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Featured Is It Considered a Sin to Look a Man in the Eyes?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by brandynicole, Apr 3, 2020.

  1. brandynicole

    brandynicole New Member

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    I am a very shy and quiet person. Talking to new people makes me extremely anxious and I have to be careful not to come across as rude. So, I tend to look people in the eye to make sure they know that I'm listening. However, when I'm in church and a man is giving a lesson or greets me in passing I have difficultly concentrating. I never want to inappropriately behave or come across as seducing anyone.

    Is it appropriate to look a man in the eyes as a woman? Am I causing my brothers in Christ to sin if I make eye contact?
     
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  2. charsan

    charsan Charismatic Episcopal Church

    +1,957
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    No it's not a sin and no your not.
     
  3. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

    +24,736
    Anglican
    Married
    Yes. In our culture, to constantly avoid looking a person you are speaking with "in the eye" is often taken to be indicative of disinterest or even guilt (depending on what the conversation deals with).
     
  4. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

    +3,685
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    You're fine, your intent is right. It's all about the intent.
     
  5. brandynicole

    brandynicole New Member

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    But what if someone misinterprets my intentions? I don't want to live with the guilt of causing someone to sin. I try to dress as modestly as possible and I don't draw attention to myself, but I still feel shameful.
     
  6. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +5,893
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    Not sinful. But not always appropriate depending on what you want to get out of the interaction.
     
  7. solid_core

    solid_core Well-Known Member

    +1,061
    Austria
    Protestant
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    Its actually nice how you try to not draw attention to yourself.

    I like that, is very rare in women these days.

    To your question - do everything in modesty, even the eye contact :)
     
  8. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

    +24,736
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    Every last thing that someone might imagine cannot be controlled by you. In fact, it probably would take nothing more than seeing you across the room for some men to fantasize.

    But there is a difference between merely looking the person in the eye when conversing...and flirting. Most people can tell the difference, and what you would be doing clearly is not flirting.
     
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  9. Reborn1977

    Reborn1977 Devoted to Jesus - Less of me MORE of HIM Supporter

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    It is in no way sin to look a man in the eyes, nor is it going to lead a man astray.
     
  10. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,533
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    I's probably already been said bit some men are will get something out of eye contact that they shouldn't. I's just like women, or anyone who is desperate for a mate or whatever, they will see something that isn't there in that eye contact.

    Your doing fine, and there is nothing you can do about how some react when you did nothing to get that reaction.

    Oh, and some of that could be the poor souls never have someone to actually listen to them, so they could take it wrongly when someone does.
     
  11. icxn

    icxn Bραδύγλωσσος αἰπόλος μαθητεύων κνίζειν συκάμινα

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    The OP reminded me of an incident from the life of St Ephraim the Syrian:

    One day Ephraim decided to go to the city of Edessa around which monastic life was flourishing. He prayed that there the Lord would send to meet him a man who could converse with him on the Holy Scriptures for his spiritual profit. Upon entering the city gates, he was met by a woman. Disappointed, he turned mentally to God: "Lord, Thou hast disregarded Thy servant's prayer. For how can she converse with me on Biblical wisdom?" The woman only stared at him. "Why, O woman, are you standing there staring at me?" asked the Saint. "I am looking at you," she replied, "because woman is taken from man, but you should look not at me but at the earth from which you were taken." Ephraim was astonished at the woman's reply and gave thanks to God Who had answered his prayer in granting him this soul-profiting lesson (in humility). (Source)
     
  12. Blade

    Blade Veteran Supporter

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    Bless you :) Such a pure heart. No sin .. up to you if you want to or not :)
     
  13. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

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    I'd say if your intent is pure and the guy gets turned on then that's on him not on you. Course you might run into someone who really likes you too and you can tell a lot through the eyes.
     
  14. SarahsKnight

    SarahsKnight Jesus Christ is this Knight's truth. Supporter

    +7,688
    United States
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    Of course it isn't, Brandy. Why would it ever be considered wicked? Why would you ever be considered a seductress just for looking someone of the opposite sex in the eyes? Even if, say, it was a guy you might like romantically? If someone dared to tell you this, shaming you for merely making eye contact, then they are simply wrong, and killing basic human social kindness in the name of petty virtue.
     
  15. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,412
    Australia
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    I avoid eye contact. The eye is the window to the soul. Some people have really dark souls. And some can take eye contact the wrong way. I prefer to look at the forehead, just above the eyes.
     
  16. Toro

    Toro Oh, Hello!

    +11,757
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    Depends, I would say 99.99999% of the time, no it is not sin to look someone in the eyes.

    Looking someone in the eyes is NOT in itself sinful.

    HOWEVER, IF someone is told by tge Spirit "Do not look them in the eye" and the person told not to, does. That WOULD be disobedience, which IS sin.

    Just as "eating from a tree" is not in itself, sin. Not even in the garden. It was eating of the one tree they wee told not to (disobedience) that was the problem... the disobedience, not the act.

    That is why it is so important to abide in the Spirit and have the Spirit abide in you. So you will know what IS and IS NOT walking in obedience in your personal walk with Jesus.

    God knows what He created us for, better than we think we know that which is good for us.... BECAUSE He knows us better than we know ourselves.... He knows what is fine for most people, but might destroy the individual.

    Are you seducing? Unless in your heart you have intent to seduce... then no you are not.

    None of us on here can know your heart, that is an issue you must take to God through prayer and listen for His answer.

    My own opinion is, eye contact in itself is not sinful, nor is it in itself seductive.... but the intent behind it can be. If your heart is right, as it seems to be... you're good. Always search your intent not the act and maintain a clear conscience.
     
  17. Trogdor the Burninator

    Trogdor the Burninator Senior Veteran

    +1,354
    Christian
    I think you're overthinking it. There's no need to feel shame - you're trying to do what is right by dressing modestly (as we all should) and you have the right attitude. Keep doing what you're doing, and look people in the eye :)
     
  18. Leet

    Leet Newbie

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    It absolutely isn't a sin to look a man in the eyes, it's part of normal everyday life!
     
  19. Norbert L

    Norbert L Well-Known Member Supporter

    +683
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    I remember being told by a person while sharing a conversation with them that I should stop looking/"staring" at them. (Sex is irrelevant) It's one of my regrets from the present because at that time I acquiesced. Now I believe I should of boldly told them to get over it, if you don't like what I have to say, just say so.

    It's like the ignore feature on these forums.
     
  20. coffee4u

    coffee4u Well-Known Member

    +1,003
    Australia
    Christian
    Married
    No, it's not a sin.
    If you avoid all eye contact that can come across as you being dishonest.
    Best to look between his eye to his ear and to his shoulder and back to his eyes, this way they can tell you are listening but without any prolonged staring at the eyes which is uncomfortable for most everyone. Its also fine to look away but try not to do prolonged looking at the floor or out the window as that indicates boredom. If its a study or a sermon and you have a book or a Bible you can also focus between that and his face, often the nose. I find that as a shy woman myself to be most effective.
     
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