- Dec 29, 2004
- 695
- 25
- 37
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Private
- Politics
- US-Republican
landoverbaptist . org
Speak in Tongues in 5-Days or Your Money Back!
Our Pastors are very excited about a new Hooked on Phonics DVD being made available exclusively through the Landover Baptist Church. "For the last few years, we've been assisting the folks at Hooked on Phonics in coming up with a quality product," says Landover Pastor, Deacon Fred. "I'm confident that we've created something that will have you babbling in so many tongues you'll Darn Pentecostals to Hell with their corrosive envy."
The DVD allows beginners to start out the easy, backwoods Pentecostal way -- by copying what the person in the next pew is yapping. Within a day, you will learn to make up things that even you can't understand while in a hot-footed hillbilly trance. You'll get a hundred page handy translation guide along with the DVD:
TONGUES: shun-doo-lah!
ENGLISH: "Look at me!
TONGUES: shun-doo-lah, mah-shundah!
ENGLISH: "Look at me! Look'it what I can do!"
DVD extras include: Basic Snake-Handling, Pew-Jumping Safety, Beginner's Chandelier Swinging, and the popular short instructional film, Slayed in the Spirit: Failsafe Protocals - When You're in the Wrong Church and the Congregation Goes for the Gun Rack, It's Time to Play Dead.
Not included in this offer: Singing in Tongues and Healing Below the Belt.
Wow I think I might just buy me one
