In need of advice..

[t4inted-]

A part of me doesn’t like to discuss about this but I need advice on the matter..
I have this girl I grew up with since I was 11 we met in a neighborhood when we were young and grew up together and she was always there for me, this was before Jesus came into my life..

We grew up together and had fights and arguments in our relationship but we loved each other and grew together and kept being there for each other and we had a child when I was about 18.. anyways to come to the point.. is it ok for me to be with her even though she’s not Christian?

I mean we have a history together growing up together and I always loved her but before Jesus came into my life I grew corrupt.. and we have a child together.. we were not married and it does feel like a part of me died in a way because she was always there and now that I’m seeking God or to follow him.. I do know the scriptures about relationship and being single but also found comfort that it is ok also to have a wife..

is it ok to be with her.. or choose her for a wife..
I mean I would like to be a family with her and be there
But a part of me also feels it may lead me away from God or that it may not be right..
It’s just she’s been such a part of my life growing up and it kinda feels like I lost a part of who i am...though I know my identity in Christ etc etc.

advice, support, thoughts....anyone?

 

[faroukfarouk]

A part of me doesn’t like to discuss about this but I need advice on the matter..
I have this girl I grew up with since I was 11 we met in a neighborhood when we were young and grew up together and she was always there for me, this was before Jesus came into my life..

We grew up together and had fights and arguments in our relationship but we loved each other and grew together and kept being there for each other and we had a child when I was about 18.. anyways to come to the point.. is it ok for me to be with her even though she’s not Christian?

I mean we have a history together growing up together and I always loved her but before Jesus came into my life I grew corrupt.. and we have a child together.. we were not married and it does feel like a part of me died in a way because she was always there and now that I’m seeking God or to follow him.. I do know the scriptures about relationship and being single but also found comfort that it is ok also to have a wife..

is it ok to be with her.. or choose her for a wife..
I mean I would like to be a family with her and be there
But a part of me also feels it may lead me away from God or that it may not be right..
It’s just she’s been such a part of my life growing up and it kinda feels like I lost a part of who i am...though I know my identity in Christ etc etc.

advice, support, thoughts....anyone?

Hi; well, you have a responsibility toward the child; but Amos 3.3 says: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

 

[Tone]

A part of me doesn’t like to discuss about this but I need advice on the matter..
I have this girl I grew up with since I was 11 we met in a neighborhood when we were young and grew up together and she was always there for me, this was before Jesus came into my life..

We grew up together and had fights and arguments in our relationship but we loved each other and grew together and kept being there for each other and we had a child when I was about 18.. anyways to come to the point.. is it ok for me to be with her even though she’s not Christian?

I mean we have a history together growing up together and I always loved her but before Jesus came into my life I grew corrupt.. and we have a child together.. we were not married and it does feel like a part of me died in a way because she was always there and now that I’m seeking God or to follow him.. I do know the scriptures about relationship and being single but also found comfort that it is ok also to have a wife..

is it ok to be with her.. or choose her for a wife..
I mean I would like to be a family with her and be there
But a part of me also feels it may lead me away from God or that it may not be right..
It’s just she’s been such a part of my life growing up and it kinda feels like I lost a part of who i am...though I know my identity in Christ etc etc.

advice, support, thoughts....anyone?

If you love her and she loves you and wants to marry...DO IT!

 

[Rescued One]

If you love her and she loves you and wants to marry...DO IT!

That is ungodly advice, IMO.


2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Marriage requires a lot of work. A Christian wants one thing, a non-Christian another. Their values are different.

 

[t4inted-]

That is ungodly advice, IMO.


2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Marriage requires a lot of work. A Christian wants one thing, a non-Christian another. Their values are different.

yea I did read a lot of articles about being with someone who is not a Christian.. I think this might be one of my losses and sacrifices I have to make for God if I truly desire him I should continue in my faith in him..

I have also thought about our values too and that is one reason why I do not think it will work because I would desire to lead the home one way but she has her own way.. etc

So I think I’ll just stay separate and be with friends with her..

 

[createdtoworship]

A part of me doesn’t like to discuss about this but I need advice on the matter..
I have this girl I grew up with since I was 11 we met in a neighborhood when we were young and grew up together and she was always there for me, this was before Jesus came into my life..

We grew up together and had fights and arguments in our relationship but we loved each other and grew together and kept being there for each other and we had a child when I was about 18.. anyways to come to the point.. is it ok for me to be with her even though she’s not Christian?

I mean we have a history together growing up together and I always loved her but before Jesus came into my life I grew corrupt.. and we have a child together.. we were not married and it does feel like a part of me died in a way because she was always there and now that I’m seeking God or to follow him.. I do know the scriptures about relationship and being single but also found comfort that it is ok also to have a wife..

is it ok to be with her.. or choose her for a wife..
I mean I would like to be a family with her and be there
But a part of me also feels it may lead me away from God or that it may not be right..
It’s just she’s been such a part of my life growing up and it kinda feels like I lost a part of who i am...though I know my identity in Christ etc etc.

advice, support, thoughts....anyone?

Yes, just because you have a child together does NOT mean you need to be married. One mistake does not necessarily correlate to two mistakes. That is if it is not the Lord's will. If she is not a christian than it would not be God's will to be married to her. Google search "can a christian be unequally yoked" and see what pops up. The majority of it will go to a few verses that strictly condemn marrying an unbeliever. You can still be there for her, and hang out with the mom. But not if you are tempted to sin with her. You must purify your life by whatever means possible. If you need to go and pick up the daughter, and spend time with her, you do that.

 

[Tone]

That is ungodly advice, IMO.


2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Marriage requires a lot of work. A Christian wants one thing, a non-Christian another. Their values are different.

Maybe unchurchy advice and perhaps "ungodly". He has a child with the woman...I believe they are married already.

 

[The.Cartographer]

How old's the kid?

 

[Tolworth John]

choose her for a wife..
I mean I would like to be a family with her and be there
But a part of me also feels it may lead me away from God or that it may not be right..
It’s just she’s been such a part of my life growing up and it kinda feels like I lost a part of who i am...though I know my identity in Christ etc etc.

Can you support a wife and child financialy?

How does she feel about attending church every sunday as a family?

If you can't do the first and if she won't do the second, walk away.

She is more likely to become a Christian through your example and the habit of attending a church that seeks to practise what it preaches then if she is not doing this.

If you cannot support them financially they are better off without you so walk away, literally move house/town etc.

 

[Tone]

I think this might be one of my losses and sacrifices I have to make for God if I truly desire him I should continue in my faith in him..

You would show great faith by marrying the woman He placed in your life...and that you love...and the little one having both parents--He is willing and able to save your entire household.

 

[t4inted-]

Can you support a wife and child financialy?

How does she feel about attending church every sunday as a family?

If you can't do the first and if she won't do the second, walk away.

She is more likely to become a Christian through your example and the habit of attending a church that seeks to practise what it preaches then if she is not doing this.

If you cannot support them financially they are better off without you so walk away, literally move house/town etc.

that’s the thing I am not ready for a marriage but it’s something that’s been on my heart if I were to “find a wife” though I know I am not capable of supporting a family yet.. Gods still working in me and I am at a place of solitude of being single and alone being able to live on my own.. yet I don’t think marriage is something to consider for me right now.

 

[t4inted-]

How old's the kid?

7

 

[Rescued One]

Maybe unChurchy advice and perhaps "ungodly". He has a child with the woman...I believe they are married already.

I know of situations like that. A Christian girl was pregnant by a Mormon. It would have been a terrible marriage. He's married to a Mormon now and has more kids. When the Christian girl's twins visit their father, he tries to convert them to Mormonism. If they had both been Christians it might have worked out.

 

[Mathetes66]

I think the Scriptures are clear enough that those that are spiritually born again, a second time, from above by God are to marry other Christians & for the reason you yourself cited in your post.

Deut 22:10 Do not plow with an ox & a donkey yoked together.

2 Cor 6:14-18 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

16And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will dwell in them & walk in them. I will be their God & they shall be My people.”

17Therefore, “Come out from among them & be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean & I will receive you. I will be a Father to you & you shall be My sons & daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

Genesis 24:3 And I will have you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven & the God of earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I am dwelling.

Ezra 9:2 Indeed, the Israelites have taken some of their daughters as wives for themselves & their sons, so that the holy seed has been mixed with the people of the land. And the leaders and officials have taken the lead in this unfaithfulness!"

I Corinthians 7:39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, as long as he belongs to the Lord.

Exodus 34:16 And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons & those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same.

Deut 7:3,4 Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, because they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods. Then the anger of the LORD will burn against you...

I Kings 11:2-4 Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clinged unto these in love…

That being said, you have developed a relationship with this unsaved woman. She now needs to know you have changed & have given yourself to following the Lord & loving & obeying Him. Since you have a child together, you both need to help in the care & growth of this child. She needs to realize that if you marry, you will need to marry someone who knows & belongs to the Lord.

You can continue to be friends, based on the child you both have, but she would need to trust in the Lord before you would consider marrying her. I have watched a number of people in my lifetime make the mistake as a Christian, of marrying a nonchristian and how it adversely affected their lives & their relationship with the Lord. The Scripture bears this out.

I prayed for you, to be faithful to the Lord & trust that he will save your friend.

 

[t4inted-]

Yes, just because you have a child together does NOT mean you need to be married. One mistake does not necessarily correlate to two mistakes. That is if it is not the Lord's will. If she is not a christian than it would not be God's will to be married to her. Google search "can a christian be unequally yoked" and see what pops up. The majority of it will go to a few verses that strictly condemn marrying an unbeliever. You can still be there for her, and hang out with the mom. But not if you are tempted to sin with her. You must purify your life by whatever means possible. If you need to go and pick up the daughter, and spend time with her, you do that.

Yea I read a lot of articles about it online it’s just I grew up with her and I don’t like the way I view her now ?.

 

[Tone]

But a part of me also feels it may lead me away from God or that it may not be right.

When the Christian girl's twins visit their father, he tries to convert them to Mormonism. If they had both been Christians it might have worked out.

Romans 8
"…38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I believe that your situation is different than going out and actively seeking an unbeliever.

 

[The.Cartographer]

7

Well I'm sure that your kid will love you being in a divided household and really respect daddies beliefs being in a single family home where his mom hates you and has to enter that sketchy single mom dating scene. I'd teach the kid to be logical, finically stable, talented and whatnot; I think Gods message is to be a good person and that you're being judged in whatever this place is. Even asking the question of essentially leaving your childhood sweetheart that you've impregnated makes me worry for the kid. Life should be a celebration, not suffering.

 

[Tone]

and I don’t like the way I view her now

How do you view her?

 

[t4inted-]

Romans 8
"…38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I believe that your situation is different than going out and actively seeking an unbeliever.

yea I believed my situation was different..

 

[t4inted-]

How do you view her?

well it’s just now that I’m a Christian I would have that view of her as Non-Christian and would sometimes view her differently then who she was when when we grew up together.