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Is this an advance?

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by Sarah5, Jan 29, 2019.

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  1. Sarah5

    Sarah5 New Member

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    My husband and I own a farm and we rent out some property (cottages) for a little extra income. Recently I received a letter from a guy who stayed on our farm a few years ago. A youngish guy in his 20s. He asked how I was and how things were on our farm, and he also sent a recent pic of himself. We were hardly good friends or anything like that, but we would acknowledge each other with a "hello" if we passed each other on the farm or in the town. Is he making a subtle amorous advance towards me? I don't usually receive letters from past tenants! He also started the letter with my first name, and signed it off with his first name. Isn't using first names a little bit "familiar?" for two people who weren't really friends? I'm not sure if I should mention it to my husband. Should I reply to him?
     
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  2. maintenance man

    maintenance man Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I'd have to read the letter. He may be trying to sell you something.

    But...

    I have questions.

    Who sends letters these days?
    Why wouldn't you tell your husband?
    Why would you reply?
     
  3. Dave L

    Dave L Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Sounds like he's stalking you to me. You had a brief business agreement but he is now making it personal. [edit] You are on his radar and any response might solicit more attention from him.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2019
  4. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    THat is quite possible.

    Yes, tell your husband. And let HIM reply to the guy.
     
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  5. Sarah5

    Sarah5 New Member

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    He sent a letter because he knew my home address, not any e mail accounts I have

    My husband might get jealous

    I might reply through good manners
     
  6. maintenance man

    maintenance man Well-Known Member Supporter

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    People in sales send letters.

    Unless you're looking to sneak around behind your husband's back he needs to read the letter.

    Sending a letter with obscure intentions is bad manners.

    Trying to start a relationship with a married woman is bad manners.
     
  7. tampasteve

    tampasteve Messianic and Lutheran Staff Member Purple Team - Moderator Supporter Staff on LOA

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    Your husband will be more jealous if he finds out you replied, and now have a dialog going on behind his back. Either do not reply (I would still tell him, but that is up to you) or let your husband know of the situation and be involved in what you reply, that is what I would advise.
     
  8. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal Supporter

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    Too little information to go on. (He may have improper social skills, like high-functioning autism, too.)
    Go ahead. Just frame it in a way like, "Hey, honey, do you remember that guy we used to rent to? He sent us a letter..."
    Probably not, but if you do, respond as husband and wife.
     
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  9. snoochface

    snoochface Meet the new boss -- same as the old boss.

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    Why wouldn't you tell your husband?

    Leave it on the table with the rest of the mail. Or say, "Got a letter from <former renter> today. Kind of weird." I mean, what in the world is there to get jealous of?
     
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  10. messianist

    messianist Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I think informing your husband is important, the fact that he has sent the letter to you, and not the both of you seems a bit odd, either ignore it or send a reply from you and your husband.
    Spend time in prayer before making a decision.
     
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  11. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal Supporter

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    The fact that he used snail mail suggests this possibility. He made no effort to be secretive in his contact.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2019
  12. Sarah5

    Sarah5 New Member

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    Well he's undeniably attractive. If he was some unattractive guy I could probably pass it off as him just wanting to say hello again.
     
  13. RaymondG

    RaymondG Well-Known Member

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    This letter should have been read and then discarded or placed on the mail table to be shredded with the next pile of papers, never to be thought of again.....the same we do with junk mail.

    But no, you internalized it, you thought about motives, wondered if he was into you.......considered that this may be a secret to hide from your husband..........then considered responding in secret.

    The motives of the sender wouldn't matter to me at all, if I were the husband......but I would question why you have gotten so emotionally involved after reading a few words and looking at a picture......Why is it that you put so much thought into this......and why cant you just throw it away and forget about it.?
     
  14. RaymondG

    RaymondG Well-Known Member

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    Questions answered.
     
  15. snoochface

    snoochface Meet the new boss -- same as the old boss.

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    Now I understand.
     
  16. Saricharity

    Saricharity Follower of Christ

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    Proverbs 4:14-15
    Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers.
    Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way.
     
  17. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal Supporter

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    If there is a competing attraction (regardless of sender's intent), that is all the more reason to trash it, as @RaymondG suggested.
     
  18. Sarah5

    Sarah5 New Member

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    Well do you think I should respond to him to let him know how things are on the farm? Not replying might seem rude.
     
  19. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal Supporter

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    Given the rest of this thread, I'd say no.
    Entertaining temptation is even more rude.
     
  20. messianist

    messianist Well-Known Member Supporter

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    speaking to your husband regarding this should be your priority, rather than people who you don't know.
     
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