Leaving my Young Adult Group

[step_by_step]

I'm not sure if this is the place to put this, but I just need to unload.

I've been a part of my church for nearly twelve years now. Up until recently, I've felt stuck there because my family is in the leadership of the church and I myself am in the worship team. I have no problems with that. It's the youth ministry of our church that I have problems with.

I'm a part of the young adult group, which is a fairly new group. It started last summer and when it was formed, I was really excited. I was hopeful that this group would be challenging and would help me grow in Christ. I wanted to be pushed, I wanted to expand my knowledge and find God on a more intimate level. That's what Bible study is for, right? The person who started this group seemed to share my vision and at first, it was headed in a good direction.

But if you've seen any of my posts lately, you know that it no longer is going where I thought it would. Apparently the members of this group are not sharing my vision. They don't want to grow. They seem to be comfortable with just coasting along at their current level. This bothers me greatly. There comes a point when, especially as young adults, we need to step t of the comfort zone and move from milk to solid food. There is no fire, no passion in this group. I've expressed this multiple times to multiple people in the group and the responses were very disheartening. I am starving over here, desperate for more, desperate to dig into the Bible and know God more. But they just aren't. And it's so frustrating.

Another issue I've had with this group is that there's no sense of community. I am the only consistently attending woman at this point. There are two other girls who show up when they can but otherwise it's just me surrounded by men. Which was fine at first. I've known these boys for years, as we grew up in the youth group together. But I started to realize that there's just no connection between any of us, not on a deeper level where it needs to be. These people call themselves my friends but I can't depend on any of them. I was going through some stuff, which the leader of the group was aware of. When I told him to pray, he said he would. It's been weeks and he hasn't checked back with me. He hasn't asked if everything is better now. I told the group I couldn't make it to our last meeting because of an emergency with my dog and none of them reached out to see what was wrong or offered to pray. The leader of the group was having a family crisis and his brother was in the hospital. I told him I would be praying and asked him to keep me updated. He said he would. I only found out that his brother was out of the hospital through Facebook. He still hasn't told me that his brother is okay. If I hadn't seen that Facebook post, I'd still be praying!

Sometimes I feel like I'm asking too much but I know I'm not. These people just don't care on the level that I feel they need to. They don't care about each other. Our group is just for fun and games and minimal learning. When they leave after we meet, they forget about each other. There's no community, no love, no support, no dependability. And most of all, there's no growth.

I've tried to make it work but I'm so exhausted. I feel God has finally given me the green light and is nudging me to find another group outside of my church. And I seriously hope that I can find one that is willing and ready to grow in Christ, has a passion to serve him, and cares about its members. Because that is what I'm dying for.

Mostly this was just a vent post but I do want to ask, has anyone else experienced this? Is anyone else seeing that their youth just don't care?

 

[Sketcher]

I'm not sure if this is the place to put this, but I just need to unload.

I've been a part of my church for nearly twelve years now. Up until recently, I've felt stuck there because my family is in the leadership of the church and I myself am in the worship team. I have no problems with that. It's the youth ministry of our church that I have problems with.

I'm a part of the young adult group, which is a fairly new group. It started last summer and when it was formed, I was really excited. I was hopeful that this group would be challenging and would help me grow in Christ. I wanted to be pushed, I wanted to expand my knowledge and find God on a more intimate level. That's what Bible study is for, right? The person who started this group seemed to share my vision and at first, it was headed in a good direction.

But if you've seen any of my posts lately, you know that it no longer is going where I thought it would. Apparently the members of this group are not sharing my vision. They don't want to grow. They seem to be comfortable with just coasting along at their current level. This bothers me greatly. There comes a point when, especially as young adults, we need to step t of the comfort zone and move from milk to solid food. There is no fire, no passion in this group. I've expressed this multiple times to multiple people in the group and the responses were very disheartening. I am starving over here, desperate for more, desperate to dig into the Bible and know God more. But they just aren't. And it's so frustrating.

Another issue I've had with this group is that there's no sense of community. I am the only consistently attending woman at this point. There are two other girls who show up when they can but otherwise it's just me surrounded by men. Which was fine at first. I've known these boys for years, as we grew up in the youth group together. But I started to realize that there's just no connection between any of us, not on a deeper level where it needs to be. These people call themselves my friends but I can't depend on any of them. I was going through some stuff, which the leader of the group was aware of. When I told him to pray, he said he would. It's been weeks and he hasn't checked back with me. He hasn't asked if everything is better now. I told the group I couldn't make it to our last meeting because of an emergency with my dog and none of them reached out to see what was wrong or offered to pray. The leader of the group was having a family crisis and his brother was in the hospital. I told him I would be praying and asked him to keep me updated. He said he would. I only found out that his brother was out of the hospital through Facebook. He still hasn't told me that his brother is okay. If I hadn't seen that Facebook post, I'd still be praying!

Sometimes I feel like I'm asking too much but I know I'm not. These people just don't care on the level that I feel they need to. They don't care about each other. Our group is just for fun and games and minimal learning. When they leave after we meet, they forget about each other. There's no community, no love, no support, no dependability. And most of all, there's no growth.

I've tried to make it work but I'm so exhausted. I feel God has finally given me the green light and is nudging me to find another group outside of my church. And I seriously hope that I can find one that is willing and ready to grow in Christ, has a passion to serve him, and cares about its members. Because that is what I'm dying for.

Mostly this was just a vent post but I do want to ask, has anyone else experienced this? Is anyone else seeing that their youth just don't care?

I'm not going to say that this group is absolutely healthy and on the right track, but as someone who has been part of a young adult group for years, I have this to offer:

1) You can expect attendance to fluxuate, because people in their twenties are highly mobile. There's the demands of the college courses they are taking that semester. They are also of the age where they are getting their first full-time jobs, and if there are places in your area with shift work, some will be getting second shift positions because they would be at the bottom of the totem pole, and that shift totally screws up your social life. Not only are evenings annihilated, but going to church at say, 10:00 AM becomes like going to church at 2:00 AM or 3:00 AM, depending on just how many hours their shift is offset. That is not easy to make consistently. And others move to different locations, or get married and "drop out." So what you will have are "good" times with a lot of people, and "dry" times with not as many people. Some will come back as the opportunity presents itself. Some will not. Some others may continue to come in. It's the nature of the beast.

2) The way that we in the US do church is very reflective of the way we do school. Elementary school, middle school, high school, kids are herded into groups of kids their age only, and have it all handed to them. I don't think this equips them for running a young adult group themselves, there's a bit of a culture shock for lack of a better term that they run into when it's not just handed to them anymore. These groups can struggle as a result, because the leadership and especially the administrative aspects (however small) are new challenges to the leaders. When people who are trained in youth groups meant for teenagers try to apply their activity ideas to groups of young adults, we find it to be patronizing. And if they didn't mature enough in their years of youth ministry training, it's even worse (when I was graduating high school and talking to other seniors, the guys I talked to who were wanting to go into youth ministry and who were volunteering to stay around the youth group as staff were clearly a step behind in maturity compared to the rest of us, I don't say that to be proud, it was an unfortunate observation).

3) There comes a point where "solid food" doesn't come in the form of study (though it still can come that way) but by longsuffering and prayer and doing the right thing even though it is hard. Sounds to me like they're fumbling on that. It's difficult to maintain a system where all those prayer requests are organized and people are getting the feedback that they need.

 

[maintenance man]

Is anyone else seeing that their youth just don't care?

Keeping young adults in church has proven to be difficult recently. I think the problem is they are not cared for properly. For some reason it is believed they don't need a professional staff person to direct the program (which seems to be the case for you). At our church, we have a pastor for young children, a pastor for Jr. High School kids, a pastor for High School kids, but the young adults are left to find their own leadership - That's crazy in my view! Young adults are the group that we are having the hardest time keeping active in the church and they don't have a dedicated professional to guide their program. It makes no sense to me.

It sounds like your group is more like a social group than a Bible study group - which is fine if that's what you're looking for, but a more focused group will be more likely to bond into stronger relationships. I think working together in service projects is one of the best ways to bond. You might want to look for a group that is more concerned with service than Bible study for that reason.

I can understand your desire to look outside your church, but maybe God is calling you to fix the problem in your church. I would encourage you to talk with the church pastor about your concerns and desire to have a better structured young adult program. This is a big problem at a lot of churches and maybe you're the one who can figure out a way to change that dynamic.

 

[JCFantasy23]

I agree with other posters who state it seems more like a social hang out group. It's clear you are not looking for this, however, so I would look elsewhere if I were you. Since you've already brought it up to members and the leader but it hasn't gotten you or them anywhere, they may be fine with how it's working and it's meeting the needs they set out to do, but you're just not all on the same page. I would take that as a sign to find another bible study that fits your needs.