just want to talk in a relaxed way

[xounstaer]

hi,

its pretty late here in the netherlands but i dont want to sleep yet. instead of that i was hoping to find some people or a person to talk with/to.

as you can see i am new here. this is such a big site that i thought i wouldnt find my place here. or wouldnt feel at home . but i've looked a while now and got used to the idea of so many members and realised that for pretty much every topic/thread there is a board.

i am listening to music now from "What are you listening to now? V. 1 Billion (23)".

i think i do know what to talk about.

but first i want to say that i hope to get to know soem people here, that'd be cool/joyfull.

for seven years i have been fighting against the crusifix. because i disagreed with it. i thought it was the most awfull thing that happened. and i would take it up with god. and try shine a light upon the truth.

but i am over that now. so i understand the crusification much better and i have learned to exept it after all. but ofcourse i still do or still can cry about it.

also the injustice and destruction i saw in it, god has given an answer to.
and i believe i've also come to know the truth. for what truth is.

now i am looking forward to be among people who believe in christ to, as in the sense of friend.

and maybe someone can tell me how to be, or where to be. how can i have a cheerfull time at this site. or maybe you even have other ideas.

i want to belong. but i am not easy. definately not on the long
run i think so. am not a bad guy.(or maybe this is just my fear)

or at least i see a lot of people posting but never in reaction to me. i know they've red it. and i know they did hear' it. but id rather have somemore personal contact/interaction.

ofcourse i also like to talk about the genaral issues. but i feel like i allready know them. which means that in the end after i once gave my opinion or have told my side. there is no need for me to post twice. or at least that happens pretty much.

also do i love the english language and i'd like to keep learning more bit by bit.

for the rest would i love to share my believe but how am i supposed to talk about the secrets of the mind without causing me to be seen for strange.

i am allready finding it a tiny bit tough to explain about the story i have been living and still do. since it is loaded and therefor maybe hard to show real understanding.

i am in a clinic now with intensive care. preparing to go live on my own after a period of five moths.

i look forward to some replie.

greets from the neterlands

i was looking for a smiley to use. i'll just pick one

 

[firesoforion]

Hi! I'm pretty new here as well, but I think I came for similar reasons as you. So, I guess I'll get started with the questions. A personal one first: What is your favorite type of music?

And then one more along the lines of Christianity and your topic, what draws you to Christianity?

If you want to get off that path with discussions, then definitely let's! This is just to get the ball rolling.

 

[xounstaer]

hi firesoforion,

i had to read back what i posted. i think it is my compassion towards jesus and all he did what caused to act upon it. but i think there's agreat chance, no i am sure it is also my pschosis or sickness what got me to believe.

i cared so much about himthat i couldnt bare what happened to him. he's world's best person where it comes to love and understanding.

he stood up for those in need. was against the order. he had diner with people whom the priests and farisees wouldnt dare to eat with. he showed love even by the cost of his own life.

these thins deer me logically. but i bacame a christian due to my psychosis which was about nothing else but the returnal of jesus.

who would know what i mean; it may sound bad or so that i live in a combination of believe and dlusion/pschosis. it's not easy since not many people really care. most people who have schizophrenia wont believe in god. or at least not in an active way as a dailt matter.

i see it as something special. but every healty believer seems to be inable to really know what the deal is. i am startin gto try and learn further steps. but it's not easy. since i also believe in myself in a special way, not being sure wether it is me or god or jesus who i should put first. hope you understand.

my favorite artists are: eminem, michael jackson, 2pac, britney spears and madonna.
i also just listen to the new hits. the only music i like a lot less si with a heavy gitar or anything which is to noisy.

and you firesoforion. are you christian and have you been baptised. if so or if not so why do you prefer christianity?

i suppose you may have simillar reasons as i posted. i guess not all of them or i dont know really.

i'm thinkin ghere that i am not very sure wether it is only christianity i believe. i recall the idea is really that thereis only 1 believe, which all religions arethen part of. combining them sort of say.

but it is jesus surely which makes a/the difference.

 

[Cute Tink]

Where in the world would you most like to visit?

 

[xounstaer]

egypt or china

 

[Cute Tink]

What attracts you to those places?

 

[xounstaer]

they are the oldest still existing societys.
and egypt i would prefer since christian roots also come from egypt. adn i see a connction and have somthin gwith the pyramids and king toet. i know that nowadys as christian it would be seen as worschipping another god.

but if youask me where the light is i'll answerthe sun and the stars.

i have had experiences with them when i was heavily into believe and searching.

what about you?

 

[Cute Tink]

I was fascinated with Egyptian history when I was a kid. I saw the King Tut exhibit in my hometown when they came through. At this point, though, I would love to see the European castles one day because I would like to see the inside of a castle in person.

What would you say are your best and worst qualities?

 

[xounstaer]

did yopu know a lot of castles are for sale. i know because my parents bought a house in france and looked aroudn a lot. sometimes you only have to pay 1 euro as a symbolic paynmet. and then you have to maintain the castle. other castles you would pay about 200000 euros.

i love the mask of king tut (in english it's written diferent i see) since it has a small and a bigger snake at the top. it's said it was the crown of faraos. so nut just the on the mask.

i relate it with the sun and a star. big and small as seen from eath then. when i stared at the sun and saw the orange surface flowing, atm i thought it was alive and i got very much confused by the thought that it was a snake. it took half a year before i realised again it must've just beenflowing gas or lava or a mix perhaps. however i do still believe there is life in it. as there is form of live in all material. i beleive they go together just as body and mind.(in a good sense..)


i guess my worst qualities are that there's not much sense in discussing with me so i am kinda stubern. must be due to people who told me that the 14th of januari is capricorn, or that they acted that way. i tend to not give a lot of free space. another less good point is that i can be kind of gudgemental, which at first is good. but it goes alon with having trouble to ignore things i dont like. i relate pretty much everythin that comes into me, and then when it's negativity i may feel bothered.

also do i have some anxiety and perhaps also depression. i guess my worst qualitys or the negative symptoms paranoid schizophrenia. which is basicly a list set by the hand of what the person cannot do within society. and the differences between a form 9 till 5 working person.

also negative may be that i can feel very special. in a religious sense.

i can relativize things well though. and place thing right.
i often get the complimented on that i can express most anything with just the right words. as if there's a difference in every word.

i am wel at calculations adn english and i used to be good at sports.

hmmm

i see you are an athiest. i've spoken about that with other people adn when we foun dout that the dictionary says that it means you do not believe in a god or multiple gods. it reminded me of an evening when i was prayin gfor a god to exist. i still think somewhat that it inded is simply a word which may not be needed.

i keep myzelf busy now with working at my recovery. it's good looking but i am nothter yet. i am glad though with all the bagage i got from the past. but i'll be glad if i get my place.

what is that keeps you busy most of the times?
and how do you think life works? or what's life about to you?

i thought first you where female. not hat that matters much as we babble.

so long

 

[Cute Tink]

did yopu know a lot of castles are for sale.

I did not. I think the upkeep (not to mention the travel to see it) would put it out of my reach. However, it would be cool to own one.

what is that keeps you busy most of the times?

Kids, housework and my job take up most of my time. I do play on my computer a bunch when I get the chance.

and how do you think life works? or what's life about to you?

Life is, to me, what you make of it. It has no purpose unless you give it one.

i thought first you where female. not hat that matters much as we babble.

It's no biggie. I cause a bit of confusion around here sometimes.

You seem rather in touch with your gifts and shortcomings. That's a good thing.

What kinds of movies do you like?

 

[xounstaer]

i am not intrested in movies much anymore.
me myself i hardly ever turn in the tele.

but before i got psychotic i used to watch any quality movie.
besides horrors and such.

it 23.15 here now and i'll be fresh tomorrow again.

i like talking this way, seems much more fun the the some discussions over and over. about the same things most to.

what games do you play?
this you say about life, is just one side. ther's another side as to how things interact with eachother. and sorts like that. there's also outer space which i believe to be alive as well.


c ya

 

[Cute Tink]

I play most kinds of games. I really like the RPG style games though.

What is the meaning of your user name?

 

[xounstaer]

it's a mix between the english words sun, son, star and stare. and then the dutch words zon, zoon, ster and staar.

it took a while before it got the letters it now has. one of what it used to be was szounstaer. but the one i use nowis definate and in use over more then a year.

i didnt just make it up since i am not creative at all. it has all to do with a combination between believing in jesus and my messiah delusion. which holds in that i thought i was the returnal of jesus and the messiah with that. bridging the gap between moslims and jews and at the same time fullfilling the christian prophecies about the retunal of jesus. also the hindoes are in it

and i guess boedhism is perhaps a lill different but i am sure that they do have some with it

but that's where my name comes from. the figure with the lines going the same way in my avatar belongs to xounstaer. the picture where you can see two eyes i use in my autograh. the big 's' is for my experience with the sun. and the smaller one for the star..

can you tell me what RPG's you find most fun to play? i've only played like age of empire, red alert and GTA's. i could use an intresting game to pass the time and forget the time.

mind i ask where you live in the states?

and since you're an atheist i do wonder if you know the bilbe. i've red the NT several times most of it. or all. and now i am looking for intresting good' books of the OT but i guess i had them. or what should i do? should i read without liking it?

i mean it's all war and so longwinded. genesis is great and exodus untill you get them laws where you can pay with money for ones life. bluh..

look forward to a replie.
greets

 

[Cute Tink]

can you tell me what RPG's you find most fun to play?

I like the medieval style best - swords and magic. Lately it's been games like Fable and The Elder Scrolls. I used to play the Final Fantasy games.

mind i ask where you live in the states?

Nevada.

and since you're an atheist i do wonder if you know the bilbe. i've red the NT several times most of it. or all. and now i am looking for intresting good' books of the OT but i guess i had them. or what should i do? should i read without liking it?

I have read much of the Bible. I even read through the begats completely once, though it almost put me to sleep. I think you should read through it all at least once. Even if you don't like all of it, you might find tidbits that you do enjoy.

You seem to have put a lot of thought into your user name. That's good.

If someone gave you a yacht, what would you name it?

 

[xounstaer]

i use this name everywhere on the internet. ever since i heard of people giving htemselve a slef choosen name due to bing reborn. or because of the riligion without being reborn. i came to this name eventually.

it my self choosen name. not per definition for the internet. but in daily life i offcourse carrie the names i've been given by my parents.
.

i think i would cal it maze, or bigmaze. that's the nickname i used to have for internet.

or copyrighto r crazy.
if have to come up with a new name it would be , i dont know i would call it home or something. i dont care much for materials. like a boat or car. at least not in a way of giving it a name.

i would like to have one though.

what are the begats?
and where can i read them?

am glad you advice me to read all of it. i guess i'll continue where mozes starts giving the rules. wether i like it or not then..

am gonna order some food now. am supposed to go eat bread in the restuarant, but i dont care for 5 slices of bread with to less to put on it.

and it's evening i want warm food. i used to get a meal for here and bread to. but the idea is that i go and take care of myself. i had the option to get money and arrange for my own food. but i made the wrong choose.

i think it'ss turn right again and i'll get money to by my own food. it's all part of preparing me to life on my own..

am a bit sad though, because of something else. i got different medicaiton since the sort i had made me suffer physically. with a list of nasty complaint which would cuas me to think i'd die. now i got this other medicine and it went very good.

but now sometimes i got very scared when it feels like my brain suddently stop. i scare and out of my seat then it's a reaction to the weird faitning of my brain. i dont like it. when is it gonna get good again. i wich i would feel well enough to do so many things. instead of that i reside in places people compareto prison.

i wont give up but i dont like it any more.

i do know im gonaa enjoy the food i order, pizza i guess.

 

[Cute Tink]

what are the begats?
and where can i read them?

Genesis. Soandso begat soandso and soandso begat soandso. Depends on the translation how it says it. See Genesis 11:10 - 11:26 for an example.

If you don't mind my asking, what is the medication for?

 

[xounstaer]

it's againt me thinking i am messiah and jesus returnal. it hasnt helped though.

it's also meant to change behaviour so that i behave the way they want to.

which also hasnty helped exactly.

it dont work really.

yes i red the begats to, those i dont mind really. i just dont like to read anymore for now i guess.

 

[Cute Tink]

What is your favorite way to spend time?

 

[xounstaer]

that's a good question.

i think my favorite way to spend time is by feeling good.
then many things would be fine or good enough.

i love to talk and listen music.

i dntt really like spending time a lot. i feel bothered most of the time with all these thoughts that keep running through my mind, of me being wrong due to what i think regarding my psychoses. and people who see that or feel it.

i dont have a lot of good times. i dont know why but mostly i amnot comfortable.
i loved writing for a while. and playing couronne deluxe.
oww..

i try to enjoy the good moments. which can be making food as well.

or a good movie, maybe.

i wish i just felt a bit better overall then i'd have more pleasure spending time and more pleasure doing whatever thing.

what about you, besides the kids? and rpg games?

 

[Cute Tink]

what about you, besides the kids? and rpg games?

Fixing computers, time with my wife, working on the cars. Those are all fun to me.

What would you most like to change about yourself physically?