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Is This A Good First Date Question?

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Sketcher, Mar 14, 2019.

  1. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +5,313
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    Say two people are on a first date and don't know each other well.

    The question I had in mind is:

    "How do you act around guys you are into as opposed to guys you are only friends/friendly with?"

    Is it appropriate to ask this question?

    Is it advisable to ask this question?

    If it is neither for the first date, and what point in the relationship does it become both?

    Is there a better way to word the same question?

    No, there isn't any "news" in my life, I was just wondering about this. My reason for doing so is I have been fooled before, and especially around more extroverted women, I have a hard time knowing how to interpret the way they act if I don't know them decently well. And by the time I do get to know a woman sufficiently, I've been friendzoned. So rather than assume, I thought maybe it would be wiser to ask.
     
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  2. Jonaitis

    Jonaitis Pilgrim

    +3,006
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    Straight to the point, I like that. She probably would too.

    I would probably pull out a paper of agreement with details at to the terms and conditions we would bound ourselves to if we want to continue the path that we are treading, with each other signatures (with it in print as well) at the bottom. It would outline the timeframe of the relationship, the particular places we would go together, the sorts of conversations we will have, a journal to record each other impressions of each other, and a date of the marriage ceremony with all that will be planned before it. I have it as a rough draft right now, not sure what else to add...
     
  3. CodyFaith

    CodyFaith Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,058
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    I think it might just be unecessary. When you're on a date with a woman you both have decided to see if you are a match dating-wise or not. So if you both hit it off, then you've found out you are and romantic feelings/actions sort of just come automatically, whereas if you don't then you
    will both decide not to proceed.

    As far as friendzoned goes, I think it's important to realize most people will not be friends with people they fail to connect with dating wise. The party who gets shut down can only be friendzoned if they have feelings still... and usually they will. And so in that case it's up to that person to make the healthy decision not to be friends with that person, because it would only harm themselves.

    So that's why it's typically unecessary to ask and a lot of people might react strange to the question. Hope that makes sense.
     
  4. derpytia

    derpytia Compassion. Supporter

    684
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    Coming from a woman's perspective, that question might seem a little offputting and defensive especially on a first date. It's like you've already put on a front and it gives off the impression that you expect women to be too friendly with other men or that you have a low opinion of them.

    I advise that you either change the phrasing of the question, only ask the question with some context (explain your situation and why you are asking), or perhaps just don't ask it at all and, as a relationship with a woman progresses, ask her directly how she feels about you as you go so that you don't get blindsided by a friendzone.

    (Also, I know the friendzone can be really frustrating and makes dealing with us ladies frustrating but I promise we aren't all bad. Don't think lesser of us women just because of a handful of bad experiences with a few of us. :) )
     
  5. CodyFaith

    CodyFaith Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,058
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    [​IMG]
     
  6. Jonaitis

    Jonaitis Pilgrim

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    Haha, I wasn't being sarcastic and "salty" (although the last part was written for laughs). I seriously do like being straight to the point.
     
  7. thecolorsblend

    thecolorsblend If God is your Father, who is your Mother?

    +5,890
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    It's a great question to ask but don't expect an honest answer.
     
  8. derpytia

    derpytia Compassion. Supporter

    684
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    You think so little of women?
     
  9. Fenwick

    Fenwick DEUS VULT

    +7,093
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    Personally, I really like that question. I think it cuts through the bull and actually answers more than one question (i.e. recognizing if I'm friend-zoned, and also perhaps if she's too flirty with other men for my comfort).

    That being said, I'm not sure how comfortable a woman would be answering it on a first date. I can imagine some women would find it sort of invasive, like "what do you care how I behave around my guy friends?"
     
  10. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +4,553
    Christian Seeker
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    Keep it simple. Avoid questions like that...

    Although it's a good question to ask a girl friend, but NOT in the first date.
     
  11. RobertMerton

    RobertMerton Veteran

    +107
    Christian
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    Nahh dont ask that question if you want a second date.

    Best to see how she acts with other guys in a group setting. (For instance at a party)
     
  12. SleepingAtLast

    SleepingAtLast Member

    99
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    I think it's a good psychoanalytic question, but personally I would not ask her that on a first date or really any other time for that matter, the reason being that it is basically a roundabout way of asking her if she likes you. She will see through that. Instead I would recommend going into a date with the confidence that you are a catch and assume she likes you until she gives you reason to think otherwise. And I don't mean a douchey confidence, but an understanding that someone would be fortunate to have you in their life. With that frame of mind, you will worry less about whether or not she actually likes you and you can focus on her. And if she does like you, you will know by the way she responds to your pursuit.
     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2019
  13. Miles

    Miles Away From Nowhere

    +2,691
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    I'd keep that question to myself, and observe how she acts.
     
  14. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat For who can resist his will?

    +2,562
    United States
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    I don't recommend you ask a woman this on the first date or ever. It will turn her off for one, and its something shes not going to want to tell you anyways. If you can't tell if a woman likes you then you can only know this from experience, not from asking her how she behaves around guys she likes then looking for that behavior when she interacts with you. It just doesn't work that way.

    A general rule is if you aren't sure if a girl likes you then she almost surely doesn't like you. If she liked you she would make it obvious. Giving you her full attention, laughing at things that aren't funny are just cliche examples but give you an idea of what i mean.
     
  15. kittysbecute

    kittysbecute Pokémon Master

    +3,079
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    That question is awkward (for both people I think), and sounds like you just want to know if she likes you... so why not ask plainly if she likes you at an appropriate time? Early on the answer might not be clear to her, just as it may not be clear to you. I do think honesty is important and asking questions to find truth is good.

    *Edit... apparently I can’t spell...

    Also, another way you might phrase it is to let her know you enjoyed spending time with her and ask if she would like to go out again. I know it is difficult to read people and how they are feeling. Personally, I would just ask at some point to remove ambiguity. (That point in time would vary.)
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2019
  16. JustSomeBloke

    JustSomeBloke Wo-choo-lookin-at?

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    No. The question behind it is too blunt. And it assumes that she knows the answer to the question behind it. If she has not yet decided whether she wants a relationship with you, then I think it is more likely that such a question will push her away, rather than tip the balance in your favour.

    Women can be quite subtle when indicating their interest. You just have to be patient, and eventually they will show their true feelings. If you think that getting friend-zoned is a problem, I'd focus on why that might be happening, rather than asking those kinds of questions.
     
  17. Elliewaves

    Elliewaves Untouchable internet saint

    +911
    Non-Denom
    Engaged
    If she's already on a date with you, then she liked you enough to say yes. It's a weird/awkward first date question and almost sounds accusing in a way. It's not a bad question, but it might be better asked in a different setting- like if you are both discussing or joking around about gender responses in the dating world and you then ask a serious question.
     
  18. CodyFaith

    CodyFaith Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,058
    Canada
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    [​IMG]


    :D
     
  19. THE W

    THE W AFRIKANB0T

    +2,524
    United States
    Presbyterian
    Single
    it's pointless to ask the question because women lie about such things. don't listen to a word a female tells you but observe all of her actions.

    people make time for the things and people who are important to them. if the chic makes excuses for why she can't do this or that thing with you then she not into you like that.
     
  20. thecolorsblend

    thecolorsblend If God is your Father, who is your Mother?

    +5,890
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    Realistically, there are thousands of reasons to go on a date with somebody. Being sincerely attracted to that person is merely one of them.
     
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