Is sex before premarital sex really sinful?

SkyWriting

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I do realize it is condemned in the bible at all cost but some part of me just feels it was meant for that time and culture and not us. The reason I’m saying this is because during biblical times most engagements were set up by the spouses families and they weren’t allowed to meet each other until they married. Clearly this isn’t the case anymore now since dating exists and parents no longer intrudes in their children’s dating life. What I’m getting at with this is, isn’t it possible it was FAR more easier to be celibate when you already had a planned engagement at a young age? In modern times most people don’t marry strangers and marriages are decided by them not their parents based off of class or benefits like biblical times. Most people don’t even marry until they’re WAY older.

Fidelity with your one spouse is best, and that only after you commitment to them for life.
Lots of other things happen, but this is best for all involved.
That is the message of scripture.
 
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salt-n-light

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You sound like a good parent and overall nice person. I personally find it terrible advice, because let’s say your son turned 18 and said “hey dad I met this girl I really like and we’ve been dating for a short amount of time but I find her extremely attractive” would you tell him to rush into a marriage? And I don’t mean to turn this into a red hearing just setting an example. I personally think you at least should be dating someone for a year or two before you make a commitment like that so you can feel them out. I think rushing into marriage for sex is horrible advice because after the sex you’re practically married to a stranger who you probably didn’t even really like that well and now you’re stuck with them.

Orrrrr you can teach the son how to wait until marriage. Meantime teach them what it means to be a husband, what it means to honor a woman, what manhood is, what womanhood is, what to consider with marriage.

You wouldn't just rush ahead and said " oh you find her sexy? Great! Here's a condom enjoy!" just because he's find her sexy. More than likely, he finds many women sexy, even if he was to make her his gf.
It's a grave thing when we more encourage having sex with people we don't even understand. Boys and girls having sex outside marriage, but don't know what it means to be a boy or girl, what's the responsibilities of boy to a girl and vice versa, the sacredness of it all. And then we wonder why there is so much sexual confusion.

That's why so many don't see the need to rush into marriage anyways, because they got the most intimate parts of the other, what would be the rush or need to commit? Alll this is done without understanding the spiritual consequences.
 
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A_Thinker

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So are you saying young clueless teenagers get a free pass for premarital sex? If not then yes his scripture does apply to this. Yes maybe he was talking to a specific group of people but it’s pretty clear he thought that was the idea was for everyone, that sex should only occur within marriage. What if a Christian teenage boy is battling lust and sexual thoughts? Is he to get married or have premarital sex? Because eventually one or the other is going occur. It is a fact that most people in the Bible started getting married at the time of puberty but in current culture it’s illegal to so without parent consent. What are those teenagers to do? And what I mean by a relationship is that two people sharing a bond of respect and trust that goes beyond friendship and involves romantic feelings.

Paul also said to "Flee youthful lusts ... "
 
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Tetra

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You sound like a good parent and overall nice person. I personally find it terrible advice, because let’s say your son turned 18 and said “hey dad I met this girl I really like and we’ve been dating for a short amount of time but I find her extremely attractive” would you tell him to rush into a marriage? And I don’t mean to turn this into a red hearing just setting an example. I personally think you at least should be dating someone for a year or two before you make a commitment like that so you can feel them out. I think rushing into marriage for sex is horrible advice because after the sex you’re practically married to a stranger who you probably didn’t even really like that well and now you’re stuck with them.
I'm 35, met my wife at 18, engaged at 19, married at 20, and been married ever since. I found waiting until I was married hard, but not impossible, and I have a fairly high sex drive.
 
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Radagast

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I'm 35, met my wife at 18, engaged at 19, married at 20, and been married ever since. I found waiting until I was married hard, but not impossible, and I have a fairly high sex drive.

There's people out there who encourage men to wait until 30 or so before getting married. You can see the problems with that.
 
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Neostarwcc

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I believe scripture to be extremely clear on the issue of premarital sex. It doesn't please God and God is against it. God wanted sex to be done in marriage between a man and woman. Not men with men or women with women but man and woman.

That being said I regretfully admit that my wife and I fooled around a lot before we got married. While I don't regret the sexual acts in themselves I do regret disappointing God. I know that God was not happy with our decision to have relations like we did. I know that God has forgiven us but we still shouldn't have did it anyway. But, we did. We were only sinful humans giving into our sinful desires.

We should have waited. It's true that I ended up sleeping with the woman that God wanted me to be with but at the same time if we waited we would have understood and respected each other more. It's always better to wait. Or you could just get married within like 4 months than the wait won't be/seem so long. Lol.
 
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AlexDTX

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I do realize it is condemned in the bible at all cost but some part of me just feels it was meant for that time and culture and not us. The reason I’m saying this is because during biblical times most engagements were set up by the spouses families and they weren’t allowed to meet each other until they married. Clearly this isn’t the case anymore now since dating exists and parents no longer intrudes in their children’s dating life. What I’m getting at with this is, isn’t it possible it was FAR more easier to be celibate when you already had a planned engagement at a young age? In modern times most people don’t marry strangers and marriages are decided by them not their parents based off of class or benefits like biblical times. Most people don’t even marry until they’re WAY older.
You are just looking for excuses to indulge.
 
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salt-n-light

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There's people out there who encourage men to wait until 30 or so before getting married. You can see the problems with that.

Well they are crazy. But there's others (especially men) who made it up in their minds to wait 5 years, 10 years before getting married. My brother waited 5 years (granted the sister in law at the time was 31) before getting married, my sister at the time it took my bro in law 10 years to marry, and they were living together. You know why it took so long? Because there was no rush, they had sex, they lived together, marriage to them was just a contract, there was no sacredness nor understanding. And it's cruel too, my sister prior to marriage several times was wondering why he wouldn't just marry to her. Its like I got what I wanted, why am I rushing to sign off my life?

I would encourage them while they are on the path towards marriage, to actually read up on responsibilities and what manhood and womanhood is. But if you found the person, marry them, no need to wait.
 
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salt-n-light

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You are just looking for excuses to indulge.

Granted I heard other alternative definitions for fornication. The most shocking one was a guy saying that when they said fornication, they meant having sex in public, to justify masturbation. He was 40.

I was floored.

How quick we are to sell out God for a temporary pleasure.
 
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Te're'sa

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Short answer: it is sinful.

If it wasn't sinful, it wouldn't be so destructive. If you want non-biblical evidence of how destructive it is, just watch basically any television show for adults. Even prime-time comedies show the destruction, though they write it off as unavoidable or funny, as a way of calling evil good (Isaiah 5:20). It's a lie that premarital sex is unavoidable, but it does take a lot of willpower.

In your posts, you seem to be thinking that "keeping your options open" in relationships is a good thing. In modern culture, it is, I guess..... but (Romans 12:2) we're called to be better than that.

There are worse things than rushing into a marriage, especially if both people involved actually put in an effort to make it work when the problems surface. Many of the divorces today happen because the participants would rather start over with someone new, than change anything about the way they treat their spouse.

There are also worse things than being a teenager made fun of for being a virgin, or having nocturnal emissions (which aren't sinful; they're biology and uncontrollable. Sin is always a choice.)

I also agree with this opinion that I read... somewhere online (don't remember where) that Lust is when you MAKE PLANS to fulfill a sexual desire to someone who isn't your spouse. It isn't just having the desire, since that might not be much of a choice either (jury's still out on that, regarding brain chemistry etc.), but the sin is ACTING (or planning to act) on the desire.

As Christians, we should seek marriage, not mere sexual release. A boy should choose a girl to date, date her to see if their personalities line up, either break up with her if they don't (sad as that might be), or marry her if they do, and THEN have sex.

It really should be more simple than we sinners want to make it.
 
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Cis.jd

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The bible is very very clear it says simply do not do it !
Gods word is not defined or altered by laws that mankind makes , mankind makes laws to suit their own desires inspite of what God says- you are describing the very type of argument that satan made to Eve in the Garden -trying to get Eve to believe what God commanded was a lie- Being immoral means " not conforming to accepted standards of morality"
.That means it goes against what God has decreed , declared and has said !
homosexual marriages are an abomination in the eyes of Almighty God that created mankind

I'm not promoting it.. but where does god prohibit premarital sex? Please don't use vague words such as "sexual immorality"
 
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Tetra

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There's people out there who encourage men to wait until 30 or so before getting married. You can see the problems with that.
I guess it depends. I was able to get married at 20 but I sacrificed my education and "youth", and so have now gone back to school. Actually, I think one could argue given the current male / female dynamics and the economy, it might be wise for a male to never get married.
 
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Doug Melven

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Okay, I’ll play. Let’s to say that someone was single for a very long time (possibly due to them not finding the right connection) and they troubles that is an effect of not having sex (Nocturnal emission) how would you suggest they handle that? I’m sure I can come up with better situations but this came into my head first.
I speak from personal experience on this one. I am 54 years old and have never had a steady girlfriend, never been married. Yes, I have my troubles. But I find that spending time with Jesus deepens my relationship with Him and the desires become less.

Before I dedicated my life to Christ, I was born again in 81 but I backslid and eventually slid so far back I ended up in prison. I was heavily addicted to inappropriate contentography. It was in prison I dedicated my life to Christ.
A fellow inmate was telling me that every desire we have should be fulfilled by Christ.
I was a bit shocked, what about my base desires? He told me we have these base desires because we are searching for fulfillment.
Jeremiah 2 says that people commit 2 evils, they forsake Him, the fountain of living water, and they use there own cisterns, which cannot hold water they are so leaky.

People today are seeking fulfilllment in things that do not fulfill.
I used to go to prostitutes to satisfy my desires. But after the act was done I still felt empty inside and poorer.
But I just knew the next time I went I would get the satisfaction I craved. I was wrong.

Conclusion, only a deep intimate relationship with Jesus Christ can fulfill your desires.
 
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Neogaia777

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I speak from personal experience on this one. I am 54 years old and have never had a steady girlfriend, never been married. Yes, I have my troubles. But I find that spending time with Jesus deepens my relationship with Him and the desires become less.

Before I dedicated my life to Christ, I was born again in 81 but I backslid and eventually slid so far back I ended up in prison. I was heavily addicted to inappropriate contentography. It was in prison I dedicated my life to Christ.
A fellow inmate was telling me that every desire we have should be fulfilled by Christ.
I was a bit shocked, what about my base desires? He told me we have these base desires because we are searching for fulfillment.
Jeremiah 2 says that people commit 2 evils, they forsake Him, the fountain of living water, and they use there own cisterns, which cannot hold water they are so leaky.

People today are seeking fulfilllment in things that do not fulfill.
I used to go to prostitutes to satisfy my desires. But after the act was done I still felt empty inside and poorer.
But I just knew the next time I went I would get the satisfaction I craved. I was wrong.

Conclusion, only a deep intimate relationship with Jesus Christ can fulfill your desires.
Thanks for sharing and...

Happy Birthday!

God Bless!
 
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2PhiloVoid

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You sound like a good parent and overall nice person. I personally find it terrible advice, because let’s say your son turned 18 and said “hey dad I met this girl I really like and we’ve been dating for a short amount of time but I find her extremely attractive” would you tell him to rush into a marriage? And I don’t mean to turn this into a red hearing just setting an example. I personally think you at least should be dating someone for a year or two before you make a commitment like that so you can feel them out. I think rushing into marriage for sex is horrible advice because after the sex you’re practically married to a stranger who you probably didn’t even really like that well and now you’re stuck with them.

All of this will depend upon the two specific people involved, since each person is different psychologically and finds herself or himself in a different social and financial situation. So, while I very much agree that it is somewhat likely that two young people who have known each other for at least a year or so before getting married will have a better chance at long-term success in their relationship, the fact is that no matter the length of previous courting before marriage, people will still be faced with the raw, existential -- even spiritual -- challenges that come with being married. And to stay married, both persons will have to learn to "grow up" and will have to learn what it takes to be committed to his/her spouse. This is just a fact of life for everyone, whether or not we all do end up jumping quickly at an opportunity to "be" with another person sexually.

The hidden assumption with Paul, when he directs the Christians in Corinth in regard to their questions about either remaining celibate or getting married due to "passions running rampant," is that in the case of Christians, it is assumed that they ALSO DO want to please God since they've made the commitment to Christ to die to their sins and walk the Narrow Road of faith.

Overall, Paul is just attempting to properly direct those people who want to please God..........but who also, at the same time, just can't seem to allay their pent up sexual energies. So, he says they should find someone, obviously within a reasonable amount of time (it does go without saying here), and then they can have all of the married sex with each other they can possibly stand.
 
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disciple1

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I do realize it is condemned in the bible at all cost but some part of me just feels it was meant for that time and culture and not us. The reason I’m saying this is because during biblical times most engagements were set up by the spouses families and they weren’t allowed to meet each other until they married. Clearly this isn’t the case anymore now since dating exists and parents no longer intrudes in their children’s dating life. What I’m getting at with this is, isn’t it possible it was FAR more easier to be celibate when you already had a planned engagement at a young age? In modern times most people don’t marry strangers and marriages are decided by them not their parents based off of class or benefits like biblical times. Most people don’t even marry until they’re WAY older.
I do realize it is condemned in the bible at all cost but some part of me just feels it was meant for that time and culture and not us.
Galatians chapter 2 verse 16
know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified.

1 Peter chapter 4 verse 8
Love covers a great many sins.



Everyone sins, don't let anyone fool you.
 
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Smidlee

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Galatians chapter 2 verse 16
know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified.

1 Peter chapter 4 verse 8
Love covers a great many sins.



Everyone sins, don't let anyone fool you.
That's true but don't use that an excuse to sin as Jesus told us in Matthew 5 to be perfect as God is perfect.
P.S TommySoda seems to be looking for an excuse to commit sexual sins and not dealing with our salvation as Galatians.
Galatians were dealing with those who tried to add "works" to God's salvation.
 
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