Interfering Strangers!

[bliz]

Well, the woman in the supermarket hasn't written for comments or opinions, so I will comment on your behavior.

I think that your reaction was way out of line. The woman's comments did not jeopardize the safety of your children. In fact, she spoke out of concern for your children. She may have been nosey, or overreacting or butting her nose in where it was not wanted... but I'm afraid that I cannot see your reaction as anything but rude.

You could have pointed out that your husband was right there. You could have thanked her and gone about your business. You could have ignored her. But you attacked her, in fact, you initiated attacking. Misguided though she may have been, she did not verbally assult you, which is what you did to her.

Imagine her showing up in your church next Sunday... Would you step up and say, "Hi! I think we met in the store last week." Unkilely, becasue I think at the core, you would be embarassed by your actions.

We all have done things like this at one time or another. Forgive yourself, ask God to forgive you and go on with life and good luck withyour project at home.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

im a rather out-spoken person, and i hate it when people i know, let alone complete strangers, but in when it's not needed, so im with you...i would have gotten very offensive. working in public like i do i see all kinds of parents that i think are...well bad parents, parents that aren't watching their kids(toddlers) walk off, and parents with uncontrolable hellians, but i dont say anything to them because it's none of my business.

 

[HeatherJay]

I have to agree 110% with Bliz, what she said is very well said and completely truthful. I was going to say something similar but she pretty much hit the nail on the head.

~ ~

I agree 110% too. Yeah, so maybe she was being a bit nosy, but she doesn't sound like she was being impolite. I'm sorry, but your response just sounds flat out rude. I'd HATE for my kids to see me treat another person like that...what kind of message is that sending about how I expect them to treat others?

But, I'm sorry that she upset you so much. I sort of got the impression from what you described that that was not her original intent in making the comment, though.

 

[greenessa]

Sorry hon, but I have often had concerned people make comments out of genuine concern as I have 2 very brave wanderers. A nice "thanks, My husband and I have them covered on both sides " would have sufficed. I wouldn't want my kids to hear me talk to someone that way either. Vanessa

 

[mrsperez]

Well, the woman in the supermarket hasn't written for comments or opinions, so I will comment on your behavior.

I think that your reaction was way out of line. The woman's comments did not jeopardize the safety of your children. In fact, she spoke out of concern for your children. She may have been nosey, or overreacting or butting her nose in where it was not wanted... but I'm afraid that I cannot see your reaction as anything but rude.

You could have pointed out that your husband was right there. You could have thanked her and gone about your business. You could have ignored her. But you attacked her, in fact, you initiated attacking. Misguided though she may have been, she did not verbally assult you, which is what you did to her.

Imagine her showing up in your church next Sunday... Would you step up and say, "Hi! I think we met in the store last week." Unkilely, becasue I think at the core, you would be embarassed by your actions.

We all have done things like this at one time or another. Forgive yourself, ask God to forgive you and go on with life and good luck withyour project at home.

Okay, I guess in my original post, I should have said what was really on my mind.

I think that the thing that bothered me the most was that she was caucasian, I am hispanic (Puerto Rican to be exact) and the other people who walked by (Hispanics and African Americans did nothing but smile at me and my kids). I am sick of people thinking they are better than me because they did not have their kids "so young" or because we might look "more poor" than they do or because I'm a minority.

If she went to my church, my pastor herself would tell her how protective we are of our kids and she really should have minded her own business!

No offense intended to those who are not prejudice.....

 

[HeatherJay]

Okay, I guess in my original post, I should have said what was really on my mind.

I think that the thing that bothered me the most was that she was caucasian, I am hispanic (Puerto Rican to be exact) and the other people who walked by (Hispanics and African Americans did nothing but smile at me and my kids). I am sick of people thinking they are better than me because they did not have their kids "so young" or because we might look "more poor" than they do or because I'm a minority.

If she went to my church, my pastor herself would tell her how protective we are of our kids and she really should have minded her own business!

No offense intended to those who are not prejudice.....

I guess I just don't see how she was being predjudiced by commenting the way she did. Maybe, and please don't take offense, it's your own predjudice that caused you to react in such a way? Maybe you just assumed that because she was white, that she was somehow trying to be condescending or talk down to you? Because based on what you described, it just sounds like she's a slightly nosy concerned women who meant no offense whatsoever toward you or your family.

Is that possible?

 

[mrsperez]

I guess I just don't see how she was being predjudiced by commenting the way she did. Maybe, and please don't take offense, it's your own predjudice that caused you to react in such a way? Maybe you just assumed that because she was white, that she was somehow trying to be condescending or talk down to you? Because based on what you described, it just sounds like she's a slightly nosy concerned women who meant no offense whatsoever toward you or your family.

Is that possible?

No, not possible. Because I am in no way prejudiced. I have family members of many nationalities (Caucasian, African American, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Italian and several type of Indian influences). I think its harder for people to see what I go through as a young Hispanic mother, because living as a Caucasian, in the U.S., you will never know what we go through.

On another note - I feel I am being bashed for speaking to her harshly when she spoke to me harshly as well. It's hard to express her condescending tone in writing. If she would have simply said something like, "are these your kids" oh, I just wanted to make sure someone was watching them" or, "I guess I thought you were farther away than I first though" or anything, with a less condescending tone, and a little more concerned, I wouldn't have snapped. But I am not ever going to allow anyone put me down. One if my favorite quotes is "It is important for things to know what you stand for. It is equally important for people to know what you won't stand for."

Recently, I was harassed by a man on the train. He decided it was okay to touch my thigh as he sat next to me, and when everyone heard me ask him to move, and how dare he, and I was obviously disturbed, not one person asked me if I was okay. That was the time for someone to interfere, don't you think.

Nobody will ever know what is best for my kids, especially not a complete stranger.

 

[HeatherJay]

Alright, well, it's obvious that you feel completely justified in your reaction to her comment. You asked for comments and opinions...I've offered you mine. God bless you and your family.

 

[Athene]

No, not possible. Because I am in no way prejudiced. I have family members of many nationalities (Caucasian, African American, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Italian and several type of Indian influences). I think its harder for people to see what I go through as a young Hispanic mother, because living as a Caucasian, in the U.S., you will never know what we go through.

On another note - I feel I am being bashed for speaking to her harshly when she spoke to me harshly as well. It's hard to express her condescending tone in writing. If she would have simply said something like, "are these your kids" oh, I just wanted to make sure someone was watching them" or, "I guess I thought you were farther away than I first though" or anything, with a less condescending tone, and a little more concerned, I wouldn't have snapped. But I am not ever going to allow anyone put me down. One if my favorite quotes is "It is important for things to know what you stand for. It is equally important for people to know what you won't stand for."

So basically she made you feel as if you were an inadequate parent and you weren't doing your job properly. I probably would have done something similar, snapped back, torn her another rear exit.



.

 

[mrsperez]

Boy this makes me fume, and I wasn't even there. Don't you love it when people become experts in matters they know absolutely nothing about?

You probably handled it better than I would have. I'd probably have made reference to my very tall, big husband in the next aisle possibly getting very angry about her comment on stealing OUR children.

Grrrrrr......

You know what's funny, I'm getting alot of grief for my "reaction", but I reacted a lot better than I would have a few years ago. My husband even told me, "well, she is lucky this wasn't directed towards the old you because she would have really gotten it" and we laughed. I could have yelled at the top of my lungs, cursed at her, told her I'll "see her outside", a whole number of things. But instead, I let her know how inappropriate she was being - and moved on. I thought I did pretty well...

 

[mrsperez]

So basically she made you feel as if you were an inadequate parent and you weren't doing your job properly. I probably would have done something similar, snapped back, torn her another rear exit.



.

Funny.....

 

[mrsperez]

im a rather out-spoken person, and i hate it when people i know, let alone complete strangers, but in when it's not needed, so im with you...i would have gotten very offensive. working in public like i do i see all kinds of parents that i think are...well bad parents, parents that aren't watching their kids(toddlers) walk off, and parents with uncontrolable hellians, but i dont say anything to them because it's none of my business.

It's nice to know I have a few people agreeing with me. I think the younger generation is more inclined to defend themselves. Thanks!

 

[GolfingMom]

It's nice to know I have a few people agreeing with me. I think the younger generation is more inclined to defend themselves. Thanks!

Let me start off by saying I'm a young mom of two little boys. I've had people give me their opinions before as well as scare my little guys while shopping. I haven't spoken back to anyone...I usually just ignore them and walk away. Usually my older son asks "what did that lady say or why are we leaving' and I usually let him know that some people aren't very nice so let's just go to a different aisle and find something else etc...

 

[AbidingInHim]

Pray for her...and forgive her.

God Bless!

 

[sammipher]

I have be working on patience and anger here lately. Things that I would have normally got all bent all out shape over....I try to do something nice for the person....rather than the old me jumping all over them. I have to remember now I have a daughter and the only way she is going to taught how to be nice to others(I.E.: Bullies and not so nice children)...is through the example I make as an adult..having to deal with those my own age. I can show her that yes I am an adult and allowed to do as I please...but, I have total control...because, I would rather be better represenative of the Lord...by showing his ways. In this case this makes me the better person and it still makes me feel good rather than horrible and angry about the whole situation. If I were you and the woman would have told me something like that I would have given her a great big ole smile and said "no you wouldn't have my husband is standing right there"...then I would leave it at that. If she was looking for more of a debate...then I would just tell her that "I appreciated her concern about my children...but, there is nothing else left to discuss." To show how I have been working on my temper and trying to use a more W.W.J.D. attitude...to be a good role model for my daughter:
We recently went into an old children's clothing store I use to work at. It's a pricey place. Well I picked her out a bracelet and told them I was going to look around(not that I was gonna buy anything else). I get ready to check out and this woman is in front of me with a daughter about six. She turns around to see my daughter and I ...I am not sure why she would look at me like this, maybe our modest dress...but, she gives a look up and down...sticks her nose in the air and makes a face....like we were not suppose to be there(we were dressed in nice casual clothes...matching jean dresses). It really bothered me(I mean you could really tell she thought I was not suppose to be there...If ya'll would have seen it you would have agreed)...the old me would have said something too her and would have told her she is a idiot for paying 63.99 for a jumper for her daughter when it only cost 5.99 wholesale...I use to do the tags But, instead I gave her a great big smile...which made my daughter smile...which seemed to make her mood even worse...she gave me a terrible look over a smile. So finally the cashier tells me I can go to the other cash reg. to get checked out...The old me would have thought(hmmm...she wanted to be like that she can wait)...but, I looked at the cashier and said "she was here before me"....then I looked at her and said "would you care to go before me?" . She gave me a you know to go where look and snatched her daughter's arm and practically sprinted to the reg. See with people like these that are just plain out to hurt someone's feelings. Pray for them and don't let them get your goat. Some people are basically selfish...they have no concern over what spews from there mouth or how their actions look. Who knows maybe they are unsaved....as being saved if you chose your battles and know when one isn't worth it..it may be a way for you to witness to someone. Your actions can speak a thousand words to someone unsaved. But, I can understand where you got fraustrated. It's hard when someone drags your kids into it and as parents we get emotional over our kids. Don't let her bother you too much...she was probably just someone looking for an argument or to be right.

 

[mrsperez]

I have be working on patience and anger here lately. Things that I would have normally got all bent all out shape over....I try to do something nice for the person....rather than the old me jumping all over them. I have to remember now I have a daughter and the only way she is going to taught how to be nice to others(I.E.: Bullies and not so nice children)...is through the example I make as an adult..having to deal with those my own age. I can show her that yes I am an adult and allowed to do as I please...but, I have total control...because, I would rather be better represenative of the Lord...by showing his ways. In this case this makes me the better person and it still makes me feel good rather than horrible and angry about the whole situation. If I were you and the woman would have told me something like that I would have given her a great big ole smile and said "no you wouldn't have my husband is standing right there"...then I would leave it at that. If she was looking for more of a debate...then I would just tell her that "I appreciated her concern about my children...but, there is nothing else left to discuss." To show how I have been working on my temper and trying to use a more W.W.J.D. attitude...to be a good role model for my daughter:
We recently went into an old children's clothing store I use to work at. It's a pricey place. Well I picked her out a bracelet and told them I was going to look around(not that I was gonna buy anything else). I get ready to check out and this woman is in front of me with a daughter about six. She turns around to see my daughter and I ...I am not sure why she would look at me like this, maybe our modest dress...but, she gives a look up and down...sticks her nose in the air and makes a face....like we were not suppose to be there(we were dressed in nice casual clothes...matching jean dresses). It really bothered me(I mean you could really tell she thought I was not suppose to be there...If ya'll would have seen it you would have agreed)...the old me would have said something too her and would have told her she is a idiot for paying 63.99 for a jumper for her daughter when it only cost 5.99 wholesale...I use to do the tags But, instead I gave her a great big smile...which made my daughter smile...which seemed to make her mood even worse...she gave me a terrible look over a smile. So finally the cashier tells me I can go to the other cash reg. to get checked out...The old me would have thought(hmmm...she wanted to be like that she can wait)...but, I looked at the cashier and said "she was here before me"....then I looked at her and said "would you care to go before me?" . She gave me a you know to go where look and snatched her daughter's arm and practically sprinted to the reg. See with people like these that are just plain out to hurt someone's feelings. Pray for them and don't let them get your goat. Some people are basically selfish...they have no concern over what spews from there mouth or how their actions look. Who knows maybe they are unsaved....as being saved if you chose your battles and know when one isn't worth it..it may be a way for you to witness to someone. Your actions can speak a thousand words to someone unsaved. But, I can understand where you got fraustrated. It's hard when someone drags your kids into it and as parents we get emotional over our kids. Don't let her bother you too much...she was probably just someone looking for an argument or to be right.

First of all, thank you for your kind email. You would think anyone else who disagreed with me would have answered equally as nicely.

I must say, I am better than I used to be, and I ignore people and smile all the time, but sometimes I do go overboard. Usually when I go overboard, my husband calls me on it, but he backed me up on this one 100%. I didn't curse, I didn't yell. Rather, my intention was to let her know that she did aggravate me and did not need to speak to me in that manner. I guess I could have gone about it a different route, but the fact of the matter is that I didn't. I am not holding a grudge, and I do forgive her (contrary to what others might think), but my main reason for the thread was to see if in fact, anyone else agreed with me. And several have.

Again, thanks for the kind words. God Bless You!

 

[EmSchmem]

I have an opinion but I think my choiuce of words would get me kicked of the board.

 

[mrsperez]

I have an opinion but I think my choiuce of words would get me kicked of the board.

Towards me, or the woman in the store?

 

[Lena75]

IMO, I thought the situation could've been handled better. If it would've been me, I'd have ignored her. Big whoop. There was no need to snap back.

 

[greenessa]

You would think anyone else who disagreed with me would have answered equally as nicely.

I don't think that anyone disagreed un-kindly. It was assumed you posted looking for advice, and opinions. But I am starting to feel that you wanted sympathy for what may possibly have been a bad attitude. I am not judging, I don't know what the tone of the interaction was and lots is lost in the written word. What I am trying to say is take us all with a grain of salt, goodness knows I don't agree with everything posted in my threads! Vanessa