Currently, taking a translation break with my boyfriend Or ex boyfriend? where after a few months we come and decide if we will come back together or to be separated. We dated for nearly 5 years and 2-3 years ago we start having up and down issues.
Long story short, we had on going issues regarding his church community where we once both attended. I’ve left that church roughly 2 years ago because I didn’t feel comfortable anymore while he remain and serves as a leader. Ever since the church welcome new young people for fellowship, I felt very insecure. Certain people would make me feel insecure through the way they dress, treat each other with two faces and the way they talk with each other E.g. being flirty. It’s gone to a point where I feel like people come for the sake of entertainment. Once I asked my boyfriend what’s his thoughts about this girl and he said she seems to make a great wife material and that moment I was crushed. Throughout that time, we seek for help from the pastor regarding our issue. However, that turned into a disaster where I felt betrayed. The pastor promised that he will keep our relationship confidential, however one of my friend somehow ended up telling me what the pastor said about our relationship. Although the story wasn’t 100% correct but 80% was. In this case, I have never told anyone other than my two best friends who did not go to that church nor is friends with anyone from that church about our relationship. What hurt me even more was that the pastor said it was because of this female friend of mines who also attend that church who cause me to feel insecure. Through time the rumor started spreading and that female friend of mines convinced others to completed treated me with toxicity E.g. talking behind my back and when they saw me in the public they would avoid. Me and my boyfriend did confront this issue to the pastor and all he said was “I’m sorry if I said something but I didn’t”. Ever since then my boyfriend didn’t take this into consideration as he thinks it was that friend who told me the story made things up. In this case, how could that friend who told me about the pastors telling him made things up when he didn’t even know.
Throughout the past months/years eventually I left that church and he remain going to Friday fellowship and Sunday service. All this time I felt uncomfortable that he was around the people who hurt me and I would always complain. At the end of the day, the issue tends to not resolve. I’ve tried finding new churches and asked if he wants to change with me but his pride is so strong that it would always lead to argument. We broken up a few times in the past but they were short breaks, at the end it was me begging him back but the issue never resolved. Until recently, I started attending his old church where he left in the first place to join me at the church which cause problematic issues as mentioned above. Yet, the issue raise again which he then suggested break up after talking to his parents. Not only he blocked me everywhere but it felt real this time. Somehow I manage to find a brother in Christ at the church I now attend who was also close with him once and he made us meet up. We found a place and talked for nearly 8 hours - resulting no conclusion but to take this transaction break. During the conversation, my boyfriend said he want us to be separated because he said I don’t trust him with his church community and that we have had this issue for a long time. Whereas I’m more towards getting back together but hoping both side to compromise.
As such, within this transaction period our brother Christ suggested a few things: we must not seek other people during this time, delete our social media, reflection of ourselves, no contact with each other and that I have to start attend church again.
These past few weeks I’ve been trying to regain my faith back. It does feel good to come back to Gods hand even tho from the past I was always afraid to go to church because of what happened. Moreover, the Bible has for sure inspired me that there is hope in reconciliation in our relationship but sometimes I do feel like it’s Gods will for us to not get back together as I still have doubts. I feel like the negative thoughts such as my boyfriend won’t reflect on our relationship these months, he won’t change as his pride is so strong or he’s better off without me keeps reoccurring. I heard from friends that my boyfriend is always with his church community now which kinda makes me uncomfortable to think, he’s not reflecting and that he has given up. Sometimes I feel like giving up but then the through of what’s the point of this transitional period? At this stage, I’m very torn and I really do want us to come back together and serve God at the same church but I know this won’t happen because of his love towards his church community. I’ve been pray consistently for him to change and that God can open his eyes but I feel like my prayer isn’t heard even tho as the Bible said if we trust God and pray, He will give us our needs. Overall, I can’t do anything at this moment than pray and trust the Lord but I feel empty and have mix feelings. I really don’t want this relationship to end but in the same time I really don’t want us back together and the problem isn’t solved. Any suggestion or comments you would like to add?
Long story short, we had on going issues regarding his church community where we once both attended. I’ve left that church roughly 2 years ago because I didn’t feel comfortable anymore while he remain and serves as a leader. Ever since the church welcome new young people for fellowship, I felt very insecure. Certain people would make me feel insecure through the way they dress, treat each other with two faces and the way they talk with each other E.g. being flirty. It’s gone to a point where I feel like people come for the sake of entertainment. Once I asked my boyfriend what’s his thoughts about this girl and he said she seems to make a great wife material and that moment I was crushed. Throughout that time, we seek for help from the pastor regarding our issue. However, that turned into a disaster where I felt betrayed. The pastor promised that he will keep our relationship confidential, however one of my friend somehow ended up telling me what the pastor said about our relationship. Although the story wasn’t 100% correct but 80% was. In this case, I have never told anyone other than my two best friends who did not go to that church nor is friends with anyone from that church about our relationship. What hurt me even more was that the pastor said it was because of this female friend of mines who also attend that church who cause me to feel insecure. Through time the rumor started spreading and that female friend of mines convinced others to completed treated me with toxicity E.g. talking behind my back and when they saw me in the public they would avoid. Me and my boyfriend did confront this issue to the pastor and all he said was “I’m sorry if I said something but I didn’t”. Ever since then my boyfriend didn’t take this into consideration as he thinks it was that friend who told me the story made things up. In this case, how could that friend who told me about the pastors telling him made things up when he didn’t even know.
Throughout the past months/years eventually I left that church and he remain going to Friday fellowship and Sunday service. All this time I felt uncomfortable that he was around the people who hurt me and I would always complain. At the end of the day, the issue tends to not resolve. I’ve tried finding new churches and asked if he wants to change with me but his pride is so strong that it would always lead to argument. We broken up a few times in the past but they were short breaks, at the end it was me begging him back but the issue never resolved. Until recently, I started attending his old church where he left in the first place to join me at the church which cause problematic issues as mentioned above. Yet, the issue raise again which he then suggested break up after talking to his parents. Not only he blocked me everywhere but it felt real this time. Somehow I manage to find a brother in Christ at the church I now attend who was also close with him once and he made us meet up. We found a place and talked for nearly 8 hours - resulting no conclusion but to take this transaction break. During the conversation, my boyfriend said he want us to be separated because he said I don’t trust him with his church community and that we have had this issue for a long time. Whereas I’m more towards getting back together but hoping both side to compromise.
As such, within this transaction period our brother Christ suggested a few things: we must not seek other people during this time, delete our social media, reflection of ourselves, no contact with each other and that I have to start attend church again.
These past few weeks I’ve been trying to regain my faith back. It does feel good to come back to Gods hand even tho from the past I was always afraid to go to church because of what happened. Moreover, the Bible has for sure inspired me that there is hope in reconciliation in our relationship but sometimes I do feel like it’s Gods will for us to not get back together as I still have doubts. I feel like the negative thoughts such as my boyfriend won’t reflect on our relationship these months, he won’t change as his pride is so strong or he’s better off without me keeps reoccurring. I heard from friends that my boyfriend is always with his church community now which kinda makes me uncomfortable to think, he’s not reflecting and that he has given up. Sometimes I feel like giving up but then the through of what’s the point of this transitional period? At this stage, I’m very torn and I really do want us to come back together and serve God at the same church but I know this won’t happen because of his love towards his church community. I’ve been pray consistently for him to change and that God can open his eyes but I feel like my prayer isn’t heard even tho as the Bible said if we trust God and pray, He will give us our needs. Overall, I can’t do anything at this moment than pray and trust the Lord but I feel empty and have mix feelings. I really don’t want this relationship to end but in the same time I really don’t want us back together and the problem isn’t solved. Any suggestion or comments you would like to add?
