Just opened a door for a guy I wanted to kill

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

A week & a half ago, I had a post discussing difficulty forgiving someone who did something really nasty to a close friend of mine (Difficulty with Forgiveness). Since posting that, I've had a lot of help from above in forgiveness (discussed more in the thread).

Today, I briefly met the man I used to want to kill. I was standing by the doorway to one of my college's academic buildings, and saw him walking towards the door. Even though just opening the door for someone is a small gesture, he appreciated it, and more importantly, it showed how strongly God has brought a spirit of senseless mercy into my life. This man tried to rape one of my closest friends, and I just opened a door & smiled at him.

I really can't describe this feeling, but I know I've really opened myself up to God in this simple action, and only graces can flow from that; right now, I'm struggling with needing to switch colleges so I can major in Theology, my true passion & calling, and next Monday & Tuesday are visit days at a college where I can do this, including interviews for scholarships. I've been struggling a lot with the stress of this (it's been a long process), literally just giving up & at times not even caring whether I transfer at not, just giving it to God, and I've been searching for ways to open myself up to God to allow Him to work miracles in my life in this regard--"seek and ye shall receive", yeah?

Please continue prayers for this man & for me, and all of us that want him dead. May we experience & channel the power of infinite love, and lead to a full conversion of all of us to God's mercy.

 

[section9+1]

That's commendable. Most of the time forgiveness is for your own sake. Holding onto toxic feelings just hurts yourself. Nowhere does it say we have to like anyone and even being casually kind to someone you cannot stand can be an expression of God's love toward others and maybe it will never amount to any more than just being polite and peaceful, but that is a major accomplishment and may very well be enough. You are on the right track.

 

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

I kept justifying why I didn't have to forgive him; "I've never committed a sin this bad!" "He could've easily not done this, something of this degree takes a lot of determination." "There's no way he could've honestly seen this as doing something good, he would've known he was doing something very bad!" "Yes, I've sinned, but never that much!" But meditating on the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary, going through the Passion of Christ, being whipped, stabbed, abandoned, and crucified, how could he have gone through the worst of punishments if he didn't want to forgive the worst of sinners?

Plus, all of that justification was just covering up the things I've done. It's true that I've never tried to rape anyone, but rape is ultimately a combination of lust & selfishness, and I'm no stranger to those 2 sins. And one thing I tried to do when I was feeling lonely was walking alongside a rather attractive drunk girl I was friends with, I wanted to just hold her hand, reached for it a few times, use this girl for my benefit, which of course is nowhere near as severe as rape, but really it's the same mindset, and I need forgiveness for that the way he does. Fortunately, I was thinking a lot about St. Vitalis of Gaza at the time, and his example of always seeing the dignity in women was used by God to keep me from actually grabbing her hand as she wouldn't have wanted, even as I tried to justify that she was wasted enough she wouldn't remember it tomorrow anyway.

 

[Tolworth John]

senseless mercy

Mercy is never senseless. It is just that you are unwilling to let go of anger.

None of us deserve Gods mercy yet it is there for those of us who will humble ourselves to recieve it.

 

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

Mercy is never senseless. It is just that you are unwilling to let go of anger.

None of us deserve Gods mercy yet it is there for those of us who will humble ourselves to recieve it.

I used that term because that's how it feels; this dude did something truly awful to a girl I really care about, and here I am, being nice. Senseless. Foolish! But, when we get past our twisted human ideas like that, God's mercy really shines.

 

[waynemorss]

Your holding that door for him showed growth in your life. Perhaps with enough prayer, he will realize what he did and repent.

 

[Tolworth John]

here I am, being nice. Senseless. Foolish!

Read Romans 12 all of it to get an idea of what it means to live as a Christian.
Then reread verses 9-20 but only after you read the whole chapter.
Love must be sincere, do not repay evil, rather do them who hate you good.
Vengence is mine says the Lord.
So pray for his conversation. Do him good, urnestly seek his well being.
If he repents and turns to God you will have done good.
If he doesn't your goodness will be part of his punishment.

 

[EzekielsWheels]

I'm glad to hear you are coming around to forgiveness. We are all in need of God's mercy and forgiveness for we have all fallen short.