Is this a Dealbreaker?

[LinkH]

I was listening to Chuck Smith's radio call-in program. A man called in and said that he and his girlfriend were thinking of getting engaged. Obama's announcement came out, and he asked her what she thought about gay marriage. She was in favor of it. He said he disagreed. He asked her if one of her relatives was going to have a 'wedding' like that, would she go, she said yes. He asked if he were her husband, and as shepherd in the home, opposed her going, would she still go, and she said she would.

So he asked Chuck Smith and the other guy if they thought this was a reason not to get married. Chuck Smith said this issue would be something we heard more and not less of, and this situation would be a strike against them getting married. The other guy said he should share what the word of God said on the subject, and she may be teachable on the matter (something I was thinking, and a response I liked better than Chuck's.)

Should something like this be a 'deal-breaker'? Could different views on this cause trouble in marriage? I mean a real marriage. Hopefully, no one in a marriage will run off and try to get 'gay married.'

The way two people view scripture can cause disagreements. I know a lady at church who thinks homosexuality is immoral, but isn't opposed to civil unions, so I know that, aside from the issue of accepting what scripture calls sin, people can have different views on the how the government should interact with society.

 

[I Art Laughing]

Absolutely, she does not understand the God's purpose or intent for marriage. I'm not opposed to it, what expectation do we have from unbelievers? On the other hand I'm not for it, read the Bible.

It's a deal-breaker in my mind, a risky bet since I could only imagine what other whacked out humanistic interpretations of the Bible she might have.

 

[MessianicMommy]

Definitely not a deal breaker. A cultural divide perhaps, but something that could be an "agree to disagree" rather than "pff, I can't spend the rest of my life with you, even though I love you" issue.

 

[LinkH]

It wasn't clear from what the man said if the disagreement was over whether 'gay marriage' was acceptable or whether the state should allow it for unbelievers.

 

[MessianicMommy]

That's what I gathered you meant.

 

[LinkH]

If I were single and looking, and the woman believed gay marriage was valid in the sight of God, and wasn't teachable when shown otherwise in scripture, it would be a deal-breaker. The issue of not accepting the headship of the husband in the home, in hindsight if I knew what I know now, would be a deal-breaker. (I didn't pay that much attention to such details back then.) In my case, I could came to see the sovereign hand of the Lord in our relationship. I was more concerned with knowing that this was the Lord's will for us than knowing specific beliefs. We share a lot of beliefs and values because of our faith, even though we are from different continents.

 

[I Art Laughing]

Not understanding the model of Christ and His bride is a bigger cultural gap than I would like to bridge. While this seems like a small detail I think it will represent a major fissure under a "Biblical" marriage, akin to marrying an unbeliever. Again, I'm not talking about a libertarian view of "same-sex" "marriage" but rather the type of view espoused by the POTUS.

 

[Romanseight2005]

It sounds to me like the real issue wasn't gay marriage, but rather, him wanting to tell her what she can and can't do, and her not agreeing to that set up. That would definiely be an issue in the marriage. If he goes into it with an attitude of entitlement, (he can tell her what to do, but she doesn't have the same say.) He better makes sure that she sees her,"role," the same way, because she would be miserable, and so would he, if they didn't go into that in agreement.

 

[JRSut1000]

On an issue like that, it's definitely a deal breaker! It has to do with the subject of core morality and if two can't agree on even the basics, who knows what else they wont agree on!

And yes, if her view is not biblically based, then he has every right to try to persuade the one he loves.

 

[Boidae]

It sounds to me like the real issue wasn't gay marriage, but rather, him wanting to tell her what she can and can't do, and her not agreeing to that set up. That would definiely be an issue in the marriage. If he goes into it with an attitude of entitlement, (he can tell her what to do, but she doesn't have the same say.) He better makes sure that she sees her,"role," the same way, because she would be miserable, and so would he, if they didn't go into that in agreement.

I agree with this.

If my wife doesn't agree with a viewpoint of mine, I don't say I am the man and you must come around to my line of thinking. I will let her know why I think the way that I do and she then can come to the same conclusion on her own or we will just agree to disagree.

My wife is her own person, an adult with a head on her shoulders and she can make her own mind up and doesn't need me telling her how to think because I am the man in the relationship.

 

[JRSut1000]

"How can two walk together unless they be agreed?"

 

[I Art Laughing]

I agree with this.

If my wife doesn't agree with a viewpoint of mine, I don't say I am the man and you must come around to my line of thinking. I will let her know why I think the way that I do and she then can come to the same conclusion on her own or we will just agree to disagree.

My wife is her own person, an adult with a head on her shoulders and she can make her own mind up and doesn't need me telling her how to think because I am the man in the relationship.

So deal-breakers are a deal-breaker for you?

 

[Boidae]

So deal-breakers are a deal-breaker for you?

Nope, not at all. We agree to disagree, it's not a deal-breaker.

 

[Boidae]

"How can two walk together unless they be agreed?"

The majority of things we agree on, but there are somethings where we just agree to disagree.

I will not force my wife to my way of thinking. I will present my side and if she doesn't accept it, she doesn't accept it.

We agree to disagree and leave it at that. Maybe somewhere down the road we will touch on the subject and re-evaluate, and one of us may change our minds, but if not we will continue to agree to disagree.

 

[I Art Laughing]

Ah, the "tolerance" dance......

 

[Boidae]

Ah, the "tolerance" dance......

What would you have me do? Tell her she must agree with me or else because I am the man?

 

[JRSut1000]

Well the OP discusses two people that are not yet married, so with differences like this (and I believe matters of morality are basic/core) they should not get married.

 

[I Art Laughing]

I see a trend here. There seems like an issue that if a man has an opinion, a firmly held belief, that he is a tyrant, whether he is married yet or not. Nice.

 

[JRSut1000]

Yeah, it would seem that way sometimes... wonder how the responses would vary if the situation were flipped...

 

[Boidae]

I see a trend here. There seems like an issue that if a man has an opinion, a firmly held belief, that he is a tyrant, whether he is married or not. Nice.

I didn't say that, but I don't believe that my opinion needs to be my wife's opinion. She doesn't need to agree with me on everything. That is all that i am saying.

When I say that I won't force my opinion on my wife, that is what I am saying. That she is able to form her own opinions or thoughts that are separate from my own.