Is it wrong to care about what others think of us?

[Jo555]

Is it wrong to care about what others think of us?

Is it a sign of weakness, as it is often posed, or is that just half the story?

Does another story exists? I only see two right now.

 

[Jo555]

I'm going to go ahead and answer this one as I do believe it is important, but I would like to concentrate more on another thread. And of course, if you feel the need, feel free to comment.

I believe it is all about why we care.

If my reason for caring is based on me and being overly preoccupied by my image for the sake of myself, then it is a weakness and off, as I see it.

There may also be valid reasons there (beyond the preoccupation) if it is slanderous and affects how that may effect the image it creates in others of us, and affects our livelihood.

For a Christian, you'd want to prayerfully consider if the battle is one you should take up, or leave in His hands.

If my reason for caring what others think of me is based on looking to do my part to work out a misconception to help repair a relationship, or prevent one from eroding, then caring about my image I see as based in love, and love for others, and overall fine.

 

[Jo555]

You need to question, by whomever it comes from, if something is really negative, otherwise you may see your strength as a weakness, and vice versa.

So that is how I see it.

For the believer the picture gets much more clearer when we consider if it is based in love for God foremost, and love for others as self,

Or is it based in the self-life.

It all boils down to that simplicity.

 

[Palmfever]

Is it wrong to care about what others think of us?

Is it a sign of weakness, as it is often posed, or is that just half the story?

Does another story exists? I only see two right now.

Matt 5:16
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

 

[Jo555]

Matt 5:16
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Dare I say it? I say yes.

Preach it!

Wonderful verse. Thank you!

 

[St_Worm2]

Is it wrong to care about what others think of us?

Hello @Jo555, it's hard to answer that question without specific examples to consider.

If, for instance, you're referring to doing the basics to make yourself presentable in public (things like bathing, combing your hair, wearing clean clothes, etc.), that's one thing, but if you are talking with family or friends and someone brings up the oft used contemporary phrase, "love is love" (for instance) as a positive statement, then you, as a believer, have a problem, even if the group doesn't ask you for your opinion on the matter and you remain silent (because whenever we, who are known to be Christians, do not say something/fail to push back in some way about such statements, our silence will always be perceived by unbelievers as a tacit approval ).

The same scenario can be problematic for those in our company who are not yet mature in the faith, who know something of what the Bible has to say about sexual relationships outside of traditional marriage (e.g. see the two examples below) and who are then confused (or even emboldened) by our apparent disregard for it (for what the Bible teaches, that is).

1 Corinthians 13​

6 Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth.​

​

1 Thessalonians 4​

3 This is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; ​

4 that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, ​

5 not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God.​

So, we must "speak the truth" to others for their sake (~especially~ in certain circumstances and, quite frankly, as often as we can ), but we must also always do so "in love", always regarding others and their eternal well-being as something that is more important than our own, temporal comfort/well-being or reputation (e.g. Philippians 2:3-4).

God bless you!!

--David
p.s. - I've found the following admonishment (by theologian/pastor, Dr. Ferguson) to always result in good (for myself and others) ... whenever I remember (and choose) to follow it. The problem is, I don't (always follow it, that is), because I am still oft-times bent on being a people-pleaser (who prefers to be known/liked by all as a nice guy) instead of as someone who stands on principles and upsets the apple cart, if necessary.

 

[Hoping2]

Is it wrong to care about what others think of us?

Is it a sign of weakness, as it is often posed, or is that just half the story?

Does another story exists? I only see two right now.

It depends entirely on motivation.
Nobody will be willing to listen to a slob trying to talk to them about the truth of Christ.

If, on the other hand, one is just trying to awe neighbors and friends with 'current style', it has become idolatry.

 

[Jo555]

Thank you Hope 2.

Motivation is key as it speaks of what drives us.

2 Cor 2:15
Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God. But this fragrance is perceived differently by those who are being saved and by those who are perishing.

 

[Jo555]

Hello @Jo555, it's hard to answer that question without specific examples to consider.

If, for instance, you're referring to doing the basics to make yourself presentable in public (things like bathing, combing your hair, wearing clean clothes, etc.), that's one thing, but if you are talking with family or friends and someone brings up the oft used contemporary phrase, "love is love" (for instance) as a positive statement, then you, as a believer, have a problem, even if the group doesn't ask you for your opinion on the matter and you remain silent (because whenever we, who are known to be Christians, do not say something/fail to push back in some way about such statements, our silence will always be perceived by unbelievers as a tacit approval ).

The same scenario can be problematic for those in our company who are not yet mature in the faith, who know something of what the Bible has to say about sexual relationships outside of traditional marriage (e.g. see the two examples below) and who are then confused (or even emboldened) by our apparent disregard for it (for what the Bible teaches, that is).

1 Corinthians 13​

6 Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth.​

​

1 Thessalonians 4​

3 This is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; ​

4 that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, ​

5 not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God.​

So, we must "speak the truth" to others for their sake (~especially~ in certain circumstances and, quite frankly, as often as we can ), but we must also always do so "in love", always regarding others and their eternal well-being as something that is more important than our own, temporal comfort/well-being or reputation (e.g. Philippians 2:3-4).

God bless you!!

--David
p.s. - I've found the following admonishment (by theologian/pastor, Dr. Ferguson) to always result in good (for myself and others) ... whenever I remember (and choose) to follow it. The problem is, I don't (always follow it, that is), because I am still oft-times bent on being a people-pleaser (who prefers to be known/liked by all as a nice guy) instead of as someone who stands on principles and upsets the apple cart, if necessary.

View attachment 361761​

It is simple really. Is it the love for God and love for others, or just self-centeredness.

I don't look to weigh myself down by feelings of what I should or should not do. I know we have a blueprint, but I let the Navigator drive me out of love.

Not that I don't fail at times, just saying.

 

[St_Worm2]

It is simple really. Is it the love for God and love for others, or just self-centeredness.

Hello again Jo555, it's not such a simple thing for me unfortunately, but I'm certainly glad to know that it is for you I'm not a people-pleaser by nature, but I became one when I longed for things to go back to normal and nice/reasonable and rational, the way things always were for the first eight or nine years of my life, prior to my father becoming an alcoholic.

It would have helped if I was a believer back then, of course, but I was not.

I don't look to weigh myself down by feelings of what I should or should not do. I know we have a blueprint, but I let the Navigator drive me out of love.

I agree with you. We have been given the word of God, written for us by our loving, heavenly Abba, and that's what we need to follow, not our feelings (or perhaps better, in spite of our feelings).

A Christian's feelings should not be relied on or trusted in regard to spiritual matters, because they can so easily cause us to believe a lie or deception instead of the truth (which is why our common enemy uses them regularly in his dealings with us). Instead, we need to grow in our knowledge and understanding of God and His word so that we will always choose to trust Him/take Him at His very word, no matter what our "feelings" are saying to us in the moment .. cf 2 Corinthians 10:5.

God bless you!!

--David

 

[Robban]

Is it wrong to care about what others think of us?

Is it a sign of weakness, as it is often posed, or is that just half the story?

Does another story exists? I only see two right now.

There was once a man on a train he shared the compartment with a few others who were drinking and were very loud,

when he did not wish to join them they mocked him.

Arriving at the destination everyone got off, to the amazment of the drinkers there was a large crowd of people waiting to welcome

the sage.

The drinkers asked for forgiveness for mocking him, the sage refused.

But you are a great sage should you not forgive us?

No replied the sage, if you want forgiveness you will have go to the one you thought I was and ask forgiveness.

 

[Jo555]

I don't live in fear of messing up because of my feelings. .

Hello again Jo555, it's not such a simple thing ...

It's not about pleasing people, but loving them.

It is simple. Jesus said so. I don't worry about messing up. I trust the Holy Spirit to keep me. He lives in me and we can know by our fruits if we are in Christ; if we are walking in step with his Spirit. The Spirit in you will manifest as love, joy, peace, long suffering, etc.

1 Corinthians 13

We don't want to make the mistake Israel made. They were entrusted with the word of God, but missed Him. We can know his Word, but still miss Him.

John 5:
39 “You search the Scriptures because you think they give you eternal life. But the Scriptures point to me! 40 Yet you refuse to come to me to receive this life.

41 “Your approval means nothing to me, 42 because I know you don’t have God’s love within you. 43 For I have come to you in my Father’s name, and you have rejected me. Yet if others come in their own name, you gladly welcome them. 44 No wonder you can’t believe! For you gladly honor each other, but you don’t care about the honor that comes from the one who alone is God.[e]

45 “Yet it isn’t I who will accuse you before the Father. Moses will accuse you! Yes, Moses, in whom you put your hopes. 46 If you really believed Moses, you would believe me, because he wrote about me. 47 But since you don’t believe what he wrote, how will you believe what I say?”

 

[Jo555]

I don't live in fear of messing up because of my feelings. .

It's not about pleasing people, but loving them.

It is simple. Jesus said so. I don't worry about messing up. I trust the Holy Spirit to keep me. He lives in me and we can know by our fruits if we are in Christ; if we are walking in step with his Spirit. The Spirit in you will manifest as love, joy, peace, long suffering, etc.

1 Corinthians 13

We don't want to make the mistake Israel made. They were entrusted with the word of God, but missed Him. We can know his Word, but still miss Him.

John 5:
39 “You search the Scriptures because you think they give you eternal life. But the Scriptures point to me! 40 Yet you refuse to come to me to receive this life.

41 “Your approval means nothing to me, 42 because I know you don’t have God’s love within you. 43 For I have come to you in my Father’s name, and you have rejected me. Yet if others come in their own name, you gladly welcome them. 44 No wonder you can’t believe! For you gladly honor each other, but you don’t care about the honor that comes from the one who alone is God.[e]

45 “Yet it isn’t I who will accuse you before the Father. Moses will accuse you! Yes, Moses, in whom you put your hopes. 46 If you really believed Moses, you would believe me, because he wrote about me. 47 But since you don’t believe what he wrote, how will you believe what I say?”

I truly believe that one of our biggest problems as believers is focusing on ourselves and our walk. Sure, examine it at times, but when we become preoccupied and obsessed with it, we'll trip over ourselves.

We need to get over ourselves and keep our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.

 

[Jo555]

Hello again Jo555, it's not such a simple thing for me unfortunately, but I'm certainly glad to know that it is for you I'm not a people-pleaser by nature, but I became one when I longed for things to go back to normal and nice/reasonable and rational, the way things always were for the first eight or nine years of my life, prior to my father becoming an alcoholic.

It would have helped if I was a believer back then, of course, but I was not.


I agree with you. We have been given the word of God, written for us by our loving, heavenly Abba, and that's what we need to follow, not our feelings (or perhaps better, in spite of our feelings).

A Christian's feelings should not be relied on or trusted in regard to spiritual matters, because they can so easily cause us to believe a lie or deception instead of the truth (which is why our common enemy uses them regularly in his dealings with us). Instead, we need to grow in our knowledge and understanding of God and His word so that we will always choose to trust Him/take Him at His very word, no matter what our "feelings" are saying to us in the moment .. cf 2 Corinthians 10:5.

God bless you!!

--David

Hi again David. Read this over again and think i am seeing what you are getting at more clearly.

Yes, we know there are some feelings that can indicate we are off. If we are living in fear we know that is not how God has called us to live because we know Him and his Word.

Not saying it doesn't have its place in proper context, but we are not to be living in fear.

If we are anxious (no peace), we know our feelings don't line up with the life God has given us so our feelings can't be trusted, but they can reveal where we need work. Same with if we are bitter, jealous, unforgiving, rejoicing about sin, etc, as those are fruits of the flesh.

But I try not to complicate matters as I do believe it is simple. If, by his Spirit, we have rid ourselves of those ill-feelings associated with the carnal, self-life and nailed them to the cross, then we are in the position of the Holy Spirit manifesting Himself through us and we will bear his fruit.

I believe it is a work of the Spirit as we deny our carnal life by his Spirit out of love.

 

[Jo555]

There was once a man on a train he shared the compartment with a few others who were drinking and were very loud,

when he did not wish to join them they mocked him.

Arriving at the destination everyone got off, to the amazment of the drinkers there was a large crowd of people waiting to welcome

the sage.

The drinkers asked for forgiveness for mocking him, the sage refused.

But you are a great sage should you not forgive us?

No replied the sage, if you want forgiveness you will have go to the one you thought I was and ask forgiveness.

Mocking birds are ground dwellers, not that I would know anything 'bout dat.

 

[Larniavc]

Is it wrong to care about what others think of us?

Is it a sign of weakness, as it is often posed, or is that just half the story?

Does another story exists? I only see two right now.

It really depends on whether you want to function in society or not.

 

[Jo555]

It really depends on whether you want to function in society or not.

Agreed, to a degree. I believe love for God with all and neighbor as self should drive us.

For example, if you have a misconception of me or my motivation and I realize it is causing a rift in our relationship, then I can step up to the plate and do my part to bridge the gap between us, out of love.

If you don't care to do your part because you are not interested in mending the rift because you don't care for my style or whatever, whatever, then I move on and leave it in God's hands, otherwise it will affect my walk with God and others.

Maybe you were assaulted by another that dresses like me and haven't gotten over it. Who knows but God and you? Maybe it isn't such a bad thing if you are in a fragile state. But, i fulfilled my obligation in love to love and should be able to go in peace and move on, leaving your part between you and God, or you and whomever if you are an unbeliever.

 

[Jo555]

I know someone that says she doesn't need to explain herself to any

Agreed, to a degree. I believe love for God with all and neighbor as self should drive us.

For example, if you have a misconception of me or my motivation and I realize it is causing a rift in our relationship, then I can step up to the plate and do my part to bridge the gap between us, out of love.

If you don't care to do your part because you are not interested in mending the rift because you don't care for my style or whatever, whatever, then I move on and leave it in God's hands, otherwise it will affect my walk with God and others.

Maybe you were assaulted by another that dresses like me and haven't gotten over it. Who knows but God and you? Maybe it isn't such a bad thing if you are in a fragile state. But, i fulfilled my obligation in love to love and should be able to go in peace and move on, leaving your part between you and God, or you and whomever if you are an unbeliever.

I know someone that says they don't have to explain themselves because Jesus didn't explain Himself to his accusers when they brought Him up for trial to crucify Him.

But He did explain Himself several times, with the exception of that time.

Maybe that time He knew it would do no good. When people think you are a jerk and are intent on judging you instead of making an effort to know you, then not too much you can do but hold your peace and move on, leaving it in God's hands.

Also, He did know it was his time and the main reason He had come to Earth.

But back to this person. To take scripture and make a doctrine out of it like that will hinder the Spirit in our life to lead us in love for God foremost, then others.

 

[NewLifeInChristJesus]

Is it wrong to care about what others think of us?

Is it a sign of weakness, as it is often posed, or is that just half the story?

Does another story exists? I only see two right now.

Hi Jo. I do not think it is wrong to care about what others think or say about us nor is it wrong to care about what they say to us directly. They are all related. I think we should be circumspect in these cases, judging what they say against what we know to be true and responding appropriately. But there is a line we should not cross...

For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ. (Ga 1:10)​

If we give more weight to what they say than we do to what God says, we have become their servants and not God's.

 

[Robban]

Mocking birds are ground dwellers, not that I would know anything 'bout dat.

I prefer, Trust in God, conduct yourself with integrity and the One above will take care of everything.