Ladies only: Did you always know you wanted kids?

[Far Side Of the Moon]

This is for those who have them. Me personally, I feel I'm in the middle. I feel I could probably live a happy life without a child...but then I wonder sometimes what if I just wake up and I'm 30 and I want a child but its too late.

Some say you always know, like I know without a doubt I want to get married ans I will be married; I have so much faith that I will be married some day that doubt doesnt cross my mind . I just know it will happen, ssme for being an artist.

Now with kids, I go either way. Most times when I'm in a line at a store and witness children screaming and behaving unruly that's enough of a turn off to make me say no forever lol. I'm well aware that parenthood doesnt consist of those picture perfect Kodak moments those are far and few in between... And honestly if I ever did have a child I would just have one and only one.

That's all I have strength for.


So I guess I'm asking ...is parenthood something you have to always know you want; When I asked my mom she said she always knew and always wanted kids and knew she was gonna have them.

Me, I'm not so sure...there's a part of having kids that scares me so much ,so much pressure to make sure theyre well equipped for the world, are productive citizens of society and have grounded sense of self. I dont know sometimes I dont know , all the things I listed above is a lot of pressure...

There's no manual when it comes to raising kids and you worry endlessly. My main worry is that... I have anxiety and slight depression and I would hate to pass that down to them...

So idk.... Is okay to be uncertain? ( not having kids any time soon...just posing a question) will your mind change after theyre here ?

Thank you for your answers in advanced.

 

[Roseonathorn]

It is normal to be uncertain, we grow into parenthood. As a young girl I thought I could manage quite well without marriage or children but then came a time when I felt like I wanted to be married but Then I still thought I might not immediatedly need children and later came a time when I longed for a child and another - and yet another. So yes things change and it is normal, it is also normal that we love our children although it is sometimes tiresome to be a parent. I do not regret having them. I think that is very much a difference with kids and a spouse, mothers love is stronger than spousal love. Mothers love is much stronger.

 

[JacksBratt]

This is for those who have them. Me personally, I feel I'm in the middle. I feel I could probably live a happy life without a child...but then I wonder sometimes what if I just wake up and I'm 30 and I want a child but its too late.

Some say you always know, like I know without a doubt I want to get married ans I will be married; I have so much faith that I will be married some day that doubt doesnt cross my mind . I just know it will happen, ssme for being an artist.

Now with kids, I go either way. Most times when I'm in a line at a store and witness children screaming and behaving unruly that's enough of a turn off to make me say no forever lol. I'm well aware that parenthood doesnt consist of those picture perfect Kodak moments those are far and few in between... And honestly if I ever did have a child I would just have one and only one.

That's all I have strength for.


So I guess I'm asking ...is parenthood something you have to always know you want; When I asked my mom she said she always knew and always wanted kids and knew she was gonna have them.

Me, I'm not so sure...there's a part of having kids that scares me so much ,so much pressure to make sure theyre well equipped for the world, are productive citizens of society and have grounded sense of self. I dont know sometimes I dont know , all the things I listed above is a lot of pressure...

There's no manual when it comes to raising kids and you worry endlessly. My main worry is that... I have anxiety and slight depression and I would hate to pass that down to them...

So idk.... Is okay to be uncertain? ( not having kids any time soon...just posing a question) will your mind change after theyre here ?

Thank you for your answers in advanced.

I know you said "ladies only" but, as a father of three and 56 years old...

I just thought I should say that if you don't have kids by 30... you still have many years to have them.

30 is far from being too late. Especially today in our busy career driven lives. Many don't marry until their 30's

Medicine and health care is much better than it used to be.

So, don't fret..... you have lots of time.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I know you said "ladies only" but, as a father of three and 56 years old...

I just thought I should say that if you don't have kids by 30... you still have many years to have them.

30 is far from being too late. Especially today in our busy career driven lives. Many don't marry until their 30's

Medicine and health care is much better than it used to be.

So, don't fret..... you have lots of time.

Thank you for answering. I defintely value the opinions of fathers too. Thank You

 

[JAM2b]

I always wanted kids, but I grew up in a family that had a lot of kids. My father had 8 siblings. My mother had 6. My parents had four of us, and had intended on having more, but were not able to. I grew up wanting and expecting to have a lot of children.

I ended up only having two because of female health issues. My husband did not want to have a lot of children. We had compromised before getting married to have 3, possibly 4 if the first 3 were all the same sex because I wanted children of both genders. As it turned out, we are divorced and I'm raising the boys on my own with chronic health problems. Having a lot of children would have been detrimental to our household finances and my health.

I had a friend who was never really interested in having children at all. She was open to the idea if it did happen, but had no plans for it. She had one, and absolutely loved being a mother and wanted more. She and her husband ended up having four and she gave up her career to be a stay at home mom until all her children were old enough to go to school. She has no regrets.

I also know someone who had wanted a lot of kids like I did, but after the first was born she was done. She loved that one child, but had no interest in continuing to enlarge the family.

30 is not too late to have kids. Risks increase as you age, but there are plenty of older women who have children and they turn out just fine. As long as you have not completed menopause, it's not too late. There is also foster parenting and adoption as options.

My point in all of this is, no one can pre-plan their life very much. People change their minds. Most people love the children they have, whether they intended to have them or not. As long as you are healthy and able to provide, there are always options to you for having children.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

It is normal to be uncertain, we grow into parenthood. As a young girl I thought I could manage quite well without marriage or children but then came a time when I felt like I wanted to be married but Then I still thought I might not immediatedly need children and later came a time when I longed for a child and another - and yet another. So yes things change and it is normal, it is also normal that we love our children although it is sometimes tiresome to be a parent. I do not regret having them. I think that is very much a difference with kids and a spouse, mothers love is stronger than spousal love. Mothers love is much stronger.

Thats true things do change. I feel I may be ready for a child later in life... Just not now.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I always wanted kids, but I grew up in a family that had a lot of kids. My father had 8 siblings. My mother had 6. My parents had four of us, and had intended on having more, but were not able to. I grew up wanting and expecting to have a lot of children.

I ended up only having two because of female health issues. My husband did not want to have a lot of children. We had compromised before getting married to have 3, possibly 4 if the first 3 were all the same sex because I wanted children of both genders. As it turned out, we are divorced and I'm raising the boys on my own with chronic health problems. Having a lot of children would have been detrimental to our household finances and my health.

I had a friend who was never really interested in having children at all. She was open to the idea if it did happen, but had no plans for it. She had one, and absolutely loved being a mother and wanted more. She and her husband ended up having four and she gave up her career to be a stay at home mom until all her children were old enough to go to school. She has no regrets.

I also know someone who had wanted a lot of kids like I did, but after the first was born she was done. She loved that one child, but had no interest in continuing to enlarge the family.

30 is not too late to have kids. Risks increase as you age, but there are plenty of older women who have children and they turn out just fine. As long as you have not completed menopause, it's not too late. There is also foster parenting and adoption as options.

My point in all of this is, no one can pre-plan their life very much. People change their minds. Most people love the children they have, whether they intended to have them or not. As long as you are healthy and able to provide, there are always options to you for having children.

Aww thats neat I'm glad she took a chance and loved being a mother. I think thats how it'll be like with me too.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

I don't know, because the children have become so part of my life i couldn't imagine not having them in my life.

But i do think people can have happy, filled with love etc without having children. I don't think anyone missing out on anything.

And you don't know how many children, you want until you have them because you be like a duck to water when becoming a mother or other circumstances.

Life is full of surprises

 

[Grandpa2390]

Thank you for answering. I defintely value the opinions of fathers too. Thank You

As a Grandpa, I'd say you don't want to wait "too" long though. because as any grandparent will tell you, "Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own kids when you thought about it."

still have time for kids but if you wait till you are in your 40s... there's a good chance you might never meet your grandkids if your kids don't have children till they are in their 30s...
that would be sad.

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

I have not always wanted kids, but I have three and I praise God for them. I had all three before the age of thirty while I was strong. My career path was in obstetrics and though 30 is not too late to start your family, the stress will be greater.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I have a two-year-old son who I had at age 29. I always knew I wanted kids, and in my mind I thought I'd want to have three or four, but it turns out I think I can only handle two. It's a lot of responsibility and it does take a lot of energy to raise children, but it's very rewarding too. No other experience is quite like it. Also, I know some people who didn't have kids until their late 30s or early 40s, so you have plenty of time to give it more thought.

 

[mina]

It is okay to be uncertain, but I wouldn't advise for sure having kids until you actually want them. I have always wanted children, but people are different- women are different. I had a friend that was strictly child-free. She did not want children AT ALL and was adamant about that when she was single , while dating her bf, and when she was engaged and first married. she was vocal about it and her husband didn't care- he could go either way, having children wasn't ultimately important to him. She would not even want to be around or meet up if a mutual friend was coming that DID have kids. She didn't want to be around them at all! She ended up pregnant and I have never asked her if that was intentional or not, but what I do know is that she loves being a mom now. They even planned to have another and now have three and she is very active in children's ministry with them. She loves her kids and is a great mom. I think it's good to have some idea of what you think you want and it's not wrong to know that you don't want kids as a general idea. God may change your mind or He may not. I know several other childfree couples that don't want and don't plan on having children or who can't have kids and are okay with it. Women can have healthy pregnancies and children into their 40's so I agree with the previous poster that you have time to determine what you want and what you feel God wants for you. I didn't meet my husband until I was 29 and got married at 30, so my first child was born in my 30's. Maybe I have less energy, but kids keep you young so it's not really a problem. I have several mom friends in their 20's and they are just as tired as I am, so I don't see much of a difference! lol

 

[Dave-W]

As a Grandpa, I'd say you don't want to wait "too" long though. because as any grandparent will tell you, "Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own kids when you thought about it."

still have time for kids but if you wait till you are in your 40s... there's a good chance you might never meet your grandkids if your kids don't have children till they are in their 30s...
that would be sad.

I agree. Waiting too long (if you think about it) can put the kids' most active years in a time when you will wanting to be slowing down and your parents may not be around, and when they get around to reproducing, YOU may not be around.

I totally love my grandkids. Even though they are scattered around the country, (Maryland, Virginia, New Mexico) they are still a delight.

 

[Lily of Valleys]

There is a risk you need to take if you decide to have kids: there is no going back. You will be a parent forever. And you will have the responsibility to look after them until they are old enough to be independent.

If you want to eventually have kids, you wouldn't want to wait too long though, since women's fertility starts to decline from 30s, then even more after 35, and there is only 5% chance of getting pregnant at 40. There is also higher chance for the baby to have down's syndrome and other abnormalities if you conceive after 35. The miscarriage rate would also be higher when you are older.

Some couples I know regret for not having kids earlier since when they waited till they thought they were ready, but then it was already too late. They have not been able to conceive even after trying for many years.

 

[*LILAC]

I knew as a child that I wanted to be a mother. I had 3 with my husband before the age of 25 and looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. They grow up so fast and it doesn't take long at all to reach adulthood. It's definitely something worth thinking and planning about. I also have a special needs son and even though I had him at a young age, it wasn't planned into "my" life by me. I've learned that whatever challenges in life, they're going to come at you from all directions whether they're special needs or not. Just having any child is going to keep you on your toes!

 

[Bumble Bee]

I have always wanted to be a mom. There has never been a question. When we thought I couldn't, we planned to adopt. We ended up being gifted with our precious son on our honeymoon, and my pregnancy with him was the hardest, most magical thing I have ever been through. I can't wait to see if the Lord will bless us with a sibling for him someday.

 

[JAM2b]

I've heard other stories of people believing they could not have any biological children, and then being surprised. Some of them adopted and then had their own.

I know of two people, one relative and one friend, who went years without being able to have children and decided to just live their best lives and take good care of themselves, only to become pregnant unexpectedly. The relative and her husband had just spent savings on a brand new house and furniture when she discovered she was pregnant. My friend and her husband moved into a small one bedroom place, paid off their debts and bought a new sports car when she found out she was expecting.

 

[Mayflower1]

My little girl is almost 5 months old and I am 31. She is my first. I wanted kids long before I wanted a husband (adoption) lol. But now I am happily married and we want to go for one more in a few years. A baby is hard work, but completely worth it. You sound pretty young and you may change when you get a bit older. Until then, enjoy being single/dating. It is a fun time of life. And if you want a partner and/or kids in the future, you will know.

 

[mama2one]

no I did not grow up thinking I wanted to get married/have kids
when I met husband told him that I wasn't looking to get married and then 2 mos later we were engaged!
we discussed kids during premarital counselling but didn't "try" to have any for maybe 5 yrs (we were using NFP) but anyway we ended up adopting a child, which is the best thing we've ever done...becoming parents