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Is there anything wrong with a woman in her 40's who has never been married?

Discussion in 'Mature Singles' started by Lybrah, Dec 12, 2016.

  1. Lybrah

    Lybrah Active Member

    293
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    Be honest!
     
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  2. Tempura

    Tempura Noob Supporter

    +1,793
    Finland
    Lutheran
    Single
    No. Some get married older, some not at all, some all the time. Men and women. Not being married isn't any worse than having been married 5 times. More preferable even.
     
  3. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +6,001
    Christian
    Is there something inherently better about being married?
     
  4. RC1970

    RC1970 post tenebras lux

    +1,531
    United States
    Protestant
    Single
    If it is possible for a person to abstain sexually, then it is better not to marry.
     
  5. John Hyperspace

    John Hyperspace UnKnown ReMember

    +1,244
    Christian
    Single
    May as well reply to this twice: nothing wrong with an unmarried anyone of any age.
     
  6. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +6,001
    Christian
    Having difficulty with celibacy is not the only reason to marry someone nor will it make a suitable partner appear.
     
  7. RC1970

    RC1970 post tenebras lux

    +1,531
    United States
    Protestant
    Single
    "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corinthians 7:8-9
     
  8. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +6,001
    Christian
    If a person got married only for the purpose of having sex, they completely violated the purpose of marriage...and they probably won't have a very happy life. Nobody gets married to be someone's blow up doll.
     
  9. RC1970

    RC1970 post tenebras lux

    +1,531
    United States
    Protestant
    Single
    I apologize for responding to your message.
     
  10. The Hammer of Witches

    The Hammer of Witches ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    +586
    Protestant
    Single
    It depends on the reason I suppose. If that path is chosen to be closer to God then that is great!
     
  11. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

    +4,793
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    There are probably as many reason as there are people who haven't been married by the time they are 40. When someone decides its time to get married at 40 for the 1st time there are a lot of reason they can make that decision as well.
    The question of whether it's wise for them to stay single or get married is also found in those same reasons.
    Basically there is not way to judge a person in these situations. Its between the two people and God. I'd support them what ever their decision is.
     
  12. exitstageright

    exitstageright Newbie

    +567
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    I got this info from Focus On The Family.

    The current body of research consistently finds married men and women are:

    • More likely to live longer
    • More likely to be physically healthier
    • More likely to be mentally healthier
    • More likely to be happier
    • Recover from illness quicker and more successfully
    • Generally, take better care of themselves and avoid risky behavior
    Longevity
    Many studies have shown that married adults have a greater likelihood of living longer than their unmarried counterparts. 3 The association between marriage and decreased mortality has even been established in studies conducted in a wide variety of cultures.4

    Additionally, UCLA Professor Robert Coombs found, “Virtually every study of mortality and marital status shows the unmarried of both sexes have higher death rates, whether by accident, disease, or self-inflicted wounds, and this is found in every country that maintains accurate health statistics.”5

    The reasons married people tend to live longer are not fully understood, but researchers hypothesized that the benefit could a result of the economic advantages of marriage. However, they found no significant link between income level and probability of death.6 When it comes to extending life, marriage - not money - consistently predicts the benefit.

    Physical Health
    Married people live longer because they are more likely to enjoy better physical health. The various ways marriage protects the health of married adults run the gamut, “The protective influence of marriage applies not only to more minor illnesses like colds, flu, and migraine headaches but also to serious health issues like cancer, heart disease, and heart attacks – as well as the need for any kind of surgery.”7

    Researchers studying marital health in seventeen different nations observed married persons are more likely to recognize symptoms, seek medical treatment, avoid risky behavior, recover quicker, and eat a healthier diet.8

    One significant reason marriage has such strong health benefits is that spouses are intimately aware of and impacted by their spouse’s choices. In a sense, couples have a significant vested interest in watching out for one another and encouraging healthy choices and behavior.

    Wives tend to discourage drinking, smoking, unnecessary risk-taking, and also improve their family’s diet.9 In fact, men actually decrease many self-destructive patterns up to a year before their actual wedding date.10 It seems even planning to get married improves a man’s health.

    Another health benefit comes from emotional support. Researchers found emotional support from a spouse can help people recover from both minor and major illnesses and even help cope with chronic diseases.11 Some studies even suggest that marital relationships actually boost the immune system,12 making sickness less likely in the first place.
     
  13. exitstageright

    exitstageright Newbie

    +567
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    I definitely cannot write about all women.However I have a theory why one woman,that I know,has never been married. She is 52 years old.She says that she is a virgin.But,I seriously doubt that,which is a whole different story.

    She says that she wants to remain a virgin until she gets married.She says that this is her way of wanting to please GOD. I am cool with that.I can understand and respect that. Yet,in her everyday conversations,whenever I see her,she curses like a sailor. I just want to ask her,"Do you think that you are pleasing GOD by cursing about your mother,referring about you mother,while using the "C" word,and cursing GOD,because you are unemployed?"
    Also,she lacks the "sweetness factor". For example,after "Buster" Posey,a professional baseball player,broke his ankle,I said "That must have hurt him very badly,as he was lying in pain, on the ground." She told me,"I don't feel sorry for him at all!" After I asked her,"Why?" She said,"Because he is a millionaire!" I told her ,"But pain is still pain. No matter how much money one makes.Besides,he is not a millionaire,at least not yet." Her remarks vividly shows her lack of compassion for people. I just cannot be romantically involved with someone that has an attitude like that. Now,now,I am glad that she did "Friend Zoned" me.
    Yes,she is very frustrated. She has a great figure.She gets frustrated when men asks the heavy set women out,and not her.She fails to realize that her attitude,is what is making her unattractive,not her figure. She does have unresolved anger issues with both of her parents.I can feel,and hear the anger in her voice,when she talks about her parents.Yet,her mother lets her stay with her,rent free,until she gets a full time job.
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2016
  14. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

    +4,793
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    I can see myself keeping some distance from her, exit.
     
  15. Lybrah

    Lybrah Active Member

    293
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    Christian
    Single

    That is so sad. She may have some other underlying issues where she won't open up to people. Perhaps she was hurt and is scared to get hurt again. You should pray for her! We all want to please God--is it possible that she doesn't realize she is doing wrong by cursing? Some people feel that that is a trivial thing.
     
  16. Servant68

    Servant68 Sleepless 300 miles from Seattle

    +1,467
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    A good friend of mine is 66yrs old, male, never been married. He is the only person I know of over 40 that has never been married. Well, I know of a couple of females that are over 40 and never been married, but one is developmentally disabled and the other is a lesbian, so...

    In my friend's case, he suffered a horrible amount of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse as a child growing up in San Francisco. He went into his twenties as an emotional basket case with high intelligence and the looks of Bradley Cooper. Whored his way through UCLA and enjoyed a career writing and producing in Hollywood.

    Then he became saved and left behind that lifestyle, mostly, and worked various careers as a ranch hand, real estate agent, and ended up in insurance when I met him in 2007.

    In his twenties, he began an arduous journey of therapy and healing that took him decades to be capable of a deep and meaningful relationship that would result in marriage.

    He met and dated the love of his life in his 30's. However, his emotional and psychological issues prevented him from committing to marriage and she ended up marrying an older and wealthy man that she did not truly love thinking that my friend did not love her, and she was desperate to not become an old maid. Ten years or so into her marriage, they reconnected and both realized that they were still madly in love with each other.

    However, their faith prevented them from defiling her marriage. But, her elderly husband was in poor health and they agreed to maintain a platonic relationship in expectation of her husband passing away and freeing her to marry her true love. For the past 15 years or so, they have kept in contact and she has never broken her marriage vows. Her husband is in his 90's now, on his third heart attack and second stroke, but still alive, while my friend patiently awaits his passing. It's a bit twisted, I know...

    It also doesn't address your question directly, but is the only example of someone over 40 who has never been married that I know.

    So, in his case, it was due to psychological and emotional reasons. He's a great guy and completely normal and functional, and a Christian. But, he was simply not fit for marriage and he knew it.
     
  17. Isle of Avalon

    Isle of Avalon New Member

    27
    +26
    Christian
    Single
    I agree. Marriage has to be more than just about sex.
     
  18. Greg J.

    Greg J. Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,881
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. (1 Corinthians 7:7-8, 1984 NIV; Also see vv. 26-27)

    and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:34, 1984 NIV; Also see the surrounding verses)

    So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better. (1 Corinthians 7:38, 1984 NIV)

    In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God. (1 Corinthians 7:40, 1984 NIV)

    Perhaps what is wrong with such women is that they are more Godly than is recognizable in our society. There's probably all kind of things about them that are contrary to our societal norms. They might even be more sane than people can recognize.

    From Wikipedia - Insanity, craziness, or madness is a spectrum of behaviors characterized by certain abnormal mental or behavioral patterns. Insanity may manifest as violations of societal norms.

    The Holy Spirit, through Paul, indicates that remaining unmarried is better. However, the following verse seems more applicable to modern times.

    But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2, 1984 NIV)
     
  19. HuggieGirl

    HuggieGirl New Member

    6
    +11
    Nazarene
    Private
    US-Others
    I don't see anything wrong with someone being over a certain age and not having been married. I, too, am in that group and have no problem with it at all. Others seem to have an issue with it and the fact that my baby is of the furry kind. I have been told to "lower my standards" and I would get married. Why should I do that? If I did that, I would probably also be divorced, too. I do not expect things that are unreasonable as far as I am concerned. Why should I be like the majority of the world, marrying and divorcing each other as others change their underwear. Also, I know that had I had a "human baby" in my 20's-30's, he/she would not have had the best of me (for reasons I will not discuss here). If God wants me to have a husband and perhaps adopted 1-2 children, he will make that happen. In the meantime, I am happy with what my life like now. I will continue to be content with my life because it is what God wants for me. It never ceases to amaze me that others (mostly other women) who attempt to make themselves above me simply because God has blessed them with a husband and/or children. What I am often tempted to say is that those same blessings can be just as easily taken away be the One that gave them those blessings and they will be as I am now. But, alas, I cannot be that hateful even when those women have been hateful to me. JMO
     
  20. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

    +2,866
    United States
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    Single
    US-Democrat
    Yeah this is it. For most people in their 40+ and aren't married not to be demeaning because I'm also 25 and never had a boyfriend or friends really. So this is no attack on you in any way shape or form...but there kinda is something wrong. In your friends case it was the fact he was abused, for my friend she has mental issues and myself personally I think he fact I have no friends puts anyone off, I still live with my parents and I'm not independent ...so there is *something* wrong....

    But I thank God for being merciful enough to me to not instill within me the desire to have children...because that is crushing...especially as a woman bc our clock is ticking...

    But I have no desire for kids, one because its too much, two, the world isn't the way I like it three, my genes aren't the best. Cancer runs on my dads side ,my Grammy passed from lupus...I have a living aunt going through breast cancer...and there's meant illness my moms side. Grandpa had schizophrenia and so did my cousin. I myself have anxiety and social anxiety so I was pretty lonely,never went to parties or did things my peers did..

    And I couldn't stomach arching my child go through those things...having no friends, not marrying....itd be too heartbreaking..,the fact one person goes through living life alone is enough. Plus I'm doing my hair to alopecia

    However, there's a bright side for me :)

    I love art! Drawing fills me with so much happiness I don't mind being alone. As long as make it as an animator... And fulfill my dreams..I've lived a good life.
     
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