Isolation

[Fiona01]

Does anybody else here relate to this?

I feel quite isolated in my faith.

My husband is a non-believer. He often is quite receptive to Christianity, in that he'll talk about it, or debate about it, and even at times come to church, but he says ultimately he doesn't really believe or have faith.
Many other members of my family don't believe either, and lately I feel a bit isolated and having a hard time of it.

For instance, the other night, they were all questioning me about it, and kept saying how wrong I was. For about an hour, I listened to things like this:

* "Christianity is just a story, to help people learn how to live. There's no real fact behind it..."

* "Being a Christian is just the same as going to a mosque and praying to another God. There is only one God, but it doesn't matter what we call him or how we worship, if we are muslim or Christian" etc

* "It doesn't matter if you go to church or not....Christianity is only about how you live your life."

* "Christianity isn't about Jesus.. it's about how you live your life and making sure you're a good person."

* "You don't need Jesus to be saved, it's how you live that saves you, even if you're a muslim or atheist."

My husband joined in too:

* "I don't believe you need God, or that God is relevant, it's about how you live, I don't believe if you're a nice person but ignore God you go to hell... I think you go to heaven if you've led a nice life....I don't see what a man who lived 2,000 years ago has to do with me..."

* "How can you have a relationship with God? It's impossible. Prayer is impossible. Does he talk back? No."

Etc. Etc.

The night went on and on like that.

At one point I felt upset.

I respect not everyone believes what I believe, and I don't go around pushing my beliefs on others, but I am human and there is only so much I can take.. It's a lonely feeling to be in a room full of people you truly love and feel that your beliefs are being scoffed at, looked down upon, or pushed aside....

How do you deal with this?
I tried to answer each and every challenge they said, but in the end, nothing I said was good enough.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you cope? What's the best way to respond?

 

[joey_downunder]

I am in the same situation as you minus the family joining in (they live a long way away). It can be hard not to take it personally and/or think that you're not defending the faith well enough.

Logic, good debating ability and/or excellent personal testimony will not open the eyes of the spiritually blind. Only God can do that.

 

[vortigen84]

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you cope? What's the best way to respond?

What do all your self-righteous family members have in common? Sin.

What is sin? Violation of God's law, which hangs on love for God and neighbour as oneself. Everyone fails this in various ways.

So their talk of not needing Jesus and just needing to be a good person or so on, doesn't really fly at the end of the day. Ask them how they define "good person", and bring it back to God's law. They've failed; expose it.

Then let them know only God is good enough for God / heaven, and Jesus keeps God's demands on the believer's behalf, which is why you need Jesus to get to heaven. You only ever get in on Christ's account, because your own comes up short.


Now, assuming that you've tried to tell them all this and they won't listen, there's not a lot you can do about them. It is solely by the grace of God whether they'll see the light or not. I hate to say it, but God has his elect. But you keep doing your part and love God and neighbour as yourself. Go for a walk and have a cry maybe, ring up a friend, be involved with your new family the church. I know that lonely feeling quite well, it's what you get when you're a saint in a sinner's world: you can never really fit in with them. There is a big spiritual divide between you and them, because you are alive and they are not. Pray for them, as God is able to bring spiritually dead people to life, and he does this independent of their own choice or will; it doesn't depend on them.

 

[Ark100]

God made foolish the wisdom of the world. In their wisdom they don't know God neither do they understand His ways.
I would not argue with them to be honest. people like that have the tendency to heat things up (in their wisdom of the world which God has made foolish), making you more frustrated. Only God changes someone's heart.
Saying christianity is like worshipping the same God along with atheists and muslims is wrong.
Christ is the main focus of Christ-ianity. If anyone does not accept Jesus, then they are no christian. Without Jesus Christ, there is no Christianity as a religion.
Jews and muslims do not hold Christ in high regard like we (christians) do. That is why some people have eyes but they cant see, they will never accept the things of the spirit because they are not of the Spirit.
Anyone who is against Jesus is being influenced by the anti-christ.
Jesus is the only way to the Father, whether anyone like let them do every good they want.
If you really want to go one on one with them next time, make sure you have thoroughly read and understood The NEW TESTAMENT. Ask The Holy Spirit to aid you in understanding as well.
Without the Holy Spirit's help, many people cannot figure out the bible most times.
I would not let what they say affect how I feel if I were you. Because you know what you know, and you have something eternal that nobody can take away from you. Whoever the Father has called to Himself is loved by Him very much so. Don't throw away your pearl for the sake of the argument that unbelievers confront you with

 

[parsley]

God made foolish the wisdom of the world.

That's a relieving reminder, very nice.

I am surprised that they were so intent on the topic -- doesn't it sound like God might be working with them, to bring Christianity to mind like that?

It does seem like they put you in a position of rejection, trying to prove you wrong. Very inconsiderate for family members to knowingly insult your faith. People who do that in public lose jobs over insulting peers' religion.

You have an environment that you live in, made up of these people and others. To some amount, you can control your environment. Decide what percent you would like to have spiritual support in, and go seek it out.

If you're not finding it in a church, look for Bible studies.

Or meetup.com
Craigslist community

Life can go on and you will be squeezed smaller and smaller into other people's boxes. Create your own box extensions, or change what you put in your own box. Take charge of finding people who DO support your faith, so that you can rise and float above conversations like this, and not let them get to you.

 

[Emmy]

Dear FionaOI. You have a wonderful opportunity to witness for the Lord, don`t talk about your love for Jesus, LIVE IT. In St.Matthew chapter 22, verse 34-40, Jesus tells a Lawyer: " The great and first Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: Love thy neighbour as thyself." Then Jesus points out this great fact: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." God is Love, and God wants loving children/sons and daughters. Everything we do, or say, or advise, or stand up for, should be done with Love and Care.
Jesus will give us His Love and Joy, and the Holy Spirit will empower us to love freely, and no conditions tagged on. Jesus told us: " Ask and ye will receive," then we thank God, and share all Love and Joy with all around us: all we know and meet, friends and not friends. God will see our sincere efforts, and God will approve and bless us, God will also know that we love God, because we are following His Commandments to love and care. We might forget at times, or stumble, but then we get up, and ask God to forgive us, as we will forgive those who sin against us. ( Jesus told us in His Prayer: " Father forgive us our sins, as we will forgive those who sin against us"
You will find that people, (Your family included) will treat you the same, as you treat them. They know that you love Jesus and are following God`s Commandments to love freely, and no conditions tagged on. They will also see the Love of God, which surrounds you. Love shown, is much stronger than any words, or debates, can achieve. I say this with love, Fiona. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[Fiona01]

Thanks so very much for all of your help and replies. It's good to come here for input and support. I did indeed feel very isolated, and at one point wanted to cry. To be honest, at the point that somebody said, "Christianity isn't about Jesus, it's about how to live your life," I wanted to just get up and walk away. But I didn't. I stood firm.

I have no idea if what I said made a difference, or has planted a seed in their minds....

As somebody pointed out here, God can change hearts and lives more than I ever can by arguing or debating.

I will continue to pray for my family, and my husband, and I will seek my support from my church.

Thanks again, to you all. It was difficult for me.

 

[gideon123]

you have a big challenge ... because your hubby does not believe right now.
but stay strong in the your faith and conviction.
i have actually seen stubborn husbands find Christ- because of the love of a faithful wife. But it takes years to happen.

In the mean time, defend yourself as follows.
Say to them "OK, if you think Christianity is so backwards,
you show me a better way. But I don't want to see words.
YOU tell me what you are doing each day to make the world
a better place.
When did you put integrity first?
When did you give bread to a hungry man?
When did you believe in something bigger that didn't just involve
making yourself more comfortable?"

It's a pretty strong challenge.
If they really listen ... it should keep them quiet.

gideon123

 

[CounselorForChrist]

The bible does say many will hate us because we believe in Him. It did annoy me alot at first that people hated me. But now I don't care what they think. I please God, not people who are unhappy themselves.

 

[Jupiter Drops]

"I don't believe you need God, or that God is relevant, it's about how you live, I don't believe if you're a nice person but ignore God you go to hell... I think you go to heaven if you've led a nice life....I don't see what a man who lived 2,000 years ago has to do with me..."

* "How can you have a relationship with God? It's impossible. Prayer is impossible. Does he talk back? No."

I understand this because I used to not understand God at all and make excuses like these to stay away from God.

Christianity isn't about helping myself and and how I live. It's not about myself. It's about faith. It's not about making myself a god; it's about worshiping my Creator and acknowledging Him as the only One.

Other religions tell you how to live and bind people to rules, but our God wants to form a relationship with us. Other gods want you to follow and tell you what to do or die. But our God- He wants the best for us, and through it all, He tells us good advices and created a gateway for us to go to Heaven-Jesus.


No, you can't go to Heaven by just living a nice life and trying to do good things. Are you a god? Are you the one who created Heaven? Then you can't go to Heaven because you weren't the one who created Heaven and earth in the first place. The man who lived 2000 years ago is the past, present, and the future, and He died for the sins of mankind so that we could be closer to God and have a future in the Kingdom.

Christianity is about Jesus. Being a Christian means that you are a "follower of Christ" in literal translation from Greek (I think it's Greek). It's only bizarre that you think Christianity isn't about Jesus when the Bible is based on Him.

God said that "all things are possible" (Matt 19:26) so prayer is possible. Keep on praying for your husband, even though it gets tiresome.


I recommend Dinner with a Perfect Stranger by David Gregory to your husband. It's worth reading about Jesus, although it is entirely fictional. Of course, faith is not by leaning toward our shallow heart which only wants to question but never want the truth, but rather by seeking deep wisdom and willingness.

I'm happy to hear about your bravery for Jesus. I hope that God will continue to bless you and that there will be a moment when your husband and your family finally understand and meet God.

Sometimes, the best way to response is to not respond at all. They're responding to their own thoughts and what they think. They were at the moment, too excited and caught up by their own agreements to actually know how to listen and respond. They're human too. Their hearts don't listen to God, so they won't understand.

The world rejected God first, so God will reject them. He adopted those who decided to follow Him and took them in His arms. When you feel lonely from the world, remember that God is always there with you, feeling what you feel. Still, He is your comfort. He will never be shaken when the world is unstable.

It's sometimes better to have a one-on-one talk with a person rather than with groups of people. Or bring your Christian friends to share their testimonies to others who don't believe/understand.

 

[BFine]

My first husband wasn't a believer and I heard all that kind of stuff from him for nearly 7 years (that's when he left, divorced me and married his "lady love.")

The key is having a solid base of believers who can come along side you.
Connect with a pray partner/partners and a Christian mentor.
Stop debating, set health boundaries with your unbelieving family members.
Be a silent witness/living bible before them as the opportunities arise.

I can't recall a single person who has ever been saved because someone
out debated them.

I do know a whole lot of people who have come to the Lord for salvation because
they were shown the love of Christ and were befriended by a Christian(Christians.)
That's how I came to know the Lord as Savior, someone was Christ-like toward me
when I was a little girl.

 

[MountainofGod1]

its good this happens, you will develop real faith that doesn't depend on anyone else. I was surprised how much my beliefs and standards were based upon other people when they began to sin.

we need to disconnect from earthly friends and family even though we live with them, remember this isn't your heavenly family

but yeah the isolation can be hard, be sure to maintain a strong base of friends you know you can depend on. I find God is faithful in keeping them around.