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Is Being a Loner a Sin?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by HoosierCanuck, Jul 12, 2007.

  1. HoosierCanuck

    HoosierCanuck Senior Contributor

    In Relationship
    Basically I think humans are evil. I can't stand to be around anyone for a long period of time. I've always kind of been a loner. I can't live with another person and get along with them (roommate, parent, spouse, you name it!).

    Also, people just don't understand me.

    I know we should work to spread the gospel. I want to do that. However, I also just want to live and be left alone to avoid conflict. Is this a sin?
  2. BrianN

    BrianN Deus Caritas Est

    It in principle is not a sin I do not believe. However, as a person who wants to spread the Gospel, is not the message that of love? Perhaps work towards improving your social surroundings and try to live within the message and the context of the true meaning of the Christian life, with love. God bless.
  3. changedone

    changedone Guest

    Human nature is evil, ever since the days of adam and eve. That's why Jesus had to come and die for us. Don't be suprised when humans (even christains) act immoral, unfortunately we were born sinners and those who don't know Christ don't even know that they are being immoral.

    You are called to love your neighbors as yourself but I don't think that means you have to spend quality time or be best buddies with everyone. You treat everyone with kindness and a godly type of love. Forgive them, don't wish any harm on anyone, and if you see that they are in need and you're able to help, then do so. Other than that I don't think you have any obligations to anyone.

    As far as spreading the gospel, remember that the ones that need it the most are gonna be the ones that are the most evil. Jesus told the disciples to spread the gospel and if the people don't receive it then you shake the dust of your shoes and move on to the next person.
    You're just planting the seed of the gospel, after that it's up to God to water and fertilize so that seed will grow, and there are other people he will send to do that.

    There may be instances where God throws someone your way and He may want you to water that seed and help it grow. If that's the case then He'll give you the grace and strength you need to deal with that person for longer periods of time then you would like to.

    I say all that to say this: If you rather be alone most of the time that is your perogative, as long as you remember that when you are with people you need to treat them like Jesus would treat them. You may be their only connection to Him.
  4. HoosierCanuck

    HoosierCanuck Senior Contributor

    In Relationship
    love has always been a misunderstood, foreign concept to me. my parents love me. my mum shows love all the time but honestly, i can't figure out why or how she can. i am a product of a young, mistake of a marriage and look and act like my father. i can't comprehend how she loves me but i know she does.

    as for Christian love i love some of my fellow church pals and would do anything i could to help them.

    i have a love and concern for my non-christian friends but don't feel confident to push the envelope, so to speak. it's frustrating because i know 'losing' a unequally yoked friendship would not necessarily be a BAD thing but i really have no other friends. on one hand, i want to be left alone and on the other, i know i probably need social interaction (outside of work) once in awhile. i work alot though and don't feel i have the time or the energy and i certainly don't have the money.

    i don't really 'live.' i just exist. i don't really want to die or anything but i don't really see a point in my life either. sounds kinda depressing. i'm not wording my thoughts correctly. :-(
  5. 1Newcreation

    1Newcreation Veteran


    Hi there,

    Yes there is a difference between existing and living.

    You exist because God created you, it's irrelevant if your parent's marriage worked out or not. Your mum loves you because really that's what most mums do. I love my son, I never did marry his father, but I still love my son to bits, he has made some mistakes through his life, just as many of us do, I still love him. Just try and accept your mum's love without questioning it. It's a beautiful thing.

    I don't think wanting to be alone is a sin. But I believe the reasons and the thoughts behind why you want to be alone could be the sin.

    What is sin? don't forget it is anything that is against God and does not agree with God's Word. Hate, bitterness, resentment, ....not good, doesn't come from God.
    Do you understand God's love for you? Have you grasped the whole reason why Jesus died on the cross for you? Jesus came to save us all from our sin and so we can know God, and have eternal life with Him and have a worthwhile life on earth serving God. He wants us to live abundantly John 10:10. I think as we really learn and know how much God loves us individually, that includes you Hoosiercanuck, dispite all our flaws then that love will permeate out into our lives. His Spirit will guide us and show us how to love.

    Now I understand what you are saying about the whole evil thing, yeh it is really bad out there, and it's ugly stuff, people do some wicked things, don't forget we all have a sinful nature, that is just the world we live in and it is going to get worse.

    But it doesn't mean we are to isolate ourselves and live as hermits, just waiting for the end of the world to come.
    God has a plan for each and everyone of our lives. God has a purpose and a plan for you Hoosier.
    Jeremiah 29:11

    You do sound a little down and depressed, but nothing serious right? I kinda have been there myself, I assure you things can look up and be brighter. If we just start off by trusting God with our lives, trust in Jesus Christ to be our saviour, and we seek Him with our hearts and minds, slowly God's plan for us will emerge, God will reveal things to us and our lives will have more meaning.

    Jesus took time alone, to replenish His spirit. I think it is ok to be a person who likes being alone sometimes. I like being alone, but I understand that it's not what God wants for me all the time.
    For us to mature spiritually and develop a Godly character, we have to be willing to step out of our comfort zones.

    And by the way for us to interact with others doesn't have to cost us a penny. We can invite someone over to our home, we can agree to meet at the park, we can chat on the 'phone.

    So anyway, I am going to pray for you, and hope that you begin to see your life as a wonderful gift that God has bestowed upon you.

    Love in Christ

    :) 1newcreation
  6. rocklife

    rocklife Senior Veteran

    it can be sinful if you are neglectful of doing God's will in your life. but there are times for us to be alone and time for us in service of others. Keep focus on Jesus, he spent 40 days in the wildnerness fasting and praying, also the New Testament shares he often spent time alone, and even though he was sometimes confrontational, it wasn't just to pick a fight, He was only spreading God's Truth.

    humans are sinful, our own flesh is sinful if we don't let God control it. It can be annoying to be around others all the time. You can read about Moses and the multitudes coming out of Egypt. They kept complaining, and God says He would not be in their midst to guide them because He would probably just destroy them all in anger. (He went ahead, not in their midst)

    I encourage to continue in Bible studies daily. You could learn that you may like to be involved in mail correspondence Bible studies or internet bible studies, which some people appreciate more than a bible study at a church building or in home, for convenience or other personal reasons. There are many ways we can outreach others, God can give us creative ways to minister also helping us have a balanced life, just ask Him and persevere in your own walk with Him.
  7. ""

    "" Well-Known Member

    Some people have special needs or disabilities/psychological and emotional, that cause them not to be comfortable around others. This is not a sin, this is a health condition, just like diabetes, or a heart murmur. As long as you are spending time in prayer, and reading G-d's word, giving your all to Him, then you are not sinning against Him by being unable to reach out to others in person. Sometimes for people like yourself, a place like Christian Forums is a blessing. You can minister to those who need G-d here, and not even leave your home. If you are interested in helping to reach out to people who are suffering, or new members on Christian Forums, send me a PM. My name is Adiya, and I manage a group called the CF Angels here on Christian Forums. We do the Lord's work, and He blesses us greatly for it.

    In the mean time my friend, lift up your head and your heart. Be filled with joy. Your G-d knows you. He knows everything about you, and He loves you. Jesus gave His all so that you could be forgiven of your sins, and because you have accepted Him as your Savior, you will, one day be in the presence of our Heavenly Father, forgiven, and accepted. All of your tears will be wiped away, and you will never have to worry about feeling accepted, or fitting in, or being different than who G-d created you to be, again.

    :hug: You are a beautiful and wonderful creation in Christ.
  8. FallingWaters

    FallingWaters Woman of God

    I have felt a lot of these same feelings you've described here.
    I avoid relationships, too.
    I know that a lot of the way I act comes from my personality type.
    Some people just prefer to be alone.
    They're introverted. I am one of them.
    Perhaps you are, too.
    I don't want to let you off the hook too easily, though.
    Our personality type is never an excuse for sin.
    If God is convicting you that you're sinning, then we don't want to make you feel better about that.
    If you're just being too hard on yourself,
    that's a different story!

    If you're curious about your type,
    if you think you would benefit from understanding yourself a little better,
    and knowing why you act the way you do,
    I encourage you to find out about your Meyers-Briggs type is.
    I'm an INTJ.

    It's not some hocus-pocus.
    It's just about how people take in information differently,
    order their world, approach life, and make decisions.

    I used to be really hard on myself until I realized that I was just being the way I was made.
    There's nothing wrong with me.
    I'm not defective.
    Lots of other people are this way, too.
    It's helped me understand others better, too.

    Anyway, here's a link:

    Let me know about your results!

    Here's where you can read a little snippet about each of the 16 types.
  9. jive4005

    jive4005 Senior Veteran

    Praying for you!
  10. ephraimanesti

    ephraimanesti Senior Veteran

    Eastern Orthodox

    The last time you and i "talked" it sounded like positive changes were being made in your life--now it sounds as if you are back to Square One. How did your sails lose the wind?

  11. TrustingmyLord

    TrustingmyLord Guest

    I do not believe it is a sin, however I believe we are to love one another (we are all pretty evil, but God has much grace. he loves us anyway, we should do the same for others.) Also, I believe as Christians we are called to join together with other believers. They encourage us and help to keep us going in the right direction, and God can use us to do the same for them.

    It sounds to me like you have alot more issues going on here. I think its isnt other people you dont like, as much as it is that you dont like yourself. God loves you so much and thinks very much of you. He sent his son to die for you, thats how much he loves you. Dont take that lightly. You are worthy. Perhaps you should speak with a pastor or a Christian counselor. With Gods help you can learn to love yourself, and others as well. God has a reaso for putting you on this earth. It is not to merely exist. Keep that in mind as well. May he be with you and strengthen you in all you do.
  12. Apollo Celestio

    Apollo Celestio Deal with it.

    Christian Seeker
    Love isn't foriegn to me, but I prefer to be alone(among humans, I'd like to beleive that God is with me always) many a time as well, but that is mainly because other beleivers interests are much different than mine, or I usually have no place in conversations. I don't think it is sin. But we can make it that way...(We are human.)
    Then again, i'm no loner, i'm just quiet to the point that it's annoying. (Even to my parents ><)
  13. Dendrobatidae

    Dendrobatidae Newbie

    I have humbly learned that being a hermit can be a blessing, as long as we still adhere to the holy doctrine of christianity. Being in this modern industrialized world, surrounded by all the temptations from the secular world and seeing all the selfish earthly destruction around us, the clearity of why becomes so apparent. Mass production is a mixture for disaster. And obsolescence insures constant productivity. I have lived off the grid as a wilderness survivalist for a couple of years and absolutely loved it. Never have I walked so closely to God. I have come to learn that a hermit has their reasons. Some are good and some bad. The question for you would have to be, is it for the betterment of your spiritual welfare and glorifying God? If not, search your soul and trust in God for answers. God will guide you. But do not be so mindset to resist God's path. James 1:5-8.
  14. Nim-halli

    Nim-halli Newbie

    Sin is defined as anything that is against God or against God's will for you - it sounds like your heart is in the right place, and yes humanity is broken by sin but you need to remember that Jesus saw people's sinful nature even more clearly than you do, and yet he walked always in love and acceptance and compassion for the lost. As scripture says - he came to those who are lost, not for those who are found.

    If you are struggling to have Jesus' heart of compassion, then I would suggest asking God for a softer attitude towards others. That doesnt mean that you have to become a social butterfly - on the contrary, God is able to meet us where we are at, and I'll bet that God can even use you to further his Kingdom just the way you are IF you are seeking His will for your life and are following it - but you do need to be careful to see people the way God does - broken, sinful and yet redeemable and worthy of his Grace.
  15. Maremma

    Maremma Regular Member

    I am sorry you are struggling so hard with all of this. It seems that when you look at people all you see is right here and right now in them. It would definitely make it far more hard to show them an ounce of compassion seeing them that way than if you can try to see them over a lifespan. (Like Jesus can and does) HOW did they wind up like that? WHAT happened to them that would cause them to be that way? Look DEEPER into people and you soon will see their pain, their confusion, their hopelessness and fear. It makes it far easier to have compassion on people when you see those things in them. I know how hard it is to be around the evil fruits that people are producing. I personally struggling with this on a very deep level. I literally feel the suffering of the people/animals that are affected by the sins, hatred, cruelty, selfishness etc of others. It breaks my heart to the point of grieving at times. I can understand how it is that you would want to isolate your self from that all. BUT we are God's hands and feet. We cannot allow it to overwhelm us. We have to "fight back" against the suffering sin has caused. I have a sign I put on my fridge during a period of time in my life when I had become so overwhelmed by all the suffering in the world that it immobilized me.It simply says "Don't just sit there! DO something!" I have a starfish on the corner of that sign. It has DEEP significance to my spirit. We may not be able to make a difference to everyone and all things but we can one life at a time. We can make a difference to the ones the Lord puts in front of us. Did you ever hear the story about the man on the beach that was walking down the coast line picking up stranded starfish and throwing them back into the water? There were thousands of them all over. Another man comes along and tells him there is no point and he is wasting his time. There is no way you can save them all, there are to many. You can't make a difference. The first man just threw another one back out into the ocean turned and said to the second man... I made a difference for that one and kept right on going down the coastline throwing back as many as he could.
  16. janny108

    janny108 Well-Known Member

    Word of Faith
    In Relationship
    Do you participate in events at your church that would help believer spread the gospel ex missionary work? Other things you can do may be small but important. Like smiling and saying hi, doing something for someone else, praying for people? There is always something that can be done regardless of your personality type.
  17. janny108

    janny108 Well-Known Member

    Word of Faith
    In Relationship

    I think the key word is balance. I'm an introvert and like my privacy but like to be with people too. Sometimes you need to step back to look at situations more objectively and get some peace before dealing with them.
  18. JimE

    JimE New Member

    I hope it's not a sin. But unlike many other things in this world that I'm probably not willing to change this is one that continue's to prove it's value to me. Less contact with people means less conflict. Less conflict means more peace. Therefore less people means more peace. Recently I've started to really work hard on being slow to speak and it has value in helping me to be slower to get angry. Of course, it doesn't negate the possibility of simply turning around and walking away. Others who have noticed have said that they miss my comments because I tend to tell it the way it is.

    I dream of a church that has multiple entrances with one of them labeled "no greeters here" and as you enter you come into an area with vending machines and carrels with chairs. There will be one large sign that provides a QR code where you can listen and watch the activity going on in the rest of the church. You can listen and watch and leave when you please. No greeters, no small talk just peaceful observations.
  19. janny108

    janny108 Well-Known Member

    Word of Faith
    In Relationship
    I agree that balance is important