Is This Adultery?
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1.) It is definately adultery.
2.) Definately.
3.) If she doesn't tell him, she is a liar as well as an adulteress. He has a right to know and make a decision about what course to take with the relationship.
I will pray for her and her husband. God Bless.
Sean C.
2.) Definately.
3.) If she doesn't tell him, she is a liar as well as an adulteress. He has a right to know and make a decision about what course to take with the relationship.
I will pray for her and her husband. God Bless. Sean C.
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Matthew 5:28
28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
That answers the question, I think.
As to telling, that is another matter. If she has fully repented (not just quit doing this) then it might be less damaging to their marriage to say nothing. However, if she is still thinking of this other person (and, BTW, this is NOT love, but lust) she may need to do so to get his help in changing her heart.
28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
That answers the question, I think.
As to telling, that is another matter. If she has fully repented (not just quit doing this) then it might be less damaging to their marriage to say nothing. However, if she is still thinking of this other person (and, BTW, this is NOT love, but lust) she may need to do so to get his help in changing her heart.
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porcupine said:
I disagree. It may be less damaging to her marriage but she still would be living a lie [in sin]. She should tell her husband, because if she doesn't she will be deciving him.
Sean C.
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New_Found_Faith said:
I agree. Just admit it (first to God, then to her husband), and ask for forgiveness. Holding on to it is far worse, especially if he finds out the truth on his own.
I'll also pray for her.
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New_Found_Faith said:
If she has truly repented, she is washed by the blood of this sin. She is not lying unless he asks her point blank if she EVER had sex with another after they were marred, and she answered "no." If this is completely over, then the only thing that can be accomplished is to make it impossible for the husband to ever trust her fully again.
Proverbs tells us that there are things better left unsaid.
However, if this thing is a struggle for her, then she must tell him so he can help her in the struggle.
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porcupine said:
If she continues to decieve her husband, she isn't truly repentant. She is lying to him, where there should be trust in a relationship... he has a right to know, and if he is a Christian he will not condemn her. Both of them need to make an effort toward each other to make the relationship work the way God intended it to, not shadowed in a lie. If it is an ongoing struglle, she should confess to her husband and ask him for help and forgiveness. But I agree with what you said in your first post about it being lust, not love. God Bless.
Sean C.
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Great debate, thanks. On the love part, let's assume she is in love with him (fact is none of us know for sure). Then, what? What if she doesn't love her husband anymore? She has told me such things.
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Jvn said:
Heh... well then you've got an even bigger problem. Marriage doesn't end with legal divorce, so if she were to divorce him and 'Marry' the adulterer, she would be committing adultery each time she has sex with her new 'husband.' Same thing would go for the guy if he re-marries. Are they Catholic? I know what they can do if they are Catholic, but you'd have to ask someone else if they aren't.
Sean C.
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Jvn said:
If they were Catholic, and the only option left would be to break up the marriage, they could get an annulment. I don't know much about what an annulment means or what the process for it is, though, sorry.
Sorry I'm not much help with that, I've never had the experience.
Sean C.
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Chajara
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I feel for the woman and her husband. It's tough when a relationship isn't going well or something and you want out, but don't feel you can get out. Not to say what she's doing is right, but it's definately her way of crying out for help. The fact that she's admitted it to someone is the first step. If she truly feels she's in love with this other guy moreso than she is with her husband, I'd hope that she'd be able to turn it around, with the husband's help. If he's unwilling to cooperate and help her repair their relationship and fall back in love with him after he finds out, then in my opinion he's very much in the wrong too.
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grateful heart
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i dont know anyone he hasnt lied to their spouses, example would be my wife has these white pants that makes her butt look bigger than it is, but she loves those pants, now i havent told her what i see but if i do i would shatter her(not only about the pants but her self image a little bit as well) but i would tell the truth, or i could leave it and hope she gets sick of them any way, your saying i shouldnt keep it from her and tell her no matter what, i dont agree at all, if you repent God has forgotton the sin so why shouldnt you?
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If she has gone to the point of illogicality to where she has honestly deceived herself to this matter, i dont see how you could make her see that it is indeed adultery, and that she needs to remedy the situation now.
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I dont know what kind of answer your looking for but without knowing the circumstances it would be hard to give advise..Is she a christian,does heR husband mistreat or not provide for her or is she bored with her husband and think this new man will provide excitment in her life..If she is a christian she would stay away from the other man and pray a lot..In my own opinion whats wrong with people today is they always think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence..My wifes getting older and doesnt look or act like she did when we were in our 20s neither do I..But we made a commitment and its so easy to make excuses and walk away rather than stay together and work things out..Sounds like your friend is bored and this man at this time is providing excitement..A marriage changes as the years go by you have to learn to change with them..I think unless there is abuse or adultry there is no excuse for couples splitting up.I belive today to many people watch to much Tv and cant tell reality from fantasy.
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It's adultery, and you are her accomplice unless you convince her to stop and work on her marriage instead. Her hands are dirty, she can't blame anyone else for that.
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Chajara
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Willo said:
Don't be so judgmental. Nothing is clear other than the fact that she is, in fact, sinning. You have no idea what turmoil is going on in this woman's mind.
That said, any updates as to what's happened? I hope this gets cleared up soon and everything turns out well.
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It is adultry. She is having sexual relations with this other man. She is playing around with how she defines terms so that she can lie to herself and think she is not commiting the sin of adultry.
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New_Found_Faith said:
He can't condemn her, but as a christian he can certainly divorce her. We are not required to stay with partners who commit adultery.
Matthew 5:31-32
'Furthermore it has been said, "Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery."'
Her husband can divorce her, and remarry, without committing adultery because she committed adultery within the marriage.
The situation is ofcourse different for the woman. She is committing adultery now, and if they divorce and she remarries she will be committing adultery then.
If she has repented I would suggest a lot of time is spent in prayer about whether or not to tell her husband, and if so, when and how and that the Lords grace be on him at the time and in the following months so that the marriage can stay intact.
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