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Keeping secrets

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Krillin, Feb 5, 2014.

  1. Krillin

    Krillin Yup

    Is it right for Christians to keep secrets about ourselves?

    There are some things I feel very powerless to come out and tell certain people.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Kings servant

    Kings servant GOD'S WARRIOR.

    First thing you should do is seek God and ask Him what you should do. If He says you need to tell them then do so. It may hurt both of you but it may also help you grow. In all things, seek His advice first.
  3. Pal Handy

    Pal Handy Irregular Member

    Do I really want to know everything bad about you?
    Do I need to know all your darkest thoughts?
    Do I need to know your every transgression?

    I think that Christ made it clear that we are to go to Him as
    our High Priest and to cast all our sins, cares, worries and
    problems upon Him because He cares or us.

    Do you really think that others can fill the shoes of God as expressed
    through Jesus Christ, our Lord and savior?

    Who has the power to cause you to change?

    Do you think that confessing all your faults to people will empower
    you to change your very fallen nature?

    I believe that if we are serious about wanting to change, we need to
    be accountable to God, we need to daily go to Him and dump our
    every sin, problem or lack of strength upon Him as we surrender to His
    will and rule over our lives.

    I believe that if we invoke God's help in our life by declaring that we
    give Him permission to do whatever it takes in our lives to bring us
    under His rule and will for our lives as we ask God the Father to
    deliver us from evil and fill us with His Holy Spirit, we will find real
    results as God has the power to change the hearts of those who
    surrender to His love and good will for their lives.

    Telling others all your sins is more a religious exercise for many rather than having
    a deeper relationship with God in and through Jesus Christ.
    (not saying that we would never confess our faults to other believers but
    we need to use wisdom and we need to see the end result of confession is
    change, not an exercises in false piety)

    It takes effort to go to God and open your heart, thoughts and desires
    to Him as you realize that He knows it all already and yet He wants you to be
    real with Him, to let Him into your very heart and thoughts, not after
    the fact but leading up to and during the times you struggle to follow His will.

    Jesus Christ is your High Priest...run to Him and invite Him to
    come into every part of you and to have His way in your life,
    no matter how much it costs, and He will change your life for the better...
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2014
  4. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    Yes, there are people who will say that you should tell them everything about yourself or else you have "something to hide". But do they first tell you everything about their own selves? And others will say you do not have a real friendship unless you share every thing about yourselves with each other.

    But . . . I consider . . . God does not expect you to tell everything to people you don't even know. I think we should develop each relationship and see what fits into each relationship. And you see if and how each person is ready to be trusted with knowing things about you.

    And we need to evaluate what is worthy of our attention!! > our own attention, never mind anybody else's.

    "Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth." (Colossians 3:2)

    "Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

    If you are in a real Christian relationship, aren't you hoping to spend all eternity with each other? So, what's the hurry to tell each other every detail about yourselves? Enjoy feeding on love with each other, taking your time to enjoy discovering each other :) And remember that past things may be out-of-date; so they may not need much if any attention. After all, in Jesus, "old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." (in 2 Corinthians 5:17)

    You share things, in order to do people good, to help them, and for enjoyment and getting to know each other in love. So, we need to test if and how each person is ready to do well with what we share, and to be good for us, or to be helped.

    But sometimes I will tell things that can be an excuse for others to make trouble for me. If I tell what is a sin problem, in order to be an example of honesty about what is really wrong, surely Satan will have people attack this. We will be persecuted for telling the truth about right from wrong, including by using our own selves as examples and testimony of how God our Father has been correcting us. But do this as God leads and makes you strong and wise for handling how people can react.

    And James 5:16 does say, "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16)

    So, our Father does have us sharing in mutual confession with mutual prayer to get us "healed"; I now understand this means healed of what in our character makes us able to sin and then suffer. We get "healed" more and more together with God in His love, instead. Our Father commands this; so He is committed to making this work; He uses us to help one another in Jesus, in this very important way. But you need to pray and discern about who is ready and able to share with you, like this.

    What I understand is that if we confess and pray in God's love, God's love heals us spiritually and emotionally, especially, and this will effect our bodies, as well . . . however You, please, LORD our Father (c:

    So, God bless you :) Do not allow problem past or present things to have power over you and your attention. Be strong in forgiveness for anyone who does not do well with hearing about what you share, and be creative and not like a victim :) Have compassion ready for ones who do not relate and communicate well > "He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)
  5. PaladinValer

    PaladinValer Traditional Orthodox Anglican

    Things said in confidence must be done so. Historically, and still today in all big name traditional or traditional-leaning bodies like my Anglican Church, Lutherans, the Eastern Orthodox, and Vatican Catholics, all clergy are bound to utter and complete silence when hearing other peoples' confessions.

    If they spill the beans, the penalty is quite severe.

    The idea of secret societies kind of secrets, however, is something that is utterly forbidden in orthodox, classic, historic Christianity. Even if such organization do a great deal of good, and a number of them do, it is not permissible to join them.
  6. Rawtheran

    Rawtheran Lightmaker For Christ

    United States
    No, a Christian should not keep secrets about ourselves from others, but we do it anyway. I admit that there are some secrets about myself that I don't usually tell other people unless they could understand where I'm coming from. Well look at the bright side we have a loving father called God who we can tell all of our secrets too because he understands us more than anyone!:amen:
  7. cerette

    cerette Regular Member

    I don't think we are obliged to tell people everything about ourselves.
  8. Max Shade

    Max Shade Well-Known Member

    Celtic Catholic
    Yeah man. Totally cool. Like, I never talk about my resume. There are a lot of things I have done professionally that I could be proud of, but I hate being judged, like . .. people have this image in their mind of what kind of man does __________, professionally, and as soon as you tell them you used to __________, they feel like you are the guy in their image & they stop bothering to get to know the actual person. So I just flat refuse. I might be a doctor, a plumber a priest or an assassin, probably none of those but I won't talk about it. My identity isn't in what I do or have done professionally & I think it is totally okay to keep that a secret for the reason I have discussed. Other people may have other reasons for their secrets, but it is their right to privacy to keep secret what they choose. God knows all & He is the only One with that in His job description.
  9. parsley

    parsley .

    A lot of people equate honesty with openness. We are not expected to "throw pearls to swine" or hand over our leverage to people who have not earned our trust.

    It is just not wise to say too much. Scammers and profiteers are everywhere; and even in the most respectable situations, there are people who will use your own information to trample you.

    Psalms 119:66
    Teach me good discernment and knowledge, For I believe in Your commandments.

    1 Samuel 25:33
    and blessed be your discernment, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodshed and from avenging myself by my own hand.

    Job 12:20
    He deprives the trusted ones of speech And takes away the discernment of the elders.​

    Proverbs 11
    13 He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.
    22 As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.
    27 He who diligently seeks good seeks favor, But he who seeks evil, evil will come to him.
    29 He who troubles his own house will inherit wind, And the foolish will be servant to the wisehearted.

    This is awfully indirect, but fitting:

    Jeremiah 48:11
    "Moab has been at ease since his youth; He has also been undisturbed like wine on its dregs, And he has not been emptied from vessel to vessel Nor has he gone into exile. Therefore * he retains his flavor, And his aroma has not changed.

    Okay, and then there's this one:

    1 Samuel 21:13
    So he disguised his sanity before them, and acted insanely in their hands, and scribbled on the doors of the gate, and let his saliva run down into his beard.

    Psalms 34 [A Psalm of David, when he changed (8763) his behaviour before Abimelech; who drove him away (8762), and he departed (8799).]

    I tend to stay quiet too, especially when the context does not benefit people to know my background. People get hurt, or compete unnecessarily. Time is short, and should be used well. If people are gathered to talk about God, use the time to focus on Him.

  10. Scott1979

    Scott1979 Grateful

    Christian Seeker
    I think trust is a big factor in who you tell what. You should tell God everything for sure. As far as people go I would tell them what they need to know up front. As you become more comfortable with them, then you might open up more. Just be careful. You run a big risk when you decide to open up to people.
  11. Hetta

    Hetta I'll find my way home

    Christian Seeker
    I agree.

    How boring for other people to have to listen to another person's every thought and feeling.

    It's one thing to keep a destructive secret from a loved one, it's another to 'spew' everything to everyone.
  12. Shattered-Reflections

    Shattered-Reflections Saved by Grace

    Matthew 10:16
    Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.

    Matthew 18:15-17
    “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church.

    Acts 19:18
    Many who became believers confessed their sinful practices.

    James 5:16
    Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

    1.Ephesians 4:25
    So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.

    James 3:8
    ...but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.

    Philippians 2:14
    Do everything without complaining and arguing

    There are times we need to be shrewd and cautious especially with those who might hurt us. There are times we should talk to others in private vs the whole church community. If you've wrong someone you need try to resolve the issue. We should confess our sins as part of acceptance of Christ. There are times we need to confess our sins to other christians so we can receive support and prayers from others (and in turn bless others) least we deny a huge way God can heal us. I don't think this has to be the whole church. However I think the more honest we are with sin the more freeing it is, the more encouragement it gives others, and the more glory given to God. Just take baby steps and remember God is with us.

    We shouldn't lie, deceive, or be underhanded. We should be careful of "what" we're saying and "why" we're saying it. We could be honest and truthful but still be unmerciful, unloving, unhelpful, selfish, irritable, or vengeful. It is so easily to believe you're helping someone, but later realize your heart was in the wrong place, it wasn't the right time, or it just wasn't beneficial. There is also times where being "honest" is really just complaining, arguing, or gossiping.

    Colossians 2:14
    He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.

    Just remember you are no longer defined by your sin past or present, Christ has given you a new identity that can never be taken away. Even if other people will judge you it doesn't matter their condemnation, God has declared you righteous so you can stand without fear :)
  13. boogalaboogala

    boogalaboogala Guest


    krillin, there are no secrets.. that is why the books will be opened up one day.. if ever we are decietful we reap the harvest of what we have sewn..
    if you are ashamed of what is in your heart when it comes to sharing it with sinful man.. how is it ever going to be possible for you to bare having those thing come to light at the judgement.. if its a secret because of shame, it is hidden.. and if it needs hiding it is a sin.. now if it were to save another embarassment, then it is clearly not a sin unless it was to cover a crime or an indignation against an innocent.. i leave it at an innocent because it could be anything.. eg: a person, or and animal..
  14. graciesings

    graciesings It is so ordered.

    Don't keep secrets with God, ever. Be honest when you're praying.

    Don't keep secrets when confessing sins.

    Don't keep secrets from family members unless it's a relatively small thing and knowing it would hurt them more than not knowing it.

    Be honest about God, as much as you can. You don't have to be honest to the little detail, but never miss an opportunity to glorify Him in front of others. For example, I have trouble giving a "testimony" because I dislike talking about all the evil stuff I used to do! Instead I explain how God has made me the woman I am. I explain forgiveness, I talk about how God has helped strengthen me emotionally. Never miss an opportunity to glorify God, but you don't have to give every tiny detail about how awful you were before God did .

    One more thing, is that being quiet about a small thing is not necessarily "keeping a secret." I don't tell Grandma every detail of my physics homework. She wouldn't want to know, she doesn't need to know, she wouldn't get it, so I don't talk about it. I'm not keeping a secret or deceiving her. I just don't bury her in unnecessary details.
  15. thatforumguy77

    thatforumguy77 Random Person

    It is sometimes alright to keep secrets from men (it depends on the reason), but not from God. Proverbs do say something about the wisdom found in silence. Silence can prevent ruin from coming to your house. Even our sins are "covered" by the blood of the Lamb, so in essence, our sins have become like private secrets between God and man. So yes, not all secrets are sins. But never keep secrets in front of God. We know what happened to Adam and Eve who hid themselves from God's sight.
  16. Hetta

    Hetta I'll find my way home

    Christian Seeker
    God already knows your "secrets" so it would be pointless to try to hide them.

    IJWTS that you're really young and so of course you tell your family everything, but this will change when you get older - I hope. You will hold to your husband and not tell your family everything then. Your allegiance changes.
  17. Kayeliz

    Kayeliz Newbie

    I think there are quite a lot of secrets we all keep and which are alright to keep. Personally, I would not want to know which part of their bodies people shave and how often, if people pick their noses when they are by themselves or what they wear underneath (nightmare experience of my former boss in a bar was when a guy got up to leave and said "I'm only wearing three things today."). I think everyone is happy with people keeping those kinds of secrets and I would definitely not want people to tell me that kind of stuff. My head already starts screming "TMI!" when my friend has had some winde and starts spilling secrets about her sex life. So yes, please, let us all keep a few secrets.

    I do keep a lot of other secrets from people because I don't want to get hurt, e. g. that I have serious anxiety and OCD. That is important for a few people who know me well, but I don't see a point in telling others about that and probably wouldn't tell people in church if I was a member of one.

    Generally, I think we need to think and pray about what secrets we can keep because for certain relationships, they do not matter and what secrets we need to tell because they do matter. Someone in a study group at university does not need to know about my health issues, a future spouse should know.
    I think sometimes, Christians are a bit too obsessed with not keeping secrets and I've had information thrown at me that I would have been very happy not to have!
  18. spr

    spr Regular Member

    Contrary to popular belief, God is not looking to drag your name though the mud. He actually wants to bring you to honor. "forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead." And, "who for the JOY that was set before him endured the cross, DESPISING the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."

    In short, we all need to collectively forget about all the garbage and put our best foot forward, and keep in mind that God is working to give us a good name.
  19. seeingeyes

    seeingeyes Newbie

    Do you have someone trustworthy to tell your secrets to?
  20. seeingeyes

    seeingeyes Newbie

    The purpose of telling God your secrets is not to inform Him of something He didn't know, but to demonstrate trust and openness.

    Sort of like when your little one is singing in the bathtub, thinking that no one can hear him, and then he tells you at bedtime about how he 'secretly' sings when no one is listening. :)