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Is it okay to date another Christian whose been divorced?

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Lybrah, Mar 1, 2017.

Is it okay to date another Christian whose been divorced?

  1. Yes

    26 vote(s)
    61.9%
  2. No

    16 vote(s)
    38.1%
  1. Poppyseed78

    Poppyseed78 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,327
    Christian
    Married
    To me the question should be "Is it okay to date another Christian who has sinned?" The answer is yes. Because there is no one who has never sinned.
     
  2. JohnKing67

    JohnKing67 Member

    113
    +28
    Non-Denom
    Single
    I thought the exception was, for example, if the man divorced his wife because she was the one who committed adultery by cheating on him (fornication by the wife). If he stayed faithful then that leaves him free in the eyes of God to divorce and remarry but she couldn't remarry without it being an adulterous relationship.
     
  3. 1stcenturylady

    1stcenturylady Spirit-filled follower of Christ Supporter

    +4,163
    United States
    Charismatic
    Celibate
    US-Republican
    If a person is dead to sin are they still a sinner if they don't willfully sin?
     
  4. Light of the East

    Light of the East Orthodox Inquirer Supporter

    +1,929
    United States
    Catholic
    Married

    Not what Jesus said. It's quite plain and clear. You divorce and marry another, you commit adultery.

    I find it fascinating that so many Protestants, who claim to be "Bible Only" people start doing the hot-feet dance when the clear words of the Bible don't agree with what they think.

    You know, like "This IS my Body. This IS my Blood." Never seen so much theological dancing in all my life when those verses are trotted out.

    Bottom line - you are not only wrong, you are encouraging another to sin. That is not good!
     
  5. Light of the East

    Light of the East Orthodox Inquirer Supporter

    +1,929
    United States
    Catholic
    Married
    \

    And you would be wrong. I don't see any "Weasel Clauses" in what the Lord taught on this subject.

    The only thing she could do is to have her marriage examined for nullity. If it wasn't valid marriage, then she could get a declaration of nullity (aka annulment).

    But then again, she would have to be Catholic to have this happen. See how good the Catholic faith is? We have an answer for everything, even artificial contraception, which is not specifically mentioned in the Bible.
     
  6. Shane R

    Shane R Priest Supporter

    +821
    United States
    Anglican
    Widowed
    The answer to the OP is: maybe. This is not as simple an issue as many Protestants make it out to be. I'm not going to dive into exegesis of Mt. 5 or 19 and so on.

    Rather, I want to think briefly about the purpose of dating. It is, essentially, a time to probe the suitability of a person for marriage. Western culture has slowly changed dating to be an end unto itself (often with sex assumed as an aspect of a relationship lasting more than a few dates). This is one area where we are, as the prophet Jeremiah famously said, not working on the same plane as the Creator.
     
  7. Biblewriter

    Biblewriter Senior Member Supporter

    +1,417
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    CA-Conservatives
    Opinions simply do not count. And excuses will not work with God. We have plain instructions in scripture, and we are responsible to obey them.

    That being said, the general rule is that people are not allowed to divorce and remarry. But the Bible clearly states two exceptions to this rule. The most obvious and plainly stated exceptions, is the words, unless it is for adultery. So, if a person's spouse is committing adultery, the rule against divorce and remarriage does not apply. So if you meet a Cristian who either divorced their spouse because they were committing adultery, or whose spouse had divorced them without scriptural grounds and remarried, then you can scripturaly marry that person, and therefore it is OK to date them.

    There is also one other exception in scripture that states an exception to the general rule. That scripture says, "if the unbelieving depart, let them depart, a brother or a sister is not bound in such cases." So if you meet a Christian whose spouse has left them without scriptural grounds, and refuses to be reconciled, that Christian is also free to remarry, and is thus OK to date.

    So God's law concerning marriage can be reduced to three simple statements.

    1. The marriage bond may not be broken. Period. No exceptions.

    2. If you break your marriage bond, you may not form another one.

    3. If your spouse has broken the marriage bond, you may remarry.
     
  8. 2Timothy2:15

    2Timothy2:15 Well-Known Member

    +1,210
    Christian
    Married

    Only exception is according to the bible is adultery. Unless she committed adultery and that was the reason for divorce then yes it is not ok according to the bible. Now it comes to do you believe the bible or not.
     
  9. 2Timothy2:15

    2Timothy2:15 Well-Known Member

    +1,210
    Christian
    Married
    As protestants put it out to be? I am not sure what that means.
     
  10. 1stcenturylady

    1stcenturylady Spirit-filled follower of Christ Supporter

    +4,163
    United States
    Charismatic
    Celibate
    US-Republican
    We were discussing Divorce and Remarriage in the post so entitled and I would like to ask you a question in regards to the culprit - the Christian who divorces their Christian spouse without cause in order to marry their mistress or lover. We agree the innocent spouse is free, but what about the sinner?

    1. Are they married in the sight of God?

    2. Are they living in "perpetual" adultery every day they stay together?

    3. Have they lost their salvation?
     
  11. I'm_Sorry

    I'm_Sorry Taking a break from CF Supporter

    +1,146
    Australia
    Christian
    Widowed
    I have a confession.

    I had two women before I was married in a Christian context at age 21.

    By 28 I was divorced, my wife left me and within 2 months after she left I started a new relationship with my fiancé who just passed away (end of 2016).

    I would say with what I've experienced please make God first, He has to be number one to both you and your partner.

    I wrote this recently.

    "In a true relationship if both the man and woman have Christ Jesus (God) at the centre of their lives, the relationship between them is going to be much more fruitful. Until both parties realise the fallible state we exist in (the will to sin) and come to humility and repentance under God and follow the way of Life (Christ Jesus) the relationship is much more likely to fail.

    "Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning"" -Matthew 19:8

    Sexual desire for flesh has to be overcome and only exercised within the boundaries of God's will for marriage. There is no other way that leads to life and fruit of the spirit except through Christ Jesus. Love is the only way, and both man and woman must be of this heart for the relationship to work the best it possibly can in our sinful fallible selves.

    "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Seek first the kingdom of heaven!"

    God will give you a clean slate if we repent and realise we are forgiven through Christ Jesus. But make sure that your new relationship is for the Kingdom of Heaven in it's reasoning and by it's standard.

    God Bless.
     
  12. ValleyGal

    ValleyGal Well-Known Member

    +1,739
    Canada
    Anabaptist
    Divorced
    Divorce is not the sin. God divorced Israel for idolatry (spiritual adultery, if you will). He gave her a certificate of divorce (made it legal, according to the law he gave Moses). He then pursued Judah, but finding her worse than Israel, he took Israel back. If God can divorce Israel, then divorce itself is not a sin, otherwise we are saying God has sinned. It is sin that leads to divorce.

    Part of the problem with divorce is that we make it about behaviour, when sin is inherent in who we are apart from Jesus. When we make it about behaviour, we are saying "I'm a better person, I'm a better Christian than my spouse." That is self-righteousness.

    Those who are absolute in their belief that you can only divorce for adultery and you can't marry someone else unless your first marriage ended in adultery, are either in great marriages and believe everyone else is in a great marriage, too, or they are too newly married to believe it can happen to them, or they are stuck in loveless marriages because a lousy one is better than never being married again, or they are single idealists. Iow, believing divorce is only for adultery is an unrealistic expectation we place on Christians, and some hold divorce as the unforgivable sin - even though the divorce itself is not the sin. The sin is actually inherent to who we are.

    God created us to be in relationship, not to be stuck in oppressive marriages where love is lost and you get more interaction from your voicemail than you do from your spouse. A divorced person needs to do some honest self-reflection and own up to their own culpability in the breakdown of the marriage. After all, your spouse might have had an affair because you've refused him/her sex for the last five years and their God-given sex drive got the best of them in a weak moment. Whose sin is it? Both. That was just an example.

    For those who are divorced, God never intended you to stay single forever. If that were the case, he would have removed sex drive, the need for companionship and belonging, and the need for two-parent families upon divorce. He did not give us temptations without providing a way out of them. Marriage is his provision to deal with sexual temptations.

    For those who think God should be enough, they are wrong. God himself declared it was not good for man to be alone. If he was enough, he would never have created Eve or sex drive or the need for belonging and companionship. The church is also not enough. The church is great for fellowship and a larger sense of belonging in community but lacks the most intimate of relationship and belonging. God's grace is sufficient - his grace is that he has made provision even for divorced people.

    For those who hold so fast to the "adultery" rule, you are missing the point of relationship. The law is meaningless if no one can live up to it without the means of grace - that is, relationship. I pray your judgements against people who are divorced and/or married in subsequent marriages will never come back to haunt you by facing your own divorce or challenging marriage.
     
  13. I'm_Sorry

    I'm_Sorry Taking a break from CF Supporter

    +1,146
    Australia
    Christian
    Widowed

    Matthew 19
    10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

    11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

    12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.



    After my latest partner passed away there is a massive part of me that wants to wait for her unto heaven as our brothers and sisters are waiting for us, and in this world - concentrate on the Kingdom of Heaven
     
  14. God'sdaughter

    God'sdaughter Praying for a gift from God

    19
    +5
    Christian
    Married
    I am now married to a divorced man. He did not want to divorce with his ex-wife as he valued what the bible says, however, it was the ex-wife who wanted a divorce (a restraining order has been issued in order for my now husband to stay away and stop pursuing her.

    I strongly believed in what the bible says that we should not marry one as it's clearly stated in the bible. Does that mean that they won't have the opportunity to love and marry again? I hope not. The Lord is a God of second chances. Hence, I believe that it is important that we talk to God and ask what He wants us to do. We may be forgiven from our sins, but at the end of the day, you will know in your heart if your relationship is something that honors God.

    Pray and ask God. Only you and God can settle that. :)
     
  15. stuart lawrence

    stuart lawrence Well-Known Member

    +1,583
    Christian
    Single
    Well if you met someone who divorced due to the marital unfaithfulness of their spouse, what is wrong with going out with them? Jesus said concerning those grounds divorce is permissible. I would say the same goes for abuse. If you met someone who left their spouse due to being abused what is wrong with you going out with them?

    On the other hand, if someone divorced a faithful and loving husband or wife for whatever reason, would you think it advisable to go out with them? They might leave you also, no matter how kind you are to them
     
  16. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +6,835
    Christian
    Single
    Can't? of course you can, we are free to make our own decisions in this life. But on the other hand, if you want to tell Christ to take a hike for teaching other wise, that's a decision that will follow you into the next. Not the type of baggage I want to be carrying.

    That, among other places. :)

    Fascinating as well as perplexing. Unfortunately, it's the norm in cases like this.
     
  17. Unix

    Unix Hebr incl Sirach&epigraph, Hermeneut,Ptolemy,Samar Supporter

    +69
    Anglican
    Single
    I don't know if it's my job here to convince anyone but perhaps the Catholic Church believes in Biblical divorce when the priest grant annulment of a marriage? Basically, just to add: if the parents of the girl I dated last Year would not have been against me, I would have had a chance. That was however not the case and I don't know what those parents had against me other than that I can assume it can have something to do with my age, non-virginity and not having taken initiatives in time, that I did not say enough words in time (I'm born in Finland but no-longer live there, I'm finlandssvensk, men from Finland don't inflate words but show love with gestures and deeds, something they should have known about since the girls grandmother is actually from Finland, but it seems like they didn't know, I guess they are not familiar with Finnish culture):
     
  18. PollyJetix

    PollyJetix Well-Known Member

    +1,212
    Christian
    Single
    Are you saying then, that ONE of those two out of a broken marriage is no longer married to the other?
    Because that's the position "perpetual adultery" leaves you in.
    If only ONE person is free to remarry, but the other is not, then you have a marriage in God's eyes, that only exists for one person... the one who broke it via adultery.
     
  19. PollyJetix

    PollyJetix Well-Known Member

    +1,212
    Christian
    Single
    My goodness.
    The way some people interpret the words of Jesus creates a very strange situation.
    A situation where the adulterer is still married... to one who is now free from that marriage, and allowed to remarry at will.

    This ultra-literal, illogical interpretation makes it less of a sin to murder your wife, than to divorce her. At least you could be forgiven and freed from that horrible situation!
     
  20. Haramis

    Haramis Dancing on Rainbows Supporter

    300
    +216
    Non-Denom
    Private
    I think quite a few of the men posting in this thread have a mindset compatible with this idea. They seem like the type. The bitterness and need to control and shout down and accuse of impiety are all there. Especially the need to elevate themselves as an authority above God(God won't answer your prayers, you must listen to ME, I am the man who speaks for God).

    Bitterness and a need to control are the seeds of murder. And since you have several of them insisting that they rarely even hear God's voice... I wouldn't want to be married to a man like that. I notice most of the ones behaving this way are all single. So I guess I'm not the only one who's put off by it.
     
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