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Introduction (Marriage in crisis)

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by ChristopherK, Jun 2, 2017.

  1. ChristopherK

    ChristopherK Member

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    God be with you all. I joined this forum, because I was seeking advice about my marriage to my amazing wife. We have known each other for 9 years, and have been married almost 6 (10/29/11). I was born-again in September 2008 while she was already saved for a couple years prior. A couple of months after my salvation, I was exposed to Reformed Theology. From that point on I dove into studying it, and became an avid defender of the 5 Solas, and TULIP. However, my wife was raised Pentecostal, and we'd always be at odds. Unfortunately, while outside of theology, we were great together, I didn't see the effects of what I had been putting her through.

    We'd always get into theological arguments, because I wanted to grow as a man in Christ, and learn how to best lead my home. But in doing so, I caused my wife to feel abandoned and left behind in my walk. The fateful day finally came in November 2016 when she finally said, "I want to separate." My world shattered. Since then I have been devoted to restoring my marriage. I've only been settling within myself with the fundamentals of the Gospel instead of aligning to any particular denomination, because I saw what it did to me. I purchased 'The Love Dare' and had been using it as a guide until I thought I saw that my wife and I were on the mend, but I was wrong.

    I found out that she had an emotional affair with a coworker, and has told me that she had "strong feelings" for him. Their affair started in October 2016. She was confiding in our close Christian circle, but has since stopped talking with them since I believe March 2017, because she knows that they'll tell her to work on her marriage, and seek to restore it. She only confides in other women from her job who may have particular walks of faith, but they are each going through similar situations, and I fear that they may be advising each other to do what makes you happy instead of doing what honors God.

    I was doing well with giving my wife space, because she's an introvert while I'm an extrovert. However, since a month and a half ago while I thought we were getting better she still said that she thought we should separate. I've been an emotional roller coaster since then which never looks safe to a spouse. I read her journal a couple of times, which exposed me to seeing how she's fantasized about having a life with this other man which only added to my anxiety. I've since not read her journal, and don't intend to. I told her recently that I've seen how my emotionalism has come from a place of trying to play God, because I've been asking her about us too often, and which has made her feel confined and as if I have not been listening to her need for space. I apologized, told her that she didn't deserve that and that I was being impatient. I intend not to question her about us, but simply focus on my walk with Christ and be as steadfast as possible while God deals with the both of us.

    I only want to ask for your prayers and any Godly advise you may have will be well received. Thank you!
     
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  2. “Paisios”

    “Paisios” Sinner Supporter

    +3,549
    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Welcome to Christian Forums.

    I have no advice except to walk closely with God, love your wife (in line with the definition given in 1 Corinthians 13), and keep your wife, yourself, and your marriage in prayer. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers, and hope that some here who are wiser than me may offer you godly counsel.
     
  3. ChristopherK

    ChristopherK Member

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    Thank
    Thank you so much. God be with you!
     
  4. AlexDTX

    AlexDTX Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,296
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    My own marriage was on the rocks because we could not have children due to an hysterectomy and I blamed her in my heart for not having children immediately. Two things turned it around. The first was an agreement we made to speak to each other with the same courtesy that we would a total stranger. The second was a podcast by Wayne Jacobsen of the God Journey in which he shared his wife's different theological point of view and the decision he made to let God bring her where He wanted her to go in faith. It was this grace that he gave his wife that stopped me from being so judgemental towards my own wife.

    In your case I have no advise. I vehemently disagree with Calvinism and believe it to be a demonic doctrine and side with your wife theologically. But that does not change you from being my brother in Christ and giving you the same grace to walk with Christ your own way. All I can say is love her regardless of what may happen.
     
  5. ChristopherK

    ChristopherK Member

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    Thank you for your words. Honestly, I've disassociated myself from it's involvement, because personally I didn't want to hamper my walk anymore than I already had. I was in love with theology, but my walk with Christ needed to deepen. It still does, which is why I'm sure God allowed for this to happen in our lives. He always has a plan for it all, but sometimes my flesh forgets that and I've let my emotions speak more than once which has only hurt and not helped. I thank you for your input and hope you could pray for us.
     
  6. AlexDTX

    AlexDTX Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,296
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    God's part in this is hard to understand. He most certainly foresees all possibilities and is ever ready to walk us through them, but to say this is part of His plan minimizes our part. Your wife made choices to allow her heart to be stolen by another man. You made choices that apparently alienated her affection from you. To say God "allows" things is to imply that He is indirectly responsible for our choices, which is not true. What God "allows" is us to make our own choices, and He works with us in those choices.

    Christopher, you have my prayers on your behalf. My prayer is for you to receive wisdom from the Lord to know how to win back your wife and to heal your marriage. My prayer is also for your wife to be sensitive to the Lord again, for when we make choices that are contrary to the known will of God (God hates divorce and expects marriages to last our lifetimes) then we harden our hearts towards God.

    Meanwhile, make your journey with God deeper as you said. Walk and talk with Jesus, not just study about Jesus.
     
  7. Cturtle

    Cturtle Jesus, My Savior and Lord is my hiding place

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    My husband and i Will be lifting your marriage up in prayer. Joining your prayers for restoration. It sounds like your on the right path, of growing close to God and His Word. And leaving, entrusting your marriage to Him.

    Keep up the love dare, and like another said walking in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

    Welcome and God bless you with much peace!
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2017
  8. MustardSeeed

    MustardSeeed Ambivert

    +768
    Canada
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    Praying for you :(
    Is that you and your wife in your display picture?
     
  9. ChristopherK

    ChristopherK Member

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    Thank you so much for your prayers. I know God is working. He's a much better God than I could ever be! LoL. ^_^
     
  10. ChristopherK

    ChristopherK Member

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    Yep, that's my beautiful baby. Thank you for your prayers.
     
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  11. Cute Tink

    Cute Tink Blah Supporter

    +4,342
    Humanist
    Single
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    :hi:

    Welcome to CF. Glad you could join us. If you need help with something, let me know.

    I hope you enjoy your time and find what you are looking for here. I hope you and your wife are able to resolve your differences and be happy.

    :bye:
     
  12. MustardSeeed

    MustardSeeed Ambivert

    +768
    Canada
    Non-Denom
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    :) no problem
     
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