In pain about church dilemma

[Lady Bug]

Hi, I kind of talked about this already but didn't quite make it a post per se. Sorry if it seems repetitive but I hope to make it a little different.

I'll use the following abbreviations:
Home Parish: HP
Farther-Away Parish: FP

I'm going through some sort of hell. It's actually been going on for months, but I wasn't as accountable for my sins before baptism/confirmation, but it's more of a serious issue now than it was then, because of that. My HP has prospects of actually being my church home and the building block for possible fellowship. The problem is, I have been struggling with "limerence" for the HP priest from the earliest moments of meeting him. In order to calm down any impure thoughts I had been plagued with, I went to my first confession the week after baptism/confirmation, then went to a FP for three consecutive Saturdays. I ended up becoming fond of the FP priest's homilies very much, maybe even more so than the HP priest I'm limerent for. However, the FP priest does not cause me to sin or potentially sin. I hope it stays that way of course, but going to the FP had been helping my mind feel cleaner against the HP priest. I kept thinking about the HP priest often, but not necessarily mortally sinned, which was a relief. Against my better judgment, I thought I was missing the reverent Mass of my HP, which the FP didn't seem to have as much of. As soon as I came back to the HP on the fourth Saturday, I felt like my fixation on the HP priest got stronger again. I can tentatively say that I'm not mortally sinning, but am at the point where I'm starting to question whether I am or not. That to me seems like a bad sign and I felt kind of guilty receiving Communion.

What’s adding insult to injury is that starting on June 15 and going through December 25, HP will be having a few “100-year anniversary activities” which will involve some fellowship of course and that could dig a deeper hole because I might not how to get out of them. I don't want to look like I'm avoiding fellowship with them either. The people I've met at RCIA seem to care that I'm lonely and don't want me not to have a Church family. I wish I could clear my brain again and not go to HP at least until June 15, but I'm not optimistic that even if I came back on June 15, that it would help against my limerence for HP priest.

The HP is the ideal place IMHO for me to be a member and call it my church home, but it seems like there's this awful thing preventing me from doing that, by dangling the source of sin in front of me every time I'm in the HP. The FP's priest actually has better homilies IMHO so it's not necessarily because of the HP priest that I want to stay at HP; it's just that the FP just does not feel like home at all. My memories were made at HP during RCIA and Easter Vigil and I don't want to leave HP because of this. It's hard. I'm also tired of feeling I have to confess this particular sin once every week or two weeks.

 

[Susie~Q]

It seems to me that going to HP is putting you in an occasion of sin, meaning that it can very easily lead you to sin, so, in order to avoid that, you need to avoid the source, which is HP. It is not a good place for you. You are putting yourself in danger of sin every time you go there, the thoughts will continue to plague you, thus, leading you to those types of sinful thoughts, so, therefore, you need to avoid the place. It is like knowing a rattle snake will bite you but you go next to it anyway, it certainly isn't a safe move.

You definitely should stay away from those functions as well. Some will no doubt put you in contact with the HP priest and you will be in the same dilemma as you are now. I know they sound like fun, but in your case, they are very dangerous. Avoid things like that at all costs. You say the people there will miss you. Well, I understand how you don't want to lose any friends and that you are lonesome, but hey, you will make other friends at another church, give it time, you didn't think you would make any at HP but you did. Friends don't die on the cross to save you, the only person you have to worry about pleasing is Jesus.

I really want to help you and be a good friend, but to be honest, I have said all there is to say on this matter, the rest is up to you. I just know that being in the situation you are in at HP, is not a good environment for you, and as long as you go there and see the HP priest, you will harbor the sinful thoughts, that is why you need to run away from there as fast as you can. I sincerely doubt if even confession will help as the Lord knows that you will keep putting yourself in this situation. To repent means to completely turn away from what causes you to sin, and in this case, it is leaving HP for another church.

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[pdudgeon]

I agree with the above post.
It might help your attraction if you learn to think of the Home Priest as a married man.
But in this case his heart and his life are already claimed by God, so he is off limits to you.
And believe me, you don't want to get into that kind of tug-of-war, because it will end badly indeed for you, and it will utterly destroy him.
So yes, it is best to choose the other parrish until you can learn how to correctly relate to priests in general.

The first thing for you to see when looking at any priest, is to see Christ first: not the man who stands before you. When you can do that, then your heart will be safe.

 

[Lost4words]

Extremely difficult situation to be in.

I think the only real answer is to move parish.

Temptation to sin is a problem for me in life. Trying to beat it is a daily battle.

Offer up your sufferings to God my friend. Lay them at His feet.

Be strong. Keep fighting the good fight.

God bless you

 

[WarriorAngel]

Infatuation doesn't last.
In fact, it's normal to become infatuated with people... but it doesn't last.
You should be calm in the knowledge that it happens, but it also goes away.

Remember, don't feed the fears. Don't over stress.
Is it a sin to be infatuated?
Not necessarily because first you know it won't go anywhere.
Second, as I said before, the more you fret over something, the more it fills your mind.
It's not a sin to become infatuated, so relax.

Often times we can let it go when we stop feeding into "I like them..." and just realize these things do not last.