Is My Doubt Divine or Other??

[Clear Skys 11]

I have been friends with a man whom I love and who loves me for over a year and a half. We started out merely as friends and have drawn closer in the last few months. Both of us have been in very damaging past relationships, both have children from these relationships and are hesitant to dive into anything. We both have career goals that we want to achieve and are very much aligned. We are taking things very slow, unfortunately our feelings seem to not have that same mindset. And at times those feelings cause rifts between us because they are at odds with the situation we have both decided to establish, which is that of close friends and business associates. There is a part of me that believes though that he is everything I want in a man, and knows that I am much of (if not all) he wants in a woman. However, we are both afraid to go further and create a commitment. I find myself doubting him. Doubting his honesty (although he has yet to lie to me, even when the truth was not pretty). Doubting his genuine feelings for me (although he shows them often, even though it is not always when he is focused on business). Doubting that he is the right match. But I know a large part of that doubt comes from my fear of certainty. I was certain with my previous relationship. So certain that I spent 9 years trying to fix something that God was begging me to let go. It seems when I attend church regularly, my spirit is stronger and we are harmonious. When I let weeks slip by, we argue, not over church as he is not a regular attender, but over little things that are not important. So my question is this: is my doubt a message from God to step away, or is it a tool of the enemy to prey on my fear and cause the rifts? How do I know?

 

[Humble me Lord]

Hard to say if he is "the one", or not.
From experience. My wife and I were both previously married, mostly for the wrong reasons, the biggest being God was not the center of them. I never knew what true love or true peace were until I met my wife and started a true relationship with God.
If you put your relationship with Him first and before everyone else, the other relationships will be in perspective.
The part that bothers me about him is you say he is not a regular attender.
What I suggest is putting your relationship with God first, then the guidance of the Holy Spirit will guide you, sometimes not the direction we want, but it is for our own benefit. For we live not for the things of this world, but for the one to come.

 

[Catherineanne]

I have been friends with a man whom I love and who loves me for over a year and a half. We started out merely as friends and have drawn closer in the last few months. Both of us have been in very damaging past relationships, both have children from these relationships and are hesitant to dive into anything. We both have career goals that we want to achieve and are very much aligned. We are taking things very slow, unfortunately our feelings seem to not have that same mindset. And at times those feelings cause rifts between us because they are at odds with the situation we have both decided to establish, which is that of close friends and business associates. There is a part of me that believes though that he is everything I want in a man, and knows that I am much of (if not all) he wants in a woman. However, we are both afraid to go further and create a commitment. I find myself doubting him. Doubting his honesty (although he has yet to lie to me, even when the truth was not pretty). Doubting his genuine feelings for me (although he shows them often, even though it is not always when he is focused on business). Doubting that he is the right match. But I know a large part of that doubt comes from my fear of certainty. I was certain with my previous relationship. So certain that I spent 9 years trying to fix something that God was begging me to let go. It seems when I attend church regularly, my spirit is stronger and we are harmonious. When I let weeks slip by, we argue, not over church as he is not a regular attender, but over little things that are not important. So my question is this: is my doubt a message from God to step away, or is it a tool of the enemy to prey on my fear and cause the rifts? How do I know?

Your doubt is simply a way of saying, 'Perhaps, but not yet.'

There is no harm at all in waiting until you are more certain, and focusing on your mutual friendship for now. Perhaps if church helps you to feel more grounded then you could make an effort to be more consistent in attendance, and see what happens.

Give yourselves time.

I wish you well.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I have been friends with a man whom I love and who loves me for over a year and a half. We started out merely as friends and have drawn closer in the last few months. Both of us have been in very damaging past relationships, both have children from these relationships and are hesitant to dive into anything. We both have career goals that we want to achieve and are very much aligned. We are taking things very slow, unfortunately our feelings seem to not have that same mindset. And at times those feelings cause rifts between us because they are at odds with the situation we have both decided to establish, which is that of close friends and business associates. There is a part of me that believes though that he is everything I want in a man, and knows that I am much of (if not all) he wants in a woman. However, we are both afraid to go further and create a commitment. I find myself doubting him. Doubting his honesty (although he has yet to lie to me, even when the truth was not pretty). Doubting his genuine feelings for me (although he shows them often, even though it is not always when he is focused on business). Doubting that he is the right match. But I know a large part of that doubt comes from my fear of certainty. I was certain with my previous relationship. So certain that I spent 9 years trying to fix something that God was begging me to let go. It seems when I attend church regularly, my spirit is stronger and we are harmonious. When I let weeks slip by, we argue, not over church as he is not a regular attender, but over little things that are not important. So my question is this: is my doubt a message from God to step away, or is it a tool of the enemy to prey on my fear and cause the rifts? How do I know?

Problems are a part of every relationship. You will never find the perfect man. God asks us to overlook faults in others, so our relationships can prosper.

 

[Catherineanne]

Problems are a part of every relationship. You will never find the perfect man. God asks us to overlook faults in others, so our relationships can prosper.

No he doesn't; where on earth do you get that from?

Where does the ten commandments say do what you like so relationships can prosper?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

No he doesn't; where on earth do you get that from?

Where does the ten commandments say do what you like so relationships can prosper?

Hi Catherine,

In no way am I saying a person should "do what they like", exactly the opposite, people should be thoughtful of the other person. What I am saying is that all people have weaknesses, and that in this world we will never find the perfect person. Because there are no perfect people, we need to be forgiving of peoples faults. The bible says:

Php 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

From the start to the finish of a relationship we need to be focused on the good in people. By saying that I am not saying we should accept wrong behaviour, or ignore warning signs. But we need to be focused on the good in others.

 

[Catherineanne]

Hi Catherine,

In no way am I saying a person should "do what they like", exactly the opposite, people should be thoughtful of the other person. What I am saying is that all people have weaknesses, and that in this world we will never find the perfect person. Because there are no perfect people, we need to be forgiving of peoples faults. The bible says:

Php 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

From the start to the finish of a relationship we need to be focused on the good in people. By saying that I am not saying we should accept wrong behaviour, or ignore warning signs. But we need to be focused on the good in others.

No. None of that.

If a person is abusive they DON'T get to hide behind 'everyone is human' and 'nobody is perfect.' Studies show that abuse does not stay the same; it pretty well always gets worse over time. Abuse is about power and control, and abusers will never think they have sufficient of either; they will always escalate.

It is not safe for anyone to remain in an abusive relationship and hope for the best; the ONLY safe path is to get out of there as soon as possible and encourage the abuser to seek help. Only after therapy or other treatment would it be perhaps safe to return, but frankly I would not risk it.

Abuse is abuse; end of story.

About Domestic Violence: Understanding Abuse

 

[Daniel Marsh]

If you are around an abusive person, just leave to go to a safer place. And, do not even think of going back.