Leaving Church, Looking for Input Outside of People I Know

Should I leave?

  • Ye

  • nah


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Redwingfan9

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If you read on, he agreed. Your examples are also ill- served. In each case a woman was looked upon as an object. Christ did not accuse the victim, He accused those who protected the perpetrator. Look beyond what is in front of you before you lash out at a woman who has been a victim herself.
Blessings
There is no victim here. Thoughts are not the same as action. Yes, thoughts are sin but there's a vast difference between lusting after someone and turning someone into a victim via assault or some other physical action.
 
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Sam91

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If you read on, he agreed. Your examples are also ill- served. In each case a woman was looked upon as an object. Christ did not accuse the victim, He accused those who protected the perpetrator. Look beyond what is in front of you before you lash out at a woman who has been a victim herself.
Blessings
I don't class that as 'lashing out', I was quite loving (yes, I have love in my heart for you) in my reminder to love first not judge. I was heartened to see you had rated his post as 'winning' but you made a couple of posts condemning his actions. He has had enough of that from his church. It is hard to leave sin behind when people (church, not you) are still treating one as if they are still in the sin. He already knows that thinking of women as objects is wrong or he wouldn't have gone to his pastor for help.

Let's not get into a debate over it. I don't think you're an unkind person etc. I used those examples of people caught in sin but weren't condemned by Christ for it, but were helped instead as a reminder of how mistaken our own eyes are. So please take it as a gentle reminder and don't feel any condemnation or criticism from me. The 'what right do you/we have' opening was a question to get you to think about it and possibly you might have read it in a telling off tone of voice. My mistake if you did, I was trying to beseech you to think on it.

I think our OP has suffered enough at the hands of humans of late, judging from his post. If he starts self-condemning it will hinder his prayers and ability to walk in Him. He needs to walk in the Spirit to be free, and if he holds on to the guilt he'll find much more temptation because of battling it. Whereas, if he feels the Lord's compassion and forgiveness he'll be grateful for it and more likely to be walking with His eyes on Him and not on distractions.

Good Night sister.

Edit: To be clear, I do not think you intended any harm in your posts. I do not think you were intending to be hardhearted either.
 
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Maria Billingsley

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I don't class that as 'lashing out', I was quite loving (yes, I have love in my heart for you) in my reminder to love first not judge. I was heartened to see you had rated his post as 'winning' but you made a couple of posts condemning his actions. He has had enough of that from his church. It is hard to leave sin behind when people (church, not you) are still treating one as if they are still in the sin. He already knows that thinking of women as objects is wrong or he wouldn't have gone to his pastor for help.

Let's not get into a debate over it. I don't think you're an unkind person etc. I used those examples of people caught in sin but weren't condemned by Christ for it, but were helped instead as a reminder of how mistaken our own eyes are. So please take it as a gentle reminder and don't feel any condemnation or criticism from me. The 'what right do you/we have' opening was a question to get you to think about it and possibly you might have read it in a telling off tone of voice. My mistake if you did, I was trying to beseech you to think on it.

I think our OP has suffered enough at the hands of humans of late, judging from his post. If he starts self-condemning it will hinder his prayers and ability to walk in Him. He needs to walk in the Spirit to be free, and if he holds on to the guilt he'll find much more temptation because of battling it. Whereas, if he feels the Lord's compassion and forgiveness he'll be grateful for it and more likely to be walking with His eyes on Him and not on distractions.

Good Night sister.

Edit: To be clear, I do not think you intended any harm in your posts. I do not think you were intending to be hardhearted either.
Honestly, I am not concerned about posts that disagree with my comment.What is more important is that the OP'er repented and agreed that objectifying women is not right. This is a good thing regardless of whether he stays in his congregation or not. Lust will follow no matter where you are.
Blessings!
 
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EnriqueNye

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There are no victims or perpetrators here. It is unfair to turn this kid into a perpetrator for seeking help to take his thoughts captive. Christ embraced those who were repentant with open arms.
Aye bruh I'm 20, I'm no kid here haha
 
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topher694

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Aye bruh I'm 20, I'm no kid here haha
LOL, all good natured. To many of us 20 is a kid, but not in a bad way, just means our 20s feel like a loooong time ago.
 
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J03y

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Hi there, for about 4 years I have gone my own way away from the Roman Catholic Church. I found that the ritual and ceremony did little to facilitate my journey with God as a father. That being seid, I don't know many Christians my age who take the relationship as a way of life in my area so I've been kinda alone in this but I feel happier with God since then, a more living, reactive relationship.
 
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miamited

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Hi enrique,

Read your story. I'm moved by the control issue that the leaders of your fellowship seem to want to play out. I'm not privy to exactly what you said to the first pastor, but unless you had impressed me that you were about to go out and start raping women, I don't think I'd have felt 'forced' to report the behavior on up the chain, at that point. I think that we need to understand that godly rebuking is not forcing someone else to do something. It is an act of instruction. How in the world all of this got to be 2 hour meetings with these folks and 3 hour meetings, etc., is quite beyond me.

You should have been able to go to the first pastor and lay out your issue and ask for prayer and guidance on what you should do and then in 20-30 minutes or so, been given such prayer and guidance and encouraged to come back as the issue progressed. Honestly, what I'm reading in your account sounds more like some deeply fundamentalist fellowship that is not following the fundamental principles of correcting and rebuking that we read in the Scriptures. Sounds to me like they'd like to take you out back and pillory you and whip you about the buttocks and thighs until you bleed and repent.

Following Jesus is a personal and individual intention. We cannot make others do what is right. We can only instruct and I honestly can't see such instruction taking hours and hours of meetings. I realize that you're young and likely not too aware of how other fellowships might handle such an issue with one of its congregants. However, I would encourage you to find another fellowship. We all stumble and we all need prayer from time to time to overcome sin, but in my past it has been handled with much more love, compassion and care for the sinner, than what I'm reading in your account.

From the sounds of it, you haven't actually 'done' anything untoward, but are having thoughts and desires. Brother most of us, especially at your age, have to deal with these things. I believe that there are much better ways of dealing with someone who is having impure thoughts, than what I'm reading in your account. I'm encouraged that you even went to your pastor to discuss the issue.

The fact that your entire family is so upset with the fellowship that you are involved with says a lot. I honestly can't imagine any of the fellowships that I've been involved with having entire families to be treated in a manner that would make them want to leave the fellowship.

The fact that Paul encouraged a fellowship to put a man out who was having sexual relations with his father's wife isn't quite the same, nor do I believe in need of the same rebuking and correction, as a young man having lustful thoughts

God bless you,
In Christ, ted
 
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EnriqueNye

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Hi enrique,

Read your story. I'm moved by the control issue that the leaders of your fellowship seem to want to play out. I'm not privy to exactly what you said to the first pastor, but unless you had impressed me that you were about to go out and start raping women, I don't think I'd have felt 'forced' to report the behavior on up the chain, at that point. I think that we need to understand that godly rebuking is not forcing someone else to do something. It is an act of instruction. How in the world all of this got to be 2 hour meetings with these folks and 3 hour meetings, etc., is quite beyond me.

You should have been able to go to the first pastor and lay out your issue and ask for prayer and guidance on what you should do and then in 20-30 minutes or so, been given such prayer and guidance and encouraged to come back as the issue progressed. Honestly, what I'm reading in your account sounds more like some deeply fundamentalist fellowship that is not following the fundamental principles of correcting and rebuking that we read in the Scriptures. Sounds to me like they'd like to take you out back and pillory you and whip you about the buttocks and thighs until you bleed and repent.

Following Jesus is a personal and individual intention. We cannot make others do what is right. We can only instruct and I honestly can't see such instruction taking hours and hours of meetings. I realize that you're young and likely not too aware of how other fellowships might handle such an issue with one of its congregants. However, I would encourage you to find another fellowship. We all stumble and we all need prayer from time to time to overcome sin, but in my past it has been handled with much more love, compassion and care for the sinner, than what I'm reading in your account.

From the sounds of it, you haven't actually 'done' anything untoward, but are having thoughts and desires. Brother most of us, especially at your age, have to deal with these things. I believe that there are much better ways of dealing with someone who is having impure thoughts, than what I'm reading in your account. I'm encouraged that you even went to your pastor to discuss the issue.

The fact that your entire family is so upset with the fellowship that you are involved with says a lot. I honestly can't imagine any of the fellowships that I've been involved with having entire families to be treated in a manner that would make them want to leave the fellowship.

The fact that Paul encouraged a fellowship to put a man out who was having sexual relations with his father's wife isn't quite the same, nor do I believe in need of the same rebuking and correction, as a young man having lustful thoughts

God bless you,
In Christ, ted
Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
 
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miamited

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Hi again Enrique,

I'm going to assume that Enrique is your real name. Here's how I would imagine that most fellowships would have handled your situation. Not exactly of course, but rather in this manner of communicating with you.

You are encouraged, likely by the Holy Spirit, that these thoughts and desires towards women are not healthy nor in keeping with the Scripture's instruction to keep our hearts set on pure thoughts. So, and I believe it shows a certain amount of maturity of faith, you seek out your pastor to confide in and ask what you should do or how to handle such thoughts and desires. Again, I'm assuming that you didn't come across like you were so sexually frustrated that you were contemplating raping someone. I'm imagining you were just bothered by the thoughts and feelings and sought godly council about what to do. You'd ask your pastor, "How is a young man supposed to keep his thoughts pure? I'm struggling with that right now in my life."

Your pastor should have set down with you and discussed the kinds of thoughts and desires you were struggling with and given you some Scriptural council to help guide you. He should have offered to pray with you and then asked you to keep him apprised of the situation as it progressed. He might even have written down a few of the verses to encourage you in working on the issue and encouraged you to read them over for a few days. Then he should have filed in his mental notes to follow up with you in a few days and find out how you were doing.

What it sounds like, as I mentioned, is that they're into some super control attitude and that they think they can boil you in oil and make you repent and change your heart. That has never worked. It was tried in the inquisitions and it didn't work then either. Your faith and walk with the Lord is for you to do. Others can't do it for you. So, you have to want to correct the behavior and it sounds like you do want that. The pastors job should be to encourage you in the way that you should go...in love and compassion for your situation. As I say, most all young people, and I think especially boys, can get tangled up during their teen and early twenties with flaming passions. I believe it's part of the hormonal structure of our bodies. It's what makes us want to reproduce and, when understood and appreciated in that manner, is a good thing.

No, one shouldn't obsess about girls/women with just a constant sexual lust and Jesus was clear about that. But if one is dealing with that situation, then a pastor should be able to handle guiding and giving instruction and prayer, without resorting to embarrassing meetings with parents and so forth. Unless you are threatening to molest some of the girls in your fellowship, I wouldn't even be inclined to take you out of youth group just because you are having these thoughts and desires.

I know that there are fundamentalist fellowships that tend to beat their congregants over sin. I honestly think that all that does is cause the sinner to start hiding his sin. He no longer wants to bring it out and talk about it like a mature christian should be able to do for fear of retribution. I don't think that's the right way for a fellowship to handle sin within its people. Of course, that's assuming that the sin is not murder or outright fornication. There are certainly some sinful behaviors that need to be dealt with more strictly than others, but impure thoughts are really something that most all of us have to deal with at some point in our lives.

I hope that you're able to persevere through this and I personally would encourage you to find a more mature fellowship that understands that you can't force someone else to stop sinning. The Scriptures teach us to pray for the brother that sins and in that way we can restore them.

God bless,
In Christ, ted
 
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paul1149

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It’s kind of like leaving an abusive relationship, I know saying that makes it sound like I should leave, but the history I have with these people is just so big. I’m giving it a lot of thought and prayer. I am still attending my church until I move out of the church campus housing out of respect, so I will probably decide once and for all then whether to stay or leave. But right now I’m at an 80% leaving.

A sad story, Enrique. No pastor has the right to micromanage your life. The picture I have is of Christ writing on the ground while the Pharisees wanted to stone the adulterous woman (Jn 8). I tend to think He was noting the sins of those holding stones. You were repentant, it should have ended with the first pastor. The rest sounds like bureaucratic overload, with the issue getting unjustly magnified at every stage.

If you read the denouement of the 1Cor 5 episode at 2Cor 2, you will see that Paul lavishly covers the repentant man with tender mercy. He is solicitous of his feelings and exhorts the congregation to be so as well, "lest Satan should take advantage" of the situation.

If you continue at this church there is a good chance you are going to find closed doors with regard to service, participation and just plain acceptance. It seems they don't understand repentance and restoration. You may begin to feel like a second-class citizen. And there is danger you will internalize that feeling and judge yourself as they have judged you.

I would consider the possibilities going forward of you really fitting into this church as you should if you stay.
 
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Knee V

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He's uber-scandalized because you're a dude who likes girl's? That's friggin' ridiculous. Yes, lust is a sin that we should work on, and it is good to learn how to curb it, but his reaction makes me think that there is something going on with him. I wonder what he's trying to compensate for with his manufactured outrage. Ever seen the movie American Beauty? This pastor reminds me of Kevin Spacey's character's nextdoor neighbor.
 
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BNR32FAN

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Hey,

I am posting on here because recent events at my church have led me to decide on leaving and finding a new church family. It is something very controversial to me that I would like input on. I guess I will just give you the whole story.

I have been at the church I am currently at for my entire life. My parents joined it right after it started, and I was born like 10 years later. Fast forward to today, I am still attending, I am saved, and I am living on an old school campus that my church bought and rents out to people who attend. It is an entire floor of single guys.

This past year I have seen sin manifest itself in my life, specifically lust. I am not like actively lusting after every woman I see with burning desire, I would view every woman that I would begin to have a relationship with as a sexual object and it was hurting us both a lot, and I did not like what it was doing to either of us. Obviously this is an embarrassing thing to talk about, so I kept it to myself for a while, but one time after a date that almost went crazy, (you could argue it did go a bit crazy) I said I need God to change me, and I think my pastor will help.

One of my pastors actually lives below me, so I went and saw him. I explained the situation, and I how I wanted to work on this area of my life and he was not having it. He said you are forgiven, but just like with David and Bathsheba, God will not let the sword leave your house. And he said that he did not trust me anymore, that it would take a while to regain his trust. He said he would meet with me regularly for counselling and accountability, which we did the next day. There he informed me that it was his duty to bring this to the senior pastor, which I was kinda confused, because why not just keep this confidential? I expressed a genuine desire for change and I had not hurt anyone at the church from sexual objectifying them.

I was supposed to go to my church's youth retreat that day to serve, but I got a call from him legit an hour before I was going to head out that he had spoken to the senior pastor and that I was barred from going due to what I did. He did not say why, and I was kinda mad.

I had to bring all my camping stuff back home and my mom was all like ???. so I had to explain to her what happened and she was not having it. Both my sisters have had falling outs with the senior pastor and both no longer attend. I would argue one is still a Christian, but does not go to church, the other now hates Christianity because of what happened to her. My mom and dad ended up calling my senior pastor (against my wishes) for 3 hours about this, and my mom even threatened to quit her job at the church. I guess she is just mad to see all her kids have bad experiences with them Idk.

Right after their call, I got an email from my senior pastor explaining that I have proved myself so dishonorable among women, and that he does not want me around any of the girls at the youth retreat. I was really angry, I felt like I was being treated like a pedophile just for admitting that I have a problem with objectifying women who I date. I sent him back a lengthy email explaining why I thought barring me for that reason was an overreaction, and how I wished the convo between me and the other pastor had stayed confidential.

We end up meeting, all three of us, me, the pastor I went to, and the senior pastor, and we had a long heated meeting. I will admit, I went into that meeting pretty heated. The majority of it was just them trying to pull out more details of the specifics of the last date I went on. I did not think this at the time, but now I am just like "Why do you need more details of that? I already came to you for help with a repentive heart." And I did not want to tell them, because again, it is embarrassing to talk about this. They accused me of lying and hiding information from them because I did not want to tell them.

He ended up starting the meeting with saying I was getting kicked out of the Church campus living thing. He changed his mind when I agreed with him on the fact that lust starts earlier then you think in a dating relationship. I dont know why he was basing it off that. He said I was on probation for the rest of the summer, and I had to meet with the other pastor regularly.

The next two months I made HUGE progress. I am closer to Christ then I have ever been in my life. and I would say my lust is 40% of what it was, which is huge to me. The pastor I met with thought the same. Our last meeting, he recommended that I stay on campus to our senior pastor.

Then like two weeks later it fell apart. There was a girl that I hung out with a lot in the spring of this year. She really liked to flirt especially sexually. I still had her as a contact in my phone and we started flirting one day. It was going to go further, but I stopped myself, and blocked her off my phone. Because I blocked her, she got mad, and told a friend who told a friend, who told a friend, who told someone who goes to my church, who told a pastor and on and on. I got a call from my pastor saying "whats this I am hearing?" and I was upfront and honest with him. I said I did not think to bring it up to him because at the time, while I was ashamed and sorry that it happened, the fact that it normally would have gone further with her, and that I stopped it in the heat of the moment was a huge win for me. Keep in mind this happened a few weeks before it got to him.

He said he had to bring this to the senior pastor who said that I am out. We then met later that night for an hour and a half, where they tried to convince me that I had broken the probation, and that what I did, was in no means a win, and if anything a less of a loss. I did not and do not agree with that, and they tried to change my mind during that whole time. They said that because I did not agree with them, I was clearly not repenting or showing any desire to change.

We left that meeting with no progress made. We met again a few days later with my parents present. It was the same thing, just them trying to change my mind, and since I do not agree with them, I am not repenting or broken from what I did. Like I repented and felt bad at the time, but I did not sin to you! So how am I supposed to show that other then say that I did it? My dad did not say a word throughout the entire meeting, and when my mom tried to say something, the senior pastor shut her our and said, your time will come. They tried changing my mind for an hour and then sent me out of the room for two hours where they talked about I dont know what.

My parents wont speak about it, and neither will any of the three pastors. It is common for this kind of thing. I do not even know what really happened with my sisters. My mom is still considering leaving her job and wants to visit other churches.

I am honestly done with them at this point. I came to one of them for help and a genuine desire for change, and I got punished for it. I understand how you should be removed from leadership if your life is not in order, but I am not in leadership. This whole situation has distracted me from what I am really trying to focus on, and stresses me out to have to put on a show for them. Recently they have been acting like they caught me in the act of adultery or something, and I am refusing to admit it, and its like "No, I came to you for help, and you are just rebuking me."

I am moving out Oct 15th. I'm still attending church until then, but after that I am going to be actively looking, unless someone on here changes my mind. FYI I have been very transparent about this. I am giving you their genuine logic on this. Everyone I have talked to at my church has agreed that it is my duty to leave after this and all that, but a couple of them have been genuinely concerned and gone to my senior pastor and asked about it. I don't know what he tells them, but I'm sure if they disagreed with him, they would be in the same boat as me. Lot of people feel that way about my senior pastor, not being allowed to have their own opinion and what not.

But yeah, I really enjoy the community of brothers I am with, I really do not want to leave my church but this is kind of the knock out punch at the end of a stream of other stuff in the past. I am kind of excited to see where God takes me, I kind of feel like it is what he wants me to do. If you can change my mind about leaving, go for it, if not feel free to support my reasoning on leaving.

Thanks

Not a person on this planet doesn’t struggle with lust and I guarantee your pastors struggle with it as well. You did the right thing. It’s not easy to stop in a situation where the other person is content with continuing. I think you showed incredible self control. Honestly I think you should find another church.
 
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Strong in Him

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Yea, low key think the jr pastor won’t disagree with the senior pastor because he’s afraid of him changing his mind

If that's true, then, as well as showing a lack of pastoral skills, it seems this pastor values man made approval, position and a title above his God given calling to be a Pastor to those under his care.

Personally, I'd leave; probably without saying anything. If anyone questioned where I was or said they missed me, or if the Pastor came round to ask where I was, then I'd tell them exactly why I had left. It's possible that the only way to make your leadership listen is to vote with your feet, and find a church where you are valued, fed and can find spiritual help and support.
 
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salt-n-light

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Hey,

I am posting on here because recent events at my church have led me to decide on leaving and finding a new church family. It is something very controversial to me that I would like input on. I guess I will just give you the whole story.

I have been at the church I am currently at for my entire life. My parents joined it right after it started, and I was born like 10 years later. Fast forward to today, I am still attending, I am saved, and I am living on an old school campus that my church bought and rents out to people who attend. It is an entire floor of single guys.

This past year I have seen sin manifest itself in my life, specifically lust. I am not like actively lusting after every woman I see with burning desire, I would view every woman that I would begin to have a relationship with as a sexual object and it was hurting us both a lot, and I did not like what it was doing to either of us. Obviously this is an embarrassing thing to talk about, so I kept it to myself for a while, but one time after a date that almost went crazy, (you could argue it did go a bit crazy) I said I need God to change me, and I think my pastor will help.

One of my pastors actually lives below me, so I went and saw him. I explained the situation, and I how I wanted to work on this area of my life and he was not having it. He said you are forgiven, but just like with David and Bathsheba, God will not let the sword leave your house. And he said that he did not trust me anymore, that it would take a while to regain his trust. He said he would meet with me regularly for counselling and accountability, which we did the next day. There he informed me that it was his duty to bring this to the senior pastor, which I was kinda confused, because why not just keep this confidential? I expressed a genuine desire for change and I had not hurt anyone at the church from sexual objectifying them.

I was supposed to go to my church's youth retreat that day to serve, but I got a call from him legit an hour before I was going to head out that he had spoken to the senior pastor and that I was barred from going due to what I did. He did not say why, and I was kinda mad.

I had to bring all my camping stuff back home and my mom was all like ???. so I had to explain to her what happened and she was not having it. Both my sisters have had falling outs with the senior pastor and both no longer attend. I would argue one is still a Christian, but does not go to church, the other now hates Christianity because of what happened to her. My mom and dad ended up calling my senior pastor (against my wishes) for 3 hours about this, and my mom even threatened to quit her job at the church. I guess she is just mad to see all her kids have bad experiences with them Idk.

Right after their call, I got an email from my senior pastor explaining that I have proved myself so dishonorable among women, and that he does not want me around any of the girls at the youth retreat. I was really angry, I felt like I was being treated like a pedophile just for admitting that I have a problem with objectifying women who I date. I sent him back a lengthy email explaining why I thought barring me for that reason was an overreaction, and how I wished the convo between me and the other pastor had stayed confidential.

We end up meeting, all three of us, me, the pastor I went to, and the senior pastor, and we had a long heated meeting. I will admit, I went into that meeting pretty heated. The majority of it was just them trying to pull out more details of the specifics of the last date I went on. I did not think this at the time, but now I am just like "Why do you need more details of that? I already came to you for help with a repentive heart." And I did not want to tell them, because again, it is embarrassing to talk about this. They accused me of lying and hiding information from them because I did not want to tell them.

He ended up starting the meeting with saying I was getting kicked out of the Church campus living thing. He changed his mind when I agreed with him on the fact that lust starts earlier then you think in a dating relationship. I dont know why he was basing it off that. He said I was on probation for the rest of the summer, and I had to meet with the other pastor regularly.

The next two months I made HUGE progress. I am closer to Christ then I have ever been in my life. and I would say my lust is 40% of what it was, which is huge to me. The pastor I met with thought the same. Our last meeting, he recommended that I stay on campus to our senior pastor.

Then like two weeks later it fell apart. There was a girl that I hung out with a lot in the spring of this year. She really liked to flirt especially sexually. I still had her as a contact in my phone and we started flirting one day. It was going to go further, but I stopped myself, and blocked her off my phone. Because I blocked her, she got mad, and told a friend who told a friend, who told a friend, who told someone who goes to my church, who told a pastor and on and on. I got a call from my pastor saying "whats this I am hearing?" and I was upfront and honest with him. I said I did not think to bring it up to him because at the time, while I was ashamed and sorry that it happened, the fact that it normally would have gone further with her, and that I stopped it in the heat of the moment was a huge win for me. Keep in mind this happened a few weeks before it got to him.

He said he had to bring this to the senior pastor who said that I am out. We then met later that night for an hour and a half, where they tried to convince me that I had broken the probation, and that what I did, was in no means a win, and if anything a less of a loss. I did not and do not agree with that, and they tried to change my mind during that whole time. They said that because I did not agree with them, I was clearly not repenting or showing any desire to change.

We left that meeting with no progress made. We met again a few days later with my parents present. It was the same thing, just them trying to change my mind, and since I do not agree with them, I am not repenting or broken from what I did. Like I repented and felt bad at the time, but I did not sin to you! So how am I supposed to show that other then say that I did it? My dad did not say a word throughout the entire meeting, and when my mom tried to say something, the senior pastor shut her our and said, your time will come. They tried changing my mind for an hour and then sent me out of the room for two hours where they talked about I dont know what.

My parents wont speak about it, and neither will any of the three pastors. It is common for this kind of thing. I do not even know what really happened with my sisters. My mom is still considering leaving her job and wants to visit other churches.

I am honestly done with them at this point. I came to one of them for help and a genuine desire for change, and I got punished for it. I understand how you should be removed from leadership if your life is not in order, but I am not in leadership. This whole situation has distracted me from what I am really trying to focus on, and stresses me out to have to put on a show for them. Recently they have been acting like they caught me in the act of adultery or something, and I am refusing to admit it, and its like "No, I came to you for help, and you are just rebuking me."

I am moving out Oct 15th. I'm still attending church until then, but after that I am going to be actively looking, unless someone on here changes my mind. FYI I have been very transparent about this. I am giving you their genuine logic on this. Everyone I have talked to at my church has agreed that it is my duty to leave after this and all that, but a couple of them have been genuinely concerned and gone to my senior pastor and asked about it. I don't know what he tells them, but I'm sure if they disagreed with him, they would be in the same boat as me. Lot of people feel that way about my senior pastor, not being allowed to have their own opinion and what not.

But yeah, I really enjoy the community of brothers I am with, I really do not want to leave my church but this is kind of the knock out punch at the end of a stream of other stuff in the past. I am kind of excited to see where God takes me, I kind of feel like it is what he wants me to do. If you can change my mind about leaving, go for it, if not feel free to support my reasoning on leaving.

Thanks

Change church.Even if you stayed the pastors already shown their selves as untrustworthy. And find a church that you're able to find leaders that you can trust.

But in terms of your personal issue, I find that forums like this one are great because I'm going in a situation where I know I'm communicating with others that have experience the same issue and can give more helpful feedback, as oppose to bringing it up to a leader assuming that they know how to treat the situation. Plus, there's less pressure. While you are looking for a church.
 
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