Jealousy is WRONGand I struggle with it

[soyness]

I'm a woman and I don't struggle with looks or the physical things like materialism or occupations. What I do struggle with is people with that "fun, hyped" personality". I hear the message that God does accept me just the way I am.... but I'm just SO SICK of me being so serious and negative (at times). I can't help it! Maybe it's because I've been recently been diagnosed to dysthymia (mild depression which one just feels numb emotionally, plus other things) and I'm livign to that expectation..? I know i'm not supposed to. I know Jesus sets us free from those things..?

But I just get jealous of those who are just natural with people. i guess i feel this boundary. I guess it goes either way: I distance myself from people totally, or I spill my guts out to people, because I have instinct to just release my burdens. And i made a mistake to overdo this to some of my best friends.... even christian friends. I am NOT the type of person who could talk about "stuff" like .. the light stuff about cooking, ... just any normal light conversations. I just have a hard time continuing a conversation. Whenever I talk to people, it has to be about serious stuff in life an I CAN'T HELP IT, I TRY! It just gets to me, and I'm annoyed at myself. I mean it's not super severe but it bothres me how jealous I am for those who have talented social skills who could just glide around the social world if you know what I meannn... the naturals, the natural born leaders, those who are just natural with people, and people just fall in love with them.

I mean I consider myself ok looking, smart, intelligent, caring, sweet, I care about people, I'm not rude or anything, people don't have anything against me (although I have paranoia that they do). But I consider myself good. I also want to get into counselign and do something in human service. I Personally consider myself a pretty decent person who tries to have a positive outlook in life.

I wish I could "click" with people and just remain that way. Sometimes I just want more from friendships than the othe person, but this is another post.

Yes, I struggle so much with jealousy - jealous of those who are so easy to talk to... I'm just hating my social awkwardness. It bothered me that a non-Chrsitian best friend pointed it out to me my social awkwardness. I just don't like to talk... But admit it though, people prefer people who are natural talkers compared to those who just can't keep the conversation flowing. NOW THAT bothers me.

 

[perfection]

Maby you are just like me , a natural born politician. Born only to occupy your mind with those things which are really important in society. Stop looking at other people, and start building and shaping with a chisel yourself like a rough diamond, into the beautifull person( Cut diamond) you want to be in life. There's no use in arguing , for the gras is always greener at the neigbhours place. It simply doesn't matter, what matters is how things are organized in your own spiritual garden. Put in effort, and understand that every person gets from God exactly that which is needed to complete their life mission. Row with the paddles that you have.