Is It Considered a Sin to Look a Man in the Eyes?

[Sparagmos]

I was led to believe that modesty and shamefacededness had more to do with just how we dress and our personality. It might also include the way we interact with others, especially those who we aren't married to.

Eye contact can be very intense and expressive, so maybe it is only reserved for spouses.

What is shamefacedness? I’ve never heard of that.

 

[brandynicole]

What is shamefacedness? I’ve never heard of that.

It is similar to modesty:
Shamefacedness Definition and Meaning - Bible Dictionary

 

[Sparagmos]

It is similar to modesty:
Shamefacedness Definition and Meaning - Bible Dictionary

What does being modest have to do with shame? It seems like if you are believing you should feel ashamed, it could be causing you to look for something to be ashamed of, even if it’s not there.

Eye contact is part of the human connection. If you associate eye contact with sin and shame, once you are married you will still have that with you and it will make it harder to connect with your husband.

 

[brandynicole]

What does being modest have to do with shame? It seems like if you are believing you should feel ashamed, it could be causing you to look for something to be ashamed of, even if it’s not there.

Eye contact is part of the human connection. If you associate eye contact with sin and shame, once you are married you will still have that with you and it will make it harder to connect with your husband.

I already have the shame. It has nothing to do with modesty. I wish that wasn't the case, but I tend to associate this topic with shame because of my past experiences.

 

[coffee4u]

I already have the shame. It has nothing to do with modesty. I wish that wasn't the case, but I tend to associate this topic with shame because of my past experiences.

1 Timothy 2:9 King James

9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;

This doesn't mean shame as in how modern society thinks of being ashamed, it means modestly.
Strong's Greek: 127. αἰδώς (aidós) -- a sense of shame

Did you see the post I made to you on page 1?

 

[brandynicole]

1 Timothy 2:9 King James

9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;

This doesn't mean shame as in how modern society thinks of being ashamed, it means modestly.
Strong's Greek: 127. αἰδώς (aidós) -- a sense of shame

Did you see the post I made to you on page 1?

Yes, I did read it. It was very helpful. My concern is that I might continue in my sinful ways without knowing. Scripture doesn't cover every single aspect of life, so I am confused at times.

As for shame, I have to live with it anyway due to my shameful past. I've prayed for forgiveness and still feel just as bad.

 

[coffee4u]

Yes, I did read it. It was very helpful. My concern is that I might continue in my sinful ways without knowing. Scripture doesn't cover every single aspect of life, so I am confused at times.

As for shame, I have to live with it anyway due to my shameful past. I've prayed for forgiveness and still feel just as bad.

Remember looking someone in the eye is not shameful or sinful.

Some verses to meditate on:

Isaiah 54:4

"Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

1 Corinthians 4:14
I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children.

Philippians 1:20
according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.

 

[brandynicole]

Remember looking someone in the eye is not shameful or sinful.

Some verses to meditate on:

Isaiah 54:4

"Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

1 Corinthians 4:14
I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children.

Philippians 1:20
according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.

Thank you for those verses

 

[faroukfarouk]

If you don't look them in the eye, someone may misinterpret your intentions. You aren't responsible for other peoples's thoughts/intentions/motives.

Shows how vastly cultures may differ from one country to another.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

To the OP, something has just this minute occurred to me. I could be totally off base here. Please forgive me if I am. I'm drawing on my own experience. If it doesn't apply, then it doesn't apply.

Is it your own thoughts and motivations you're worried about? Simply being attracted to a man isn't a sin. But let's say getting together would be inappropriate for some reason. There are several reasons it might be. Maybe one of you is married or in a committed relationship already. Or maybe a romance between the two of you would interfere with the professional relationship--working together on the job or in some ministry--that you already have. Let's say one of you is too new in recovery, and it simply wouldn't be healthy. Or it could be any number of other things. In a case like that, then you want to be sure and keep your distance. Part of that *could* include not looking him directly in the eye when you're speaking to him. Further precautions could be never being alone with him, limiting the amount of time you speak to him, etc. (A number of years ago, when I was in a residential recovery program, there was a rule in place that men and women could only speak ten words or less to each other at a time. This was to keep them from forming relationships that would derail their own or each other's recovery.)

Again, not that the attraction is a sin. You just want to manage the perfectly normal and understandable feelings so that the situation doesn't *become* sin.

 

[brandynicole]

To the OP, something has just this minute occurred to me. I could be totally off base here. Please forgive me if I am. I'm drawing on my own experience. If it doesn't apply, then it doesn't apply.

Is it your own thoughts and motivations you're worried about? Simply being attracted to a man isn't a sin. But let's say getting together would be inappropriate for some reason. There are several reasons it might be. Maybe one of you is married or in a committed relationship already. Or maybe a romance between the two of you would interfere with the professional relationship--working together on the job or in some ministry--that you already have. Let's say one of you is too new in recovery, and it simply wouldn't be healthy. Or it could be any number of other things. In a case like that, then you want to be sure and keep your distance. Part of that *could* include not looking him directly in the eye when you're speaking to him. Further precautions could be never being alone with him, limiting the amount of time you speak to him, etc. (A number of years ago, when I was in a residential recovery program, there was a rule in place that men and women could only speak ten words or less to each other at a time. This was to keep them from forming relationships that would derail their own or each other's recovery.)

Again, not that the attraction is a sin. You just want to manage the perfectly normal and understandable feelings so that the situation doesn't *become* sin.

Yes, that is partially what I'm trying to avoid.

My pastor said that women should be more responsible with their bodies in order to not cause men to stumble. And me already having been immoral, I struggle understand what that means.

I wish I had grown up in the Church properly. People have already taken advantage of me, and I feel like that could have been avoided if I had been more modest with my eyes.

 

[Strong in Him]

My pastor said that women should be more responsible with their bodies in order to not cause men to stumble.

That's getting dangerously close to saying that if a man looks lustfully on a woman/seduces her/starts an affair/rapes her, then it's her fault because of what she wore.
No!

Wearing low cut, high slit dresses may not be wise, they certainly aren't modest - but a woman wearing those sorts of clothes still does not give a man the right to behave improperly towards her.
Some men may lust after women who are wearing jeans and t shirts/skirts and blouses/high necked dresses. We can't control how men think, and aren't responsible for it.

 

[coffee4u]

Yes, that is partially what I'm trying to avoid.

My pastor said that women should be more responsible with their bodies in order to not cause men to stumble. And me already having been immoral, I struggle understand what that means.

I wish I had grown up in the Church properly. People have already taken advantage of me, and I feel like that could have been avoided if I had been more modest with my eyes.

As Strong in Him says, that is dangerously close to saying it's her fault. Each person is responsible for their own sins. He is as much responsible for his own speech and behaviour as you are for yours. If you are doing nothing wrong, not trying to cause your brother to stumble and he does, that is his sin, and his fault alone.

For sure immodest clothing makes it tougher for men to keep pure thoughts and in that way, women should not purposely try and make men stumble, but it is not a woman's job to try and prevent a man from sexually assaulting or raping her. Women get accosted and raped even dressed like nuns, even old women have been. There is never an excuse for rape or sexual assault, even if she were naked.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

To be clear: I don't care if a woman *does* slink past a man, wearing skimpy clothes, nodding and winking and blowing kisses at him. It still doesn't give him any right to put his hands on her, if she doesn't want him to. Are her actions wise? No. Is she doing wrong? Yes, I believe so, especially if her entire goal IS to tease him and provoke those thoughts. But this would not make his resulting actions her fault. He still chooses what to do with those thoughts, once they are provoked.

Think of any other sin/addiction/things we may struggle with. Take, for example, food addiction. That is something I struggle with a lot. People offer me sugary junk food quite often. Maybe the first time, they mean it innocently. But if they continue to push after I've said no, that is NOT acting loving toward me.

Another common sin people struggle with is anger issues. If I have that problem it would be neither wise nor loving to deliberately pick at me until I explode.

Is it the other person's fault if I eat a donut, or if I finally snap and start yelling after they've been making digs at me all day? No. What I do is still my choice. However, it was wrong of them to treat me that way, knowing I have those struggles. I need to re-evaluate my relationships and not hang around with people who lead me into temptation.

Tying it in to the OP, I don't think merely looking directly at a man while having a conversation with him is provoking him to lust. If you, the OP, have trouble with being attracted to a man, and you're afraid you might eventually start to lead him on, then that would be the reason for taking precautions such as not looking right into his eyes and limiting your male contact.

 

[brandynicole]

To be clear: I don't care if a woman *does* slink past a man, wearing skimpy clothes, nodding and winking and blowing kisses at him. It still doesn't give him any right to put his hands on her, if she doesn't want him to. Are her actions wise? No. Is she doing wrong? Yes, I believe so, especially if her entire goal IS to tease him and provoke those thoughts. But this would not make his resulting actions her fault. He still chooses what to do with those thoughts, once they are provoked.

Think of any other sin/addiction/things we may struggle with. Take, for example, food addiction. That is something I struggle with a lot. People offer me sugary junk food quite often. Maybe the first time, they mean it innocently. But if they continue to push after I've said no, that is NOT acting loving toward me.

Another common sin people struggle with is anger issues. If I have that problem it would be neither wise nor loving to deliberately pick at me until I explode.

Is it the other person's fault if I eat a donut, or if I finally snap and start yelling after they've been making digs at me all day? No. What I do is still my choice. However, it was wrong of them to treat me that way, knowing I have those struggles. I need to re-evaluate my relationships and not hang around with people who lead me into temptation.

Tying it in to the OP, I don't think merely looking directly at a man while having a conversation with him is provoking him to lust. If you, the OP, have trouble with being attracted to a man, and you're afraid you might eventually start to lead him on, then that would be the reason for taking precautions such as not looking right into his eyes and limiting your male contact.

My problem is I apparently have trouble not behaving properly. I don't know how to properly maintain a conversation.

Also, immoral women are always called out first, so I don't want anything tying me to a moral failure. Even in Scripture, Eve was seen as the weaker one who tempted Adam. I need to be aware of my sinful nature before I interact with any male.

 

[Neogaia777]

I don't know when to have or keep or maintain eye contact and when to not or break it off then return to it, etc...? Especially in America, people are automatically suspicious of other people when they break off or don't have or keep or maintain eye contact, or then return to it, etc, when I feel like it is just a "respect" thing, but they don't seem to understand that and are automatically suspicious of you, and you know this, and feel judged, and are also confused sometimes, cause you know most Americans most especially, greatly misunderstand, especially this, a lot, etc, "a lot", etc, which doesn't help matters with you and your eye contact or not at all, but just adds to it or adds to the pile...

You wind up even more paranoid or nervous because of this, etc...

Anyway, I have this problem too, and it is not just because of improper thoughts or being dishonest all of the time either, which is what most Americans automatically suspect or think, etc...

And like I said, your knowing this, and knowing that they automatically think this, doesn't help matters either, etc...

Sometimes it's just sensitive subject matter that comes up in conversation, etc, and everyone's opinions on that differs as well, etc, and many don't understand why or why it may or may not be sensitive to you and automatically think or "assume the worst" a lot of the time, etc, which does not help at all, etc, and your knowing that they are doing this also, doesn't help at all, etc...

When you feel like it is just a "respect" thing, etc...

But you know they are "assuming the worst", etc...

When that could be "very far from the actual truth" a lot of the time, etc...

It's irritating, etc... Not very "fair", etc...

And you shouldn't have to "explain" just because they automatically assume the worst, etc...

When that is very far away from the real actual truth a lot of the time, etc...

Anyway,

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

And then there is also "abusive people", like I mentioned earlier...

And your only trying to show or give people the proper "respect" by not looking them in the eye sometimes...

Not very fair to "assume" things, especially assuming the worst, etc...

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

It's a "respect" thing that apparently they do not understand yet, and which you should not have to "explain" to them either...

And it's not fair at all that a lot of people automatically assume the worst, etc, and you know that they are doing that, etc... Definitely doesn't help, etc...

When that most usually is not the real whole truth at all, etc, and like I said, you should not have to explain it to them if they don't understand it (yet), for they may or might or will one day, etc, but it will not be what they originally assumed or thought, etc, but you should not have to explain it/that to them, etc, if they don't know anything at all about that yet, or do not understand that yet, etc...

Anyway,

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

And if you think you fully understand it, I guarantee you you most definitely fully don't yet, but you may find out one day just how wrong you were about it maybe, with all your "assuming", etc, and assuming the worst, etc...

It's a "respect" thing, and let's just leave it at that, OK...

Anyway,

God Bless!

 

[ChristianGirl_96]

Only if your intentions are bad. Eye contact on it's own is not a bad thing unless your aim is to freak the other person out. This is my perspective only, feel free to disagree with me on this.