Is Cuddling a Sin? Can Christian Couples Cuddle Before Marriage?

m0rdecai89

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Hey I was wondering what your thoughts are on a non married couple laying in bed and cuddling, but not falling asleep, when say one of them has a bad day or just wants to feel extra close and lovey with their partner.

I kind of feel it should not happen because if you are having a truly Christian relationship there should never be a time in which you are in bed together until marriage because that is a sacred place reserved for man and wife and it is too easy to fall into temptation there.

What are your thoughts?
 
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Melethiel

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I cuddle with my fiance all the time. We've also slept in the same bed before (usually when traveling). We've never had sex. If you think that cuddling will lead you to sex, then don't do it. But there's nothing inherently wrong with it.
 
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I don't see anything inherently wrong with it, but I will say if you are in a relationship and both of you are still living with your parents, ask them if it would be alright.

My family didn't even believe a couple should be in love with each other before marriage, but myself, I'd have the rule that you need to ask first and then keep all doors open and be on top of the covers, fully clothed of course. :D
 
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NiobiumTragedy

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I cuddle with my fiance all the time. We've also slept in the same bed before (usually when traveling). We've never had sex. If you think that cuddling will lead you to sex, then don't do it. But there's nothing inherently wrong with it.
This.
 
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Obzocky

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I kind of feel it should not happen because if you are having a truly Christian relationship there should never be a time in which you are in bed together until marriage because that is a sacred place reserved for man and wife and it is too easy to fall into temptation there.

What are your thoughts?

I feel it should depend on your own personal boundaries. The act of simply feeling another person next to you, especially during times where you benefit from the comfort that brings, is not something that I personally feel should be restricted. Sometimes i've had friends lay in my bed when they're particularly upset and just need to be held, i've even kissed their heads, but it's never been particularly sexual. If one or both parties find being in such close physical contact a temptation they cannot control then yes, they possibly should avoid it, but otherwise it's just an expression of affection, no different to holding hands or hugging.
 
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livingintheunknown

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I feel it should depend on your own personal boundaries. The act of simply feeling another person next to you, especially during times where you benefit from the comfort that brings, is not something that I personally feel should be restricted. Sometimes i've had friends lay in my bed when they're particularly upset and just need to be held, i've even kissed their heads, but it's never been particularly sexual. If one or both parties find being in such close physical contact a temptation they cannot control then yes, they possibly should avoid it, but otherwise it's just an expression of affection, no different to holding hands or hugging.

I agree. My boyfriend and I often sleep together because he has insomnia and finds it hard to sleep when I am not there. Feeling at peace when I'm around is one reason he loves me so much. We've made an agreement that we aren't having sex until we're married. If it any time sleeping/cuddling in a bed becomes a problem, then that will end too.
 
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BFine

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Hey I was wondering what your thoughts are on a non married couple laying in bed and cuddling, but not falling asleep, when say one of them has a bad day or just wants to feel extra close and lovey with their partner.

I kind of feel it should not happen because if you are having a truly Christian relationship there should never be a time in which you are in bed together until marriage because that is a sacred place reserved for man and wife and it is too easy to fall into temptation there.

What are your thoughts?

*You can offer comfort to someone and not be compromising your testimony or give the appearance of doing something that could be perceived as "wrong".

Comfort should be offered outside the bedroom or backseat of a car, so
the situation wouldn't be viewed as wrong or misleading if you aren't married.
 
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zaadams

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The thread seems about answered and I can't add much to the answers previously given. But, just to reinforce, my girlfriend and I actively pursue being pure with each other, and we cuddle together on beds, but mostly carpeted floors or a couch or somewhere a little more public (friends, family, etc.) so that people don't have any misinterpretations. We enjoy being close physically just as we enjoy being close intellectually and emotionally and spiritually.

With that said, we don't have sleep overs. When it gets late we can't trust our minds anymore. “When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago”. So just for the sake of safety staying up late together just isn't a good idea, and is something my relationship focuses on and we try to encourage not staying up together.

Secondly, sleeping over just isn't a good idea due to what people may think. If you want to be an image of who Christ is why would you want to taint someone's image of who you are as a Christian, even if you arent sleeping together how does anyone else know that. This is along the same lines of getting under a blanket together. One's mind can wander what is going on underneath of that blanket. Plus Scripture say that while we are free through Christ we should limit our own freedom so that we can save others. And how can we do that if we look like a hypocrite - in someone's eyes - preaching to not sleep together before marriage while we go and "sleep" together. While it is definitely hard not to look like a hypocrite as a Christian - or as a human being for that matter - we should take steps to allow for a more positive outlook on ourselves and Christ.

Along the same lines, we should not be stumbling blocks to our Brothers in Christ. That maybe cuddling is something that is a stumbling block for somebody. So doing this in private (private as in somewhere that wouldn't give off a negative outlook from someone and also somewhere that wouldn't allow for stumbling of our Brothers in Christ), may be the best. For example, if your roommate cannot cuddle because it leads him to more than cuddle, then cuddling on the couch in the living room may not be the best place to cuddle, while cuddling in your room may be to private of a place.

A lot of thought and thinking goes into a simple act of intimacy but that is what I feel we are called to do as Christians is too think. Maybe I have thought too much and maybe I haven't but take what you want from this and leave what you don't. This has actually helped me a lot just too realize what is appropriate and what isn't in my own relationship. :)
 
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Love_Jesus

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Its a difficult one, I agree that you need to know what your own boundaries are.

Pray into it ask God for direction.

I personally have difficulties in this area so I choose not to get too close as the
probability of it leading to other things is too high for me.
 
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JojotheBeloved

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There's nothing inherently or biblically wrong with physical affection - including cuddling. Sex is the exception and there's a lot of good reasons for that - and even that isn't evil it's just not beneficial outside of a marriage relationship. There's also nothing inherently sacred about a piece of furniture. As for temptation - that's an individual choice dependent on individual boundaries, consciences, and sense of self control.

In my opinion, couples need to make purposeful choices and take responsibility for those choices and the results thereof. If a couple decides to cuddle while laying down to rest, or if one person in the couple feels a need for special physical intimacy and the other feels it is appropriate to provide that need/comfort... than I firmly believe that is between them and God and It's no one else's business!
 
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Dave-W

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*You can offer comfort to someone and not be compromising your testimony or give the appearance of doing something that could be perceived as "wrong".

Comfort should be offered outside the bedroom or backseat of a car, so
the situation wouldn't be viewed as wrong or misleading if you aren't married.

I want to address this first off.

Avoiding the 'appearance of evil' is not about trying to not do stuff that may look bad. If that were the case, our Lord violated it many times. He looked bad to the Pharisees, to the Sadducees and at times even to his own followers.

What that verse is actually saying is to avoid all forms of evil which show up. (real evil, not perceived evil)

That said, cuddling can be fine. But it can also trigger sexual desire. (and that is how we are designed by God). The issue is to not get so triggered that we start to get carried away by our hormones and emotions.

Some can do that and be fine. Others may not be so able. You need to find out what works and does not work for you as a couple. There is no "one size fits all" answer for this one.
 
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pilgrimsong

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I don't see anything wrong with cuddling but if you think that it only stirs up negative (lustful)thoughts, then don't. The guy that I really like I'm a 'touchy' person when I hug him he tells me not too, even if I don't see anything wrong with it. Plus, if you have self-respect for each other there's nothing wrong with hugs/cuddling. :)
 
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JojotheBeloved

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Davew-Ohev: I think you make a very good point. The verse that in the KJV says to avoid the appearance of evil is translated in other versions as actual forms of evil. Jesus did do lots of things that to the religious elite looked scandalous, yet He never sinned according to the Bible. Also, the context of that verse speaks to the issue of prophecy, rather than Christian conduct. All interesting things to consider.
 
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