I've Blashphemed the Holy Spirit. What now?

[Mathetes66]

Thank your asking how one can do prayer and fasting! Here are some very practical & powerful websites that talks about HOW one can do these things.

Prayer Resources | The Navigators

http://storage.cloversites.com/redemptionchurch1/documents/The-Discipline-of-Fasting-Foster1 (1).pdf

 

[Jesusfollower223]

You should definitely contact me, I'd love to talk to you

 

[Ronald]

Maybe others have convinced you that you did not blaspheme the Holy Spirit.
If not, Read in the passage in context where it talks about this. Jesus was being accused by the Pharisees of healing by Satan's power. They in essence said Jesus was not the Messiah, not the Son of God, just an imposter sent by Satan, and given his power to deceive.
Did you say the Holy Spirit is of Satan?
Did you imply Jesus is empowered by Satan? That is the unforgivable sin.
The fact that you are concerned means you are turning to God = repentance. The fact that you feel guilty about your sins is a normal feeling. The Holy Spirit
Grieves our sin and convicts us of sin because we are guilty. Time can pass when you feel distant from God because you are focused on for instance, inappropriate content. Godly sorrow leads us to God.
Listen a reprobate is someone who is lost forever. They would not desire to repent, they don't feel guilt because they live by their own rules sitting on their own throne and answer to no one. Actually they do answer to Satan, they just might not be aware of it.
Read your Bible and pray daily and find a good church. Say No to bad habits. It is a constant battle, whether you realize that others also go through this or not, the spirit wars against the flesh. And we must die to ourselves, mortify our lusts. Sin dwells in the members of our flesh. But if you believe that Jesus dies for your sins and rose on the third day according to the scriptures, you will be saved.
You can't come to the Father unless He draws you - isn't that what you desire, a relationship? Well, you couldn't will yourself without Him first drawing you - which proves that you are not lost.
Sexual sin, inappropriate content and such is sin against your own body. It may also be sin against your spouse if you are married. So just stop, move forward, focus on things above, things that are eternal: love, truth and Jesus.

 

[dms1972]

-

 

[GodsGrace101]

So I know this is probably not a shocking title and that it's probably common to see a post like this. However, I've been struggling for some years over my possible loss of salvation. You may have seen my posts in the past. I'll link them below for those who would be interested. They may give a more robust explanation of what has happened.

Has my sin killed me spiritually? Loss of salvation
What to do when you are beyond repentance?

The short of it is as follows:
I became a believer around the age of 10 and saw a stark change in my life and desires. Hatred towards sin and love and desire for Christ. Shortly after I was exposed to inappropriate contentography and formed an addiction. The following 17 years were an up and down dealing with addiction and the Lord drawing me back to repentance.
Until 2 years ago. I had been in a pit of sin and despair hating my sin and crying out to the Lord to free me from it but being, seemingly, unable to escape it for long. I had good moments of repentance during that time but I would always inevitable fall back into my sin. I would like to point out that this was not a time of me walking away from Christ in a knowing sense. It was a time of gripping Christ, struggling/falling, repenting, gripping Christ and struggling/falling. During that time I had just started seminary but was still struggling in my thought life and occasionally on the internet.
One night I fell to temptation and felt no remorse or brokenness. It was shocking and horrifying. I sinned and felt no conviction over it. I spent the rest of the night in prayer trying to repent and felt that I could not. Unable to feel broken over sin or that what I had done was a problem.
The next morning I woke up and began seeking the Lord about what had happened filled with an intense sense of deep, deep anxiety about my relationship with the Lord. During a time of prayer I felt, what seemed to me, the departing of the Holy Spirit. The reason I believe this to be true is because of the state of my heart and mind afterwords. My heart felt like a stone in my chest and I felt no love or desire for the Lord. My sin didn't seem to be a big deal to me anymore. I opened my bible and it looked like words on a page. It seemed that I no longer believed the Scriptures anymore no matter how hard I fought to. I knew experientially that they were true but there was not heart level belief. It was like I had undergone a de-renewing of my mind and heart. My thoughts were wicked and I had no regard for the Lord. It seemed as though he had left me completely. There was no work of the Holy Spirit occurring in my life. The Word was not illuminated, I was not convicted of sin and I felt a horrible fear of destruction. The most visceral fear of condemnation.
Two years later nothing has changed. At that time this began I had resolved that I would not continue in sin and that I would continue to submit to the Lord even if he had left me. I resolved to live what was rest of my life to the glory of God but that has become difficult in the lack of desire to do so. It does not seem possible to remain faithful to the Lord apart from the Holy Spirit's work to impart those desires. I have no desire to run head long into sin but I also do not desire the Lord.

I ran across these 2 articles last night and I believe they speak to my situation. I'm not sure what to do now.
What Is the Unforgivable Sin?
Beyond Forgiveness: Blasphemy Against the Spirit

The thing that stuck out to me was,
"The unforgivable sin is when you have resisted him so decisively that he has forsaken you and you can no longer repent. You try to repent and you can't repent. You can't be genuinely sorry for your sin or turn away from it. That is a horribly frightening situation to be in."

RC Sproul quoted a theologian saying, "To be sure, hell will be awful for both, but as one theologian has noted, all the sinners in hell would move heaven and earth if they could remove but one transgression from their record and have their punishment even barely alleviated."

Everything in my life points to this reality and I'm not sure how to move forward. My desires to remain faithful to the Lord have departed and I cannot continue if the Spirit does not empower. If there is no returning of the Holy Spirit because I have blasphemed though persistence in sin, what then should one do? Would it not be most profitable in my situation to remove myself from this life for the sake of my eternity?

Didn't read the whole O.P.
No need to.

Why do you wish to remember what God has forgotten?

What's 1 John 1:9 all about?
Was John lying?

Did you read the Parable of the Prodigal Son?

If you're crying, you're sorry.
If you're sorry, God forgives you.

 

[Alynn]

Used to be in this same boat, just getting out of it recently.

No you havent lost your salvation or God. God hasn't withdrawn his spirit, its still in you, your just dont know it yet, it remains hidden from you but it will still help you.

God loves you and thats why he has withdrawn which is impossible for you to see right now.

Looking back its hard to explain, from my experience its more like God has been feeding you spiritual milk through the holy spirit, however you been a Christian for awhile now, and God has taken you off the milk, and you have started to distress.

In a sense, your being pushed to mature, your faith has been in the feelings of the holy spirit for example, however now you need to put your faith in Jesus regardless of your feelings.

It happened to me, and i cannot say now, that it wasnt for my own good, you will gain a much greater trust in God, you will learn to put God's will above your own. Your faith will grow much much stronger ect ect.

All i can say is, you just got to keep moving forward, its a hard place to be thats for sure, however there is light at the end, and there is hope, when its time, it will come back.

Do you mind telling me your story. I'm in the situation and have been in the last 3 months. I feel like i have reached the point of no return.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Do you mind telling me your story. I'm in the situation and have been in the last 3 months. I feel like i have reached the point of no return.

What got me back on track was the truth. I confessed my sin, declared that the precious blood of Lord Jesus paid for all my sin, including the one that Satan was hammering me about, and the whole sense of condemnation lifted. It took a while after to get fully free, but that was the start.

 

[zoidar]

I have still not met one person who I'm certain of have blasphemed the Holy Spirit. There was one Catholic priest, who left his priesthood to live a very worldly life, with women and parties, indulging in sins. Even for him, if he turns back there is forgiveness.

 

[Desperately Seeking]

I am writing you as I am very concerned. I am concerned that I have committed the unpardonable sin, and lost my salvation. I felt that I was converted back in 1985, yet now looking back, I had familial sins/curses that followed me in my faith. Pride in the form of self-abasement, low self-esteem, and now feeling that I cannot be forgiven. Sins of my father were sexuality, adultery, which I have committed and also sexual sins of thinking about women in an unwholesome manner and acting on it. Visiting and getting massages, leading to sexual sins of them (three times) to "take care of me". There was also unbelief in my family and the occult, as my mom nor my dad were believers, my mom is more Buddhist and my dad was a Scientologist. I never was blessed by my dad, therefore the low self-esteem. I felt this deep need to prove myself, to be better than him, to accomplish more in this life than he did. Very worldly! I believe due to my infidelity and materialism (another sin in the family), the woman I married, decided she wanted a divorce. After the divorce I got mad that much of what “I” had earned was now getting taken away. I became bitter with my ex-wife, our pastor (whom I tried to get help from to hold our marriage together, to no avail), the divorce attorney and God. I had murderous thoughts as it related to the attorney and my ex-wife (I don't now). I turned my back on God, and started dating women not of faith, but into the occult. I ended up seeing a medium three times to “talk with my dad”, and looked at horoscopes and tarot cards. Little did I realize what I was doing. I then got into a relationship with a non-Christian having been setup by a gay women friend of my deceased father. I got into all types of sin with her sexually. I felt God calling me to repent and break up with her, and confess all my sins to a brother missionary over in Albania. I told him MOST of my sins and then I did not break up with her when I was prompted, and I felt as if the Holy Spirit left me. I lost my ability to feel, and my heart was pretty hard. I then suffered fear of loss of my salvation, and I became depressed and suicidal. I went to my house thinking about suicide, but I could not bring myself to do it. In my head I heard “coward”. During this time I was tossing coins to see if I was saved or not, and others. Horrible. I felt possessed by demons. My joy was completely gone. I had delusions of the serpent and me attempting to stomp on the head of the serpent. I ended up in the mental hospital, due to my feeling I was not safe to myself. This all was almost a year ago in April. Since, I have been seeing a Christian counselor, and I am not able to get free of feeling condemned other than a few days here and there. I feel tormented like King Saul. I am unable to go and interact with people as I used to, and find it hard to keep up with my day to day life. I did not think I was consciously committing the sin unto death, for if you asked me through this all if I believed in Jesus, I would say of course. But my life had not been obedient to Christ. I now want to be obedient and repent, but I am feeling as if I can’t repent because I feel the Holy Spirit is gone. I have regret, remorse, shame for all my past sins, and I have been trying to confess them as they come up. But I get stuck in the past with shame, playing the reel of my life over and over, thinking "if I had just done this, or that, I would be OK with God." Anyways, I am not doing great. I want Jesus, the Holy Spirit and God in my life, yet I feel as if I have offended the Spirit beyond repair. I am hoping this is not the case! I fit the mold of a reprobate in Romans 1:18-32. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Desperately Seeking]

I am writing you as I am very concerned. I am concerned that I have committed the unpardonable sin, and lost my salvation. I felt that I was converted back in 1985, yet now looking back, I had familial sins/curses that followed me in my faith. Pride in the form of self-abasement, low self-esteem, and now feeling that I cannot be forgiven. Sins of my father were sexuality, adultery, which I have committed and also sexual sins of thinking about women in an unwholesome manner and acting on it. Visiting and getting massages, leading to sexual sins of them (three times) to "take care of me". There was also unbelief in my family and the occult, as my mom nor my dad were believers, my mom is more Buddhist and my dad was a Scientologist. I never was blessed by my dad, therefore the low self-esteem. I felt this deep need to prove myself, to be better than him, to accomplish more in this life than he did. Very worldly! I believe due to my infidelity and materialism (another sin in the family), the woman I married, decided she wanted a divorce. After the divorce I got mad that much of what “I” had earned was now getting taken away. I became bitter with my ex-wife, our pastor (whom I tried to get help from to hold our marriage together, to no avail), the divorce attorney and God. I had murderous thoughts as it related to the attorney and my ex-wife (I don't now). I turned my back on God, and started dating women not of faith, but into the occult. I ended up seeing a medium three times to “talk with my dad”, and looked at horoscopes and tarot cards. Little did I realize what I was doing. I then got into a relationship with a non-Christian having been setup by a gay women friend of my deceased father. I got into all types of sin with her sexually. I felt God calling me to repent and break up with her, and confess all my sins to a brother missionary over in Albania. I told him MOST of my sins and then I did not break up with her when I was prompted, and I felt as if the Holy Spirit left me. I lost my ability to feel, and my heart was pretty hard. I then suffered fear of loss of my salvation, and I became depressed and suicidal. I went to my house thinking about suicide, but I could not bring myself to do it. In my head I heard “coward”. During this time I was tossing coins to see if I was saved or not, and others. Horrible. I felt possessed by demons. My joy was completely gone. I had delusions of the serpent and me attempting to stomp on the head of the serpent. I ended up in the mental hospital, due to my feeling I was not safe to myself. This all was almost a year ago in April. Since, I have been seeing a Christian counselor, and I am not able to get free of feeling condemned other than a few days here and there. I feel tormented like King Saul. I am unable to go and interact with people as I used to, and find it hard to keep up with my day to day life. I did not think I was consciously committing the sin unto death, for if you asked me through this all if I believed in Jesus, I would say of course. But my life had not been obedient to Christ. I now want to be obedient and repent, but I am feeling as if I can’t repent because I feel the Holy Spirit is gone. I have regret, remorse, shame for all my past sins, and I have been trying to confess them as they come up. But I get stuck in the past with shame, playing the reel of my life over and over, thinking "if I had just done this, or that, I would be OK with God." Anyways, I am not doing great. I want Jesus, the Holy Spirit and God in my life, yet I feel as if I have offended the Spirit beyond repair. I am hoping this is not the case! I fit the mold of a reprobate in Romans 1:18-32. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Desperately Seeking]

I am writing you as I am very concerned. I am concerned that I have committed the unpardonable sin, and lost my salvation. I felt that I was converted back in 1985, yet now looking back, I had familial sins/curses that followed me in my faith. Pride in the form of self-abasement, low self-esteem, and now feeling that I cannot be forgiven. Sins of my father were sexuality, adultery, which I have committed and also sexual sins of thinking about women in an unwholesome manner and acting on it. Visiting and getting massages, leading to sexual sins of them (three times) to "take care of me". There was also unbelief in my family and the occult, as my mom nor my dad were believers, my mom is more Buddhist and my dad was a Scientologist. I never was blessed by my dad, therefore the low self-esteem. I felt this deep need to prove myself, to be better than him, to accomplish more in this life than he did. Very worldly! I believe due to my infidelity and materialism (another sin in the family), the woman I married, decided she wanted a divorce. After the divorce I got mad that much of what “I” had earned was now getting taken away. I became bitter with my ex-wife, our pastor (whom I tried to get help from to hold our marriage together, to no avail), the divorce attorney and God. I had murderous thoughts as it related to the attorney and my ex-wife (I don't now). I turned my back on God, and started dating women not of faith, but into the occult. I ended up seeing a medium three times to “talk with my dad”, and looked at horoscopes and tarot cards. Little did I realize what I was doing. I then got into a relationship with a non-Christian having been setup by a gay women friend of my deceased father. I got into all types of sin with her sexually. I felt God calling me to repent and break up with her, and confess all my sins to a brother missionary over in Albania. I told him MOST of my sins and then I did not break up with her when I was prompted, and I felt as if the Holy Spirit left me. I lost my ability to feel, and my heart was pretty hard. I then suffered fear of loss of my salvation, and I became depressed and suicidal. I went to my house thinking about suicide, but I could not bring myself to do it. In my head I heard “coward”. During this time I was tossing coins to see if I was saved or not, and others. Horrible. I felt possessed by demons. My joy was completely gone. I had delusions of the serpent and me attempting to stomp on the head of the serpent. I ended up in the mental hospital, due to my feeling I was not safe to myself. This all was almost a year ago in April. Since, I have been seeing a Christian counselor, and I am not able to get free of feeling condemned other than a few days here and there. I feel tormented like King Saul. I am unable to go and interact with people as I used to, and find it hard to keep up with my day to day life. I did not think I was consciously committing the sin unto death, for if you asked me through this all if I believed in Jesus, I would say of course. But my life had not been obedient to Christ. I now want to be obedient and repent, but I am feeling as if I can’t repent because I feel the Holy Spirit is gone. I have regret, remorse, shame for all my past sins, and I have been trying to confess them as they come up. But I get stuck in the past with shame, playing the reel of my life over and over, thinking "if I had just done this, or that, I would be OK with God." Anyways, I am not doing great. I want Jesus, the Holy Spirit and God in my life, yet I feel as if I have offended the Spirit beyond repair. I am hoping this is not the case! I fit the mold of a reprobate in Romans 1:18-32. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Desperately Seeking]

I have still not met one person who I'm certain of have blasphemed the Holy Spirit. There was one Catholic priest, who left his priesthood to live a very worldly life, with women and parties, indulging in sins. Even for him, if he turns back there is forgiveness.

I am writing you as I am very concerned. I am concerned that I have committed the unpardonable sin, and lost my salvation. I felt that I was converted back in 1985, yet now looking back, I had familial sins/curses that followed me in my faith. Pride in the form of self-abasement, low self-esteem, and now feeling that I cannot be forgiven. Sins of my father were sexuality, adultery, which I have committed and also sexual sins of thinking about women in an unwholesome manner and acting on it. Visiting and getting massages, leading to sexual sins of them (three times) to "take care of me". There was also unbelief in my family and the occult, as my mom nor my dad were believers, my mom is more Buddhist and my dad was a Scientologist. I never was blessed by my dad, therefore the low self-esteem. I felt this deep need to prove myself, to be better than him, to accomplish more in this life than he did. Very worldly! I believe due to my infidelity and materialism (another sin in the family), the woman I married, decided she wanted a divorce. After the divorce I got mad that much of what “I” had earned was now getting taken away. I became bitter with my ex-wife, our pastor (whom I tried to get help from to hold our marriage together, to no avail), the divorce attorney and God. I had murderous thoughts as it related to the attorney and my ex-wife (I don't now). I turned my back on God, and started dating women not of faith, but into the occult. I ended up seeing a medium three times to “talk with my dad”, and looked at horoscopes and tarot cards. Little did I realize what I was doing. I then got into a relationship with a non-Christian having been setup by a gay women friend of my deceased father. I got into all types of sin with her sexually. I felt God calling me to repent and break up with her, and confess all my sins to a brother missionary over in Albania. I told him MOST of my sins and then I did not break up with her when I was prompted, and I felt as if the Holy Spirit left me. I lost my ability to feel, and my heart was pretty hard. I then suffered fear of loss of my salvation, and I became depressed and suicidal. I went to my house thinking about suicide, but I could not bring myself to do it. In my head I heard “coward”. During this time I was tossing coins to see if I was saved or not, and others. Horrible. I felt possessed by demons. My joy was completely gone. I had delusions of the serpent and me attempting to stomp on the head of the serpent. I ended up in the mental hospital, due to my feeling I was not safe to myself. This all was almost a year ago in April. Since, I have been seeing a Christian counselor, and I am not able to get free of feeling condemned other than a few days here and there. I feel tormented like King Saul. I am unable to go and interact with people as I used to, and find it hard to keep up with my day to day life. I did not think I was consciously committing the sin unto death, for if you asked me through this all if I believed in Jesus, I would say of course. But my life had not been obedient to Christ. I now want to be obedient and repent, but I am feeling as if I can’t repent because I feel the Holy Spirit is gone. I have regret, remorse, shame for all my past sins, and I have been trying to confess them as they come up. But I get stuck in the past with shame, playing the reel of my life over and over, thinking "if I had just done this, or that, I would be OK with God." Anyways, I am not doing great. I want Jesus, the Holy Spirit and God in my life, yet I feel as if I have offended the Spirit beyond repair. I am hoping this is not the case! I fit the mold of a reprobate in Romans 1:18-32. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Alynn]

What got me back on track was the truth. I confessed my sin, declared that the precious blood of Lord Jesus paid for all my sin, including the one that Satan was hammering me about, and the whole sense of condemnation lifted. It took a while after to get fully free, but that was the start.

Did you ever feel like the Holy spirit left you?

 

[pinacled]

So I know this is probably not a shocking title and that it's probably common to see a post like this. However, I've been struggling for some years over my possible loss of salvation. You may have seen my posts in the past. I'll link them below for those who would be interested. They may give a more robust explanation of what has happened.

Has my sin killed me spiritually? Loss of salvation
What to do when you are beyond repentance?

The short of it is as follows:
I became a believer around the age of 10 and saw a stark change in my life and desires. Hatred towards sin and love and desire for Christ. Shortly after I was exposed to inappropriate contentography and formed an addiction. The following 17 years were an up and down dealing with addiction and the Lord drawing me back to repentance.
Until 2 years ago. I had been in a pit of sin and despair hating my sin and crying out to the Lord to free me from it but being, seemingly, unable to escape it for long. I had good moments of repentance during that time but I would always inevitable fall back into my sin. I would like to point out that this was not a time of me walking away from Christ in a knowing sense. It was a time of gripping Christ, struggling/falling, repenting, gripping Christ and struggling/falling. During that time I had just started seminary but was still struggling in my thought life and occasionally on the internet.
One night I fell to temptation and felt no remorse or brokenness. It was shocking and horrifying. I sinned and felt no conviction over it. I spent the rest of the night in prayer trying to repent and felt that I could not. Unable to feel broken over sin or that what I had done was a problem.
The next morning I woke up and began seeking the Lord about what had happened filled with an intense sense of deep, deep anxiety about my relationship with the Lord. During a time of prayer I felt, what seemed to me, the departing of the Holy Spirit. The reason I believe this to be true is because of the state of my heart and mind afterwords. My heart felt like a stone in my chest and I felt no love or desire for the Lord. My sin didn't seem to be a big deal to me anymore. I opened my bible and it looked like words on a page. It seemed that I no longer believed the Scriptures anymore no matter how hard I fought to. I knew experientially that they were true but there was not heart level belief. It was like I had undergone a de-renewing of my mind and heart. My thoughts were wicked and I had no regard for the Lord. It seemed as though he had left me completely. There was no work of the Holy Spirit occurring in my life. The Word was not illuminated, I was not convicted of sin and I felt a horrible fear of destruction. The most visceral fear of condemnation.
Two years later nothing has changed. At that time this began I had resolved that I would not continue in sin and that I would continue to submit to the Lord even if he had left me. I resolved to live what was rest of my life to the glory of God but that has become difficult in the lack of desire to do so. It does not seem possible to remain faithful to the Lord apart from the Holy Spirit's work to impart those desires. I have no desire to run head long into sin but I also do not desire the Lord.

I ran across these 2 articles last night and I believe they speak to my situation. I'm not sure what to do now.
What Is the Unforgivable Sin?
Beyond Forgiveness: Blasphemy Against the Spirit

The thing that stuck out to me was,
"The unforgivable sin is when you have resisted him so decisively that he has forsaken you and you can no longer repent. You try to repent and you can't repent. You can't be genuinely sorry for your sin or turn away from it. That is a horribly frightening situation to be in."

RC Sproul quoted a theologian saying, "To be sure, hell will be awful for both, but as one theologian has noted, all the sinners in hell would move heaven and earth if they could remove but one transgression from their record and have their punishment even barely alleviated."

Everything in my life points to this reality and I'm not sure how to move forward. My desires to remain faithful to the Lord have departed and I cannot continue if the Spirit does not empower. If there is no returning of the Holy Spirit because I have blasphemed though persistence in sin, what then should one do? Would it not be most profitable in my situation to remove myself from this life for the sake of my eternity?

If you have blasphemed the Holy Spirit and committed the capital crime of murder.
All that is left is to turn yourself into the authorities and confess everything. So that the victims family will have closure.

 

[zoidar]

I am writing you as I am very concerned. I am concerned that I have committed the unpardonable sin, and lost my salvation. I felt that I was converted back in 1985, yet now looking back, I had familial sins/curses that followed me in my faith. Pride in the form of self-abasement, low self-esteem, and now feeling that I cannot be forgiven. Sins of my father were sexuality, adultery, which I have committed and also sexual sins of thinking about women in an unwholesome manner and acting on it. Visiting and getting massages, leading to sexual sins of them (three times) to "take care of me". There was also unbelief in my family and the occult, as my mom nor my dad were believers, my mom is more Buddhist and my dad was a Scientologist. I never was blessed by my dad, therefore the low self-esteem. I felt this deep need to prove myself, to be better than him, to accomplish more in this life than he did. Very worldly! I believe due to my infidelity and materialism (another sin in the family), the woman I married, decided she wanted a divorce. After the divorce I got mad that much of what “I” had earned was now getting taken away. I became bitter with my ex-wife, our pastor (whom I tried to get help from to hold our marriage together, to no avail), the divorce attorney and God. I had murderous thoughts as it related to the attorney and my ex-wife (I don't now). I turned my back on God, and started dating women not of faith, but into the occult. I ended up seeing a medium three times to “talk with my dad”, and looked at horoscopes and tarot cards. Little did I realize what I was doing. I then got into a relationship with a non-Christian having been setup by a gay women friend of my deceased father. I got into all types of sin with her sexually. I felt God calling me to repent and break up with her, and confess all my sins to a brother missionary over in Albania. I told him MOST of my sins and then I did not break up with her when I was prompted, and I felt as if the Holy Spirit left me. I lost my ability to feel, and my heart was pretty hard. I then suffered fear of loss of my salvation, and I became depressed and suicidal. I went to my house thinking about suicide, but I could not bring myself to do it. In my head I heard “coward”. During this time I was tossing coins to see if I was saved or not, and others. Horrible. I felt possessed by demons. My joy was completely gone. I had delusions of the serpent and me attempting to stomp on the head of the serpent. I ended up in the mental hospital, due to my feeling I was not safe to myself. This all was almost a year ago in April. Since, I have been seeing a Christian counselor, and I am not able to get free of feeling condemned other than a few days here and there. I feel tormented like King Saul. I am unable to go and interact with people as I used to, and find it hard to keep up with my day to day life. I did not think I was consciously committing the sin unto death, for if you asked me through this all if I believed in Jesus, I would say of course. But my life had not been obedient to Christ. I now want to be obedient and repent, but I am feeling as if I can’t repent because I feel the Holy Spirit is gone. I have regret, remorse, shame for all my past sins, and I have been trying to confess them as they come up. But I get stuck in the past with shame, playing the reel of my life over and over, thinking "if I had just done this, or that, I would be OK with God." Anyways, I am not doing great. I want Jesus, the Holy Spirit and God in my life, yet I feel as if I have offended the Spirit beyond repair. I am hoping this is not the case! I fit the mold of a reprobate in Romans 1:18-32. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

I will tell you what I was told when I believed I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit. Firstly, you want a relationship with Christ, and you want to start over. Since you have this desire, there is no way you have blasphemed the Holy Spirit. If you had, there wouldn't be a desire to repent.

Secondly you have to trust in God's mercy. You know Christ died for us when we were still sinners. There is no man or woman on earth who's sins were not borne on that cross. It's not about how much you have sinned, it's about how overflowing the forgivness of Christ is. It's a complete victory over sin and the devil.

You my friend need to put all trust in the cross, not on your own efforts or your own "goodness". By now you know you are not the best of persons ... You are a sinner. Christ died for sinners. It's the sick and broken that come to the cross. It's those Christ came to forgive and heal. When you think that you are eternally damned, just wave the thought away like a fly and turn back to trusting in the forgiveness of Christ. It's not about your past mistakes, it's not what you feel, it's about the victory of Christ. He died for you and he loves you like his own child.

 

[Alynn]

I will tell you what I was told when I believed I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit. Firstly, you want a relationship with Christ, and you want to start over. Since you have this desire, there is no way you have blasphemed the Holy Spirit. If you had, there wouldn't be a desire to repent.

Secondly you have to trust in God's mercy. You know Christ died for us when we were still sinners. There is no man or woman on earth who's sins were not borne on that cross. It's not about how much you have sinned, it's about how overflowing the forgivness of Christ is. It's a complete victory over sin and the devil.

You my friend need to put all trust in the cross, not on your own efforts or your own "goodness". By now you know you are not the best of persons ... You are a sinner. Christ died for sinners. It's the sick and broken that come to the cross. It's those Christ came to forgive and heal. When you think that you are eternally damned, just wave the thought away like a fly and turn back to trusting in the forgiveness of Christ. It's not about your past mistakes, it's not what you feel, it's about the victory of Christ. He died for you and he loves you like his own child.

Even if youve been stubborn and rebellious and not keeping his commandments?

 

[Aussie Pete]

Did you ever feel like the Holy spirit left you?

I did not think of it in those terms. I did go into a free fall state where I could not see any way back to the Lord. One day I drove like a lunatic, overtaking dangerously and almost wanting to die to stop the pain. That was the day that the Lord broke through and reminded me of the precious blood. Satan is the accuser of the brethren, not God. The Holy Spirit convicts, not condemns. When we start back on track (which starts with confessing sin and pleading the blood), the truth begins to come back in. There is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus, God justifies us in Christ. Satan's ploy is to get us to look at ourselves apart from Christ. We see nothing good there! God's will if for us to see ourselves in Christ, where He put us. If God puts us into Christ, who can take us out? We can lose the experience of salvation. But how can we be "unborn" again?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

So I know this is probably not a shocking title and that it's probably common to see a post like this. However, I've been struggling for some years over my possible loss of salvation. You may have seen my posts in the past. I'll link them below for those who would be interested. They may give a more robust explanation of what has happened.

Has my sin killed me spiritually? Loss of salvation
What to do when you are beyond repentance?

The short of it is as follows:
I became a believer around the age of 10 and saw a stark change in my life and desires. Hatred towards sin and love and desire for Christ. Shortly after I was exposed to inappropriate contentography and formed an addiction. The following 17 years were an up and down dealing with addiction and the Lord drawing me back to repentance.
Until 2 years ago. I had been in a pit of sin and despair hating my sin and crying out to the Lord to free me from it but being, seemingly, unable to escape it for long. I had good moments of repentance during that time but I would always inevitable fall back into my sin. I would like to point out that this was not a time of me walking away from Christ in a knowing sense. It was a time of gripping Christ, struggling/falling, repenting, gripping Christ and struggling/falling. During that time I had just started seminary but was still struggling in my thought life and occasionally on the internet.
One night I fell to temptation and felt no remorse or brokenness. It was shocking and horrifying. I sinned and felt no conviction over it. I spent the rest of the night in prayer trying to repent and felt that I could not. Unable to feel broken over sin or that what I had done was a problem.
The next morning I woke up and began seeking the Lord about what had happened filled with an intense sense of deep, deep anxiety about my relationship with the Lord. During a time of prayer I felt, what seemed to me, the departing of the Holy Spirit. The reason I believe this to be true is because of the state of my heart and mind afterwords. My heart felt like a stone in my chest and I felt no love or desire for the Lord. My sin didn't seem to be a big deal to me anymore. I opened my bible and it looked like words on a page. It seemed that I no longer believed the Scriptures anymore no matter how hard I fought to. I knew experientially that they were true but there was not heart level belief. It was like I had undergone a de-renewing of my mind and heart. My thoughts were wicked and I had no regard for the Lord. It seemed as though he had left me completely. There was no work of the Holy Spirit occurring in my life. The Word was not illuminated, I was not convicted of sin and I felt a horrible fear of destruction. The most visceral fear of condemnation.
Two years later nothing has changed. At that time this began I had resolved that I would not continue in sin and that I would continue to submit to the Lord even if he had left me. I resolved to live what was rest of my life to the glory of God but that has become difficult in the lack of desire to do so. It does not seem possible to remain faithful to the Lord apart from the Holy Spirit's work to impart those desires. I have no desire to run head long into sin but I also do not desire the Lord.

I ran across these 2 articles last night and I believe they speak to my situation. I'm not sure what to do now.
What Is the Unforgivable Sin?
Beyond Forgiveness: Blasphemy Against the Spirit

The thing that stuck out to me was,
"The unforgivable sin is when you have resisted him so decisively that he has forsaken you and you can no longer repent. You try to repent and you can't repent. You can't be genuinely sorry for your sin or turn away from it. That is a horribly frightening situation to be in."

RC Sproul quoted a theologian saying, "To be sure, hell will be awful for both, but as one theologian has noted, all the sinners in hell would move heaven and earth if they could remove but one transgression from their record and have their punishment even barely alleviated."

Everything in my life points to this reality and I'm not sure how to move forward. My desires to remain faithful to the Lord have departed and I cannot continue if the Spirit does not empower. If there is no returning of the Holy Spirit because I have blasphemed though persistence in sin, what then should one do? Would it not be most profitable in my situation to remove myself from this life for the sake of my eternity?

I have not had the time to read those articles. However, you need to understand the cross to understand what the unpardonable sin is. The bible tells us that "as it is appointed for man to die once, so Christ was offered once for sin".

This shows us that our whole life time of sins are covered by the cross. This verse also counters any suggestion that passages like Hebrews 6, mean a christian can not repent if they fall into sin. for Hebrews 6 states that the person is "re-crucifying Chirst", in order to re-crucify Christ, their life must have expired. For the cross is a life for a life. The person referred to in Hebrews 6, has then died in their sin.

The unpardonable sin is a state of heart, the Pharisees were never saved, they exihbited the following trait, they refused to believe Jesus, even after seeing all the miracles that he did, they called them "of the devil". The unpardonable sin is a refusal to come to God for salvation, given innumerable signs.

You want to return to God, so your sin if forgivable, and forgiven.

 

[Alynn]

This shows us that our whole life time of sins are covered by the cross. This verse also counters any suggestion that passages like Hebrews 6, mean a christian can not repent if they fall into sin. for Hebrews 6 states that the person is "re-crucifying Chirst", in order to re-crucify Christ, their life must have expired. For the cross is a life for a life. The person referred to in Hebrews 6, has then died in their sin.

The unpardonable sin is a state of heart, the Pharisees were never saved, they exihbited the following trait, they refused to believe Jesus, even after seeing all the miracles that he did, they called them "of the devil". The unpardonable sin is a refusal to come to God for salvation, given innumerable signs.

You want to return to God, so your sin if forgivable, and forgiven.

Hebrews 6 was talking about Jewish Christians who were not believing in the finished work of Jesus and they were going back to pagan law. I believe however that this passage can be used for the Christian now: "Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity not laying again a foundation repentance from dead works and of faith toward God and of instruction about washings, the laying on of hands , the resurrection of the head and eternal judgement. And this we will do IF GOD PERMITS" To me this is saying that you can backslide (not that you are intentionally backsliding) and the Lord will allow to come back. But if you keep backsliding or keep going back to a particular sin that God clearly wants you to give up he may not allow to come back. Now i could be wrong, this is what i've concluded on my own. Once you re-cruify Jesus you're holding him in contempt. It's like your don't value the sacrifice that he made and we are not taking it serious.

And as for the unpardonable sin i believe that it's not just the account of calling Jesus works from the devil but a rejection of the Gospel. Rejection of Jesus. Rejection of God's Love. I've noticed that whenever they mention the unpardonable sin it is referred to sin against the Holy Spirit. Paul told us not to grieve or quench the Holy Spirit. Rejection of the Holy Spirit is the unpardonable sin.

I have also been going through something similar to this and it's just a never ending circle that I keep getting myself wrapped up in wither I'm too far gone past repentance.

 

[Alynn]

I did not think of it in those terms. I did go into a free fall state where I could not see any way back to the Lord. One day I drove like a lunatic, overtaking dangerously and almost wanting to die to stop the pain. That was the day that the Lord broke through and reminded me of the precious blood. Satan is the accuser of the brethren, not God. The Holy Spirit convicts, not condemns. When we start back on track (which starts with confessing sin and pleading the blood), the truth begins to come back in. There is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus, God justifies us in Christ. Satan's ploy is to get us to look at ourselves apart from Christ. We see nothing good there! God's will if for us to see ourselves in Christ, where He put us. If God puts us into Christ, who can take us out? We can lose the experience of salvation. But how can we be "unborn" again?

We cannot be "unborn" but we can die spiritually if we do not keep his commandments. I can understand that Satan would try and accuse me and get me to look at my sin. Which I think I have been looking at my sin verses what Jesus did for me. But in John 15 he says that if we abide in him we would abide in us. If we don;t abide in him he is cut off , gathered and thrown into the fire and burned. I have not been abiding in him or following his commandments. I had forgiveness in my heart and I was just careless. Now that I see how important it is I want to go back but I am not sure if that is possible.