Is Selfishness Wrong?

[crmiles]

I think those who have children then decide they don't want them, or that they are an inconvience to them are selfish. Drug addicts with children are selfish. That is what I think is wrong. Besides, people only say that because they are jealous of the fact that childfree / childless couples have the freedom to do what they want to do at the spur of the moment.

Like my best friend told me once, "Having kids isn't like adopting a puppy.... if it doesn't work out you can't take it back to the pound." She is childfree and I am childless.

I chose to stop infertility treatments and had a complete hyst a few years ago. People ask me when I'm going to have children and I tell them I'm not. I get people telling me I'm selfish all the time. It isn't there place to tell me I'm being selfish. I had one woman go so far as to tell me how much IVF (in-vetro fertlization) costs and that it was like buying a car. All I had to do, according to her, was go to the bank and borrow the money.... HELLO...... I was not a canidate for that procedure.

People would be a lot better off if they would just mind their own business and stop being so judgemental of others. Besides, I believe that God doesn't intend for everyone to be parents. I believe he has something different in mind for me and my husband.

 

[bluebug83]

Interesting question!

My interpretation of "selfish" is a little more than just doing something that affects someone else's well being without taking into account their feelings. What I see it as is lusting after something that you want so much that you will step over people and/or disregard God's will to achieve or acquire it. I don't think you have to actually hurt someone to be acting "selfishly" - it's more of a heart condition, rather than an action. So yes, I would say that selfishness is definitely, and always, a sin.

As far as the real question (is childfreedom selfish?), I think childfreedom can be, but is not by definition, selfish. A selfish childfree person would be one whose desire to NOT have kids is so strong that they would hurt others, change their theological positions to suit their wants*, etc to make it happen. And I will be the first to acknowledge that I have felt this way at times; I defnitely have my struggles with selfishness. But I can't say I've seen much selfishness on this board; I think most, if not all, of the people here have ultimately chosen to remain childless for unselfish reasons.

* I am NOT saying that I think that choosing to not have kids is theologically unsound, since I believe the Bible doesn't demand that every married couple must have kids. What I am saying is, say there was a Bible verse that made it perfectly clear that contraception was a sin, or if God came to you in all His glory and told you that it was His will for you to have a child....would you explain it away and still do your best to keep it from happening, thus rebelling against your spirit-led conscience, or let His will be done? Just something I've been thinking about lately (regarding more issues than just childfreedom).

 

[Robinsegg]

I don't believe that the decision to have/not have children really has "selfish" come into it. I don't think any of the things listed in the OP are selfish. You follow your path, and others should follow their paths. When our paths cross, that doesn't give me reason to ridicule or demean your path, but perhaps we can walk together for awhile and learn from each other.

God made each of us different, with different desires that He puts in our hearts. If he puts no desire in your heart for a child, and you do everything in your power to put that desire there and obtain a child (naturally or through adoption), that would be selfish . . . as it negatively effects the child.

Most of the people who post here have not been given a desire for children (a desire given by God to be fulfilled by God). Thus, their not having children is not selfish, but normal.

Rachel

 

[dawnsday]

I think those who have children then decide they don't want them, or that they are an inconvience to them are selfish. Drug addicts with children are selfish. That is what I think is wrong. Besides, people only say that because they are jealous of the fact that childfree / childless couples have the freedom to do what they want to do at the spur of the moment.

Like my best friend told me once, "Having kids isn't like adopting a puppy.... if it doesn't work out you can't take it back to the pound." She is childfree and I am childless.

I chose to stop infertility treatments and had a complete hyst a few years ago. People ask me when I'm going to have children and I tell them I'm not. I get people telling me I'm selfish all the time. It isn't there place to tell me I'm being selfish. I had one woman go so far as to tell me how much IVF (in-vetro fertlization) costs and that it was like buying a car. All I had to do, according to her, was go to the bank and borrow the money.... HELLO...... I was not a canidate for that procedure.

People would be a lot better off if they would just mind their own business and stop being so judgemental of others. Besides, I believe that God doesn't intend for everyone to be parents. I believe he has something different in mind for me and my husband.

that is completely ridiculous. that has nothing to do with selfish or selfless. that is an inability to have children. people are ignorant. and i dont mean that in the trendy form, where it used to mean rude, i mean the actual definition. they are lacking knowlege, unintelligent, uninformed, blind, to this situation and their judgements are irrational.

You know what I think is self-less? You carrying out God's will regardless of your hope for something different.

 

[KittyCatCurledUp]

Most of the people who post here have not been given a desire for children (a desire given by God to be fulfilled by God). Thus, their not having children is not selfish, but normal.

Rachel

**HUGS**