Hey there buddy, I can tell you from personal experience of what you are going through I know how you feel. I really do understand your plight. Instead of us alone praying for you though, which I very much will do, how about I give you some advice that God Himself gave me as I struggled with how to regain my former past life of faith. Before I do though let me tell you a quick bit about myself. I was at one time an ordained minister through the AG. Then for various doctrinal reasons gave my calling up because they would not allow me to minister if i didn't agree with them, so I did and almost immediately began to fall away. I had been used by God in many wonderful acts of healing and faith, but all of that floated out of the window as I lost track of my Heavenly Father and began to focus on myself. I fell back into sin as I had before and wasn't long before I stopped reading my Bible or praying. Then I decided I'd had enough rebellion and wanted to come back to God only now the issue was I wasn't the same. Where before there hours of worship, now it was minutes of prayer. It was earnest no doubt, but the fire I had once had was gone seemingly. So what I did was this, I went outside one night and decided I would not go back in until I knew from God what He wanted me to do in regards to my cry of a deeper relationship with Him again. After praying and sitting in silent reflection (with worship music playing in the background quietly) I heard Him tell me a series of words as follows: Love Me, Know Me, Seek Me. So I asked Him what that meant and the cool thing is He answered back! He told me that if I loved Him I would keep His commandments, which I acknowledged i struggled mightily to do. He then asked Me if it is possible to love someone you just met. I told Him no, you need to spend time with that person to get to know them. He replied to me that I was exactly right and so I needed to know Him! Then He asked me how do you get to know Me? Well of course I replied by spending time with You oh Lord I replied (Psalm 27) and He said again exactly right. So what does it mean to know Me He said, how do you get to know Me? Well that was harder to answer even though the answer seemed obvious, and He flashed an image in my mind of a man seeking a spouse and its connotations to this event. The point was no man ever found a wife that he didn't seek out. So He told me again to seek Him, meaning, in evey situation i'm in, look for Him, listen for His voice, etc. these are mainly done in prayer, and study of the Word, but He meant it in much greater depth and consistency. So I relay that to you now. Worry first about drawing closer to God, that is whats important. Then as God told me in conclusion, or rather asked me, is there anything good that you will lack if you are constantly in the presence of Him? Is there anything you ask for that you will not receive if you are constantly in Him in such a manner?
In 2 Chronicles 20 we have a tremendous story that I have never heard a message preached on (though I myself have brought a message from a "sister passage" of Exodus 14):
I pray the Word of God is taught here in such a way that brings edification to the saints.
2 Chronicles 20:1-22 After this the Moabites and Ammonites, and with them some of the Meunites, came against Jehoshaphat for battle. 2 Some men came and told Jehoshaphat, "A great multitude is coming against you from Edom, from beyond the sea; and, behold, they are in Hazazon-tamar" (that is, Engedi). 3 Then Jehoshaphat was afraid and set his face to seek the LORD, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. 4 And Judah assembled to seek help from the LORD; from all the cities of Judah they came to seek the LORD. 5 And Jehoshaphat stood in the assembly of Judah and Jerusalem, in the house of the LORD, before the new court, 6 and said, "O LORD, God of our fathers, are you not God in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In your hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand you. 7 Did you not, our God, drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel, and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend? 8 And they have lived in it and have built for you in it a sanctuary for your name, saying, 9 'If disaster comes upon us, the sword, judgment, or pestilence, or famine, we will stand before this house and before you--for your name is in this house--and cry out to you in our affliction, and you will hear and save.' 10 And now behold, the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir, whom you would not let Israel invade when they came from the land of Egypt, and whom they avoided and did not destroy-- 11 behold, they reward us by coming to drive us out of your possession, which you have given us to inherit. 12 O our God, will you not execute judgment on them? For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." 13 Meanwhile all Judah stood before the LORD, with their little ones, their wives, and their children. 14 And the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jahaziel the son of Zechariah, son of Benaiah, son of Jeiel, son of Mattaniah, a Levite of the sons of Asaph, in the midst of the assembly. 15 And he said, "Listen, all Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: Thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's. 16 Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz. You will find them at the end of the valley, east of the wilderness of Jeruel. 17 You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.' Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the LORD will be with you." 18 Then Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground, and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell down before the LORD, worshiping the LORD. 19 And the Levites, of the Kohathites and the Korahites, stood up to praise the LORD, the God of Israel, with a very loud voice. 20 And they rose early in the morning and went out into the wilderness of Tekoa. And when they went out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, "Hear me, Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem! Believe in the LORD your God, and you will be established; believe his prophets, and you will succeed." 21 And when he had taken counsel with the people, he appointed those who were to sing to the LORD and praise him in holy attire, as they went before the army, and say, "Give thanks to the LORD, for his steadfast love endures forever." 22 And when they began to sing and praise, the LORD set an ambush against the men of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah, so that they were routed.
We have here a MOST tremendous story! May we learn well from it.
Jehoshaphat was king in Judah, and was nearing the end of his godly reign, when he received some quite distressing news. A massive army was heading his way to destroy his kingdom and Jerusalem. Fear began to set in for our godly king, when he fell back on the One he knew could not fail him, Yahweh.
In verse 3 of our text we read, Then Jehoshaphat was afraid and set his face to seek the LORD, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. The thing King Jehoshaphat did, the only logical thing to do, was to set his face to seek the Lord. I believe Jehoshaphat was well versed in the Psalms, as we read there "Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. (Ps 105:4)" and more specifically this Psalm of David, 27:
Psalms 27:1-14 Of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. 3 Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. 4 One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. 5 For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. 6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the LORD. 7 Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! 8 You have said, "Seek my face." My heart says to you, "Your face, LORD, do I seek." 9 Hide not your face from me. Turn not your servant away in anger, O you who have been my help. Cast me not off; forsake me not, O God of my salvation! 10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in. 11 Teach me your way, O LORD, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies. 12 Give me not up to the will of my adversaries; for false witnesses have risen against me, and they breathe out violence. 13 I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! 14 Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!
Seems David and Jehoshaphat were of the same heart and mind, when trouble rose, Yahweh could be depended upon for deliverance. They just needed to seek His face and be courageous as they waited for Him.
So we see 5 things from the text of 2 Chr 20 that are key to the principle of seeking the LORD continually:
1) Jehoshaphat proclaimed a fast! (v3)
According to Isaiah 58:6-11, fasting according to the LORD's way will bring us answers to our prayers, healing, and satisfaction. Jesus said that as we fast in secret, our Father would reward us openly. Jehoshaphat knew this principle well and put it into practice as a key element in seeking the LORD.
2) Jehoshaphat and all Judah prayed! (vv5-12)
Prayer has always been one of the most, if not the most, essential elements to man's relationship with God. As Jehoshaphat decided to seek the face of Yahweh, he knew he had to bow to the earth before Yahweh and cry out from his heart before him. Great men and women of faith have always practiced this essential act of faith. Paul gave us one of the most profound teachings and statements on prayer in the Bible when he said to be anxious about nothing, but in all things with prayer and petition along with thanksgiving make our requests known to God and that His peace would guard our hearts and minds and that God is able to do above and beyond what we ask or even think! Jehoshaphat knew this principle well!
3) All Judah humbled themselves (v9, 12)
Jehoshaphat's statement in v12, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." would make most cringe if they heard their nation's leader(s) acknowledge this. Jehoshaphat though was more concerned with his heart attitude before Yahweh than about what some may have thought about his apparent ignorance to take care of the situation. He knew in his heart, way before Peter and James wrote, that God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Unlike most of the monarchs of the divided kingdom he did not put his trust in horses and chariots, but his trust was in Yahweh, his God! (Ps 20:7)
4) As the king prayed, the entire assembly waited upon the Lord (v13)
"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Ps 27:14) "none who wait for you shall be put to shame (Ps 25:3)" "Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. (Ps 25:5) "Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you. (Ps 25:20-21) Jehoshaphat was well versed in the Psalms and prayers of David his father! Indeed even before Isaiah, Jehoshaphat knew that those who "wait for the Lord will renew their strength and mount with wings as eagles! (Is 40:31) Notice that the entire nation who had assembled before the Lord was in silence before Him, waiting in anticipation for Him to answer! And He did! Wow did He ever!
5) Jehoshaphat and all Judah praised and worshipped their God and King (vv18-21)
As they received their answer, their hearts flooded with joy and thanksgiving! Can you imagine, in one second, being in death's grip because you know you have no strength to make it through the coming storm, and in the next second the Creator of all things tells you that the disaster meant for you will instead befall those who are coming against you? Wow! What a word by a lonely priest who is not heard from again. But if you had to give a word of prophecy by the Spirit, make it count right? Wow, the battle is not yours, but the LORD's! Then they all did the only reasonable thing remaining to do, they worshipped the God of Israel and praised His holy name! As they praised, the Lord then set an ambush against the assailants and they were routed!
I believe He says this to you today, the battles you face are not yours, but His! You must not strive in them any longer! Turn to the Lord, using this wonderful story from 2 Chr 20 as your guide, let the Lord show you His wonders as you seek His face and strength continually! Be blessed and may the God of all creation rest upon you! Amen!
