In love with a Muslim

[Justachristiangirl]

This hurts so much... I love him with all my heart but I don't know if we will ever have the chance to be together... because we have different religions. I'm a Christian and he's Muslim. It breaks my heart...

He said he has feelings for me too but it's impossible for us to be together... but these feelings only get stronger even though I pray to God to every single day to take them away. I'm so scared.. I love him and I want him to be saved but I know I can't change him only God can but he's so stubborn.

 

[Justachristiangirl]

Thank you, dear. Young love can be tough. And deceptive. That's not a "no", necessarily, just a "be careful".

I will be

 

[Justachristiangirl]

Understand also, and this is pretty much universal: Marriage changes everything.

Yes I know, we are too young to marry anyway

 

[Justachristiangirl]

Pray, but do so while staying far away from him and not being in contact with him anymore.

There is never any reason nor justification for having a romantic relationship of any kind with a Muslim. The children of mixed Muslim husband-Christian wife marriages (which are the only kind of mixed-faith marriages allowed in Islam; Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslim men according to Islamic law and custom, and rumors of Christian-Muslim relationships of this type invariably lead to violence and sometimes the murder of non-Muslims) are raised as Muslims, not given the opportunity to leave the religion or convert to their mother's religion under any circumstances, and will be forfeit by the non-Muslim wife in the event of any divorce, even if the husband would be found at fault according to Western legal standards. (Non-Muslims do not have parental rights over Muslims, nor inheritance rights, nor really any other kind of rights.) Even if such a thing were to occur in the West where the courts would give the non-Muslim wife the children, if the husband was able to get access to them (say, through visitation or through a relative used as an intermediary), he could very easily take them to a Muslim country where all of this would apply (without the wife's consent), and then it would be quite a lengthy matter to even attempt to get them back, as no country which incorporates Islamic law into its legal code is going to allow the children to be taken away from their Muslim father to be given back to a non-Muslim mother, to be raised in a non-Muslim country over a Muslim one.

And if you or anyone were to say "Well, I'm just a teenager; nobody's talking about marriage or kids or any of this stuff", then we would still face the very ugly reality of Muslim prejudices and attitudes towards non-Muslim women and Western women more generally, which together with the male-dominated culture that another poster mentioned leads to situations in which a very nice young man can very quickly become a very not-nice young man based upon nothing more than his presupposition (not always voiced or maybe even consciously acknowledged) that non-Muslim/Western women are 'easy'. I would definitely get in trouble if I were to link to any such a thing here (due to the language involved), but there are many examples of videos on YouTube where a Muslim woman announces that she will not wear the Islamic headcovering anymore, and the comments received in reply from both her male and female coreligionists are often absolutely vile, revolving around what the commenters take to be her sudden interest in sex, nightlife, and so on (put in the most offensive terms imaginable). The popular Christian apologetics channel Acts17Apologetics did a video where they scrutinized this type of reaction in the context of exposing the recent "World Hijab Day" for the anti-woman Islamic propaganda that it really is, rather than the brave feminist statement of individual rights and choice its organizers and promoters claim it to be.

Simply put, stay away from Muslim men and Islam. You can and will find another person to care about who will not come with all of these downsides, and of course none of this means that you cannot still care about him, but it does mean that you will be greatly better off by caring in a way that does not nurture the infatuation you are currently experiencing. Treat him like you would anyone else who is categorically off limits, since that's what he is, and do not engage with him anymore, and eventually those feelings will die/be replaced by feelings for someone suited to a Christian.

What if he one day converts?

 

[Justachristiangirl]

If he converts to Christianity, then the potential for a relationship with you will likely be very low on the list of sensible priorities (unless he literally wants to be with you more than being alive, which may sound romantic at first blush but is a sign of some very unhealthy attachment that could go very badly very quickly). There are many such stories from the around the world of Muslims leaving Islam whereupon their families and wider communities essentially hunt them down and either kill them or force them through legal, societal, familial and other types of extreme pressures to either recant their apostasy and return to Islam or run for their lives. I have personally known one Pakistani-American (born in the USA to Pakistani parents) who did not even convert to a different religion, but simply stopped believing in Islam, and upon realizing that it would've been too much for him psychologically to continue living a double life, chose to flee from his home state and start a new life in an entirely different area of the country rather than face the pressures of his parents and family. And he's lucky in that he is alive and self-sufficient. Many others are not so lucky.

I share all this because this is a snapshot into the reality of what apostates from Islam face every day. If he does convert to Christianity, and sticks with it (many do not, because the pressure is just too great), then glory be to God. But realistically while you should hope and pray for it (we should all do so, and not just for him but for every Muslim), to hold out for it and hence him is not a good idea.

I just... I really love him and I don't want him to suffer.. I literally fall and pray while crying nearly eveyday. He's my best friend...

I know that Islam is horrible, I don't want him to live with it for the rest of his life.

 

[Zoii]

I think what type of person he is, is more important than whether he reads a Tora, a Bible or Koran.

 

[Justachristiangirl]

I think what type of person he is, is more important than whether he reads a Tora, a Bible or Koran.

Quran

 

[Zoii]

Quran

Thanks - Quran it is

 

[Justachristiangirl]

I know it is tough. Emotions are tough things. You clearly care about this guy alot. Be a good friend. Be ready to share Christ if he has questions. But anchor your heart to Christ, first. I know the feeling. Been there. Trust in God. Anchor your heart to God no matter what.

How do I do that? Also I'm sorry.. I really do care about him a lot. Many judge me for loving a muslim and no one believes me.. but I don't blame them, it is very hard especially during this time and age. We are so very young but I have faith. And I dont like giving up. He means so much to me I'm actually tearing up writing this...

 

[Ada Lovelace]

This hurts so much... I love him with all my heart but I don't know if we will ever have the chance to be together... because we have different religions. I'm a Christian and he's Muslim. It breaks my heart...

He said he has feelings for me too but it's impossible for us to be together... but these feelings only get stronger even though I pray to God to every single day to take them away. I'm so scared.. I love him and I want him to be saved but I know I can't change him only God can but he's so stubborn.

It's very late in my timezone, so I'm sorry if you've already answered the question and I'm too sleepy to have spotted it yet. How did you meet one another, and considering the sizable physical distance between you, how have you maintained your relationship? I'm assuming via text / WhatsApp / social media, but do you also travel to be with one face-to-face?

 

[Barney2.0]

Atleast it’s just one person you love, imagine if your whole family is totally Muslim. And imagine the person who carried you in the womb for 9 months doesn’t believe in the same faith as you do. All you can do is reach out to them, you can’t do more then tell them the truth.

 

[St. Helens]

MOD HAT ON
From the SoP
A general chat area for ages 16-19 ONLY
MOD HAT OFF​

 

[Cimorene]

It's very late in my timezone, so I'm sorry if you've already answered the question and I'm too sleepy to have spotted it yet. How did you meet one another, and considering the sizable physical distance between you, how have you maintained your relationship? I'm assuming via text / WhatsApp / social media, but do you also travel to be with one face-to-face?

I was wondering about this too.

 

[Justachristiangirl]

It's very late in my timezone, so I'm sorry if you've already answered the question and I'm too sleepy to have spotted it yet. How did you meet one another, and considering the sizable physical distance between you, how have you maintained your relationship? I'm assuming via text / WhatsApp / social media, but do you also travel to be with one face-to-face?

---Staff Edit---

I was wondering about this too.

We communicate through Instagram and such. We haven't met eachother in real life yet because of our circumstances. His name is Adil by the way. I know many are against me loving him and yes it hurts. But I can't give up on him, my only wish is that he gets saved.

This morning something happened. He was talking to an adult muslim like I have been talking to all of you. Same as in Christianity they can't marry to unbelievers and she told him that he shouldn't love a non Muslim. And he said that he wants to give up after he talked to her... and I was hurt. But the fact that we can't be together didn't hurt me, because I knew that from the start and I knew that this would be very hard from the beginning. What hurt me is that people tell me the same thing she told him. It is hard to hear all that and I pray everyday about this. But even after what people told me I still love him. I refuse to give up on him. It's not about what people say, it's about what God wants us to do and what he tells us in the bible. But one person told him something and he wants to give up. That hurt the most.

I told him that and he replied with "Wait. Even if my parents would've stopped me from loving you I'd not stop but it wasn't her words she quote what god said. That's why." And I know he's right.. that's the thing between the two of us. My friend Mary said he seems to point out the reality after having a nice conversation with me. Sometimes I wonder if he even loves me because he keeps giving up. But at least he's honest and she's right he does bring me back to reality.. and I keep pushing foward even though it hurts. He's realistic and afraid. I get lost in my own world but I hate giving up.

I can't give up on him. I'm serious about this and... if I help bring him to Christ that's all I want. That's my goal, my mission and it's so hard and I'm very young and I'm... scared. Espicially in our situation... But I love him, I am not about to let him go. Mary said "We die earlier or later than the other and each one of us has a regret, that we could've spend more time with God than working on others. Because you never know, you bring someone up while sacrificing yourself." But i told her that this IS spending time with God. I've never been more passionate about my faith. This isn't just about helping him, it's about helping me as well. I am fully committed to God and with him I believe that it's possible to save him... starting from today I am studying both the Bible and Quran (to understand Adil), I am praying nostop and going to services, bible studies, and researching about everything. I want to start talking to people that have converted and with couples that have been together for a long time. I want to do this, I'm excited and scared because I'm putting in so much energy into this. But I can't do this without God, if I do this on my own I will fail drastically. God is number one and I trust him. I believe that it's possible, even when others don't. If I fall (which I often do) I will get back up.

And well.. at the end of the conversation Adil offered that we read each others books (aka the Bible and Quran) so that we could understand eachother more. And that's honestly such a good thing because he is opening up to christianity and asking questions, and I can understand him more which could help me help him. We are starting from the very beginning so Genisis and we are also reading his book. We actually started yesterday but after what happened this morning I asked him if he would like to continue and he said yes. We have already read 7 chapters of Genesis and 103 verses from his book in the past 2 days. There is this app/website called Rabbit where we can watch at the exact same time on the same screen. So we go on YouTube and search up readings of our books. This was we listen and the same time and can ask eachother questions. He also said this:

"One more thing ik you wouldn't do it but still it's my job to let you know.

Like a lot of ppl convert to other religion just to marry someone, if you want to do that then I'd not support you being a Muslim isn't all about just saying it's a serious commitment to god , a true Muslim is someone who surrender himself and his life to god. Ig you got the point.

That was just for your information."

I know that I won't convert but I'm still going to be careful. Also if he converts I don't want it to be just out of love either... I want him to truly believe. So in conclusion we said that after we finish reading the whole bible and Quran we will make our decisions. Because we both know that we can't be together if we share different beliefs. Please pray for him, he really means a lot to me and if I will at least bring one person to Christ in all my life.. I would like it to be him. I want us to be in heaven together one day and this is very hard... I also know that I can't bring him to God. He has to believe it himself and open his heart to him... and that's what I'm praying for. God can do great things and I believe that this is possible... I am planning on doing fasts and praying with my friend Mary. She is a mormon and has problems with her boyfriend since he is an unbeliever as well as Adil. He really means a lot to me. Thank you for everything all of you.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

We communicate through Instagram and such. We haven't met eachother in real life yet because of our circumstances. His name is Adil by the way. I know many are against me loving him and yes it hurts. But I can't give up on him, my only wish is that he gets saved.

I had a feeling this was the case considering the substantial physical distance between the two of you. I think it would be wise to put some emotional distance between the two of you now. I encourage you to consider pulling back from correspondence with him a bit. This advice isn't specifically due to his religious affiliation, and if you were proclaiming to be in love with a Christian you'd never met irl I'd give it as well. Online relationships always entail unique risks, you are more vulnerable when you're young, and therefore it's especially crucial that you guard your heart and keep it from running fast ahead of you. This isn't to say that you should sever contact with him, but reducing it may be healthy. As would pulling more of your focus from him onto your life right in front of you, and possibly even romantic interests in person.

I do understand that hearts can become knitted more tightly together despite physical separation. I think you can feel less inhibited and have more heart-to-hearts when you're not face-to-face. This can be both lovely, causing bonds to form quickly, and dangerous for the same reason. You have to be very cautious, no matter the context. I urge you to be careful on this forum, too. Teenage girls here have been exploited by grown men who've claimed to be Christian, and earned their trust from that claim. They've appealed to their faith and kindness, and sense of duty to extend care to others.
The men I'm referring to have not posted in this thread, but I know that one man who has a documented history of allegations of preying on teens is currently active here. There are also wonderful people here, of all faiths, so I'm not stating that you must avoid forming friendships or having contact with anyone, but do not let your guard down just because you're on a Christian forum. I would stick to communicating with people in public threads while you are new, and then if you do PM, to get to know the person better before even considering giving any personal information. Avoid emotionally intense topics if possible. I've added some people here to social media and exchanged email, but I got advice first from people who'd been here longer, and got my mom's permission. Even after starting college I sought her counsel first.

Do your parents know about this relationship? If so, what are their thoughts?

 

[Zoii]

Hi Nika
You describe so beautifully how your heart has been swallowed by your boyfriend. Its quite touching. Its so easy to see through your eloquent writing how he occupies your mind and your being. No matter what the outcome of all this - having this feeling is such a gorgeous and precious thing

We communicate through Instagram and such. We haven't met eachother in real life yet because of our circumstances. His name is Adil by the way.

Having said my views of just how lovely your thoughts and love for him are, I have to agree strongly with @Stanfordella. I wont re-hash all that she has so eloquently said, but Ive been on the receiving end of Catphishing. Even if you Cam/skype, the truth of who a person is, how they will be in a life-long relationship, and how their thoughts and actions align with yours, is very difficult to assess when the relationship has only been online.

My views have nothing to do with him being Muslim. Indeed my view is that its more important what sort of person he is in his heart, as opposed to the religion he has. That said - I will acknowledge that religions have a tendency to bring about some incompatibilities, that need to be reconciled.

I know many are against me loving him and yes it hurts. But I can't give up on him,

I wold suggest that no-one is against love. But you have heard some words of caution - Most particularly because your relationship has existed to date in a virtual world. Many before you have been duped in some way - so its wise to learn lessons from those who have made mistakes before you.

my only wish is that he gets saved.

As a christian I can understand your desire for him to share your faith. However, There's an alternative view that argues that, you love someone for who they are. If your [and his] love is contingent on sharing a single religious belief, then unfortunately that's likely to pose a barrier that's apt to break-down your feelings for one another; as each of you will be trying to change the other.

All that said - its lovely reading your words. Its so awesome to be in love. No matter what - whether it breaks down or is successful - enjoy the feeling. if it does breakdown - cry - be morose - be angry at the world - then recover and smile again.

I wish you all the best
Zoii

 

[Justachristiangirl]

Hi Nika
You describe so beautifully how your heart has been swallowed by your boyfriend. Its quite touching. Its so easy to see through your eloquent writing how he occupies your mind and your being. Not matter what the outcome of all this - having this feeling is such a gorgeous and precious thing



Having said my views of just how lovely your thoughts and love for him are, I have to agree strongly with @Stanfordella. I wont re-hash all that she has so eloquently said, but Ive been on the receiving end of Catphishing. Even if you Cam/skype, the truth of who a person is, how they will be in a life-long relationship, and how their thoughts and actions align with yours, is very difficult to assess when the relationship has only been online.

My views have nothing to do with him being Muslim. Indeed my view is that its more important what sort of person he is in his heart, as opposed to the religion he has. That said - I will acknowledge that religions have a tendency to bring about some incompatibilities, that need to be reconciled.



I wold suggest that no-one is against love. But you have heard some words of caution - Most particularly because your relationship has existed to date in a virtual world. Many before you have been duped in some way - so its wise to learn lessons from those who have made mistakes before you.



As a christian I can understand your desire for him to share your faith. However, There's an alternative view that argues that, you love someone for who they are. If your [and his] love is contingent on sharing a single religious belief, then unfortunately that's likely to pose a barrier that's apt to break-down your feelings for one another; as each of you will be trying to change the other.

All that said - its lovely reading your words. Its so awesome to be in love. No matter what - whether it breaks down or is successful - enjoy the feeling. if it does breakdown - cry - be morose - be angry at the world - then recover and smile again.

I wish you all the best
Zoii

Awwww thank you so much that was beautiful ^^ and he's not my boyfriend we're just in love. And I accept him for who he is, I just know that we can't be married unless we share the same faith but I agree with you. He's an amazing person honestly, I've never met anyone like him.

 

[Justachristiangirl]

I had a feeling this was the case considering the substantial physical distance between the two of you. I think it would be wise to put some emotional distance between the two of you now. I encourage you to consider pulling back from correspondence with him a bit. This advice isn't specifically due to his religious affiliation, and if you were proclaiming to be in love with a Christian you'd never met irl I'd give it as well. Online relationships always entail unique risks, you are more vulnerable when you're young, and therefore it's especially crucial that you guard your heart and keep it from running fast ahead of you. This isn't to say that you should sever contact with him, but reducing it may be healthy. As would pulling more of your focus from him onto your life right in front of you, and possibly even romantic interests in person.

I do understand that hearts can become knitted more tightly together despite physical separation. I think you can feel less inhibited and have more heart-to-hearts when you're not face-to-face. This can be both lovely, causing bonds to form quickly, and dangerous for the same reason. You have to be very cautious, no matter the context. I urge you to be careful on this forum, too. Teenage girls here have been exploited by grown men who've claimed to be Christian, and earned their trust from that claim. They've appealed to their faith and kindness, and sense of duty to extend care to others.
The men I'm referring to have not posted in this thread, but I know that one man who has a documented history of allegations of preying on teens is currently active here. There are also wonderful people here, of all faiths, so I'm not stating that you must avoid forming friendships or having contact with anyone, but do not let your guard down just because you're on a Christian forum. I would stick to communicating with people in public threads while you are new, and then if you do PM, to get to know the person better before even considering giving any personal information. Avoid emotionally intense topics if possible. I've added some people here to social media and exchanged email, but I got advice first from people who'd been here longer, and got my mom's permission. Even after starting college I sought her counsel first.

Do your parents know about this relationship? If so, what are their thoughts?

I'm sorry I just saw this ^^; thank you so much for your response. Since we have 13.5 hours in between us we don't talk as much as normal people would. Since his day is my night and vice-versa we are able to do stuff in the day while the other is sleeping so it all works out. And I will be cautious thank you, I'm praying that God will guard my heart. I'm trying to focus on living my life and growing as a person. Even though I love him that doesn't mean I have to put all my energy into it right? I mean.. it's getting unhealthy sometime and he doesn't want us to be too attached either because of how things are. Well my mom knows that I help a lot of people online and that I help them through depression and such. I talk about God to some as well. And when I meet someone who I am really emotionally connected to i ask her questions like "is it okay to marry guys around this age group or from this country" etc. I don't specifically say that I'm in love because whenever I say that I am she gets angry. She's not very understanding.. so it's hard to talk to her. I used to have severe depression and I was going through a lot but she made fun of it and called it fake. Basically our relationship isn't as good as I wish it could be