Is it ever ethical for a youth leader to hang out outside of church with a student?

[JCFantasy23]

Well from how I'm reading it, both of the girls are in leadership positions in their youth ministry. Sounds more like a Sr class president & Jr president being buddies than boss to employee.

If that's the case, not seeing an issue with this. Sounds healthy to be friends

 

[Radagast]

I'm 18 years old, female, I've been a youth leader for a couple of months. I'm sorry if this is something I should already know by now, I just wanted to be clear on this issue so I don't make a mistake. One of the students in my youth group-almost 16 years old-keeps talking about how her love language is quality time and how she wants me and her to go fishing, etc.

For many churches that would be against policy, since you're an adult.

As one website of advice for youth pastors puts it: Never drive anywhere alone with one of your youth (unless you are trying to escape from the T Rex that has just flattened the church building and even then the teenager should ride in the back seat!)

I don't want to hurt her feelings but I also don't want to cross any boundaries, as well as make exceptions for certain kids.

If you're a group leader, it's better to do things with at least two students in the group (and not always the same two students). It avoids the appearance of favouritism.

She hangs out with the new youth pastor-22 years old-a lot, they're practically best friends.

And that is a disaster waiting to happen.

 

[Go Braves]

For many churches that would be against policy, since you're an adult.

As one website of advice for youth pastors puts it: Never drive anywhere alone with one of your youth (unless you are trying to escape from the T Rex that has just flattened the church building and even then the teenager should ride in the back seat!)



If you're a group leader, it's better to do things with at least two students in the group (and not always the same two students). It avoids the appearance of favouritism.



And that is a disaster waiting to happen.

Most churches have a little more common sense than you're giving them credit for. We're talking about 2 teen girls. Now, if the older 1 was in her 50s, that'd be a different story all together but that's not so here. There's kids of those ages in the same grade. Both girls are youth leaders, 1 is slightly higher up. I reckon that the whole point of her being a youth leader is that she's also a youth. Any church so legalistic as to discourage a friendship between the 2 has got serious problems.
I hope you misunderstood the OP when you wrote this. That's the only way it makes a lick of sense.

 

[Radagast]

Both girls are youth leaders, 1 is slightly higher up. I reckon that the whole point of her being a youth leader is that she's also a youth. Any church so legalistic as to discourage a friendship between the 2 has got serious problems.

My understanding is that the O.P. is an adult youth leader (aged 18). The other girl is a 15-year-old in her care.

Sensible churches have "legalistic" rules about that because so many problems have occurred in the past. One typical rule is Never will there be a youth alone with an adult in a vehicle.

 

[Go Braves]

My understanding is that the O.P. is an adult youth leader (aged 18). The other girl is a 15-year-old in her care.

Sensible churches have "legalistic" rules about that because so many problems have occurred in the past. One typical rule is Never will there be a youth alone with an adult in a vehicle.

Well thank heavens my church & school have got a lick of sense or else there'd be kids in the same grade who couldn't ride in the same car. I turned 18 halfway through senior year. According to that foolishness, I was in the wrong to keep giving my neighbor buddy who was 16 rides. Now no sensible church in the world would object to an 18 year old youth leader & a 16 year old youth leader, both girls, being in the same car alone together. It's legalism well beyond idiocy.

 

[Radagast]

I turned 18 halfway through senior year. According to that foolishness, I was in the wrong to keep giving my neighbor buddy who was 16 rides.

Were you officially appointed by the church as a youth leader? Was this buddy in your group?

It's legalism well beyond idiocy.

Putting aside ethics and the Biblical requirement to be free of any appearance of wrongdoing, it's also pure practicality: without policies like that, churches won't get insurance cover.

 

[Go Braves]

Were you officially appointed by the church as a youth leader? Was this buddy in your group?

Yes and yes. I was also in a leadership position with the ROTC. Like I said, our church & school have got a lick of sense. The OP is a SR youth leader, the friend who is 2 years younger a JR youth leader. The whole reason the SR was appointed to be a youth leader is that she's also a youth. It's dang foolish to kick up a fuss about that. We're not talking about 50 & 16, but 2 teen girls 2 years apart.

Putting aside ethics and the Biblical requirement to be free of any appearance of wrongdoing, it's also pure practicality: without policies like that, churches won't get insurance cover.

Don't know if you're just pulling my leg at this point, but that's just false. There's not a bit of appearance of wrongdoing except in the minds of some folks who want to see wrong where there is none. That is entirely their problem. Now, as far as insurance coverage, the idea of a church being denied on account of two teenager girls being friends, that's just a bunch of nonsense on your part.

 

[Radagast]

Now, as far as insurance coverage, the idea of a church being denied on account of two teenager girls being friends, that's just a bunch of nonsense on your part.

Here's a policy from one church insurance agency: One of the primary rules for supervision states that no adult will be alone with a minor.

In terms of the O.P., the 18-year-old in a leadership position is an adult, the 15-year-old under her care is a minor.

 

[Radagast]

nm

 

[Go Braves]

Here's a policy from one church insurance agency: One of the primary rules for supervision states that no adult will be alone with a minor.

In terms of the O.P., the 18-year-old in a leadership position is an adult, the 15-year-old under her care is a minor.

Well now, for starters, you're wrong on the ages. The 2 teens are 18 & 16, both are in youth leadership positions & church staff members. I'm not going to read the 29 page link, but you just go right ahead & contact them if you're that hellbent on the drama to ask them if they'd deny coverage on account of 2 teen girls being alone together.

Gracious now, can you just imagine what would happen if every HS & every youth group kept all the teens who'd turned 18 apart from the ones under 18? These are kids who are often in the same grade. Some of the "adult" teens are in lower grades than the kids younger than them. You'd probably think my girlfriend was a predator on account of how she turned 18 before I did, and we rode in the same car alone together. A functional church keeps some common sense. What you're writing just throws all that out the window.

 

[Radagast]

Well now, for starters, you're wrong on the ages. The 2 teens are 18 & 16

The O.P. says "almost 16." That means 15.

both are in youth leadership positions & church staff members

The O.P. says that the 15-year-old is an "honorary member of the church staff," whatever that means.

Gracious now, can you just imagine what would happen if every HS & every youth group kept all the teens who'd turned 18 apart from the ones under 18?

I'm not suggesting that; the issue is about adult leaders and children under their care.

 

[Go Braves]

The O.P. says "almost 16." That means 15.



The O.P. says that the 15-year-old is an "honorary member of the church staff," whatever that means.

Now let's just use some common sense right now. Why do you reckon the teens were selected to be youth leaders & honorary members of the church staff? If that church saw the younger of the 2 teens as this little child, why give her that position? The whole point of the 18 year old being a leader is that she's a peer. She's supposed to hang out with the others in the group. Also note that the younger teen is described as being best friends with the 22 yr old youth pastor. Nobody has got their britches in a bunch over that. Those 2 aren't peers, they're not both HS age.

I'm not suggesting that; the issue is about adult leaders and children under their care.

Well except that you pretty much are right there. It's just a hoot that you're there making all the bold letters, about 18 being adult leaders & 15 being a child. I get that you're really into the legalism but IRL applications that's just silly. We're not talking about 2 having sex, we're talking about 2 teen girls being pals with each other so the legal differences don't mount to a hill of beans. I don't know if you went to HS many moons ago & things were mighty different then than now but today there's a lot of 18 yr olds still in HS. Some in lower grades than the younger kids. In my youth group at church it's all teens, & they'd think you were plum crazy to try to keep the ones a tiny bit older than the rest from being alone together. We've got a 16 yr old gal who is already in her 2nd year of community college, we've got 18 yr olds who are still juniors in HS. The only reason we even know ages if it's brought up for birthdays & what have you. Otherwise we're just not as petty & silly as you're wanting folks to be.

 

[Phil 1:21]

Is it ever ethical for a youth leader to hang out outside of church with a student?

Ethical? Perhaps. Wise? Probably not.

 

[Go Braves]

Ethical? Perhaps. Wise? Probably not.

If the youth leader was 50 & not a youth herself then it wouldn't be wise, but we're talking about 2 teen gals being pals with each other.

 

[Phil 1:21]

If the youth leader was 50 & not a youth herself then it wouldn't be wise, but we're talking about 2 teen gals being pals with each other.

Yeah, yeah, you disagree. We get it.

 

[Go Braves]

Yeah, yeah, you disagree. We get it.

Well of course I do. I'd feel foolish not to. The OP hasn't been back here for weeks now, hopefully she's realized what a nonissue it is, become friends with that girl if they've clicked. Healthy Christian friendships ought to be encouraged & there's not a thing unhealthy about 2 teen girls being friends if they get along well.

 

[Radagast]

Why do you reckon the teens were selected to be youth leaders & honorary members of the church staff? If that church saw the younger of the 2 teens as this little child, why give her that position?

"Honorary member of the church staff" can mean several things, but it's not an official appointed position.

Also note that the younger teen is described as being best friends with the 22 yr old youth pastor.

Which is, as I said, a disaster waiting to happen.

we're talking about 2 teen girls being pals with each other so the legal differences don't mount to a hill of beans

We're talking about the younger teen wanting to be pals. We're talking about a situation where, if disappointed, the younger teen could make accusations.

they'd think you were plum crazy to try to keep the ones a tiny bit older than the rest from being alone together

Are you deliberately misrepresenting me? I'm talking specifically about adults appointed to a position of responsibility, and their interaction with minors.

 

[Go Braves]

"Honorary member of the church staff" can mean several things, but it's not an official appointed position.



Which is, as I said, a disaster waiting to happen.

Well now if the church felt that way, surely seems they would have done something about her being "best friend" with the youth pastor. Not everybody goes around clutching their pearls fearing the improbable worst in every situation. Both kids are part of the leadership of the church.

We're talking about the younger teen wanting to be pals. We're talking about a situation where, if disappointed, the younger teen could make accusations.

Well by that logic the younger teen should be kept away from the elementary school kids, on account of how they could make up accusations. These are 2 teens being pals. The whole point of them being youth leaders is they're both youths.

Are you deliberately misrepresenting me? I'm talking specifically about adults appointed to a position of responsibility, and their interaction with minors.

Nope, just responding to exactly what you wrote & what the situation at hand is. We're talking about two teenager girls appointed to positions of responsibility in their church & their interaction with 1 another.

 

[Radagast]

Well by that logic the younger teen should be kept away from the elementary school kids, on account of how they could make up accusations.

The basic rule I was quoting is: don't ever have one adult appointed to a position of responsibility alone with a minor. I don't see how you turn that into "by that logic the younger teen should be kept away from the elementary school kids."

 

[Go Braves]

The basic rule I was quoting is: don't ever have one adult appointed to a position of responsibility alone with a minor. I don't see how you turn that into "by that logic the younger teen should be kept away from the elementary school kids."

Well now let's just stop for a minute & think about which 2 have got more in common & are more likely to be peers, pals. Have a natural, wholesome friendship with each other, that's good & proper, ought to be encouraged. 2 teens close in age, both having positions of responsibility in their church, 1 falling just into that "adult" category & one just under it. Or a 15/ 16 year old in a position of responsibility & and an elementary school age kid. Your britches in a bunch over this is purely due to legalism, based on how in America today adult & minor are defined legally. It has got not a single darned thing to do with Biblical ethics or wisdom, or common sense.