I was a christian since childhood and had a very sad life since i was born, i tried to be a good christian and do the right things, im not perfect but i did my best. I need some help to understand some facts. Im a very sick person with a life threatening condition, i work a lot sometimes more than 12 hours day plus weekends, my efforts are to fullfill the command of Christ in 1 Timothy 5:8 and for it I gave all and sink on debth. My job is far many miles from my home and i travel every day, on few years i had many oportunities given from satan to eat forbidden meat, many womans asked for sex but I refused for love of God, its on the following list:
All above can make someone think i havent libido and that was easy, believe me, wasnt, my libido make my blood boil inside my veins.
Some months before the 16st quarter above i started a relationship with my loved one, that time she had an infectious contagious incurable condition and bone deformities by birth on all her flat body but i never had a prejudice about it, instead i give all love i was able, she always told me how i was romantic and sweet with she.
She insisted 3 months calling me almost every day, i told so many times about my life threatening condition and the command of Christ in 1 Timothy 5:8 that make me without funds to buy a candy but she told me many times she dont care and wanted me, i loved she so much and she was a christian woman then God approves it.
I agree with she to wait until our marriage and worked harder to find a way to marry she, i havent enough to a bonbon box but doing all at my reach to marry and be a good husband, i dreamed a lot with our little future daughter, i dreamed on give my love all life to she.
She was a CHEATER, and very agressive, i was always sweet, she called me so many times dog, she told me that she desired the other male members of the church and look to all of then, she told me was rubbing her buttocks on coworkers, told me about mens asking she to have sex on elevator, she never allowed me to toutch she, she one day called me on my job by the early morning to tell me was talking all night with another men of church and was curious about his taste, wanted try it and told me the worst things possible, humiliate me, i blood a lot that day, my body reacted, i losted the little health i had, since that day im a dead one, my heart still beats and i still breath but im really dead, i know its hard to belief but trust me, the physical death to someone on my condition is a bless.
I spent my money to fullfill Christ commandment and not in a brothel, so many times my corworkers invited me, they are so happy with they wifes and sons, im alone, dishonored, sad, sick, dead and ashamed, some of coworkers listened all while i was on phone and laughted at me asking me if i went to church to be betrayed, my cowork told me i was better married with a brothel prostitute than with a church woman, told me that prostitutes are more loyal, told me to stop being a dumb and enjoy life on brothels, asked me if God is worth of being served, told me he workship satan and never was cheated by his cheated wife, i remembered Job on that time, on bible God reward Job with much more than he had but i think ton of gold today cant make me happy, nothing can, nothing than my physical dead and God revenge, Deuteronomy 32:35, are worth to me, its only things i still dream on this life. She is from Christian Congregation and there people believe on prophecy, a "prophet" threatened me with death from pulpit in favor of she, everyone inside church know what she did and everyone was at her side, everyone proyect she and another well know wicked persons, there one married "profet" caught many times on bed with other mans and everyone almost workship he. Satan wanted feed me many times with juice and forbidden meat but i refused, then God rewarded me with a dry, deformed, infected and treacherous bone that was my loved fiancee. I never will trust nobody on my life.
My question is: Why im sick, disonored, dead inside, alone, poor, thinking about suicide all the time, years with insomnia, tormentad by satan that ask me every second if all that effort was worth while she is heath, honored, alive, with her husband and progressing ? Today i losted hope on God justice and just ask to die but God refuse to kill me, he want to have joy looking to me while im sick, disonored, dead inside, alone, poor, thinking about suicide all the time, years with insomnia, tormentad by satan that ask me every second if all that effort was worth.
What christians think about it ?
Im sorry for so long question.
- 1st quarter the coworker AA wanted cheat his fiancee with me, she was very pretty - i refused
- 2st quarter the coworker AB wanted cheat his fiancee with me too, she was very pretty too - i refused
- 4st quarter a married woman that travel on the same bus everyday offer herself to me on scandalous way she was really actrative - i refused, she got ashamed and asked me to forgive
- 7st quarter another woman on bus that travel on the same bus everyday offer herself to me on scandalous way too she was really actrative - i refused too
- 11st quarter another woman on another bus that travel on the same bus everyday offer herself to me she was really actrative - i refused too
- 11st quarter another woman on another bus that travel on the same bus everyday offer herself to me she was really easy - i refused too
- 15st quarter one day i losted bus and a woman on metro wanted cheat the boyfriend, she was amazing pretty - i refused too
- 16st quarter the coworker AC wanted cheat on husband and told me a lot of bad things about her lazy husband - i refused too
- 16st quarter the coworker AD wanted cheat on husband telling me to have sex whith she on a desert place inside our workplace - i refused too
- 18st quarter the coworker AE wanted cheat on husband, she waited until I be alone on office and got naked - i refused too
All above can make someone think i havent libido and that was easy, believe me, wasnt, my libido make my blood boil inside my veins.
Some months before the 16st quarter above i started a relationship with my loved one, that time she had an infectious contagious incurable condition and bone deformities by birth on all her flat body but i never had a prejudice about it, instead i give all love i was able, she always told me how i was romantic and sweet with she.
She insisted 3 months calling me almost every day, i told so many times about my life threatening condition and the command of Christ in 1 Timothy 5:8 that make me without funds to buy a candy but she told me many times she dont care and wanted me, i loved she so much and she was a christian woman then God approves it.
I agree with she to wait until our marriage and worked harder to find a way to marry she, i havent enough to a bonbon box but doing all at my reach to marry and be a good husband, i dreamed a lot with our little future daughter, i dreamed on give my love all life to she.
She was a CHEATER, and very agressive, i was always sweet, she called me so many times dog, she told me that she desired the other male members of the church and look to all of then, she told me was rubbing her buttocks on coworkers, told me about mens asking she to have sex on elevator, she never allowed me to toutch she, she one day called me on my job by the early morning to tell me was talking all night with another men of church and was curious about his taste, wanted try it and told me the worst things possible, humiliate me, i blood a lot that day, my body reacted, i losted the little health i had, since that day im a dead one, my heart still beats and i still breath but im really dead, i know its hard to belief but trust me, the physical death to someone on my condition is a bless.
I spent my money to fullfill Christ commandment and not in a brothel, so many times my corworkers invited me, they are so happy with they wifes and sons, im alone, dishonored, sad, sick, dead and ashamed, some of coworkers listened all while i was on phone and laughted at me asking me if i went to church to be betrayed, my cowork told me i was better married with a brothel prostitute than with a church woman, told me that prostitutes are more loyal, told me to stop being a dumb and enjoy life on brothels, asked me if God is worth of being served, told me he workship satan and never was cheated by his cheated wife, i remembered Job on that time, on bible God reward Job with much more than he had but i think ton of gold today cant make me happy, nothing can, nothing than my physical dead and God revenge, Deuteronomy 32:35, are worth to me, its only things i still dream on this life. She is from Christian Congregation and there people believe on prophecy, a "prophet" threatened me with death from pulpit in favor of she, everyone inside church know what she did and everyone was at her side, everyone proyect she and another well know wicked persons, there one married "profet" caught many times on bed with other mans and everyone almost workship he. Satan wanted feed me many times with juice and forbidden meat but i refused, then God rewarded me with a dry, deformed, infected and treacherous bone that was my loved fiancee. I never will trust nobody on my life.
My question is: Why im sick, disonored, dead inside, alone, poor, thinking about suicide all the time, years with insomnia, tormentad by satan that ask me every second if all that effort was worth while she is heath, honored, alive, with her husband and progressing ? Today i losted hope on God justice and just ask to die but God refuse to kill me, he want to have joy looking to me while im sick, disonored, dead inside, alone, poor, thinking about suicide all the time, years with insomnia, tormentad by satan that ask me every second if all that effort was worth.
What christians think about it ?
Im sorry for so long question.
