is my son too young to be Confirmed? Advice needed please!!!

[Emma1975]

Hello lovley CF folks. A broad range of opinions would be very welcome on this. My son is due to make his Confirmation in the Catholic Church this spring, along with children of 3 parishes, but I'm concerned that 9yrs old is too young for this. I may very well be wrong but it is my understanding that Confirmation is a declaration of conscious choice to be in faith (or however you'd put it), 9 seems very young to be expected to make a decision about faith to me. It seems to me that is is expected that the children go through the Sacrament because it is timetabled this way, but how can the Sacrament have meaning that way?

Now there are benefits I see, such as getting some specific education on Confirmation, which I'm glad to say is education for parents to then bring home to their children as they see fit. Also it would be a lovely community celebration that it would be shame to have him miss out on, as many of his classmates will be being Confirmed alongside him. But my main concern is about going through the Sacrament because it's just what is expected at this time. We are on paper Catholics, I had him Baptised as a baby, he has made his first Holy Communion a couple of years ago, but it was never about anything more than community and identity and tradition and family (all important things, but not what I now feel any of this should be about) Having only very recently come to faith I don't feel that we are Catholics, not really. (I'm wittering. I'll bring it to a close now, thanks for your patience!)

Is it fair to expect a 9yr old to make this act of faith? I can't help but feel it constitutes a statement of commitment to the Roman Catholic Church, which surely we should not do if we don't feel committed to that church, quite apart from the fact that it should be a commitment to Christ, not the church (or should it not?). How can the ceremony have meaning if the heart is not ready, or in it? it can't can it?

btw, my son believes in God, sees him and talks to him (that's another story!), but he's just a normal God, there's loads of them walking around up there. He also believed in Mighty Thor. He's 9.

Any thoughts?? Thanks in advance. A happy and holy Sunday to you all.

(sorry for rambling on!!)
Peace.

 

[Nails74]

Before offering any kind of thought, I wonder if you could expound on a couple of the statements that had me questioning...

We are on paper Catholics

Having only very recently come to faith I don't feel that we are Catholics, not really

What is it that drew you to the Catholic church?

Why do you feel that you are "not really Catholics"?

 

[Emma1975]

Oh, well, what I mean is we were brought up by Catholic parents, educated in Catholic school and so on, but I never really thought or felt anything about it. Neither me or my siblings continued to go to church after we weren't being taken by our parents. God was a concept, Catholicism a belief system, it really didn't mean anything to me. I didn't believe in God actually.

Then, recently, I have felt God's Love open my heart, it's hard to describe and I'm sorry if I don't do it well. But I know feel a Truth and Love and real presence that was previously lost on me. I had no idea, really. So I feel I'm starting from scratch, 'not really Catholics' because this new awareness did not come through Catholicism. Of course it may be that I missed the point all these years and Catholicism has in fact been teaching this very thing all along. I guess I mean that I have a lot of learning and thinking and so on to do before I have enough of a sense of where I am with my NEW faith to commit to a particular branch of Christianity. I just say I'm not really Catholic in the same way that I'm not really any other thing either, although I have had the Sacraments in the usual manner. Am I making sense? I am trying to get my head around a lot of radically new thoughts and feelings here, and have much to work through, so please be kind. I'm not trying to upset anyone. I'm not bagging out Catholicism, i just don't feel i can really call myself Catholic when I am that because of family tradition not careful consideration and deliberate choice.

Thanks for your interest.

 

[Emma1975]

Perhaps I'm seeing a conflict here that doesn't really exist. :-/ ???

 

[parsley]

Kids grasp some abstract thought in the 2-6 year range (Jean Piaget), and since they're focused on representational concepts, teachers try to transition kids from concrete to abstract as early as kindergarten.

I know some kids in that range who eagerly pray for others' healings, bring up religious topics with their friends, pray and try to hear from God. You're right that their perception is different at nine years, but I don't think they're unable to grasp what is needed for their stage in life.

The early years they learn about their environment, what is expected, what is trustworthy.

Confirmation is usually a welcome mat to the church. It's not necessarily a statement of faith, but more a statement to be willing to align oneself with the church's teachings. And it tells the kids that the church thinks they're competent and adult-like, which I think is important.

It's a stepping stone. It's a great opportunity to talk with him about faith, and making statements on what we believe. Since you seem to be going through some rethinking yourself, share some of your unofficial thoughts with him -- that can be so important for him to see how you make decisions.

 

[Emma1975]

Thanks Parsley

I'm probably tying myself up in knots unnecessarily.

 

[Harry3142]

According to the Roman Catholic Church, the habitual use of reason can be expected to be attained at 7 years of age. So your son is in the correct age group for celebrating confirmation.

 

[paul becke]

In any case, I believe the benefits of infant baptism, as well confirmation at a quite early age, are just as real, as when the person is mature enough to reflect on the faith.

It seemed tragic to me that a priest in the north of England refused to give Holy Communion to a young child, since he wouldn't have been able to understand much, if any, of its significance. I once saw a severely brain-damaged young man (too severely-damaged even to be able to speak) stand up and utter strange noises as he looked ecstatically at the Host, as it was being raised by the priest.

"Suffer the little children to come unto me," and "of such is the Kingdom of Heaven" are phrases of Jesus which spring to mind

 

[heymikey80]

Your nine-year-old is at the young end of capacity for mature faith, but it's certainly possible, and when it's possible it's a good idea to investigate and find out. This should not take the form of a "knowledge test", that's what catechism is for.

This ain't Thor, though. If he's still on fantasy creatures, this is somewhat different.

My grandmother would go through Bible passages and ask what I thought of them. I think now this is a great way to gauge his grasp of its reality or fantasy.

Plus, there is a requirement introduced by the Apostle Paul for the Lord's Supper. It's at 1 Cor 11:17ff. In the Roman Catholic church this passage shows a need to recognize what the elements are, but if you read the passage you'll discover it's also a need to not consider yourself religiously superior to anyone in the rest of the church. There's no preference in the Lord's Supper. We're all beggars looking for bread.

I found Manning's book "The Importance of Being Foolish" to be very informative on a number of new-Christian issues. But it's hard-hitting on some situations, probably overwhelming to a nine-year-old. Maybe best if you read it first?

 

[paul1149]

Emma, for me your post raises issues of sacramentalism, institutionalism and formalism. AFAICS, the sacrament of confirmation is analogous to the Biblical Baptism in the Holy Spirit we see in the Book of Acts. I certainly don't get the spiritual wisdom of designating it, or even water baptism for that matter, for a certain age, when everyone is different and comes to the Lord at different times.

AISI, some people should be getting confirmed at 65, if that's when they are ready to submit to the power of the Holy Spirit. What good is it going to do on a person who may be a certain physical age, but hasn't a heart for it?

This is rapidly descending into theology, so I'll stop. But maybe there's something here to reflect on with regard to your immediate question.