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Just wondering

ark_angel

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First off I just wanted to tell you all that God loves you so much. You guys have gone through so much, and through it all God is always there, never leaving you nor forsaking you.

I was just wondering what your guys' take on this is. On Labor day something happened in my life that pretty much turned it all around. It wasn't a full on r***, he never got me away from the people for anything more to happen. But he wouldn't stop mentioning it, and he wouldn't stop grabbing me and holding me and forcing me to hold him..it was just horrible...I just wanted to scream, but I didn't want to cause a scene or anything, and my mind was pretty much blocked...all I could think of was I want to get out of here and go home. I had to put up with this for 3 hours. Once I finally got to leave, I cried all the way while I was driving home. The next 4 days I couldn't even control my emotions, whenever no one was around, I cried, when people were around, I tried to stay as far away as possible and did not want anyone of them near me or to even hug me. On that Friday, I got over it, atleast I think I did. Some have told me that I may have just stuffed it inside, hiding my actual emotions from myself, I haven't told anyone that I know personally. But can't I have just gotten over it, couldn't God just have taken away the pain I felt inside.
I don't feel like it really is that important for me to tell anyone, cause it wasn't like he got as far as he wanted....for me he still went to far...but I mean it still wasn't like he hurt me physically or anything. I mean, I never met this guy in my life, yet he was touching me and doing things that he just shouldn't have, and he just met me. Yea, I think he went to far, he doesn't, he doesn't think he went far enough, but it really isn't that bad, is it? Did I make a big deal about something that really wasn't that big of a deal...I let it control me the next four days, I could not erase it from my mind. Now it's just wondering what life holds in store for me in the near future...I know he will come back to where I work...I don't know when, but I know he knows when I work....so that kinda still scares me...

I just don't know anymore
 

lillybug0514

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First of all what he did was wrong. There is no excuse for what he did and if anything you did not make a big enough deal. It is that bad when he forced you to do things that you didnt want to, he voilated you. He has no right to do this to you, or make you feel this way. I understand where you are coming from by saying that you did not want to attract attention. Please remember that even though you did not say anything you did not in any way ask for this to happen to you.

I think that you should tell someone especially if he will show up again. If you are not comfortable with telling the police, maybe you could let people know that he makes you uncomfortable and ask them to be on guard when he comes and not let him near you, and never alone. You shouldnt have to feel afraid of living because he might show up again. If he does show up and start in on you I feel that you should make the biggest scene possible, it is always better to be too cautious than not enough.

I honestly think it would be better to talk to someone, maybe a friend that you could trust, or a hotline. Dont ever feel afraid to talk to someone, if you are not able to talk to someone in your life remember that we are here for you. :hug:
 
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flautist

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There are no degrees to sexual abuse. What matters is how you feel about it. I know you say that "all" he did was touch you, but even when I was raped, I didn't have to put up with it for three hours, and it wasn't someone I didn't know. See, we all have different experiences, and one is just as bad as another.

I also know you say you had gotten over it, but if you were truely over it, and God had truely and miraculously taken away all the pain that quickly, would you still be scared? Would you still be thinking about it? Would you still have made this post?

I do think it's important to talk about it. You don't even have to go into detail about what happened, but you need to talk out the feelings. Without doing that, it won't go away. It will just sit inside and fester until you can't hold it in anymore. unfortunately, I speak from experience on that point. :/

If you want to talk, don't hesitate to PM me.
 
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ark_angel

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thanks you guys.

I don't know, I guess it still comes up in my mind. I almost was going to ask to talk to my youth pastor's wife last Friday..I chickened out. I just don't know how to talk about it or even how to start the conversation, it's so hard to talk about in the first place, and I just don't know how to talk about it at all.

Thank you guys so much, what you guys said has helped and I thank you. May God truly bless you.
 
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