Is this an advance?

[Dave-W]

Well do you think I should respond to him to let him know how things are on the farm? Not replying might seem rude.

Have your husband write him back.

 

[RaymondG]

Have your husband write him back.

The husband doesnt care about this guy, only the wife does......Why should HE write back?

 

[Dave-W]

The husband doesnt care about this guy, only the wife does......Why should HE write back?

It would ward off any romantic interest the former renter may have.

 

[snoochface]

Why should ANYONE write him back? Who cares if he takes it as rude? There's no intention to ever see this guy again, and no obligation to write him back. Silence speaks more than words could.

And honestly why would it be rude? Mail sometimes doesn't arrive. People expect that.

Not every communication needs to be responded to in order not to appear rude. I have several Nigerian uncles patiently waiting to hear back from me about my inheritance, and I don't care if they think my silence is rude.

 

[RaymondG]

It would ward off any romantic interest the former renter may have.

If my wife was predisposed to giving attention to guys that looks good comes onto her, this would be something that I would like to know. I am her partner, not baby sitter. If she desires attention from someone else, she can have it.....there would be others who would desire my attention alone. I am not a chaser away-er of men. Most men would not chase one who does not wish to be caught.

The only letter to be written by me is.....a thank you letter.

 

[Sabertooth]

I am her partner, not baby sitter.

Some women are stalked who do not want to be. An involved husband greatly discourages that. The reverse is true, too.

 

[RaymondG]

Some women are stalked who do not want to be. An involved husband greatly discourages that. The reverse is true, too.

In the case of stalking.......the guy is making advances that are unwanted by and upsetting to the wife and therefore the husband is made fully aware of it......It's time to bust some heads.

In the case of this thread, the woman welcomes the advances..holds onto pictures.....decides the pictures are attractive and desires to make contact with the guy in secret.

I think these are very different scenarios.

 

[savedthroughgrace]

Don't justify beginning a relationship with someone, albeit a pen pal (for now), by saying "it's rude not to answer". Secretly communicating with whom you describe as an attractive male is disrespectful to your husband. I assume you would be more keen on guarding his feelings, over a passing aquaintance.

If you want someone to justify or encourage your desire to write this guy, I doubt you will find it here. The fact that your asking says you already know the answer.

 

[mama2one]

you're almost 50, don't think he's hitting on you

would show it to your husband in case he's trying to find out info as a potential robber?
if you still own the place/if you're running place alone?

that would be MY first thought

 

[RaymondG]

you're almost 50, don't think he's hitting on you

would show it to your husband in case he's trying to find out info as a potential robber?
if you still own the place/if you're running place alone?

that would be MY first thought

a robber sending current photos of themselves to be quickly identified? I think not. And dont sleep on 50 year olds......I will look 28 years old when Im 50.

 

[mama2one]

he asked about farm, if she was widowed and running place herself.....easy target

 

[savedthroughgrace]

he asked about farm, if she was widowed and running place herself.....easy target

She asked if she should tell her husband

 

[mama2one]

She asked if she should tell her husband

I said to show it to him... Post 29
can't be too careful

 

[Sarah5]

I mentioned that he was attractive more of a way of judging if this was an advance, rather than being simply a nice gesture from a past tenant. I've never received a kind of letter like this before.

 

[savedthroughgrace]

I said to show it to him... Post 29
can't be too careful

Understood. It was confusing when you meantioned "if she was widowed." Because she is not. But I get it was hypothetical.

 

[savedthroughgrace]

I mentioned that he was attractive more of a way of judging if this was an advance, rather than being simply a nice gesture from a past tenant. I've never received a kind of letter like this before.

We havent seen the letter nor do we know you or the fellow who wrote you. But I'd say that someone's attractivness is not a valid way of judging their intent. "Unattractive" people can make advances just as much as those you see as attractive. It just makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside when it feels like someone younger and attractive is giving us attention.

I'm sorry if I'm way off base here. But this is something that should be dealt with swiftly and abruptly if there is even a hint of sin or temptation.

1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[New Birth]

Well do you think I should respond to him to let him know how things are on the farm? Not replying might seem rude.

Your not thinking right lady. The fact that you have justification to not show your husband and justification for replying says you are playing with adultery. You are being led away and enticed by your own lust. No to mention you think he is attractive. your either making up this situation to get a response. or your fantasizing about how you can make this work. The fact that you would reach out in a forum to find the answer is troubling. Your question is do I tell my husband, but your real issue is can you justifiably reply to him and commit sin and use your husbands alleged jealousy as a reason to leave him for a fantasy because when he finds out he going to freak out and then your out of hear. Your may be desiring a divorce in your heart and see this as the start of the process. This will ruin your life and future. You should give the letter to your husband. also ask God to help you to overcome the temptation to commit adultery.

 

[mina]

You need to be able to talk to your husband about everything. And to not assume a weird but friendly letter means some guy has the hots for you. I would see it as a red flag that my communication and friendship with my husband needs to be improved. And I wouldn't answer the letter ; not every inquiry needs an answer ; especially if you are suspecting ulterior motives or even entertaining them. If the guy really is attracted to you and trying to get you to respond, why would you allow such an intrusion in your marriage or keep a secret from your husband? If you really want to answer, then send him a Christmas card from both of you later in the year with a brief and polite message. It's the socially correct and least awkward time to send a snail mail communication where you can just basically sign both your names.

ETA: Him sending you a letter is not normal, but your response is not normal either. The normal response is to tell your husband b/c you can talk to your husband and don't keep things from him and not be thinking of entertaining the idea of responding and building up a secret correspondence because you think he is attractive. If you have thoughts like that, it's your responsibility to cut it out and then not respond to any advances outside of your marriage.