I've been seeing a girl in need of advice

[RayofSun]

There is really solid and insightful advice in this thread. I want to quote so many people and dig deep, but then I realize... this isn't a marriage. It's just a very sweet sounding girl who obviously really likes you. Trust me, even for an extrovert to show so much interest and make so many opportunities is rare. So be yourself, relax, try not to over think it and just have fun!

I do want to give two quick tips:
1. SnapChat is a common way various social groups (of different ages I've recently discovered) communicate in a non-formal way. Her asking you to SnapChat just means she wants to communicate more often in a non-intimidating and casual setting.
Think of it as if you had been emailing back and forth and now she begins to text you. It's just a quicker way to say hi.

2. Her telling you about that restaurant was not an accident or a fun fact it was a hint. She definitely wants to go there with you.

I hope it all works out!

 

[Maniel]

Thank you all for your encouraging insights and words of wisdom. I feel a lot more grounded because of it.

We recently went to some hills a hour drive from where we live. She had a car available, so we went for it and made a day hike until total darkness was above us and we nearly got lost in a cow field! However, we did manage to find the car in the end and get home safely.

I'm having some new reflection, if anyone got some thoughts I'm all listening.
So I'm not the most socially-confident guy, as I have mentioned. I feel pretty awkward at times, but I'm just trying to stay calm and enjoy that she continues wanting to meet. I'm trying not to get over my head, I must admit that I like her more from day to day while I'm trying to act like a normal friendly person.

I have never dated a Christian girl. All my previous relationships was with non-Christians the most recent one being 3 years ago when I was living under different circumstances. I moved town to start from a fresh. The dating back then went fast from meeting in person to the first kiss. I have so little sense or feeling as in what to do now. I appreciate all your thoughts so far that have really helped.

I invited her to an organ concert that will be playing some Bach and soundtracks from Interstellar. I proposed she could invite some friends if she wanted, so her room-mate is coming as well. So yeah, I I'm trying to calm myself by trying to casually befriend her. I think she is a very clever and thoughtful girl that I would love to just at least be friends with.

She also invited me to her church, so that I am very nervous and excited about as well.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

In my opinion, she has made quite a lot of the running so far. Have you been messaging afterwards to say what a great time you had?

If you're hoping for more than just friendship, don't go on endless non-intimate dates. That could indicate to her that you only want to be friends. She may eventually get frustrated and start losing interest, or possibly think you're keeping her in reserve while you wait for a better offer.

What about proposing a dinner for two at her favourite restaurant? That ought to ramp it up a notch. Not least because that type of date says 'romance', rather than 'just friends'.

Whatever you choose, I hope it goes well for you.

 

[Maniel]

In my opinion, she has made quite a lot of the running so far. Have you been messaging afterwards to say what a great time you had?

If you're hoping for more than just friendship, don't go on endless non-intimate dates. That could indicate to her that you only want to be friends. She may eventually get frustrated and start losing interest, or possibly think you're keeping her in reserve while you wait for a better offer.

What about proposing a dinner for two at her favourite restaurant? That ought to ramp it up a notch. Not least because that type of date says 'romance', rather than 'just friends'.

Whatever you choose, I hope it goes well for you.

I have messaged afterwards that I enjoyed our time together. So I tried to invite her to this Organ Concert and be the one to be inviting. We also talked about making a trip to the same hills but with bikes instead to which she said she really wanted to.

I'm still very unsure about her signals just being friendly or more than that. I'm afraid of pushing it further and cross her space. What's the worst thing that could happen? I cannot even imagine how I should proceed even if she truly wouldn't mind. I'm all open to your thoughts..

Does one just openly admit his feelings, that I like her and would love if she would go on a date with me to get some dinner?

But we have known each other for just a few weeks. How is the natural process of getting to know each other, dating and maybe even the first kiss? My own reflection to all this, is obviously that I'm being very insecure, so let me admit that. I haven't been social for ages, so I'm trying to understand and make new meaningful experiences.

Also my ''painful'' awareness is a crippling stone. But it brings me comfort that you're all saying to just be yourself. I'm really trying to hold unto that

I'm thinking that in order for any relationship to actually occur, for her sake and my own, a time of maturity and transcendence from my current feelings and ways of thinking are needed. A lot of thoughts needs to be thought through. So yeah, once agian, thank you for helping me do that

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

I agree. There is either going to be a time where the relationship goes to the next level or not. I would just take it as it goes and not rush things. If it's meant to be time will tell.

 

[VMaeLove]

Maybe you are trying to add process to something that should be as you said natural. Maybe don't worry too much about how it *should* be done and just let it happen. Maybe break the touch barrier if you haven't already. Rest your hand over hers when you two are alone and talking. Hold hands during your walk. Make it fun. Compare the size of your hands palms touching. Make it feel natural like you two have held hands a thousand times. She may be waiting for that.
This is a cute story and I think it will all work out as long as you stay honest and humble as you have been. No question that she likes you

 

[Maniel]

I agree. There is either going to be a time where the relationship goes to the next level or not. I would just take it as it goes and not rush things. If it's meant to be time will tell.

Take it as it goes and time will tell. I will have this in my personal reflection. Thank you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Maybe you are trying to add process to something that should be as you said natural. Maybe don't worry too much about how it *should* be done and just let it happen. Maybe break the touch barrier if you haven't already. Rest your hand over hers when you two are alone and talking. Hold hands during your walk. Make it fun. Compare the size of your hands palms touching. Make it feel natural like you two have held hands a thousand times. She may be waiting for that.
This is a cute story and I think it will all work out as long as you stay honest and humble as you have been. No question that she likes you

Thank you for the kind words VMaeLove. I think my bewilderment on what to do, making process or not is making me worried and a bit stressed. I'm not sure what she is expecting, and I am not sure if I should be doing something I'm not doing! Oh, the confusion of relationships! Can't live without them though.
I will take your advice and just let it happen. Attempts of naturally breaking the touch barrier is something I will think about, we do give hugs when we meet though. But yeah, in a casual and friendly way sounds good. However, holding hands make me nervous! Thank you once agian and God bless

 

[bèlla]

Does one just openly admit his feelings, that I like her and would love if she would go on a date with me to get some dinner?

You have to operate within your comfort zone. You’ll be less anxious and at peace. And that is reassuring for the other person. If the current pace is suitable and you’re both enjoying yourselves there’s no need to shift at present.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

I'm still very unsure about her signals just being friendly or more than that.

As has already been said by @RayofSun, even allowing for her being an extrovert, she's made a lot of effort to involve you in her life, starting by reaching out to you on social media.

I cannot even imagine how I should proceed even if she truly wouldn't mind. I'm all open to your thoughts..

I would start with a quick hello hug next time you meet, and a goodbye hug when you part ways at the end of the date. Pay attention to her reaction, does she linger in your arms, or quickly step away? Given her high level of interest so far, I'd be surprised if it was the latter.

If that goes well, another time you are in a hug it's not a huge leap to kiss her on the cheek.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Sorry, I was in a bit of a rush last night, so I didn't respond to everything you wrote.

Does one just openly admit his feelings, that I like her and would love if she would go on a date with me to get some dinner?

No. Just invite her to the restaurant. That is all. The invite and the romantic nature of the date does all the talking for you. The advantage of doing it this way is that you don't get all nervous and self conscious while trying to articulate your feelings.

I'm thinking that in order for any relationship to actually occur, for her sake and my own, a time of maturity and transcendence from my current feelings and ways of thinking are needed. A lot of thoughts needs to be thought through.

It's already been said by others. Don't overthink it. The clarity you desire will come in time, and often when you least expect.

If you like her, just keep on with the dates, mixing up fun dates with more romantic, intimate dates. In time the intimate conversations about the future will happen naturally. Don't worry about it until then, and don't force it.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Wow, you're thinking WAY too much about this first encounter. Just go spend time with her ,chat, etc. Don't even think about it. No pressure, so don't put undue pressure on this situation.

Hi, so a couple weeks ago I was a co-leader at a Christian camp for children.
After the camp was over, one of the girls reached out to me on Facebook making up a conversation. I was a little surprised, because we didn't talk much doing the camp as we were both very busy, and I'm pretty reserved in my personality.

Soon after the conversation she straight forwardly invited me to her graduation party because she thought I seemed like an interesting person, as she said, and wanted to get to know me better. She said it was alright if i declined. But sweet as she seemed I pushed all shyness to the side and prayed to the Lord that his will be done and went to this party with only strangers and one other girl from the camp I knew beforehand.

I guess something in me was hoping that this could be the right girl that our heavenly father has chosen for me and me for her. Recently in my prayers I started to include marriage and that the Lord according to his will would help me connect with a girl. Coincidence or not, I'm trying to find the right balance and appropriate and respectful way of handling this.

After the graduation party she asked if I wanted to meet once again, since we didn't get to talk that much because of the many people. So we did, and I really enjoyed our time together. She messaged me afterwards that she was looking forward to the next time we could meet and that she enjoyed my company. For my own sake, I'm trying not to make false interpretations and end up being hurt. While liking this girl, I'm trying to hold unto that she is friendly and we're just trying to get to know one another.

Some concern and little frustration lies in the fact that I like her, but I also feel out of her league. I don't have the courage to express my feelings because of the uncertainties I feel. She just finished her Masters degree in psychology and I'm studying a bachelor's degree in Pedagogy. She is very much the opposite of me in that she is very outgoing and talkative. I'm more of a thinker. My past of many years in isolation due to anxiety and symptoms of depression is causing some ''mild'' challenges in my ability to communicate and interpret. That's my theory at least, it seems complicated.

Anyway, I thought I would invite her to go for a walk in nature, and we had a good long walk talking both private and of common interests such as literature.
I must say I find it a little energy draining and I'm having some troubles living up to the standards (I think/worry she has). She asked if I had SnapChat, and I said I would give it a try. But I feel to old being on so many social platforms making constant interactions. I told her this and didn't reply to the first couple messages I received. I have no idea how to make a proper response I feel.

So the flow of messaging and meeting in person three times, has been replaced with this other phase that seems pretty 'unknown'. No matter what, I believe that the Lord is with me with or without this going in the direction of a relationship of any kind. If it's running out of steam I believe the Lord is trying to show or have me learn something that will bear fruit in some way. I'm a little afraid of hoping, but I'm praying that if it is his will then I will take on the responsibility (even though it does seem a little frightening).

There's many details in the communication between me and her that is lost, I will try to provide any if needed be. If you have any advice or thoughts my ears are wide open. Thank you for taking the time.

Sincerely, Mathias

 

[Maniel]

Wow, you're thinking WAY too much about this first encounter. Just go spend time with her ,chat, etc. Don't even think about it. No pressure, so don't put undue pressure on this situation.

I can only agree. It's definitely a learning experience to meet someone precious. A beautiful woman with a tender heart. I was falling in love, and I didn't know how to handle all those feelings. As my mother told me - you fall in love with many people, but that doesn't mean you will ever get into a relationship together. At the time being, I'm just grateful that I got to know her. That I got to see the look and smile of a precious girl. I'm pretty awkward socially, and after today, meeting her and her friend I realised how different we are. I love her, the grace of God truly shines from her. It hurts a little, but I'm grateful. I will take it slow from here, thank you all for your support.
Sincerely, Mathias

 

[Maniel]

I just wanted to make an update and thank you guys for your kind and encouraging words. They have all helped me through.

Yesterday we went on a café together and then we walked to a nearby park. The previous days I've had been praying and thinking ways I could express my feelings for her and asking if she would be more than friends. She suddenly started to ask about my previous relationships and my thoughts on relationships and so on, and I don't remember why but I just felt an impuls to tell her. And she said yes! Another couple walked by and we were both very shy. I have some serious blockades in showing my feelings I've come to know. I could barely touch her or even get myself to hold her hands, or a kiss. I thought about that for the rest of the day, but I felt like I was dreaming. And I still do. So many mixed feelings, like dieing and giving birth to a new man. I'm so grateful for her kindness and patience and scared at the same time, but I'll keep all your words in my mind and put all my trust in God.
Thank you all and God bless

 

[bèlla]

And she said yes! I'm so grateful for her kindness and patience and scared at the same time, but I'll keep all your words in my mind and put all my trust in God.

I’m so happy for you! May God bless your union with abundant love and joy.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

as already mentioned by someone in this thread, it's time to ask her out on a intimate date. just the two of you. no friends allowed. people make time for the things and people who are important to them.

you don't need to try to hold her hand or kiss her on this date and won't need to come right out and confess that you like her and ask if she'll be your girlfriend. the way to do this naturally is to do what two people romantically interested in each other do socially. if she wants more than just friendship, she will happily oblige. she'll make the time for you just like you made the time for her.