it.

And then other things starts to interweive. So now its not only about liking girls, its about hating men, and then about being jealous of other couples, and about not being present in my own life, and that affects how i am with others, and with God. To the point where normal sound advice feels arbuary and cliche, like praying. It becomes a hole that you feel like you can't get out off.

But here's the advice,

Overall, you gotta build a muscle. Spiritual muscle, and embrace discipleness.

Maybe it's a very straightforward response, but that's because I know that Christ is bigger than any sin we can think of. And I treat it as such. And its not a spiritual muscle just isolated for sexuality. If you ever here about the best exercises for the muscle, are exercises that is full-body, not isolated. The isolation will come in how you track base on where you need to go, but the actionable steps should be applied to every area you're trying to grow in, not just in one area. When you do this, you will find that your trouble with sexuality is not only about that, but was just a symptom to other areas in your life.

1. journal your emotions, what you're thoughts are, everyday. Alot of times, we run with our emotions and thoughts and we don't keep track of things. And then actually question them. Not a "why am I feeling this way?" but more of a " how did I come to this feeling?" and trace it out. When things started, what/who played a part, what influenced it. This is putting your thoughts under subjection. Maybe get an accountability partner, and both of you can make sure you are journaling consistently.

2. in conjunction with that, start to ask what are God's thoughts on it. And research the scriptures.If you need a study partner, you can always someone here in the forums,or me, or someone that you trust.

3. pray. Yes its not something you like hearing. But this is how you get your heart out there to God and communicate with Him. Thoughts and emotions tends to take up space in our Spirit where the Holy Spirit should have space in. Pray for others as well.

4. change your environment. There's some thoughts that we didn't personally just put in our heads, but there's some that people around us, or ideas around us have play big impact. Change what you identify as a factor. Music, people, things you watch. Change it to things of God, so growing in faith, encouraging others, your relationship with God.

5. enjoy the process. There's this saying about praying the gay away. You can't. But you can make the decision to turn away from it. The decision is immediate, but not having it such a huge part of you takes time. Old habits die hard. The christian faith, part of it is long-suffering. If its not this, it will be alot of other things. Get comfortable being familiar in that space, so that its not as scary whenever these desires come up again.

6. Share with others. Get into the habit of not just learning things for yourself, but to learn to teach others. Testimony is one of them, but also just sharing what you learn that day, with someone you trust, or a forum like this. By doing this you become active in discipleship and also in your growth.

In the end, its not that you will be a perfect being. But this is how you don't question your identity in Christ and how you are active in your faith. Because all sins boils down to this; it goes against your identity with Christ and your trust with Christ, because it will remind you how far we are from God in our carnal world and thus have us question everyday the validity of the salvation of Jesus. If you are complacent in being active in the faith, your spiritual muscle will weakened, and you become more suspectable to other forces in your life until you become feeble.

That's how I've overcame, the basics. Accepting Jesus Christ and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Being active in the faith, testing my spirit with the word, and surrounding myself with others doing the same. Most importantly sharing my testimony and the gospel and other things I've learn with others, like im doing now :) The right desires will come through.

Be encouraged.
 
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