Late 20s and Early 30s a Virgin Lifestyle

[Nataly87]

I am almost 30 years of age, currently 28. Ever since I was little, I was told growing up not to drink, smoke, or do drugs. I never have. I was also told that I should not have sexual intercourse until marriage. I am to this day still a Virgin and I am saving myself until marriage.

I am proud to be a Virgin and I am happy to be waiting until marriage. BUT here's the thing, I am saving myself for marriage and I even have a Boyfriend, who I have been with going on 2 years.

He knows I am a Virgin and he knows I am waiting until marriage. BUT...... he keeps telling me how he's sexually frustrated, and how he wants us to move things to another level and to have sex.

I have told him, you know my feelings on sex, I am not having sex until I am married. He understands but it still gets to him and he wants us to have sex already so we can be closer to each other.

I have told him, if you want sex that much, we can break up and he can find someone to date that he can have sex with ya know? But he then says, people are worth waiting for, and I don't want to loose you etc. I just don't know what to do. Please help. Am I doing the right thing by waiting or is it wrong of me?

 

[KitKatMatt]

No, you're not wrong. You have your personal beliefs and convictions and have stated them. Lack of sex will not kill someone, the fact that he is trying to change your mind means he doesn't respect those beliefs.

He says you're worth waiting for, yet is trying to make you stop waiting. It seems like you've talked to him about it before, but make sure he knows it's a serious thing to you.

There are other things that can bring a couple closer together, especially emotionally.

 

[Nataly87]

But what else can bring us closer together? I have told him it means a lot to me to save myself until marriage. He keeps going on about how he's frustrated and wants us to be closer by having sex.

 

[KitKatMatt]

But what else can bring us closer together? I have told him it means a lot to me to save myself until marriage. He keeps going on about how he's frustrated and wants us to be closer by having sex.

Frankly, if someone is frustrated, they can handle that themselves.

Try doing different kinds of non-sexual bonding. Going to the theater together, doing charity work together, reading a book together and discussing, even making fun of bad television shows are all ways of getting closer emotionally. Anything done together is good, though in this case it'd be important that the focus is on something other than yourselves so that it doesn't get too intimate.

 

[Nataly87]

We can't do any of that, because my Boyfriend refuses to hang out with me, due to my behavior. He says if I yell and scream at him and put him down and all this stuff, then we won't hang out.

 

[KitKatMatt]

We can't do any of that, because my Boyfriend refuses to hang out with me, due to my behavior. He says if I yell and scream at him and put him down and all this stuff, then we won't hang out.

That sounds very rough. I am really sorry this is happening.

If he's refusing to do anything because you won't have sex with him, there is definitely a problem. Have you tried to get into counseling? Would he agree to that?

 

[WretchedGoat]

Sounds like a typical guy - he's willing to say anything to get you to have sex with him. Drop him like a hot rock and find a decent guy who actually respects you and respects your boundaries.

 

[Nataly87]

I have been thinking about him and I taking a break and seeing others but I don't know. I just don't want to regret my choice or feeling guilty over it either.

 

[KitKatMatt]

I have been thinking about him and I taking a break and seeing others but I don't know. I just don't want to regret my choice or feeling guilty over it either.

It might be a good idea to find someone like a relationship counselor or therapist to talk to alone. They can give you better steps to take and professional support.

 

[Nataly87]

Those relationship counselors are pricey though and I don't have a job to afford one.

 

[farout]

I am almost 30 years of age, currently 28. Ever since I was little, I was told growing up not to drink, smoke, or do drugs. I never have. I was also told that I should not have sexual intercourse until marriage. I am to this day still a Virgin and I am saving myself until marriage.

I am proud to be a Virgin and I am happy to be waiting until marriage. BUT here's the thing, I am saving myself for marriage and I even have a Boyfriend, who I have been with going on 2 years.

He knows I am a Virgin and he knows I am waiting until marriage. BUT...... he keeps telling me how he's sexually frustrated, and how he wants us to move things to another level and to have sex.

I have told him, you know my feelings on sex, I am not having sex until I am married. He understands but it still gets to him and he wants us to have sex already so we can be closer to each other.

I have told him, if you want sex that much, we can break up and he can find someone to date that he can have sex with ya know? But he then says, people are worth waiting for, and I don't want to loose you etc. I just don't know what to do. Please help. Am I doing the right thing by waiting or is it wrong of me?

Tell him if he asks one more time its over! He should have the same values as you. It appears his values are not the same as yours. Don't waste away what you have saved foor your husband. My wife and I saved our self, so glad we did!

 

[KitKatMatt]

Those relationship counselors are pricey though and I don't have a job to afford one.

Some operate on a sliding scale, which can really help. There are also church counselors, though I don't know if they usually charge anything or not. Perhaps even check with any local reproductive clinic and ask if there is a counselor available for help with relationship troubles, they might be able to also work at a discounted rate or can be covered by anything.

This is something that is definitely hard to go through without some help.

 

[Nataly87]

Tell him if he asks one more time its over! He should have the same values as you. It appears his values are not the same as yours. Don't waste away what you have saved foor your husband. My wife and I saved our self, so glad we did!

But he's had sex before so he isn't a virgin like I am. But he has told me he respects my choice and is willing to wait but yet he keeps bring up sex and I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Nataly87]

Some operate on a sliding scale, which can really help. There are also church counselors, though I don't know if they usually charge anything or not. Perhaps even check with any local reproductive clinic and ask if there is a counselor available for help with relationship troubles, they might be able to also work at a discounted rate or can be covered by anything.

This is something that is definitely hard to go through without some help.

Yeah exactly.

 

[farout]

But he's had sex before so he isn't a virgin like I am. But he has told me he respects my choice and is willing to wait but yet he keeps bring up sex and I don't know what to do anymore.

Dump him as he DOES NOT HAVE THE SAME VALUES. Are you a Christian? If so you say nothing about his relationship with the Lord, and I am not sure if you have either.

 

[Nataly87]

He says he does have the same values though.

 

[KitKatMatt]

He says he does have the same values though.

If he says one thing and acts a different way, unfortunately he may not be telling the truth. This doesn't mean he could be doing it maliciously, he just may not realize it. This is why it is important to talk to a professional together.

 

[Nataly87]

But professionals are so expensive. besides that, him and I are currently taking a break.

 

[RileyG]

If he respects your decision to remain a virgin until marriage, that's great.

We are sexual beings, it totally normal to become sexually fustrated.

I plan on remaining a virgin for the rest of my life.

 

[NewUser777]

We can't do any of that, because my Boyfriend refuses to hang out with me, due to my behavior. He says if I yell and scream at him and put him down and all this stuff, then we won't hang out.

Is that what happens when you get together? You yell and scream at him?

Sex without responsibility (marriage) is meaningless. If you do it, you'll regret it. I've heard many people say "I wish I would have waited until marriage." Never heard someone say the opposite.

He needs to prove to you that he will wait for you. He needs to prove to you that sex is not the number one thing he wants from you. Frankly, he's already proven otherwise. In his current state, even if he marries you, after sex, what will you two do? It doesn't sound like you have a future with him until he grows up.