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Isn't there anyone out there who has beaten mild depression in marriage?

Discussion in 'Separation and Marriage Restoration' started by Archer, May 15, 2006.

  1. Archer

    Archer New Member

    I have posted a couple of threads in some of the other subject-forums, trying to fish for someone who has overcome depression in marriage. I am not talking about deep, dark depression that keeps you from functioning. I want to hear about victory over the depression that slowly drives your spouse away, slowly isolates you from friends. I am the spouse that is losing the strength to continue with a depressed partner. We have been married for 20+ years. I have prayed, laid my life down, and lately, feeling exhausted, I am close to walking away. It almost seems like it is so mild, that my wife refuses see how badly it effects us, and keeps her from "attacking" it (she is on paxil, and I suppose she feels that is enough, but it is not). Her depression keeps her from fellowship, prevents our kids from having friends over, and causes a conflict in me because I don't have the freedom to pursue areas where I feel God's calling (because it would isolate her even more). I encourage her, and, of course, she does not reciprocate.

    Please keep to the point. I want to hear about a victory! Please don't say, "deal with it, you made a commitment".

    Are there any victors?
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. nowhereville

    nowhereville Senior Member

    well, I think your post is a little changing - I am in a slightly similiar position but we've had to tackle it with marriage counselor and a few knock down drag outs. Mostly I focus on me and doing what I can in my family. That seems to work for me, however, I can't say I am 100% victorious.
  3. istand4miles

    istand4miles New Member

    For a while there in 2002, I was depressed about how things were going in our marriage. I just didn't have the strength to carry on and I just didn't know if I really wanted to be married. Now I am on the other side praying for my prodigal husband.
    But I will tell you how I did come out of my "depression". As my husband encouraged me to pray, and he prayed with me, we both prayed that God would give us a renewal in our marriage, and that my will would be broken to the point that God's Will would take over. It was during that prayer (and there had been numerous prayers and many "talks" which were getting no where, but when both of us prayed in unity of Spirit, then the dams began to burst, and we became a couple again, a couple that enjoyed each other's company, and couldn't stay away from each other....
    However, he then went into nursing school, working nights, going to school in the day time, studying, and the attention we were giving to our marriage became nil, which resulted in his infidelelity.
    Let me tell you something about your wife. Your wife wants to know that she is worthy to be your wife while you love her, and she wants to know she is worth something to you. After we had our marriage renewal, the bottom dropped out from under me in 2003 because I went through a devastating career crash, and that took every ounce of self-image out of me and then some. I then dropped back into my apathy against finding any kind of employment, I let the house go, I hardly ever saw my husband, and I was just a mess. When he saw that, he gave up on the marraige and well... Please, I beg you ...don't leave her just because she is not paying attention to the marriage, but start praying for you to see her the way God sees her, and then pray for the healing of her mind. Had my husband kept praying for me, and spent time with me even though he felt he was being pushed away, I believe we would still be together right now. Marriage is for the long haul - for better or for worse, but don't think about leaving her. If she is in a mild depression now, believe me, she will be in a severe depression if you decide to leave. Find scripture that speaks right to your situation, and then pray that scripture over her, but don't leave because you feel she is useless to you. You be the Christian servant husband to her, love her like Christ loves the Church - sacrificially, and you may see a difference in her demeanor. Check out 2 Timothy 2:21-26. It's a great way to save a marriage.

  4. Lfoxx

    Lfoxx Member

    I have heard of one of the ladies in my womans ministry deal with something and overcome a simular situation. It was her husband that was in a depression. He had to quit his job and also get disability (it was that bad) He would tell her how he wanted to take his life on a daily basis. They had just bought a new house when this all happened so she not only had to deal with his depression but also had to work alot more to keep their house. When she was at work he would call her there and be crying uncontrollably. It was so bad that when she was at home and would go to the bathroom he would make her leave the door open. She got involved with the church and gave her life over to the Lord and would just keep on keeping on and one day while she was making a cup of tea he approached her and said that he was really going to take his life and put a box cutter up to his neck and she said to him. " I am going to sit down and have a cup of tea with Jesus" and she said a peace came over her and she felt the Lord with her. Her husband did not like this and approached her even more saying the meanest things and she stayed calm and started reciting scriptures to him and finally he fell down and cryed uncontrollobly. It was like the demon that was controlling his depression had been defeated but it took faith. God can turn around any situation around. He can turn things that were meant for evil into a good thing. Her husband did go back to work and miracles and blessings came into thier lives because she did love her husband and would not be defeated by the enemy. Keep your faith the enemy wants to do all he can to break your marriage up pray pray and pray ask God to direct you continue your walk with Christ and dont give up if things get hard. A test can easily become a testimony. The best of luck ang again Have Faith!
  5. Autumnleaf

    Autumnleaf Legend

    Taking up aerobic exercise can usually nix mild depression. Getting frustrated over trying to change something you have no control over can exacerbate depression, and agitation.
  6. Catholic Wife

    Catholic Wife Senior Veteran

    I don't know how my husband (he was my boyfriend at the time) dealt with my depression. I do know that he came awfully close to leaving me (and not marrying me) because I refused to do change my way of thinking (I was on meds and felt that should have been enough). Together, we went to talk to one of the deacons at my church who really opened my eyes to what was going on with me. I went through another short course of counseling to go along with my medication. Plus, my doctor reminded me to get back on my diet and exercise program to help with the symptoms of depression.
  7. Micaiah

    Micaiah Well-Known Member

    You need to deal with it, you made a commitment. The fact you don't want to hear this and have intimated that you want to leave if it doesn't get fixed suggests this could be part of the problem.
  8. Archer

    Archer New Member

    Yes, just as I asked, that is certainly a victory! Now I can take those encouraging words and seize my own vision of victory. Hooray! And, I dont have to endure more useless rabble from someone who has not walked in my shoes. I cannot thank you enough for seeing my wounded heart, and for approaching me with tenderness. Having laid down my life in every way possible for my wife, and feeling like she is pushing me into a pit of dispair, it is nice to hear understanding words from someone else who is battle weary.
  9. LynnMcG

    LynnMcG A reflection of the Son

    Well, I suffered from post-partum depression about 7 years ago. I believe my husband was most affected by it. I was very dispondant with him. I couldn't stand to have him touch me or for me to touch him. I took medication for a short time, but couldn't afford to continue because of a lack of health insurance.

    I did not seek God to heal me. I did not seek God to comfort me. It was a truly low point in my walk. I can tell you exactly what I was thinking and where I was when my depression sort of, kicked off. I had to go back to that place in myself to fix it. Medication helped me to feel a little "normal" but it didn't change what was wrong.

    I would say that it took me 6 - 9 months to get back to normal so I would guess this was mild depression.

    Anyway, I do have victory over this. It didn't happen again, even after the birth of our second child. So we have been victorious. I hope that helps.
  10. rainbowpromise

    rainbowpromise Senior Contributor


    I recovered. My husband would not allow me to take it to the doctor. He ended up feeling much like you. And it got a lot worse before it got better. How did he deal with it? It took a toll on our marriage. What brought me out of it? The right words at the right time from our pastor's wife. She did not even realize that her words were so profound to me.

    First step is the cause. Look at the difficulites that your wife has seen in her childhood and even in the marriage. Seek Christian counsel is the best advice I can give at the moment.
  11. lin1235

    lin1235 Jana's mommy!

    Another victor here! My husband was diagnosed with depression about 2 months before our wedding, and so our first year of marriage was pretty terrible.

    The major things that helped us through it:

    1. He was never afraid to admit that something was wrong and to get help - he was on antidepressants for about 18 months and saw a psychologist regularly.

    2. He never blamed his depressed feelings on me.

    3. I had a great support group - check out depressionfallout.com, it's a non-religious support group for family and friends of depression sufferers. I haven't been there in more than a year so I don't know what the group is like now, but they helped me a lot. I learned so much from them!

    4. We prayed constantly. I believe God healed my husband. He has now been depression-free for almost 2 years, and we honestly couldn't be happier.

    Feel free to PM me if you want to chat about this!

  12. Wendillac

    Wendillac New Member

    I won't say I am victorious, but I am working through it. I am working on myself-losing weight, staying close to friends for prayer and companionship. I am on antidepressants and they have helped a great deal. I will say it again as I did to other people on this site:
  13. Ashyah

    Ashyah Member

    I suffered a lot of depression while I was with my husband. So much that I stayed in bed all day. Within 3 years we had a foreclosure,bankruptcy and misscarriage. He never even spoke a word about it. I had to take all the steps to find a place to live etc.
    If you can't get involved in certain things then don't. My husband didn't care about me. He would just go where he was invited and not even tell me. This hurt me a lot.
    I know that you just wanted to know how others handled their problem. But, your care for her will help her a lot. At least she is mildly depressed.
    Pray that God will take that from her.