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Is it okay for a Christian woman to wear a bikini?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by kas123, Apr 27, 2009.

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  1. kas123

    kas123 New Member

    I have a girlfriend who I am sort of engaged to.... it's not really totally official but we both intend to marry each other. We are older (40's).. she has been previously married.

    We also live fairly far apart but we communicate everyday.

    We are both Christians but not necessarily good Christians at this time...of course we are both sinners also but it goes further than that. I would say that we both do not have a really strong relationship with God at this point as we have had in the past.

    When I first met her, it seemed like she was a little more modest from our discussions and pictures I have seen along with my experiences with her at pools and the beach. She is attractive but that should have no bearing with respect to my question.

    Throughout our involvement together I have expressed my interest in her staying fairly modest.... meaning, trying not to show cleavage in public, liking her to wear a one-piece rather than a bikini, etc.

    She has also said something about not liking when guys ogle her. However, I think she likes feeling that she is attractive like I believe most women do.

    She's always sending me pictures of her ... I have to admit that she is attractive. It seems like in the last few months she has started to wear a bikini... except without bikini shorts... I mean using something closer to boy shorts I guess... I don't know what you call them.

    Up to this point, I have never been with her at the same time while she was wearing her skimpy bathing suit. She actually has two now.

    Today, with some fear of her response, I brought up the fact that I did not feel right about her wearing a bikini-like swimsuit. I feel like I have come up with many different arguments to explain to her what I mean. I'm trying to get her to understand my view. She of course does not have a view of a man. She has acknowledged that. But she is very stubborn so she has basically said that she will wear a bikini whenever she wants.

    I have told her that I guess she must be getting something out of it for her to wear it. I told her that maybe my my desire for her whether it be physically and/or otherwise possibly is not enough for her to be fulfilled emotionally. I'm trying to understand her need to wear it but it simply is not registering with me. At the same time, I'm trying to explain to her why I feel the way I do.

    I Guess I'm afraid that this could be a very divisive issue for us. Especially because I don't think I will back down on this one and she won't either. I guess I'm thinking that if she really cares that loves me enough, she would compromise on this issue....especially when I have compromised on others in the past.

    I realize wearing a bikini has become very accepted. I also believe that just because it has been accepted so much does not mean it's right.

    Has anyone been in this situation before?
  2. salida

    salida Veteran

    It sounds like she has an inferiority complex maybe? Is she depending on being attractive to other men for love instead of God's love? No, a real christian women shouldn't be wearing a bikini in public. If its in her own yard, where no one can see her at all even you - its fine. It doesn't sound like she respects your feelings. It sure would be a divisive issue with me- you didn't ask her for much. If she can't respect you on such a trivial issue, how can she respect you on serious matters?

    You say your not good christians now? Is this a recipe for a future disaster? For a good relationship and especially marriage it takes you, her and the Holy Spirit. Gods love gets us through and human love alone won't do it. Human love isn't eternal but temporary. Unless you both intend to get stronger in the Lord - I would proceed with great caution. Personally, there is no way I would get serious with what you have mentioned here. I have been married for 21 years - and the Holy Spirit must be involved or it won't last.
  3. homeofmew

    homeofmew Master Trainer Supporter

    In Relationship
    I personally wear a one piece because it's a lot easier IMO.
    But when it comes to bathing suits, you are gonna show skin weather it's a 1 piece or a 2 piece. I get guys hitting on me when I am wearing regular clothing, so yeah guys are guys :/ as long as the girl flicks them off like the flys they are lol.
  4. kas123

    kas123 New Member

    Thanks for your response,

    I cannot say for sure the reason she wears it is to be attractive to other men. For what other reason would it be? Does she just want to be seen as being sexy to other people (female or male) because it helps her feel better about herself? Maybe she does not want to attract men specifically. Even so, that still would be a problem.

    I definitely know that she does not wear it to get a better tan...I can rule that out for sure.

    I realize not being as close to the Lord as we should is a problem. It definitely allows us more freedom to go the wrong direction. I can see that all too clearly.
  5. kas123

    kas123 New Member

    Yes, but you have to admit that a bikini shows much more than a one-piece.... assuming we are talking about regular common one-piece bathing suits. I am perfectly fine with her wearing a one-piece even though it shows more skin than regular clothing. I am not completely uncompromising.

    I'm afraid it might be the end of us because she can be stubborn sometimes. It's too bad if it is the end because it seems somewhat trivial to me...I mean for to not give in. She might think it to be trivial for me to bring up. However, I don't see me backing down. I don't consider it a trivial matter. I believe it to have very deep source of cause that might show her to have a side to her I did not understand or will never understand.
  6. Johnnz

    Johnnz Senior Veteran Supporter

    Its to easy to get unnecessarily uptight about some issues. Modesty is an inner attitude rather than something related to externals, although there is some relationship, obviously. if she is comfortable with wearing a bikini, then fine, provided the time and place is suitable.

  7. wonderwaleye

    wonderwaleye Well-Known Member


    Only one portion of your post really makes all the difference:

    " I would say that we both do not have a really strong relationship with God at this point as we have had in the past. "

    You see if that were not the problem then all the rest would work themselves out.

    You have never GIVEN IT ALL TO GOD

    GOD demands that you give HIM your WHOLE heart, mind, strength, and soul. That means you go in prayer and tell GOD that you will do this and from that moment on seek GOD in all your decisions. Then pick up GOD'S ROAD MAP to the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD ( BIBLE ) and start reading the NEW TESTIMENT till the next time you read it you will already know what IT'S going to say. For then it's locked in your heart to draw from for the rest of your life. You will NEVER be sorry you did.

    After this is complete GOD will know. For HE searches the heart. HE will then send HIS HOLY SPIRIT ( ANOINTED-BORN AGAIN- SAVED ). For it is then that you shall receive the MISSION GOD has for just you and supply all your needs, even what you have not the ability to have.

    Do yourself a BIG FAVOR and Start right now!!!

    For then you shall have the peace in your life that your really looking for.

    steven :hug:
  8. tansy

    tansy Senior Member

    Personally I don't see any problem with women wearing bikinis...or should men wear 1 piece bathing suits as well?

    If you're looking at this from the point of view that wearing bikinis could cause lustful looks from men , or whatever, then i dont think this is the case particularly, any more than if they're fully clothed.
    A lot depends on HOW these clothes are worn, and the person's bearing.

    For example, I think men look really sexy clothed from top to toe in motorbike leathers (or at least I did when I was young) :blush:, or dressed just in jeans with no shirt..and actually, they're often more sexy like that than just dressed in aswimming costume, or no clothes at all!

    The point I'm getting at is, that things don't necessarily depend on how much or how little clothing one wears.

    As for your womanfrien's motives for wearing a bikini, I wouldnt have a clue. I would wearone myself, if I found it more comfortable or convenient than a one-piece.
  9. Lucis

    Lucis Lost soul

    Christian Seeker
    I agree with wonderwaleye here, the important thing is to get the things right with God, and not arguing about bikinis.
  10. Mr.Cheese

    Mr.Cheese Legend

    Last edited: Nov 19, 2009
  11. Humbled33

    Humbled33 Newbie

    Definitely get right with God. The thing we need to realize in a relationship is WE cannot change the other person. We cannot force the issue. We must pray. I pray this all the time. "Lord, change my heart or change hers in this matter." Let the Holy Spirit convince you or her of HIS will in the matter.
  12. heron

    heron Legend

    In Relationship
    LOL!!!! Good one.

    Female friends often try to convince each other to buy them. Some women may wear them for attention, but often women are naive and just do it because that's what's available in the stores. A typical shopping conversation might be...

    "That would look so cute on you!"
    "I like the colors, but I don't know about the two-piece..."
    "No, you'll be fine. You have a flat stomach. Just try it on. Just for kicks."
    "I don't know, I usually buy one-pieces. I feel self-conscious in these."
    "Aw, you know that everyone else will be wearing two-piece. Nobody cares if you don't look perfect. And this suit is so pretty. See? It fits great."

    Public swimming pools usually do not allow shorts (cutoffs clog the filters), so fortunately clothing designers have finally caught on and started selling the bathing suit shorts. That is very recent, and women can't count on finding them when they shop.

    There is also an unwritten dress code for bathing suits -- if you are not standardized with a bright bikini, you are considered under-dressed. Pool parties, nicer public beaches, and I'm sure cruises would be that way. Not every woman is comfortable with this standard, but they go along with it out of intimidation... social expectation. Availability of suits.

    Bathing suits are usually more expensive than casual clothes, sell out of the stores in a month or two, come in extremely limited colors and styles, and have to have a very specific good fit because they are so clingy. So the odds of finding a good one-piece are low.

    I understand your concern, but it seems more important to weigh the impact of your worries: if you get too vocal and fussy about that, it gets interpreted as control and confinement. Do not allow your fears to ruin a good relationship.
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2009
  13. bliz

    bliz Contributor

    So you're in your 40s,and "sort of" engaged? What does that mean?

    You've decided that you are not backing down, but she's the one who is stubborn? Sounds like you are both pretty stubborn.

    You have no right to tell her what to wear. You are not married to her and no, you are not engaged to her. If the fact the she likes to wear bikinis is such a serious mattter to you, it may well be the end of the relationship, but that's just as well. Better to discover major points in difference before marriage.
  14. heron

    heron Legend

    In Relationship
    This statement made me cringe -- it is distrustful and accusing her of things that are contrary to what she has told you.

    It is true that women don't think like men. So believe her when she tells you that. Women in movies might talk as though they are dressing to entice and lure men, but many of these movies were written by men.

    The women I've known have dressed more out of fear of acceptability. Appearing older, more professional, keeping up with styles. Self-expression. Enjoying design. And for comfort.

    You should also resolve this bigger issue of whether you have a right to declare how she dresses and behaves, even if you are married. She has been living 40+ years without your input.
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