Introduction & Ministry Help - Long

[NeedingMercy]

Howdy All!

I'm a stay-at-home/homeschooling dad who was diagnosed with BPD about 9 years ago. I've really, really struggled with it and quite frankly, I've been losing. I spent 5 years in therapy, but have been out of therapy for about 4 years now. I've actually got 8 out of the 9 symptoms (I've never tried to commit suicide, though I seriously thought about it for awhile 7 years ago).

I've always been high-functioning, but it has been a big trap. A lot of my identity was in my work and my ability to achieve things. Two years ago, my wife & I decided that we wanted to home school our daughter and I quit my job to stay at home with her (my wife is a family doctor). While the experience has been really, really good for our daughter, it has been pretty costly to me. I have pretty much lost all structure in my life and also lost what little identity I had.

We've got a great church. They minister a lot in healing prayer and do a lot with SRA victims, DID, etc. However, they have had virtually no success for Borderline. A good friend of mine, who is the coordinator for the ministry, actually told me that every person that has come in with Borderline has left with little-to-no improvement.

The last week has been very, very bad. I've been binging with food and gained 7 pounds in the last 4 days. I can't go to bed. I'm not sure why, but I hate the thought of going to bed (not going to sleep, just going to bed). I see my family doc tomorrow and I'm pretty sure that he's not going to be happy. I was supposed to be working on losing weight (I'm 120 pounds overweight), but I don't think I've lost any. I feel like our marriage is falling apart and that it's all my fault. I haven't been to church in 3 Sundays.

Right now, it seems like I don't have the ability to process my emotions, so I simply shut down. In the last week alone, I've played over 400 games of Free cell.

I'm wondering if y'all had any recommendations for those at our church that are ministering to Borderlines. Is there any specific type of prayer that is needed by those struggling with Borderline (i.e. DID eventually needs integration)?

I would really appreciate any help you could offer. I'm really running out of steam and I'm running out of the energy to keep fighting. (BTW - I'm not suicidal or anything, just tired).

If you've gotten this far, thanks.

Godspeed,
Ed

 

[madison1101]

I know of no prayers that cure borderline personality. It is cured with changing the behaviors. To do that you have to be motivated to change. What will motivate you to stop the negative behaviors? Borderline personality is not a chemical or organic problem, it is behavioral and thinking. I was only able to change with the help of a good therapist and a lot of hard work.

I experienced the lack of identity when my husband left me and my kids moved away as young adults. My identity now comes from the Lord. You need to work on that aspect of your relationship with Him.

Eating disordered? Bingeing is a sign of it. Consider treatment for that, or just get a good therapist who can help you with both.

Scriptures says to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Fill your head with God's Word. Get into therapy again and work through the issues that are still coming up. Get a cognitive behavioral therapist. Ask for help learning new ways to deal with your emotions that are healthy, and then practice those new skills.

I also suggest getting some social support. Get into a men's Bible study and a discipleship relationship with an older Christian man. Make that relationship an accountability relationship for stopping the borderline behaviors. Ask for prayer in overcoming those negative behaviors.

I am a recovered borderline patient and a psychotherapist. Feel free to PM me if you need to.

Trish

 

[SobriaInebrietas]

The prayer I often pray for myself is that God would help me stay focused on my recovery and determined to stick with it, even if I mess up. It is really easy to feel like there is no point in trying because I am a failure and I will never get better. Prayer really helps because it reminds us of me of who is really in control of the situation.

God has the power and the ability to do with us what we would never be able to do with ourselves, and though prayer alone will not necessarily cure our disorder, you must never stop trusting that God is taking care of you and guiding you in the right direction. It is okay to mess up, that is how we learn things. We just can't give up when it happens. We can't give in. God is with us, and He WILL help us when we cry out to Him.

I would say that the most important pray to pray for people with BPD is that they will rely on God for their recovery, rely on Him to give them the strength and determination necessary to keep working at it, especially when it is hardest. People in the ministry should really focus on getting people with BPD involved in the church and the community. I really do believe that a strong spiritual life is what will help people with BPD truly recover in the end.

Madison had some terrific advice. I would also like to add, that you should consider getting involved with some type of ministry yourself. Instead of using your spare time to play free cell and *veg out* to distract yourself from your emotions, you can do something to help someone else in need. Volunteering, even if you only do it twice a month, will do a lot for your self-esteem and your identity, and give you the kind of purpose you had in your life beofre when you were working, except in a more positive way. And if you got your daughter involved it would be twice as benificial; good for you, good for your daughter, and good for your relationship with her.

I hope you feel better soon. If you need someone else to talk to you can always PM me too (I have also had experience with binge eating and the kind of identity disturbances you are experiencing). Remember that you are not alone; there is a whole forum here dedicated to people with this disorder, and we are all here to help each other! God bless you, Ed.



Erin

 

[NeedingMercy]

I just wanted to say thanks for the input. I'm praying about the responses and trying to figure out where to go from here. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist, but I can't get in until September. I also started an anti-depressant this week. It's making me a bit tired, but hopefully this will wear off soon.

Thanks again!

Godspeed,
Ed

 

[lmarie23]

I just wanted to say that I read your posts and you are not alone, I can identify with some of the things you posted. I have BPD as well, and I've been depressed and mildly shut down lately. I agree with Erin that in times like this it's so important to rely on God. That's something I keep telling myself I need to do more. I need to take my own advice . If you ever need a friend to talk to, feel free to pm me.

Lynne