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Featured Is it ok to lie in this case?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by CamillaBegumm, Jun 8, 2019.

  1. CamillaBegumm

    CamillaBegumm New Member

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    ...
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2019
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  2. lambofgod43985889

    lambofgod43985889 Active Member Supporter

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    amend your error just saying the truth, be strong about the consequences Nobody can excommunicate you.
     
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  3. Haramis

    Haramis Dancing on Rainbows Supporter

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    That brings some troubling implications itself. Your pastor sounds like a busy body who's far more involved in human politics than the world of the spirit. I can't imagine this is a healthy church at all. You've got numerous people trying to control your personal life, and who you contact?

    That's literally straight up cult behavior.
     
  4. Danielwright2311

    Danielwright2311 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    What would Jesus do?

    We must act in love and forgiveness first, in all things.

    If your church is not acting in love and forgiveness for this person, then leave the church or correct them.

    If your the only one to see the problem, the churches problem not forgiving and accepting and forgiving, then God pout it in your hands to address it.
     
  5. Brightmoon

    Brightmoon Apes and humans are all in family Hominidae.

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    your pastor and their friends have a lot of nerve. You can speak to whoever you want. That’s really toxic controlling behavior . I can’t blame you for not wanting them in your business but try to avoid lying . I understand that you feel you can’t tell these people to mind their own business. I honestly think you should start looking for another church as this is cultish behavior

    Now if this person you ate with is a danger to you or anyone else I’d advise caution with him . But this is still none of their business unless you ask them for advice.

    I’d also try to not meet this person in public since that causes major problems for you . Email or text or phone calls only until the situation blows over.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2019
  6. Phil W

    Phil W Well-Known Member

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    You had the whole church to talk to and you ignored them.
    If this guys offense was so serious that even you recognize it, why are you getting involved despite the edicts of the body of Christ?
    The devil is the father of lies, and of those who use them.
    Time for you to get right with God.
    That guy will have his day in court, and a jury of his peers.
     
  7. The Faceless

    The Faceless Has A Face

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    Find a Church because you are not in one. The name on the door means nothing. This is not how a Church behaves.
     
  8. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    The case of a stalking pastor... it's one thing to warn you for your own protection. A whole another thing to track people.

    You were under duress and it's understandable, so no judgment there (can't change the past anyway).
    But next time, what do you think would be the alternative to lying?
     
  9. Wrangler

    Wrangler Member

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    People here offered their opinion of the church when the question is should you lie.

    The short answer is no, you should not lie.

    Regarding the church saying to have nothing to do with him AND people her talking about love and forgiveness; read Titus 3:10. Internally, you ought to forgive him. Externally, you should avoid him. Refer him to other Christians NOT associated with your church.
     
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  10. mreeed

    mreeed shalom...

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    Is there another pastor you trust that you could talk to about this? Maybe a three-way meeting? (If this person will not reach out maybe they need help with that step.) Or maybe a chaplain on CF? Might be helpful to get that kind of perspective also from someone who may have some experience to relate.

    If anything further needs to be communicated, maybe conversations by phone or email/text could accomplish anything necessary and be less perceived as 'spending time', and this would consider I Cor 5:11. 2 Cor 1:23-2:11 may be helpful also...
     
  11. maintenance man

    maintenance man Well-Known Member Supporter

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    It's impossible to give you advice without knowing all the details. This is a complicated situation.

    Of course you need to do what God is telling you to do. You know what that is.

    I'm praying for you.
     
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  12. thecolorsblend

    thecolorsblend If God is your Father, who is your Mother?

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    I one time got ostracized at an ecclesial community I no longer attend and no longer respect. It really would've been nice to have had a friend in that situation. But there was nobody. Zero.

    I can't tell you what to do. With respect, your OP is a bit vague and the few details you've provided raise all sorts of challenges, and solutions are dependent upon the exact nature of the problem. It's pretty tough.

    Since you know this situation best, be honest. Ask yourself who's truly in the right and who's in the wrong on this. If a Christian brother has been given a bad deal and is getting hung out to dry by the pastor, it's a good idea to establish positive relations. Little things can harm someone else's faith. But big things, those can be the death of someone's faith.

    If your pastor isn't willing to act in a pastoral fashion, it may be down to you to do the right thing and be supportive of someone whose faith could be hanging by a thread.

    Good luck!
     
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  13. SoldierOfTheKing

    SoldierOfTheKing Christian Spenglerian

    +2,071
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    No, you shouldn't have lied. I think the best course of action would be to keep confidence - firm commit yourself not to discuss any contact you have with this person with anybody at church. If you are confronted about it further, simply say that you will not be party to gossip.
     
  14. Carl Emerson

    Carl Emerson Well-Known Member

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    Mmmm... Not really enough detail to give an informed comment. A lot hinges on the the nature of the offence towards the family and how serious it really was... You do not indicate that there has been any arrest.
    Could I suggest that you choose say 3 persons who have responded PM them as a group and disclose more detail... you may get a better response.
     
  15. CamillaBegumm

    CamillaBegumm New Member

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    I know, and I have had feelings
    about it that way for a while, but my church has really cheap housing, that I absolutely cannot lose until I finish college. The people I live with often report to elders and pastors on stuff we do and say.
     
  16. CamillaBegumm

    CamillaBegumm New Member

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    I don’t want to get involved. He only ever really hits me up first. And that time we went out to eat I was kinda suckered into.
     
  17. CamillaBegumm

    CamillaBegumm New Member

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    I intentionally left it vague because the family involved hired a private investigator to find anything related to this guy.
     
  18. Reborn1977

    Reborn1977 Devoted to Jesus - Less of me MORE of HIM Supporter

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    You are in a congregation where you feel torn between lying and attempting to work with a person whom you hope God will bring to repentance. The pressure from your congregations leadership and the congregation itself is so intense, that is manipulation, that you feel forced to lie to save your relationship with your congregation and your pastoral leadership. This is neither godly nor healthy. If you can be shunned or excommunicated from a church because you speak with someone that the people and the leadership in that church doesn't want you to speak to, if that is enough for you to be shunned or excommunicated, you are in a toxic church. Get out, get out, get out!

    Jesus did not excommunicate the sinners, he welcomed them into the fold, he taught them, he loved them, he was beaten and died for them, clearly your congregation and your pastor leadership thinks they are better than Jesus.
     
  19. CamillaBegumm

    CamillaBegumm New Member

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    They’re reasoning is that if I engage with them, it will tear apart the church because some will side with the family, and some will side with him.
     
  20. Reborn1977

    Reborn1977 Devoted to Jesus - Less of me MORE of HIM Supporter

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    Again, something is still wrong if your church congregation and your pastor leadership is unable to minister to both sides of this situation. Not only are they failing in their calling to do so, they are manipulating their congregation. It's not a healthy situation. I have known Jesus since 1977 and been in full-time ministry for the past 25 years... I've seen all kinds of situations, what you're describing is a an extremely unhealthy environment. Why put yourself through that? Ask God to show you a healthy congregation that you can be part of.
     
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