Kingdom of Light: 01-06 The manor of the Forest Mistress

[Eugene K]

Hello. Tell me your thoughts about this story I saw in God.

Note: graphic version is at: Kingdom of Light: 01 Telescope (graphic story) screens 01-10

Chapter one. Telescope.

All was begun with that Dad came to me and said:
"I will lead you to your dreams".
Thereafter I looked out the window and saw a manor in the forest. Forest animals moved beyond the trees of the forest.
Yet outside the window, further than the forest, mountains could be seen. Their tops and slopes were covered by white snows.
The room we were in, was filled by pillows to the walls.
A soft fluffy animal toy lay not far away from me.
I looked around and saw everywhere lay great number of different soft and fluffy toys.
Daniella and I were in a bed. I felt as outside a window Dad called us in a trip. Daniella and I hugged and I asked her:
"Drive"?
She smiled and answered:
"Drive".
We kissed.
Then we went down to the garage, got into the car and departed on a trip.
We drove out from a manor and submerged in the forest. We rode on a forest road. Trees surrounded us on either side. The branches of trees were sometimes swaying from air flows.
On the right near a road, under the branches of trees, a sign appeared. On a sign there was an inscription:


"Home Locality"


Home Locality was the land which we lived in. We traveled on it and submerged in the movements of Dad in it. Beyond this locality there was the land which we called Locality of Secrets and Wonders. According to our feelings movement of Dad there were yet deeper, than here, however not all movements of Dad we studied in this locality, and Dad did not give to us a sign to travel in Locality of Secrets and Wonders.
Forest animals walked between the trees of the forest.
Through time trees parted and opened to the look a manor which I saw from a window. We drove up to him along the forest road.
Approaching, we saw the gate, and beyond them a garden.
A gate was moved aside, and the car drove on territory of manor. Around trees stood and fogs floated. The car rode on an alley where a building of manor stood.
We passed the alley of garden and stopped at the court of manor.
We went outside and walked up a veranda on several steps. Before us was an entrance door on which a tablet hung with an inscription appeared: "Researcher". A door was closed.
On a veranda a compendium lay on a table.
We opened a compendium and saw inside the written story.
The Researcher was not once partaken with us by the stories, and this was span-new story which we did not see before, therefore we sat down for a table and began to read it:


"Day one.


I was in the rooms of manor, where a great number of pillows was on the floor, and the forest could be seen in windows.
I looked from the windows on the forest.
The forest, I felt it, was full secrets and wonders which was diffused by Dad, and attracted me these secrets and wonders and called me there.
Forest animals dwelt in the forest. Sometimes I saw their figures, moving next to the border trees of the forest.
I got down to the garage, sat in the car and departed in the forest.
A forest road was stretched forward among the depths of the forest.
I conducted a car on a forest road. Floated to left and right branches of trees.
Sometimes there were little twinkling lights stones which lay on forest glades.
In one place, on the right of road, I saw a crystal.
I stopped the car , went outside and walked up to the crystal. I took a crystal in hands and took it to the car.
A forest road was stretched further.
I decided to bring a new find to the home, to study it, sat in the car and departed back in the domestic manor.
In the manor I laid the crystal found in the forest on a table.


Day two.


The next day I again was going to ride to the forest.
I looked in the window and saw as white fogs surrounded all territory of manor : building, garden and stone fence.
A crystal lay on a table.
I got down in a garage, sat in the car and departed outside.
White fogs floated everywhere.
I passed a garden and drove up to the gate.
However to drive out of the gate of garden I was not able because beyond a gate, closing all passage-way, a bear lay. White fogs enveloped him partly. After this bear, I saw a few lying bears.
I went back into the manor and saw the image of animal on one face of crystal.
I ran a hand over the image of animal.
Then I got binoculars and looked in the window and beyond white fogs, in intervals between fogs, looked over as bears, lying on the ground near a gate and around the stone fence of manor, began to rise and go away to the forest.
White fogs dispersed, and near a gate and around the stone walls of manor nobody was more.
Then I took a crystal, got down in the garage and sat in the car. I smiled. Today I was going to return a crystal to the forest, and then to pass yet further in the forest and to see his yet greater secrets and wonders".

Records were closed in this place.
A few little twinkling lights stones lay on the floor of veranda. I saw exactly such stones in the forest. Thus lights on stones twinkled now and then so, that harmonized with the atmosphere of space around.
We went out on a street and departed further to the observatory.
From one side of road secret gates appeared in the forest. They stood not far away from a forest road among the trees of the forest and were closed.
Through time an observatory appeared ahead.
A car drove through gates, then through a garden and stopped at an internal court.
We entered in building of observatory and began to go on his internal apartments.
We walked up the first floor and went down a corridor. Then climbed the stairs in a tower.
At the top of the tower there was a room with an opening up dome. A telescope stood in a room.
We walked up to the long telescope which was before a window and glanced in him and saw the manor of secrets and wonders in a mysterious depth, in the window of which Mysterious Traveller placed a white crystal in the favourite by Her place of building. White fogs surrounded the manor of secrets and wonders gradually.
"What secrets and wonders could dwell there"? - I thought, looking through the telescope.
Through time we went back downward.
Since then secrets and wonders of the forest, created by Dads movements, were opened before us. A Dad gave to us a sign to travel in Locality of Secrets and Wonders, and now we irresistibly attracted in the depths of the forest.

 

[SkyWriting]

Hello. Tell me your thoughts about this story I saw in God.

Chapter one. Telescope.

All was begun with that Dad came to me and said:
"I will lead you to your dreams".
After it I looked out the window and saw a manor in the forest. Forest animals moved beyond the trees of the forest.
Yet outside the window, further than the forest, mountains could be seen. Their tops and slopes were covered by white snows.
The room we were in, was filled by pillows to the walls.
A soft fluffy animal toy lay not far away from me.
I looked around and saw everywhere lay great number of different soft and fluffy toys.
Daniella and I were in a bed. I felt as outside a window Dad called us in a trip. Daniella and I hugged and I asked her:
"Drive"?
She smiled and answered:
"Drive".
We kissed.
Then we went down to the garage, got into the car and departed on a trip.
We drove out from a manor and submerged in the forest. We rode on a forest road. Trees surrounded us on either side. The branches of trees were sometimes swaying from air flows.
On the right near a road, under the branches of trees, a sign appeared. On a sign there was inscription:


"Domestic Locality"


Domestic Locality was earth which we lived in. We traveled on it and submerged in the movements of Dad in it. Beyond this locality there was earth which we named Locality of Secrets and Wonders. According to our feelings movement of Dad there were yet deeper, than here, however not all movements of Dad we studied in this locality, and Dad did not give to us a sign to travel in Locality of Secrets and Wonders.
Forest animals walked between the trees of the forest.
Through time trees parted and opened to the look a manor which I saw from a window. We drove up to him along the forest road.
Approaching, we saw the gate, and beyond them garden.
A gate was moved aside, and the car drove on territory of manor. Around trees stood and fogs floated. The car rode on an alley where building of manor stood.
We passed the alley of garden and stopped at the court of manor.
We went outside and walked up a veranda on several steps. Before us was an entrance door on which a tablet hung with inscription appeared: "Researcher". A door was closed.
On a veranda a compendium lay on a table.
We opened a compendium and saw inside the written story.
The Researcher was not once partaken with us by the stories, and this was span-new story which we did not see before, therefore we sat down for a table and began to read it:


"Day one.


I was in the rooms of manor, where a great number of pillows was on the floor, and the forest could be seen in windows.
I looked from the windows on the forest.
The forest, I felt it, was full secrets and wonders which was diffused by Dad, and attracted me these secrets and wonders and called me there.
Forest animals dwelt in the forest. Sometimes I saw their figures, moving next to the border trees of the forest.
I got down to the garage, sat in the car and departed in the forest.
A forest road was stretched forward among the depths of the forest.
I conducted a car on a forest road. Sailed past left and right branches of trees.
Sometimes there were little twinkling lights stones which lay on forest glades.
In one place, on the right of road, I saw a crystal.
I stopped the car , went outside and walked up to the crystal. I took a crystal in hands and took it in the car.
A forest road was stretched further.
I decided to bring a new find to the home, to study her, sat in the car and departed back in the domestic manor.
In the manor I laid the crystal found in the forest on a table.


Day two.


The next day I again was going to ride to the forest.
I looked in the window and saw as white fogs surrounded all territory of manor : building, garden and lithoidal fence.
A crystal lay on a table.
I got down in a garage, sat in the car and departed outside.
White fogs floated everywhere.
I passed a garden and drove up to the gate.
However to drive out of the gate of garden I was not able because beyond a gate, closing all passage-way, a bear lay. White fogs enveloped him partly. After this bear, I saw a few lying bears.
I went back into the manor and saw the image of animal on one face of crystal.
I ran a hand over the image of animal.
Then I got binoculars and looked in the window and beyond white fogs, in intervals between fogs, looked over as bears, lying on earth near a gate and around the stone fence of manor, began to rise and go away to the forest.
White fogs dispersed, and near a gate and around the stone walls of manor nobody was more.
Then I took a crystal, got down in the garage and sat in the car. I smiled. Today I was going to return a crystal to the forest, and then to pass yet further in the forest and to see his yet greater secrets and wonders".

Records were closed in this place.
A few little twinkling lights stones lay on the floor of veranda. I saw exactly such stones in the forest. Thus lights on stones twinkled now and then so, that harmonized with the atmosphere of space around.
We went out on a street and departed further to the observatory.
From one side of road secret gates appeared in the forest. They stood not far away from a forest road among the trees of the forest and were closed.
Through time an observatory appeared ahead.
A car drove through gates, then through a garden and stopped at an internal court.
We entered in building of observatory and began to go on his internal apartments.
We walked up the first floor and went down a corridor. Then climbed the stairs in a tower.
At the top of the tower there was a room with an opening up dome. A telescope stood in a room.
We walked up to the long telescope which was before a window and glanced in him and saw the manor of secrets and wonders in a mysterious depth, in the window of which Mysterious Traveller placed a white crystal in the favourite by Her place of
building. White fogs surrounded the manor of secrets and wonders gradually.
"What secrets and wonders could dwell there"? - I thought, looking through the telescope.
Through time we went back downward.
Since then secrets and wonders of the forest, created by Dads movements, were opened before us. A Dad gave to us a sign to travel in Locality of Secrets and Wonders, and now we irresistibly attracted in the depths of the forest.

I suggest you do a lot of reading. Of all the books you read, pick one that you really like. Then use that book as a guide when writing your story. Not to copy the story, but copy the style used in your favorite story. Then copy that style to tell your own story.

Your story has a good start...but it needs a more popular style to make it mainstream.

 

[Eugene K]

I suggest you do a lot of reading. Of all the books you read, pick one that you really like. Then use that book as a guide when writing your story. Not to copy the story, but copy the style used in your favorite story. Then copy that style to tell your own story.

Your story has a good start...but it needs a more popular style to make it mainstream.

Thanks for the answer.
What do you mean "more popular style"? Or may be this is not good translation in English?

 

[afishamongmany]

Hello. Tell me your thoughts about this story I saw in God.

Hello Eugene - Welcome to CF.
I quite enjoyed reading your piece but for me it was a description of someone's dream rather than a story. A dream filled with interesting imagery and probably filled with lots of significance for the person having the dream but no story or characters to follow and be involved with.
Your English is impressive but one quickly hears that it is not your first language. That, overtime can improve. The important thing is first decide what story do you want to tell and why? Then move onto how; that is genre and style.
Hope we'll see more of your stuff.
><>

 

[Eugene K]

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[Eugene K]

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[Eugene K]

The Mysterious Traveller is the most mysterious person in part one.

Chapter two. The Mysterious Traveller.


Attractions of manor of secrets and wonders accompanied us.
We looked at the side of the forest, where a manor of secrets and wonders was.
“The Spirit of Dad calls us in locality of secrets and wonders," - I said.
"Then let's drive there", - gladly smiling, Daniella said.
"Let's drive," - gladly smiling, I pronounced in reply.
A car placed in a court. We sat down in it and departed to Locality of Secrets and Wonders. We passed Home Locality and appeared before a bridge. The bridge was the last object which divided Home Locality and Locality of Secrets and Wonders. A water stream could be seen down.
We drove across the bridge and approached the forest. Beyond the bridge, before the trees of the forest, at the right side of road there was a sign on which was written:


"Locality of Secrets and Wonders"


We drove into the forest and trees surrounded us.
We drove along the forest road and felt as new secrets and wonders flew through the air around. Gradually trees parted and the manor of secrets and wonders appeared before our eyes. Its building was placed surrounded by a garden and white fogs.
In intervals between fogs we saw its walls, and towers saw above fogs, and I felt as secrets and wonders float in the manor.
A car passed the gate and garden and stopped at an internal court.
We went out at a court, surrounded by white fogs. Then we entered in a manor and went through the space of many rooms.
Through time we appeared in a room, in which a crystal, placed by Mysterious Traveller, lay.
A small crystal, in a form look like little twinkling lights stones in the forest, burned even light.
"It is a white crystal," - Spirit of Dad said to me.
In a room on a table a compendium with records lay. It was not read, although I held for some time in the mouth a little twinkling lights stone.
Yet there was a small box on a table. I carefully made attempt open it, however a small box had not opened.
Deep woman voice hardly heard sang somewhere, maybe, in our ears, maybe, in the rooms of manor. These were very atmospheric tunes, immersing in plenitude of secrets and wonders of this locality.
We went out from house, sat down in a car and departed to the forest.
White fogs floated around and gradually dissolved in space. The manor of secrets and wonders vanished from sight. We drove along the forest road, and large trees swam on both sides. It reminded me unusual inhabitants of country which was all below and below inclined above us and planned to tell whisper something very secret and wonderful.
I was driving and thought of where this forest road conducts and where forest thickets spread from both it parties. Then I saw as leisurely rode to meet to each other we and white coach with patterns, harnessed by four of white horses. The white coach was managed by White Sister. A white woman hand peeked out from the window of coach.
When a white coach passed alongside, at some time we met eyes with Her mysterious look in the window of coach.
We departed further, until saw other manor on the right of road. The small shrouds of fogs surrounded it.
Daniella turned my attention to this manor.
"In this manor the same story happened as in the manor of secrets and wonders," - Daniella said.
“The shrouds of fogs did not disperse yet," - I confirmed.
Then I turned a car to the manor and stopped at a court.
We went out from a car, entered in building and went through the rooms of manor.
On the first floor there was a room in which on the floor a girl sat among white pillows.
“Did you see her? - she asked, looking on us. - I came to this manor to find a crystal. This manor was surrounded by the dense wall of fogs. I came to this room and found out a white crystal.
I looked at him, when the Mysterious Traveller entered in a room. She had tow-head, white skin and mysterious look on face. She entered, looked at me and sat down on pillows next to a crystal. She hugged it, and then took away with herself and anymore I did not see her nor the crystal".
"For what do you need a crystal?” - I asked.
“In order to get to internal lands of locality of secrets and wonders".
"How to get to internal lands of locality of secrets and wonders?"
“Let’s go with me and I will show you".
The girl’s name was Megan. Together we got down in a court, sat down in a car and departed to the depths of locality.
"My Senior Sister and I search a method how to open a door to internal lands of locality of secrets and wonders. A door is in a closet in a manor, two buildings of which are connected by a general garden, general balconies and general basements, - Megan told. - In a library we found out a book about how to open a door to internal lands of locality of secrets and wonders.
In this book talked about two crystals, which need to be placed in the favourite rooms of manor and than the key which open a door will appear. One crystal we have already, and the second crystal is not present yet, and we began him to search: I departed through surrounding lands, and Sister entered in the most deep rooms of manor, to find information about new crystals".
Through time ahead a manor with two buildings appeared. We got in at its court and entered into building. Then we went through its corridors and apartments.
"Sister and I before always came at the second building through a garden, - Megan told in motion. - Recently I found out a door to the second building through balconies, therefore I will show you through balconies".
We walked up the first floor. Passed through several rooms and in one room Megan opened a door and after it we saw the balcony of the first building.
"Let’s go," - Megan said and we went through a balcony to the second building.
The balconies of buildings were interconnected, and since the balcony of the first building had ended, the balcony of the second building began.
When we went through balconies, Sisters of the Forest arrived on balconies, seated on the railing, looked at us with glad eyes, smiled and gave little twinkling lights stones to us.

 

[Eugene K]

The travel continues. Who wants more, join the travel. We will go very far.

Chapter three. The Key.


In second building Megan showed a door in a closet, which led to internal lands of locality of secrets and wonders. A bit of snow woke up on the floor from the door of closet.


“It is needed to dress warmly, when we will go there”, – said, smiling, Megan.

Then she showed to us a book in which was written:

“In a manor with two buildings was the closed door in a closet, which led to internal lands of locality of secrets and wonders.
One girl placed the first crystal in a favourite room.
Other girl placed the second crystal in a favourite room.
In a room with door the key appeared which is open a door to internal lands of locality of secrets and wonders”.

“And what do internal lands of locality of secrets and wonders present from itself? – I asked.

“A compass which we found on the hill of artifacts shows that locality of snow-covered hills lies beyond the door.”

At this time the easy puff of wind rushed past in a room.

“It is my Sister goes,” – Megan said.

Through time in a room a girl entered and looked at us. The power breathed from her.

“I am Senior Sister, – she said. – And I know where is information about how to get a crystal”.

“Tell us,” – Megan said.

“We have to go to the tower of visions”.

“And where is a tower of visions?”

“As you know, we opened portals in a garret and in a rooms.
In depths of rooms, in a library, I found out the plan of manor, in which the places of portals location were marked.
On a plan I saw that the place of portal was marked in basement, but we were not there yet. It means one portal must be in basement and it must led to the tower of visions because it is the last unopened portal in the second building”.

We went down to the basement and looked around. Near the walls of basement boxes were folded.

“There must be a portal beyond the boxes,” – Senior Sister said, showing with hand to the few boxes.

We moved boxes and beyond it found out a closed door.

Senior Sister opened the door and from there breathed fresh air. Stepstones led downward. Senior Sister gestured for us to follow her.

We went down the stepstones and appeared in a new locality.

Night was floating around. Ahead in the middle of lake beyond the shrouds of fogs the tower rose. On a hill on the right a manor was located . Beyond our backs there was a hill, from the cave of which we came.

Senior Sister went to the tower.

Daniella and Megan and I followed her.

We were approaching a lake, where fogs floated and where a small bridge was stretched out from a bank to the tower and disappeared in white fogs.

When we went over the bridge, fogs began to disperse and three girls, sitting on the floating small islands of earth, became visible in the lake. Their eyes were directed at us.

“These are Sisters of the Lake, – Senior Sister said. – They guard a passage to the tower of visions”.

At this time one of Sisters began to speak in a lake:

“The road is free, travellers. The entrance to the tower of visions is open”.

As we approached to the tower, fogs dispersed to the sides and the entrance to the tower became visible.

We entered into the tower and appeared in a hall, where different visions floated in the air.

We stood in the hall and the visions began to take shape in new forms and images.

A form of crystal appeared from which the ray of light emanated and this ray formed a door.

“What does it mean”? – I asked.

Senior Sister, looking at images, pronounced:

“It is a method how to find a door behind which the crystal we need lies.”

Through time image dispersed and visions freely continued to float in the air.

When we went back into a manor, Megan took the first crystal found by her and ran her hand over its surface.

A stream of light was poured out from the crystal to the wall, and a door appeared on the wall.

I opened a door and behind it a night garden appeared, in which a manor was located.

Stone fence surrounded a manor and a garden. Behind stone fence the forest was located. In the windows of manor burned not a single light. Trees were placed around.

In the middle of trees there was a swing, on which a white-headed girl sat.

“Who are you”? – I asked a girl, walking up closer.

“I am a night guest of these places, – answered, smiling, girl. – I come to this manor in the forest from a night city, to be alone with Dad”.

“What is night city”?

A girl smiled. Her eyes sparkled in the dark, when she told about secret and wonderful places.

“This is the place, where dreams come true. Look – from here even its lights are visible.”

She showed with her hand to the trees of the forest and I saw the night lights of the city.

“We search for a crystal. Don’t you know where can it be”?

“A few crystals lie in the rooms of manor.”

After this we entered in a manor and found a few crystals in its rooms. Daniella took one crystal and we went back into a manor with two buildings.

Megan put the first crystal in a favourite room and I saw as an interior of house began to change.

Daniella put the second crystal in a favourite room and we saw as in a room with a closet the key appeared and hung in the air.

Senior Sister took the key.

We went to the locked closet, placed near a wall, and Senior Sister opened the door of closet by the key and internal lands of locality of secrets and wonders opened before us beyond a door of closet.

The forest and snow-covered hills lay beyond the doors of closet.

The spirit of Dad called us there.

We went through a closet and in moments the atmosphere of new place surrounded us.

 

[Eugene K]

Chapter four. Locality of snow-bound hills.


The forest surrounded us. Ahead I saw a few large snow-capped hills. There was a manor on the top of one hill, surrounded by stone fence. We went forward between the trees of the forest. Fogs floated around and rose to the branches of trees. Snow in large flakes fell from above and lay in white bedspreads everywhere.

Through time we came to the arch in stone fence. Inside the arch there was a gate with patterns. Behind a gate the steps rose to the garden, where large building, surrounded by trees and fogs could be seen.

I opened a gate and felt as fresh secrets and wonders were begun to whirl behind it and began to come back to life before us.

We entered, climbed the steps and appeared in the alley of garden. Building of manor was now before us.

We walked along the alley of garden. Around white fogs floated and in intervals between it on both sides of us the trees and white hills of snow could be seen.

At the end of alley we saw the entrance doors of manor.

The four of us we came up to the doors. I touched with hand to it surface and doors opened up inside. A spacious hall was before us. We crossed threshold and dipped in space of hall. Stepstones rose at the end of hall. We climbed the stepstones and appeared in a corridor with rooms on both sides.

We walked up to one open room. In a room there was a table on which a lamp was placed and lay written sheets of paper. A few written sheets lay on the floor, as if blown away by the gusts of wind.

We took sheets and began to read it.


"Day one.

I was in a manor.

I walked through the rooms of manor and saw as behind the windows of rooms at the bottom of snow-bound hill the forest was located. The sisters of the Forest were flying outside the windows, gladly laughed and called me with words:

"Sister, sister, come to us".

Then I opened a window and flew away together with them. We submerged in the atmosphere of the forest and were flying between trees.

"What's with this manor? - I asked. - What should I do?"

"You must open a door to the hall with pictures on ceiling, on walls and on the floor," - Sisters of the Forest answered.

"How I must open a door?"

"Fly with us in the atmosphere of the forest, circle around the manor, until in the air the key from the door will be formed," - Sisters answered.

Then I was flying around a manor, until the key appeared in the air. I took the key and Sisters said:

"Now fly back into a manor and go through the rooms to the bells ringing. It will bring you to the door to open."

I flew back into a manor and, when appeared in a room, listened.

Somewhere there was a bells ringing. I went through the rooms to bells ringing and came in a room, where little bells hung on walls and rang. In a room was closed door.

I inserted the key in a keyhole and it ideally fit up to the lock. I opened a door and entered to a hall with pictures.

A hall was spacious and on ceiling, on walls and floor there were pictures of other locality. I walked up to the wall, touched with hand to the image of locality and thought about what locality it could be.


Day two.

I looked out the window of room and saw that white fogs had become more thick and risen even higher. The stone wide courtyard of manor was located below. Almost unnoticed and almost unheard a white coach with patterns, driven by White Sister and harnessed by four of white horses, appeared in a courtyard, and stopped near the large entrance door of manor.

Tall traveller with blonde hair, with a white skin and in a white cloak went out from a white coach and went through a courtyard. I looked as white fogs trailed around her and after her, like tails of her white cloak. I heard the knock of her high heels on the stones of courtyard and saw majesty of her gait.

The entrance door of manor was opened before her and she entered in internal spaces of building. I thought about who she could be in this winter locality, what an unusual guest and could not yet to find an answer.

I followed to internal spaces of building and saw tracks of white snow on the floor. They brought me to the room, where the Mysterious Traveller put a white crystal on the floor.

In a room such a strong Presence of Dad appeared, that I fell down in an ecstasy on the floor on soft carpets and lay there, while Mysterious Traveller turned around to me and, smiling, put a forefinger to the lips, doing a sign that all happening here is a deep secret. I saw that her eyes had been half closed from the waves of ecstasy, covering her.

Then she passed by me and disappeared from a room.

Through time I saw as behind the windows of room white snow began to fall in large flakes.

At courtyard a white coach was placed harnessed by four of white horses.

Mysterious Traveller went out from building of manor and got into a white coach.

Then a white coach, driven by White Sister and carried away by four of white horses, left the courtyard".


I watched the last lines of notes. My thoughts floated around events, which we read about, floated around Mysterious Traveller which arrived in a white coach with patterns, and then considerations began to come to me that recently in forest in this complete with secrets and wonders locality we were already met with her, if only that really there was her. The same Traveller with blonde hair, with a white skin and in a white dress.

I looked around. Me, Daniella and sisters sat on pillows on the floor. Table all the same placed not far away and on it and under it the written sheets of paper lay. Snow was falling in white large flakes behind a window.

Daniella and I went through a corridor and after time heard bells ringing.

Going to that sound, we appeared in a room with a door, where on walls in different places little bells hung and rang. When we entered in a room, bells stopped to ring.

We opened a door and entered in a hall with pictures on ceiling, on walls and on the floor. In hall there were a few archs too, behind which a new spaces of corridors and rooms spread out. The sisters of Rooms flew there.

In one room we saw a white crystal on the floor. A crystal was turned off.

"Who will open its secrets and wonders?" - we asked.

"Lady," - Sisters of Rooms answered.

We exchanged glances with Daniella, whereupon she went out from a hall.

I walked up to the windows of room.

The courtyard of manor could be seen from windows. White fogs filled it more and more. Through time almost unnoticed and almost unheard a white and blue coach with patterns, harnessed by four of white horses and driven by Sister in a white and blue dress, appeared in a courtyard, and stopped near the entrance doors of manor.

Wonderful Lady with blonde hair, with a white skin and in a white and blue cloak, went out from a white and blue coach. I looked as white fogs trailed around her and after her, like tails of her white and blue cloak. I heard the knock of her high heels on the stones of courtyard and saw majesty of her gait.

Wonderful, favourite Daniella in which there was so many Dad, I always love you.

Building doors were opened at her approaching, and Lady reached inside.

Through time she came in a room and smiled to me. I smiled to her in reply.

After it she took a white crystal with herself, with other hand took me by a hand, and we went out into a hall with pictures.

In a hall with the pictures Lady put a crystal on a floor, covered by pictures, whereupon a crystal burned up even light, and pictures around, on ceiling, on walls and on the floor began to come back to life.

Around us began to appear the images of branches of trees and images of other parts of new landscape. Then we did a few steps yet and nightly garden surrounded us and we appeared in a nightly garden.

Ahead, right in front of us, there was a castle above which the white clouds hung and around the stone walls of which a garland was braided as white clouds.

"Let's go and touch to the garland," - Lady said.

I felt ahead Presence of Dad and rushed from the spot and ran forward. A lady, gladly laughing, started to fly next to me. We rushed past the trees of nightly garden, then opened an entrance door and entered under the vaults of castle. We passed a hall and climbed the stairs on the second floor. We entered in a room on the second floor and stretched out hands from the window of room and touched with hands to the garland. My hand drowned in the cloudy surface of garland and I felt as Glory of Dad covers me and takes away in a window right inside garland.

In next moments Lady and I rushed over inside a garland as on the fast river, where was fresh air and where we were surrounded by the Glory of Dad and by Spirit of Dad. I saw white cloudy spaces around.

Then the soft tender embrace of garland put us with Daniella on a bed in another room.

 

[Eugene K]

Chapter five. Night train.

Night was floating outside the window. I looked out of the window. The white snow-flakes were falling on the hills and on the trees of the forest, covering with a wonderful carpet the local lands. The white streams of fogs were floating among trees.

Daniella and I were lying in bed.

“Where are we?” – she asked.

“In a new manor,” – I answered.

We went out in a corridor and, by passing along it, found out the staircase that led to the garret. We got up the stairs to the garret and met there a girl which looked out of the window. The girl had blonde hair to the shoulders and she smiled.

She turned around to us, put a finger to the lips and said:

“Gently… this is the manor with the second garland…”

Daniella and I looked out of the window and saw among hills the manor with the second garland. The Presence of Dad was there and called us in the secret and wonderful places of manor with the second garland.

“What secrets were there and what wonders could await us there?”

“This is our terminal station, – the white-headed girl said. – We are going there right now and the train at the station waits us”.

The white-headed girl was called Agnes.

We went down, passed along a corridor and opened a door at the end of corridor. We passed inside and appeared in the placement of the station, where was a train, consisting of a few carriages.

“What is this train?” – I asked.

“It is a train of Dad. It travels by the lands of snow-bound hills from one station to another,” – Agnes answered.

We entered into one carriage and sat down on a seat. White-headed Agnes looked at us and smiled.

“The trip promises to be wonderful,” – she said.

The train moved off from a place, took off outside and took us by local lands. Snow-bound hills surrounded us from both sides of railway which we rode on. The arched entrances to the underground caves could be seen in some hills. I was looking at the arched entrances and at the hills and at the white fogs which were floating around.

“Where could led these arched entrances and what could be located there”?

Kingdom of Light. Unusual, complete with secrets and wonders, lands. I felt as we yet deeper submerge in it, in its hills and forests. A new manor appeared ahead. The train drove through its gate, then drove through a tunnel and stopped at the placement of the new station.

We entered in the corridor of manor. Wooden doors were at the both of its sides. On the walls of way new charts and drafts shimmered between doors. Agnes passed along a corridor and touched a finger to one chart which changed the outlines on the spot, and a girl began to study this new chart.

“In these lands Dad opened to me, that to the manor with the second garland it is possible to reach in two ways, – Agnes said. – Either according to charts and drafts on the walls of way or getting up the roofs of manors and from there looking to the signs of way”.

Then she went further, and we appeared in one of rooms.

I listened and heard the whisper of Sisters of the Forest in the street.

“Manor with the second garland awaits you…” – a whisper was heard in night air.

I looked out a window and did not see the sign of way behind trees and hills because all was concealed in forest.

“We need to see the sign of way, to attain a manor with the second garland,” – I pronounced.

“Then let us get up on the roof of manor and will look from there,” – Daniella offered.

After these words Daniella and I got up on the roof of manor and looked around.

Dark night and white clouds were floating above us and above all locality around. We passed along a roof and walked up to the parapet with rails. I looked ahead and saw a manor with the second garland, around the walls of which the second garland was floating.

I felt the Presence of Dad in those outskirts, where the second garland was floating and felt that Dad awaiting us there. I looked at my clothes and at the clothes of Daniella and saw that my and her clothes for a time had become of white color.

We got a look at the sign of way, specifying a road to the manor with the second garland.

We got down a staircase in a corridor and came to the station, where a train stood. We entered a carriage and sat down on a seat. Agnes already sat on the place.

“Yet by Dad it was open to me, – Agnes said, – that when a man passes the second garland, then secret gates are opened in secret gardens through which it is possible to pass in the yet greater secret and wonderful depths of Kingdom of Light.”

Through time a train moved off from a place.

A train was taking me, Daniella and Agnes by local lands. Clouds and branches of trees were floating above us. Hills between trees were on the left and on the right. I was watching hills, as suddenly a train began to submerge in the depths of hills, getting to the arched entrance.

Space of tunnel surrounded us. On the left and on the right burning crystals on the walls of tunnel lighted up our road.

Then ahead night behind the arched opening appeared and train drove outside. A manor with the second garland could be seen quite close and we rode towards it. Branches and trees surrounded our train on either side, on it Sisters of the Forest sat and with glad smiles declared:

“The Presence of Dad!.. The Presence of Dad!..”

Then a train passed a gate, passed a garden and stopped at the terminal station.

Daniella and I went out from a train and went along the internal apartments of manor with the second garland. Agnes went on other internal apartments.

We got up the first floor, entered in one room and walked up to the window, where the second garland was floating in air. Gradually it took away us in a garland and we went in a new trip in white space. A white stream carried me and Daniella along the banks and took away to a new destination point, where the new openings, secrets and wonders were awaiting us.

 

[the last child]

Chapter five. Night train.

Night was floating outside the window. I looked out of the window. The white snow-flakes were falling on the hills and on the trees of the forest, covering with a wonderful carpet the local lands. The white streams of fogs were floating among trees.

Daniella and I were lying in bed.

“Where are we?” – she asked.

“In a new manor,” – I answered.

We went out in a corridor and, by passing along it, found out the staircase that led to the garret. We got up the stairs to the garret and met there a girl which looked out of the window. The girl had blonde hair to the shoulders and she smiled.

She turned around to us, put a finger to the lips and said:

“Gently… this is the manor with the second garland…”

Daniella and I looked out of the window and saw among hills the manor with the second garland. The Presence of Dad was there and called us in the secret and wonderful places of manor with the second garland.

“What secrets were there and what wonders could await us there?”

“This is our terminal station, – the white-headed girl said. – We are going there right now and the train at the station waits us”.

The white-headed girl was called Agnes.

We went down, passed along a corridor and opened a door at the end of corridor. We passed inside and appeared in the placement of the station, where was a train, consisting of a few carriages.

“What is this train?” – I asked.

“It is a train of Dad. It travels by the lands of snow-bound hills from one station to another,” – Agnes answered.

We entered into one carriage and sat down on a seat. White-headed Agnes looked at us and smiled.

“The trip promises to be wonderful,” – she said.

The train moved off from a place, took off outside and took us by local lands. Snow-bound hills surrounded us from both sides of railway which we rode on. The arched entrances to the underground caves could be seen in some hills. I was looking at the arched entrances and at the hills and at the white fogs which were floating around.

“Where could led these arched entrances and what could be located there”?

Kingdom of Light. Unusual, complete with secrets and wonders, lands. I felt as we yet deeper submerge in it, in its hills and forests. A new manor appeared ahead. The train drove through its gate, then drove through a tunnel and stopped at the placement of the new station.

We entered in the corridor of manor. Wooden doors were at the both of its sides. On the walls of way new charts and drafts shimmered between doors. Agnes passed along a corridor and touched a finger to one chart which changed the outlines on the spot, and a girl began to study this new chart.

“In these lands Dad opened to me, that to the manor with the second garland it is possible to reach in two ways, – Agnes said. – Either according to charts and drafts on the walls of way or getting up the roofs of manors and from there looking to the signs of way”.

Then she went further, and we appeared in one of rooms.

I listened and heard the whisper of Sisters of the Forest in the street.

“Manor with the second garland awaits you…” – a whisper was heard in night air.

I looked out a window and did not see the sign of way behind trees and hills because all was concealed in forest.

“We need to see the sign of way, to attain a manor with the second garland,” – I pronounced.

“Then let us get up on the roof of manor and will look from there,” – Daniella offered.

After these words Daniella and I got up on the roof of manor and looked around.

Dark night and white clouds were floating above us and above all locality around. We passed along a roof and walked up to the parapet with rails. I looked ahead and saw a manor with the second garland, around the walls of which the second garland was floating.

I felt the Presence of Dad in those outskirts, where the second garland was floating and felt that Dad awaiting us there. I looked at my clothes and at the clothes of Daniella and saw that my and her clothes for a time had become of white color.

We got a look at the sign of way, specifying a road to the manor with the second garland.

We got down a staircase in a corridor and came to the station, where a train stood. We entered a carriage and sat down on a seat. Agnes already sat on the place.

“Yet by Dad it was open to me, – Agnes said, – that when a man passes the second garland, then secret gates are opened in secret gardens through which it is possible to pass in the yet greater secret and wonderful depths of Kingdom of Light.”

Through time a train moved off from a place.

A train was taking me, Daniella and Agnes by local lands. Clouds and branches of trees were floating above us. Hills between trees were on the left and on the right. I was watching hills, as suddenly a train began to submerge in the depths of hills, getting to the arched entrance.

Space of tunnel surrounded us. On the left and on the right burning crystals on the walls of tunnel lighted up our road.

Then ahead night behind the arched opening appeared and train drove outside. A manor with the second garland could be seen quite close and we rode towards it. Branches and trees surrounded our train on either side, on it Sisters of the Forest sat and with glad smiles declared:

“The Presence of Dad!.. The Presence of Dad!..”

Then a train passed a gate, passed a garden and stopped at the terminal station.

Daniella and I went out from a train and went along the internal apartments of manor with the second garland. Agnes went on other internal apartments.

We got up the first floor, entered in one room and walked up to the window, where the second garland was floating in air. Gradually it took away us in a garland and we went in a new trip in white space. A white stream carried me and Daniella along the banks and took away to a new destination point, where the new openings, secrets and wonders were awaiting us.

First of all: very very impressive amount of effort and writing and time went into this! Especially if this is not your first language. I was once speaking with a marine who was a linguist specialist, and she said that English was considered a top tier language for difficulty, second only to Chinese world wide. Secondly, I am not a writing expert or critic. I do have some thoughts I could offer up.

I honestly was enjoying the story at first bc it was so mysterious. I would suggest you run back over it with someone more familiar with English, only bc grammatically speaking our language is so incredibly and stupidly and unnecessarily complex. And here’s why. I’m not sure how much of what you are writing is purposefully written for like, “writing style” or whatever, and how much of it is written just bc you are unfamiliar with the grammatical structure of the language.

Secondly, I would suggest having maybe even that same person help you run through some more... adjectives, adverbs, etc...just to expand your horizon a bit on vocabulary. Your descriptions became a little, redundant from chapter to chapter. I really, really wanted to picture where the characters were going. But all I saw were the same foggy forests, manor, stone courtyard, snow, etc. I struggle with the same thing when I write too. Trust me. I spend a LOT of time trying to avoid using the same words over and over again. Or trying to find just the right word to fit the perfect nuance of meaning. And English, for all its complexity, is not the most descriptive language out there. The thesaurus and google will become your best friends when you write lol.

And one final thought. From a Christian perspective, and as a gamer, your story started with a dream like quality to it but, imo, ended up sounding like an adventure/rpg. And most Christians may not be too keen on the whole “Spirit of so-and-so” thing, since irl God forbids that we try to speak to the dead, etc. And yes I know, it falls in the realm of pretense/fantasy, a “gray” area, but for some that “gray” area is black, and for others, it is just the “eating meat sacrificed to idols” kind of issue that Paul spoke of—that each should decide according to his own conscience before the Holy Spirit, as long as he is not being a stumbling blockhead to his fellow blockhead brothers and blockhead sisters. So. Now that I have written an essay almost as long as your book, I hope that didn’t hurt your feelings, and I hope that helps you. God bless.

 

[Eugene K]

Chapter six. The manor of the Forest Mistress.

In this chapter Daniella and I see the main objective of our travel – the Meeting with Dad.

After passing through second garland, we appeared in the home manor.

We looked in one window of room in which we were, and saw the white fogs outside. Through time behind white fogs the secret gates in secret gardens began to peep out which now turned out to be open.

We looked in the other window of room and saw a white stone castle which sometimes showed up behind white fogs. Feelings that Dad calls us in a white stone castle were coming to me.

“It is a white stone castle of White Lady Alva,” – Spirit of Dad said in me.

When I again glanced in a window, then I saw as in the middle of the forest a white coach in patterns were passing. It passed along a forest road and departed further among the trees of the forest.

Then I appealed to Daniella:

“Dani, gates in secret gardens are open.”

“Yes, gates are open and expect us, – Daniella smiled. – And did you see as a white coach passed in the forest? It was passing between trees of the forest and remained not far in the forest. Then it left and white fogs fully went up to the apexes of trees and covered local outskirts with thick bedspreads.”

“Yes, I saw,” – I confirmed.

We got down in a garage, sat down in a car and departed in the forest. We drove through secret gates and departed further along the forest. We were droving along a forest road in the depths of lands. The branches of trees were leaning left and right above a road.

In one place right of the road a large tent was placed. In a large tent on a low table a compendium lay, where it was written:

“The manor of the Forest Mistress, in which Presence of Dad, located in these lands.”

We sat down in a car and departed further along the forest and trees surrounded us, and we deeper and deeper were submerging in the forest.

Elsewhere to the right of the road other large tent was placed, in which a compendium lay, where it was written:

“To get in the manor of the Forest Mistress, it is necessary to call it.”

We sat down in a car and called a manor, saying:

“Manor of the Forest Mistress, we want to see you.”

Immediately I felt as a steering wheel and pedals of car stopped obeying me and as car were healing its life and it was drawn to only its known destination. Ahead on the right another road appeared and we turned to the right. Then among the trees of the forest a new manor appeared.

In complete silence and very slowly we were driving up to its walls. A building roof was rosing ahead. The high closed gate was before us. The white bedspreads of fogs surrounded a manor and territory of its garden from all sides.

When we drove up closer, a gate was opened and we passed into a garden.

In a garden the towers of manor and other four towers could be seen behinds fogs, from one and from other side of garden. The ends of the courtyard were hiding by the shrouds of white fogs.

Ahead other gate could be seen and traffic light near in blinked red light.

In one part of building there was a large entrance with stone columns. White light flowed from there.

I stopped a machine, we went outside and went in that direction. We passed along a terrace and got through a doorway with wide open double doors.

Then we passed a spacious corridor and entered in a large hall, where on a throne in the center of hall, on the eminence with steps, a forest lady sat. The eyes of forest lady were covered.

Around a throne armchairs were placed and pillows lay on soft carpets on the floor.

We sat down in armchairs and then a forest lady opened eyes and looked around.

“Dad’s Beloved, – she said by melodious deep voice. – I know that you came here because want to go further, in the depths of lands, to meet with Dad, because for each of you He appointed meeting with Him.
You went through the outer gate and now you must go through inner gate.
You must listen for what Spirit of Dad will say to you, and do everything exactly, what Spirit of Dad, living inside of you, will say to you.”

A forest lady fell silent, and we were continuing to look at her.

“Listen, – the Forest Mistress said again. – The inner gates will be opened for you, when you will be transformed, and will become other people, what it was been when you came here.
You will be able to transform in the towers of force, which are on the outskirts of garden of wonders.
However to enter in the tower of force is possible holding in hands a crystal which needs to be grown in the garden of wonders.
For this each of you must take the little twinkling lights stone in the rooms of manor and take this stone in one of caves in the garden of wonders. Next day you will come for a growing crystal. And to get in the rooms of manor, where stones lie, simply think about stones which need you and you will appear there in no time.
Now, Dad’s Beloved, you can begin your trip.”

After it the Forest Mistress fell silent and covered eyes, continuing to sit on a throne.

I thought about little twinkling lights stones which lay in the rooms of manor, and immediately appeared in other apartment. Around me little twinkling lights stones lay on the floor. Daniella appeared next to me.

I picked up one stone and she picked up one stone and we headed for a doorway. Then we passed along a corridor and went out on a street.

We headed for one end of court, where a gate, leading in the garden of wonders, could be seen.

Getting closer, we opened a gate and entered in the garden of wonders.

Trees rose above us, outstretched it long branches. Narrow paths scattered to the sides and led into the depths of garden, and not a single cave was visible nearby. As early as garden it was dark and not a single lamp shone in district.

“Gene, look what are secrets and wonders!” – Daniella exclaimed suddenly, showing hand somewhere back.

I turned around and saw the manor of the Forest Mistress. and its stone towers. The manor was placed surrounded by the garden of wonders and white fogs. Light burned in some windows.

“It is towers of manor and voice of Dad attracts us there,” – Daniella said.

We passed to the first tower from a right side and tried to open a door, but a door was locked.

“We need the keys,” – I said.

“The keys must be with the Forest Mistress,” – Daniella said and we went to the throne hall of manor.

The Forest Mistress still sat on a throne and her eyes were closed.

“Mistress,” – I called.

A forest lady opened eyes.

“We need the keys from the tower,” – I said.

“Hold,” – lady answered and ran a hand through the air. Immediately in her palm as it from the air the bunch of keys appeared which she gave to me.

We went back to a tower and I inserted one of the keys from a bunch to the door lock. Then turned the key and the door opened.

We went inside and suddenly started swim on air lifted by light flows. Around there were windows of tower above, from which the dark garden of wonders, covered by white fogs, was seen. Small white balls floated on air in space of tower.

I touched to one white ball and suddenly saw behind a window as from the skies lights fell on the garden of wonders and as it lay down on the branches of trees, and as it burned and as through time went out.

Then Daniella touched to other white ball and I saw as from the skies other lights fell and as it lay down on the branches of trees, and as it burned and as through time went out.

“Let us try together,” – I said, and we took a hand for a hand, and other hands touched to the white balls and saw as the third lights, much more than previous, fell from the skies, and as it lay down on the branches of trees, and as it burned and as part of lights went out and remained to burn other part of small lights and one large light.

Immediately the light flows took away us from a tower and we remained to be placed on a threshold before the closed door in a tower.

We came to the gate of garden, opened it and went further along the garden of wonders. The trees of garden swam past us, and small lights on the branches of trees lighted up our road.

We went to light of large light, while a cave appeared ahead.

A large light lay above a cave.

I went up to the half-round door of cave, opened it, and behind it we saw a room in which a white cloud floated in the air.

We got little twinkling lights stones and stones flew up from our hands and began to float together with a cloud.

We were standing in a cave while did not see as little twinkling lights stones a bit increased in sizes. After it we left the cave and went back into the manor, to wait till morning.

Next morning we got down in a court. White fogs floated in district and on the garden of wonders. White low clouds swam above the towers of manor.

Small and large lights burned in the garden of wonders and, oriented on it, we came to the cave. We entered in it and saw as two crystals lay on the floor of room. We picked up crystals and went along the garden of wonders further, heading to the towers of force.

We went along paths and saw ahead behind white fogs the towers of force, however all paths turned aside and led to other objects in a garden and we went around the garden of wonders three times, but not got closer to the towers of transforming. Meantime, around evening twilights began to thicken.

“Towers attract us, but roads to it are not visible,” – Daniella said.

“Forest Mistress knows where road to the towers,” – I said.

We went back to the manor and entered in a throne hall.

Forest Lady sat on a throne and her eyes were closed.

“Mistress,” – I called.

Forest Lady opened eyes.

“Here our crystals, – I showed to her our crystals. – We already went around all garden of wonders and did not find the road to the towers of force. Answer us, where this road can be?”

“I know where this road and will open it for you,” – Forest Mistress slightly smiled and lift up the hand. Immediately a portal was opened in space of hall.

“I opened a portal, – Forest Mistress said, putting a hand on the armrest of throne. – Go through it and it will bring you straight to the tower of force.”

We got through a portal and appeared on land of garden, and the tower of force rose before us. Another tower could be seen in other side of garden. It was felt that the great amounts of energy accumulated in towers. Here the light flows surrounded us. Evening twilights almost grew into night.

We got crystals from bags, opened a door and entered into a tower.

Immediately we covered by Presence of Dad. We went down on the floor on soft carpets and pillows and lay glad and happy long time.

Then we appeared in other place and, when I got up and looked around, I found out myself and Daniella in the court of manor of the Forest Mistress.

I looked at Daniella and saw as her face shines in darkness from proceeding force from her.

“Dani, your face is shining,” – I said.

“Your face is shining too,” – she answered.

I looked at internal gates and saw that a traffic light near it was blinking by green light.

From building of manor Forest Lady went out and got closer to us.

“Have you leave the throne?” – I asked.

She nodded and smiled.

“I came to congratulate you, – Forest Mistress said by melodious deep voice. – And to say that internal gates are open and now you can continue a trip to Meeting with Dad.”

Then she looked at me and appealed to me, slightly smiling.

“And on a throne I sit only in the days of a pilgrimage to the towers of force. In other time I engage in a ride on horse in the forest and meeting with my favourite Dad.”

Daniella and I turned to the car.

“And what do you see, sitting on a throne?” – I asked in the end.

The face of Forest Mistress became glad and thoughtful.

“Sitting on a throne, I am in a state of watching Universe. Some time you will understand what it is the state and then we will meet in this forest manor or in a forest castle again and then here will be other secrets and wonders and other objects of force.”

We sat down in a car and departed to the internal gates.

Internal gates were opened and we drove onto the forest road.