Is this shady to you?

[Macchiato]

I feel my bf is a decent guy but hes all over social media yet rarely posts me. .. Thats my main gripe


So... The pros- he always text first and tells me good morning and loves me,takes me and my son out to eat, has money set aside to get xmas gifts for my son n our daughter coming, gives me money when i need it... Offered to pay for my hair. When we worked together he always got me breakfast or cooked and brought it to work.

Now the cons

Cons- i never met his parents yet, im always the one going over to his place and wait in front of his house bc idk his mom dont like me or whatever, hes big on social media has an fb and insta and he hasnt taken pics or posted me or a pic of us up there. Also

I feel he has a double life-- with me hes all family oreinted at night i see pics of him at strip clubs n shut ( not while with me just what he did in his past ) hangin with his guys ect .

I was gonna invite him over to meet my parents but i feel slighted bc he doesnt claim me it seems.

Its really confusing.

 

[StephenDoorsman]

I feel my bf is a decent guy but hes all over social media yet rarely posts me. .. Thats my main gripe


So... The pros- he always text first and tells me good morning and loves me,takes me and my son out to eat, has money set aside to get xmas gifts for my son n our daughter coming, gives me money when i need it... Offered to pay for my hair. When we worked together he always got me breakfast or cooked and brought it to work.

Now the cons

Cons- i never met his parents yet, im always the one going over to his place and wait in front of his house bc idk his mom dont like me or whatever, hes big on social media has an fb and insta and he hasnt taken pics or posted me or a pic of us up there. Also

I feel he has a double life-- with me hes all family oreinted at night i see pics of him at strip clubs n shut ( not while with me just what he did in his past ) hangin with his guys ect .

I was gonna invite him over to meet my parents but i feel slighted bc he doesnt claim me it seems.

Its really confusing.

Talk straight to the man in all candor. A man who does not acknowledge your parents, or his own is already at strike one. A man who hasn't taken down photos of such things as you mention has it still in the heart. You must make it clear, all commitment or nothing. If the man is not a Christian, that is strike two. If a man cannot make a permanent sacrifice of letting go of media, for marriage, that is a major strike. Would you be lonely in a marriage, and locked into a relationship where the other relationship in the marriage is a phone, an internet account on FB? Strike three. You do not need a baby sitter. You do not need money. You desire a man of God. Love will sacrifice. Selfishness never will. What do you really want, for you and your son? Heaven above or hell on earth? Some things to think about.

Look to Jesus as the example of "the man". He gave all, sacrificed all for His love, spared no expense to win the girl. He spent many years courting her, and preparing to be ready to go through 'hell' (not literally) to obtain her affection. Do not move from that goalpost.

Set your standard high, or he will never see you as precious and valuable. Go to your Father in prayer, and ask Him in all sincerity if this is the person He has for you, and if not to make it clear, so that the string is cut quickly, lest you bear slow pain.

 

[AK1982]

his mom dont like me or whatever,

I feel he has a double life--

he doesnt claim me it seems.

Its really confusing.

Don't assume. Confront his behaviour if you find it weird or not normal. Ask for his explanation and see what he has to offer or whether you are missing to understand something. Suggest you to clear the air before you further on this.

 

[alexpatt]

Talk to him, be upfront about your concerns.

About the social media thing, though, it could be that he wants to keep you safe from the public eye. If he has quite a following, there go certain dangers with it if he posts pictures with you, for both of you, so don't worry too much about it.

About the rest, that's definitely something to discuss.

 

[Macchiato]

Talk to him, be upfront about your concerns.

About the social media thing, though, it could be that he wants to keep you safe from the public eye. If he has quite a following, there go certain dangers with it if he posts pictures with you, for both of you, so don't worry too much about it.

About the rest, that's definitely something to discuss.

Possibly. Ill see what he says.

 

[Macchiato]

Well i talked to him and he said ill meet his oarents before or after christmas.

 

[Hazelelponi]

This post is so rude. Alot of christians have had sex outside of marriage. Not all are virgins. And theyre married.

I shouldnt have done it but whats done is done but your post is rude plain and simple. So ill be ignoring this.

Needs to be removed honestly. Just dripping with judgement and makes you look and sound like a b-tch. Who said Im not worth marrying? You? ( Derailing but by this logic a friend of mind should be married. One is a man the other a woman. Both have degrees, good jobs, on their own, very responsible, love God and are in their 30s and unmarried. There's no formula to this honestly. Lastly you dont know who has had an abortion. So just bc someone appears childless doesnt make it so. And you'd be none the wiser. It also doesnt make them more worth marrying. Personally speaking i felt i did the right thing by keeping them but your post is the main reason a lot of women do go that route for fear of judgement. Fear of not being damaged and devalued. Stop.)

Also he's dated women with kids so that part isnt an issue. If youre just gonna be an asxhole then stay off my thread.

Thank you.

We all come to Christ having sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God, this is why we need a Savior..

After we are saved we enter into a process of sanctification, where we learn and grow in Christ. Our relationship to both God and man change as we are being reconciled to both God (foremost) and man.

Relationships are built upon trust - that you are who you say you are. Most especially close relationships of the romantic nature that should, if one be in Christ, occur within a marriage covenant based on common interest, mutual feelings, mutual goals.

Since trust relies on you being who you say you are, living a life of sin, without evidence of a regenerate nature (new nature in Christ), while calling yourself Christian makes you into a liar.

This isn't to say we won't sin, but we do, once in Christ, put behind us the settled patterns of sin seen in those not in Christ.

“For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins” Hebrews 10:26

This sinning deliberately or sinning willfully isn't a one time deal. It's a settled pattern of sin, entered into willingly, deliberately, happily that has no evidence of the new birth whatsoever...

A Christian who shows no evidence of the new birth, who willingly, deliberately, happily follows a pattern of sinning shows themselves to be a liar - which makes them untrustworthy.

Somewhere, deep inside, people know this instinctively, and treat them as people that cannot be trusted.

They may use them for whatever they are worth, they may enter into marriage even... but the basis upon which is usually not trust, and as such those relationships fail...

When you spread your legs for whomever you desire, and call yourself a Christian in the same breath, you are following a pattern of sinning willfully that makes you someone to be used, not someone who can be trusted...

If you want to be respected by others, you must first walk in the light like Christ is the light - and respect yourself and the God whom you claim to know. Hold yourself to a standard and others will treat you within that standard.

Otherwise, they wont trust you, or find you honorable.

You can live as the world - but don't expect much when you do... from either God or man.

Stop comparing yourself to the nominal Christian and begin comparing yourself to Christ. What did He say? "If your right hand causes you to sin cut it off" Matthew 5:30

Avoid the occasion to sin, and walk in the light of Christ. If you have difficulty being alone with a man without sinning then don't be alone with a man.

Hold yourself to a higher standard and the world will treat you within that standard. In other words, be what you say you are in Christ, and others won't treat you like a common mistress they throw money at and little more.

It's not easy... and I do say this in love and with great understanding of what it's like to have difficulty with sin. But we are to abide in Christ, and not act like sinning all day long is a small thing - because it's truly not.

 

[bèlla]

I feel my bf is a decent guy but hes all over social media yet rarely posts me. .. Thats my main gripe

Have you ever discussed this? Did he share images of previous connections in the past? How do you (and he) use social media? Do you feel being on his feed means recognition or something else?

Cons- i never met his parents yet, im always the one going over to his place and wait in front of his house bc idk his mom dont like me or whatever

What does meeting the family represent for you and him? For example, my family is aware of the men I've dated. But I don't bring them home. In my opinion, meeting my loved ones is reserved for the person I plan to spend my life with. They don't need to meet a possibility.

I feel he has a double life-- with me hes all family oreinted at night i see pics of him at strip clubs n shut ( not while with me just what he did in his past ) hangin with his guys ect.

Where are you in your relationship? He's your boyfriend. What do you expect from him? Have you discussed marriage? I think you're placing a lot of emphasis on this but it isn't the thing that's bothering you.

I was gonna invite him over to meet my parents but i feel slighted bc he doesnt claim me it seems.

You've never met his parents. Have you been inside the house? Or met his friends? Does he have any children?

If I were in your shoes, I'd calm down. You have a child on the way and one already. He isn't your husband. You have to understand your position. The last thing you want to do is alienate him. He can be a father without marrying you. I'd cool my heels and stop focusing on social media and look at the bigger picture.

You need financial support. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. He's providing for you and your child. It isn't his. You're ignoring the mountain in deference to the molehill. Let it go.

Stop talking and start praying. Thank the Lord for his generosity. Ask the Lord to make you more peaceful and loving. No man wants a stormy woman. Let alone one with responsibilities. What you criticize another woman will champion. She'd love to have the same.

Start saying thank you. The next time you get a crazy idea, imagine your life without him. No help. No support. You're going it alone. Is it worth it? Choose your battles wisely.

Be polite and kind. If his parents don't like you. Pray for them. But don't mimic their behavior. Or put him in a position where he has to choose. You may lose. You have to go beyond yourself and consider your children.

Look for Stormie Omartian's Power of a Praying Woman at the library. The prayers will put you in the right mindset. Keeping your head is a must.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Macchiato]

We all come to Christ having sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God, this is why we need a Savior..

After we are saved we enter into a process of sanctification, where we learn and grow in Christ. Our relationship to both God and man change as we are being reconciled to both God (foremost) and man.

Relationships are built upon trust - that you are who you say you are. Most especially close relationships of the romantic nature that should, if one be in Christ, occur within a marriage covenant based on common interest, mutual feelings, mutual goals.

Since trust relies on you being who you say you are, living a life of sin, without evidence of a regenerate nature (new nature in Christ), while calling yourself Christian makes you into a liar.

This isn't to say we won't sin, but we do, once in Christ, put behind us the settled patterns of sin seen in those not in Christ.

“For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins” Hebrews 10:26

This sinning deliberately or sinning willfully isn't a one time deal. It's a settled pattern of sin, entered into willingly, deliberately, happily that has no evidence of the new birth whatsoever...

A Christian who shows no evidence of the new birth, who willingly, deliberately, happily follows a pattern of sinning shows themselves to be a liar - which makes them untrustworthy.

Somewhere, deep inside, people know this instinctively, and treat them as people that cannot be trusted.

They may use them for whatever they are worth, they may enter into marriage even... but the basis upon which is usually not trust, and as such those relationships fail...

When you spread your legs for whomever you desire, and call yourself a Christian in the same breath, you are following a pattern of sinning willfully that makes you someone to be used, not someone who can be trusted...

If you want to be respected by others, you must first walk in the light like Christ is the light - and respect yourself and the God whom you claim to know. Hold yourself to a standard and others will treat you within that standard.

Otherwise, they wont trust you, or find you honorable.

You can live as the world - but don't expect much when you do... from either God or man.

Stop comparing yourself to the nominal Christian and begin comparing yourself to Christ. What did He say? "If your right hand causes you to sin cut it off" Matthew 5:30

Avoid the occasion to sin, and walk in the light of Christ. If you have difficulty being alone with a man without sinning then don't be alone with a man.

Hold yourself to a higher standard and the world will treat you within that standard. In other words, be what you say you are in Christ, and others won't treat you like a common mistress they throw money at and little more.

It's not easy... and I do say this in love and with great understanding of what it's like to have difficulty with sin. But we are to abide in Christ, and not act like sinning all day long is a small thing - because it's truly not.

Still what you said was rude. That and like i said just because someone is childless doesnt mean they havent had abortions or given their kids up for adoption. Also what God has for someone is for them- my friend has a cousin who is basically in my shoes- she had one child and was a cna despite your judgemental theory a male nurse noticed her, pursued her and now theyre married and hes is her 2nd and final father as would be my bf. So your theory is crap really worthiness and value is up to the individual and thank God its not up to you.

As for continuous sinning. He has talked to me about engagement and prosal plans so--

I just dont think your judgement is needed.

 

[Macchiato]

Have you ever discussed this? Did he share images of previous connections in the past? How do you (and he) use social media? Do you feel being on his feed means recognition or something else?



What does meeting the family represent for you and him? For example, my family is aware of the men I've dated. But I don't bring them home. In my opinion, meeting my loved ones is reserved for the person I plan to spend my life with. They don't need to meet a possibility.



Where are you in your relationship? He's your boyfriend. What do you expect from him? Have you discussed marriage? I think you're placing a lot of emphasis on this but it isn't the thing that's bothering you.



You've never met his parents. Have you been inside the house? Or met his friends? Does he have any children?

If I were in your shoes, I'd calm down. You have a child on the way and one already. He isn't your husband. You have to understand your position. The last thing you want to do is alienate him. He can be a father without marrying you. I'd cool my heels and stop focusing on social media and look at the bigger picture.

You need financial support. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. He's providing for you and your child. It isn't his. You're ignoring the mountain in deference to the molehill. Let it go.

Stop talking and start praying. Thank the Lord for his generosity. Ask the Lord to make you more peaceful and loving. No man wants a stormy woman. Let alone one with responsibilities. What you criticize another woman will champion. She'd love to have the same.

Start saying thank you. The next time you get a crazy idea, imagine your life without him. No help. No support. You're going it alone. Is it worth it? Choose your battles wisely.

Be polite and kind. If his parents don't like you. Pray for them. But don't mimic their behavior. Or put him in a position where he has to choose. You may lose. You have to go beyond yourself and consider your children.

Look for Stormie Omartian's Power of a Praying Woman at the library. The prayers will put you in the right mindset. Keeping your head is a must.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

we just talked and were gonna meet his parents by christmas. Also we want the same things he does want to get married eventually. If i didnt then i wouldnt be on him.

 

[Elliewaves]

You need to talk to him. If you feel he is hiding part of his life from you or from others, it needs to be addressed.

 

[JesseBassett]

we just talked and were gonna meet his parents by christmas. Also we want the same things he does want to get married eventually. If i didnt then i wouldnt be on him.

@Macchiato,
I could not help but comment here. I noticed your relationship status is single. So I take it that the guy being discussed in this post is no longer your boyfriend? If that is the case, you have my prayers. I just wanted to say that I will be praying the right guy comes along in your life. God bless.