Is a loveless marriage really a marriage?

[ColoRaydo]

EDIT: ** My goodness, people! Read the post before answering!**

There have been a few threads regarding marriage and divorce recently that really got me worked up with the theme of “one and done or you’re going to hell.”

So this got me thinking about a few married couples in loveless/sexless marriages that I know. The older you get, you may know some also.

Two couples that I know sleep in separate bedrooms and take separate vacations. They are nothing but roommates with kids. Another couple has been separated for about 5 years but won’t divorce because “it’s a sin”.

At what point do you believe that a marriage, while still legally valid, is no longer meeting Gods idea of marriage?

I believe that staying in an emotionally or physically abusive marriage or in one devoid of love and respect solely because “God hates divorce” is pure legalism. I think that God hates divorce because of what it does to his people. Aren’t loveless marriages contrary to his desire as well?

**I am not including anyone in a marriage that is physically or psychologically unable to have sex, only those who choose not to be intimate.

 

[Dave L]

Jesus turned water into wine at a marriage/wedding. It is merely a public commitment broken only by death. The woman at the well had 5 husbands. The one she was now sleeping with was not her husband. So marriage is not a physical relationship but a public agreement binding for life.

 

[Dave-W]

Is a sexless marriage really a marriage?(the original title of this thread)

Of course. Why wouldn't it be? Marriage is a covenant.

The woman at the well had 5 husbands. The one she was now sleeping with was not her husband.

You know little about Samaritan culture.

 

[ColoRaydo]

So marriage is not a physical relationship but a public agreement binding for life.

Just so I understand your point, you are saying that the legal decree is what’s sacred rather than the love between spouses? (This is a sincere question not sarcasm)

 

[ewq1938]

There have been a few threads regarding marriage and divorce recently that really got me worked up with the theme of “one and done or you’re going to hell.”

So this got me thinking about a few married couples in sexless marriages that I know. The older you get, you may know some also.

Two couples that I know sleep in separate bedrooms and take separate vacations. They are nothing but roommates with kids. Another couple has been separated for about 5 years but won’t divorce because “it’s a sin”.

At what point do you believe that a marriage, while still legally valid, is no longer meeting Gods idea of marriage?

I believe that staying in an emotionally or physically abusive marriage or in one devoid of love and respect solely because “God hates divorce” is pure legalism. I think that God hates divorce because of what it does to his people. Aren’t loveless marriages contrary to his desire as well?

Doesn't sound like a valid marriage at all. Perhaps it never was a true marriage in God's eyes, or it was and things fell apart.

 

[fat wee robin]

There have been a few threads regarding marriage and divorce recently that really got me worked up with the theme of “one and done or you’re going to hell.”

So this got me thinking about a few married couples in loveless/sexless marriages that I know. The older you get, you may know some also.

Two couples that I know sleep in separate bedrooms and take separate vacations. They are nothing but roommates with kids. Another couple has been separated for about 5 years but won’t divorce because “it’s a sin”.

At what point do you believe that a marriage, while still legally valid, is no longer meeting Gods idea of marriage?

I believe that staying in an emotionally or physically abusive marriage or in one devoid of love and respect solely because “God hates divorce” is pure legalism. I think that God hates divorce because of what it does to his people. Aren’t loveless marriages contrary to his desire as well?

**I am not including anyone in a marriage that is physically or psychologically unable to have sex, only those who choose not to be intimate.

Sex is not love , and in Heaven there will be none !

 

[Sabertooth]

My wife's depression AND her main antidepressant both make her uninterested in married [sport?]. My covenant with her is "in sickness and in health" (unless she leaves first).

 

[NBB]

But you need sex at least once to 'be joined like one' like the bible says.
If someone marriage is not working then is still a marriage if that happened.

 

[MyLordYeshuaTheMessiah]

If both partners choose not to have sex and neither has sex outside of one another.
Then they're still married.
Marriage is when God binds two people into one flesh.
Not having sex, doesn't unbind them.

 

[NBB]

If both partners choose not to have sex and neither has sex outside of one another.
Then they're still married.
Marriage is when God binds two people into one flesh.
Not having sex, doesn't unbind them.

But Paul speaks that one can join to a prostitute and be one flesh with her without marrying, but actually just having sex... if i am not mistaken

 

[MyLordYeshuaTheMessiah]

But Paul speaks that one can join to a prostitute and be one flesh with her without marrying, but actually just having sex... if i am not mistaken

Jesus does say a marriage can be unbound, if a spouse cheats on one another.
But the act of not having sex, doesn't unbind. Which was the original question in OP.

 

[Sabertooth]

Jesus does say a marriage can be unbound, if a spouse cheats on one another.

Given the OT practice of polygamy, [his] sex with others isn't automatically unbinding, either (though it is grounds for divorce).

 

[ColoRaydo]

But the act of not having sex, doesn't unbind. Which was the original question in OP.

I changed the headline. No one is answering the questions that I actually meant to ask.

 

[MyLordYeshuaTheMessiah]

I changed the headline. No one is answering the questions that I actually meant to ask.

You have to define what you mean by love in a marriage.
Do you mean some supernatural force that attracts a couple.
Or do you mean actions of love.
If a couple has ceased to find interest in each other. They are still married.
What God has joined, let man not separate.
Your question is, does God want people to be happy and have love. Yes He does.
If a marriage is founded on Jesus, they will have love.
If the marriage was founded on lust or pressure. The marriage will collapse.
All true Christian marriages will last. That's a primary factor to understand.
Whether someone calls them self a Christian and is in a loveless marriage, is another aspect.
Sometimes one person is Christian and the other is an unbeliever. Or one nominal Christian begins to fall away. That brings about a loveless marriage.
Again, a true Christian marriage under God will not fail.
It's the enemy that brings strife and anti-love.
If a couple is sitting dormant in love, it's just another aspect of failing faith. Similar to a Christian married to an unbeliever, or 2 married unbelievers.

So I see little difference between a marriage that has no love, and a marriage of unbelievers. We must love enemies, and if you can't even love your spouse. It's a "you" issue.
God brings peace and love. The enemy brings hate and strife. If your marriage has no love, then you have no foundation on God.
At which point I would argue, you're being too general when you refer to married "Christians".

 

[ColoRaydo]

So I see little difference between a marriage that has no love, and a marriage of unbelievers. We must love enemies, and if you can't even love your spouse. It's a "you" issue.
God brings peace and love. The enemy brings hate and strife. If your marriage has no love, then you have no foundation on God.

Well said.

 

[Kaon]

EDIT: ** My goodness, people! Read the post before answering!**

There have been a few threads regarding marriage and divorce recently that really got me worked up with the theme of “one and done or you’re going to hell.”

So this got me thinking about a few married couples in loveless/sexless marriages that I know. The older you get, you may know some also.

Two couples that I know sleep in separate bedrooms and take separate vacations. They are nothing but roommates with kids. Another couple has been separated for about 5 years but won’t divorce because “it’s a sin”.

At what point do you believe that a marriage, while still legally valid, is no longer meeting Gods idea of marriage?

I believe that staying in an emotionally or physically abusive marriage or in one devoid of love and respect solely because “God hates divorce” is pure legalism. I think that God hates divorce because of what it does to his people. Aren’t loveless marriages contrary to his desire as well?

**I am not including anyone in a marriage that is physically or psychologically unable to have sex, only those who choose not to be intimate.

It is problematic if you are talking about a marriage union under the Most High God - precisely because marriage means something fundamentally different to Him than it does for the world.

If you mean by the State's standard, and ultimately the world's standard, then it is normal. Marriage is a business relationship by the State; many people get married for that purpose (financial, hiding sexuality, etc.) Even, and often with kids...

 

[ToBeLoved]

Doesn't sound like a valid marriage at all. Perhaps it never was a true marriage in God's eyes, or it was and things fell apart.

You don’t think taking marriage vows constitutes a real marriage in Gods eyes?

What makes you think that? Bible verses if you have them.

 

[MyLordYeshuaTheMessiah]

You don’t think taking marriage vows constitutes a real marriage in Gods eyes?

What makes you think that? Bible verses if you have them.

I think he meant, those who get married by a court or non-religiously.
Some satanists have their own marriages, and they marry under the name of satan.

 

[Lady Bug]

for me it would not feel like a real marriage

 

[Sabertooth]

What makes you think that? Bible verses if you have them.

The following verses equate the initial, consensual [Edenic] sex to an act that establishes a marriage covenant. This does not hold true for non-Edenic sex.

Genesis 2:24

"And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death." Genesis 24:67 KJV (Notice no public ceremony or vow.)

1 Corinthians 6:16