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I've been seeing a girl in need of advice

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Maniel, Jul 26, 2019.

  1. Maniel

    Maniel Child of God

    48
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    Hi, so a couple weeks ago I was a co-leader at a Christian camp for children.
    After the camp was over, one of the girls reached out to me on Facebook making up a conversation. I was a little surprised, because we didn't talk much doing the camp as we were both very busy, and I'm pretty reserved in my personality.

    Soon after the conversation she straight forwardly invited me to her graduation party because she thought I seemed like an interesting person, as she said, and wanted to get to know me better. She said it was alright if i declined. But sweet as she seemed I pushed all shyness to the side and prayed to the Lord that his will be done and went to this party with only strangers and one other girl from the camp I knew beforehand.

    I guess something in me was hoping that this could be the right girl that our heavenly father has chosen for me and me for her. Recently in my prayers I started to include marriage and that the Lord according to his will would help me connect with a girl. Coincidence or not, I'm trying to find the right balance and appropriate and respectful way of handling this.

    After the graduation party she asked if I wanted to meet once again, since we didn't get to talk that much because of the many people. So we did, and I really enjoyed our time together. She messaged me afterwards that she was looking forward to the next time we could meet and that she enjoyed my company. For my own sake, I'm trying not to make false interpretations and end up being hurt. While liking this girl, I'm trying to hold unto that she is friendly and we're just trying to get to know one another.

    Some concern and little frustration lies in the fact that I like her, but I also feel out of her league. I don't have the courage to express my feelings because of the uncertainties I feel. She just finished her Masters degree in psychology and I'm studying a bachelor's degree in Pedagogy. She is very much the opposite of me in that she is very outgoing and talkative. I'm more of a thinker. My past of many years in isolation due to anxiety and symptoms of depression is causing some ''mild'' challenges in my ability to communicate and interpret. That's my theory at least, it seems complicated.

    Anyway, I thought I would invite her to go for a walk in nature, and we had a good long walk talking both private and of common interests such as literature.
    I must say I find it a little energy draining and I'm having some troubles living up to the standards (I think/worry she has). She asked if I had SnapChat, and I said I would give it a try. But I feel to old being on so many social platforms making constant interactions. I told her this and didn't reply to the first couple messages I received. I have no idea how to make a proper response I feel.

    So the flow of messaging and meeting in person three times, has been replaced with this other phase that seems pretty 'unknown'. No matter what, I believe that the Lord is with me with or without this going in the direction of a relationship of any kind. If it's running out of steam I believe the Lord is trying to show or have me learn something that will bear fruit in some way. I'm a little afraid of hoping, but I'm praying that if it is his will then I will take on the responsibility (even though it does seem a little frightening).

    There's many details in the communication between me and her that is lost, I will try to provide any if needed be. If you have any advice or thoughts my ears are wide open. Thank you for taking the time.

    Sincerely, Mathias
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2019
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  2. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) a pilgrim passing thru

    +4,054
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    It does sound as if you're saying the relationship is dissipating. Time will tell on that. I also find it interesting that she was the one who initially pursued you. This is contrast to the way it usually works. Above all, however, I would suggest not holding anything back about how you're feeling. For example: Have you told her everything that you included in this thread? If not, now is the time to do so.
     
  3. Maniel

    Maniel Child of God

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    Thank you for replying ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
    It feels as if it is dissipating, but I guess I'm fighting some over-analysation and I'm being a little insecure. Time will tell as you say.
    I must say I have not told her everything I included in this thread. I've been trying to say that I too enjoyed her company and I invited her on a walk in nature to somehow communicate that I like her company. I have trouble following her initiation of using SnapChat - after that conversation I kinda closed by saying I hoped she would have a wonderful day. I felt exhausted and empty of words, and that was yesterday.
    Just before that she mentioned a place in town that is one of her favourite places, so I openly asked that we could go there as the next visit. And she said she would like to. I still have to set up an appointment with her, and I hope to understand the situation in a more clear view. It is a little foggy at the movement.

    If you have any suggestions what would be natural to tell, and what I should definitely keep back I welcome your advice! Thank you once again.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2019
  4. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) a pilgrim passing thru

    +4,054
    United States
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    I can't really give you good advice on what to say and what not to. I'm a doodoo head on those type of things. But I really feel as if she deserves to know at least a few things of what's going on internally with you. With that being said, I'm just going to pray for you and wait until more posters give you their feedback. God bless!
     
  5. Maniel

    Maniel Child of God

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    No worries, I'm a doodoo as well asking for advice!
    My concern about telling what's going on is putting her in an awkward situation if she isn't having the same feelings.
    * If anyone have versions of ''the worst thing'' that could happen so it feels easier to determine the next steps I would be very grateful.
    Thank you for your prayers brother, it's much appreciated. God bless you as well and thank you for your time
     
  6. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    Hi Maniel,
    First congrats on getting to have 3 meetings with her. It really sounds like you did very well.
    So on snap-chat ... don't try to be really profound. If you helped around the house by mowing the lawn make reference as to that's what you did today. Or if you read something that you found interesting mention that to her. Or maybe something happened at the camp that you have been thinking about and came to understand in a new way .. mention that. Heck, go for a walk and observe some birds and comment on that. So many ways to add something to the conversation by doing something then talking about it.
    Hope that helps some
     
  7. JustSomeBloke

    JustSomeBloke Wo-choo-lookin-at?

    139
    +142
    United Kingdom
    Christian
    Single
    She wants to involve you in the apps she's active in. If you like her, I'd say that's good news.

    She wants to share her favourite places with you. Again, I'd say that's good news, if you like her.

    I would just enjoy hanging out for now. Plenty of time for that later.
     
  8. Yennora

    Yennora Buy the truth and sell it not. Pro 23:23

    428
    +408
    Australia
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Since I'm an introvert as well I think I can help with a few advices/points:
    • After having interactions and potential friendships with extraverts, I can tell you it is really difficult. Extraverts are truly different in the way they interact from introverts in a way that can break a marriage. If I will ever get married, I will try my best to avoid extraverts. No way, I cannot stand the life they live. It will drain me really powerfully.

    • Time should show a lot of details and facts. Keep on knowing her more. Observe her more. Try to see her reactions to the real you! Don't wear an extravert mask for her. This will end up as a mess. Be yourself, be the normal Matthias. If she is still interested, if she is still investing in you, then she genuinely likes you. She can adapt. If she starts pressurizing you to do things you don't want, then she is not the right fit. Why?

    • ...Because a successful marriage is based on respect, understanding, freedom, transparency, and harmony. The more you get of these attributes in your marriage, the more of a blessing it will be. And for you to foresee whether these attributes will be present with that girl or not, you have to wait. Again, time is the factor. The faster your relationship escalates, the worse it will be for you and the more destructive the results will be if things go wrong.
     
  9. Maniel

    Maniel Child of God

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    Thank you all for the replies, I will take it slow as possible and just go where the Lord takes me.

    Thanks for your thoughts and inspiration dayhiker - I tried to reply to a Snap, let's see how it goes. Reflections about the camp sounds like a good and natural way, time to think ;)

    My mind is more settled and calm, thank you JustSomeBloke. It does seem like good signs, and I do like her with all our differences and things we have in common. I will try to just enjoy hanging out and see where it takes

    Thanks for your reply Yennora, I do share the same concerns on her being extravert and me as an introvert. However, she told a story about her introverted father and extroverted mother, that they supplemented each other so well. The calmness of the father helped balance out the energy of the mother to get her more grounded. And she would take him out on travels and other active things.
    The mutual respect for each others differences seems vital indeed, thank you for reminding and making this clear to me. It will help in the time forward, thank you :)
     
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  10. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

    +2,797
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    You started well, so don't mess it up now by overthinking.

    She's clearly into you, and most likely has you pretty well figured out already - because it would have been something about your personality that initially reeled her in. (Looks alone will rarely be enough.)

    Just be natural - it's worked so far.
     
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  11. tdidymas

    tdidymas Newbie

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    Sounds like you are concerned about being somewhat pretentious. If you can't be honest about how you really feel, it's probably because you want something from the relationship that you're not willing to give all for. This is why people withhold. I'm not saying to spill your guts on whatever comes to mind, that would be foolish (Pr. 18:2). But after consideration which you have done, you should be prepared to give the relationship the test of honesty. If you try to maintain the stress of pretention, the relationship is doomed anyway.
    TD:)
     
  12. THE W

    THE W AFRIKANB0T

    +2,393
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    what does she do for a living?
     
  13. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❣️ His little lady ❣️ Supporter

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    Extroverts come in many flavors as do introverts. What bothers one is of no consequence to the next. While I’m an extrovert I’m not a fan of daily contact or impromptu guests. I don’t hangout with random people or volunteer for everything in sight. Nor am I dependent on outside stimulation for fulfillment. I value my time alone.

    It’s possible to find a companion whose nature complements your own without either feeling winded or put out. You may value the other’s difference and how it balances yours. :)
     
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  14. Maniel

    Maniel Child of God

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    I will put the overthinking back into the box where it belongs. Patience and the enjoyment of being in her company with all the help and trust in our God will be my standing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Reese :)

    You're right tdidymas, thank you for shareing your perspective. I might be moving out of my personal comfort zone to actually make some sort of impression. I hope it's a process that takes growth and wisdom to bear fruit. Most of all a trust in God. So all my insecurity aside, I really like her and with as little pressure as possible will see where this journey takes.

    She just graduated in her Masters degree in psychology. She talked about moving to India for some time at a child-care home. She mentioned that she would like to work in the area of Logos therapy, helping people with meaning and hope.
     
  15. THE W

    THE W AFRIKANB0T

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    what career are you pursuing with your degree in pedagogy?
     
  16. Maniel

    Maniel Child of God

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    It's a Deacon School with an added degree of Social Pedagogy. I'm not so sure what career I'm pursuing to be honest. I hope to serve God and my fellow man in some way with the new experiences and the professional knowledge I'm learning. I've thought about young adults that are experiencing the difficulties of life.
    It's too early to say, but I would be more than willing to join her Indian adventure if things should turn that direction.

    * She just messaged me if I wanted to join her for a trip into the wilderness tomorrow. So I'm very excited for yet another company with her. I will try to remember all the wisdom you have shared, thanks everyone!
     
  17. THE W

    THE W AFRIKANB0T

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    well, outside of the role-reversal situation that is quite apparent. it's obvious she's in to you.

    if you're okay with where you stand in the relationship, keep going. worst that can happen is she all of a sudden ghosts you.
     
  18. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    Just be your self ... as an introvert myself I have got overloaded in social situations .. but I also find its natural with around a new person to learn to relax with that new person and not get as tired later in the relationship.
     
  19. Yennora

    Yennora Buy the truth and sell it not. Pro 23:23

    428
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    Thank you for sharing those thoughts. You convinced me that extroversion has levels and that I can still find a non-reckless extravert. It looks like I met the extreme ones.
     
  20. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❣️ His little lady ❣️ Supporter

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    You’re welcome. Sometimes other issues are the culprit. Especially loneliness and unhappy home lives or relationships. It can make the person more other-focused to distract their mind from troubles.
     
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