In love but not in a place to take it further

EnriqueNye

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Me and my girlfriend have been courting for almost 6 months now. We are very very in love and we know for certain that we want to marry each other. The problem is neither of us are in a place where we can get married. Were both just finishing our Junior year of college and we want to wait until graduation because that would work best for many obvious reasons. We are too in love though. We talk about marriage a lot but society says we cant do it yet. Purity is hard. We have never had sex but we have come close. We have tried on multiple occasions to stop dating because we cant control ourselves, but it only lasts like a week or two before we are back in love again. We just can't turn our love off. We both feel trapped. Like we want to honor God and get married like what 1st Cor says because we can't control ourselves, but we don't want to get married because that would complicate things greatly. We don't know what to do. I guess I just need prayer and Godly advice in how I lead her and what is the best thing to do, because I feel stuck, and she does too. I would be open to marriage if God provided a way for it to happen, but I don't know how it would.
 
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This is a tough one. On one hand the Bible says it's better to marry than to burn with passion. But on the other hand (as you say) there are other responsibilities that go along with tying the knot. What I wonder is: Is it a matter of faith in trusting God to provide for your needs if you went ahead and got married?

What does your Pastor and other close Christian friends say on the matter?
 
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Jeshu

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The best is to share your very needs with Jesus. Tell Him how hard it is, and how in your own strength you can not do it. So build a relationship with Jesus in your sexuality, and crown Him Lord Above All. That is the best way to stay pure when the need is great.

Hard battle but so worth the effort of waiting.

Try and to make things in such a way that if you two are about to fall Jesus can arrest both of you, because you know Jesus in that part of your lives.

Much persistence to both of you.
 
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Pavel Mosko

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Me and my girlfriend have been courting for almost 6 months now. We are very very in love and we know for certain that we want to marry each other. The problem is neither of us are in a place where we can get married. Were both just finishing our Junior year of college and we want to wait until graduation because that would work best for many obvious reasons. We are too in love though. We talk about marriage a lot but society says we cant do it yet. Purity is hard. We have never had sex but we have come close. We have tried on multiple occasions to stop dating because we cant control ourselves, but it only lasts like a week or two before we are back in love again. We just can't turn our love off. We both feel trapped. Like we want to honor God and get married like what 1st Cor says because we can't control ourselves, but we don't want to get married because that would complicate things greatly. We don't know what to do. I guess I just need prayer and Godly advice in how I lead her and what is the best thing to do, because I feel stuck, and she does too. I would be open to marriage if God provided a way for it to happen, but I don't know how it would.

I don't know Enrique it seems like you actually can get married. The problem is that their is a chance that your plans might get side tracked, delayed etc. by an un early unplanned pregnancy. This however is a problem that can largely be avoided with birth control etc. Even the natural method is now much much better than it was when only Catholics used it (we understand a lot more about how the human body operates than in earlier decades).


And I will also add that if you did have a kid in spit of your efforts to delay that might not be that bad etc. (God is in control and promises to provide etc.) The problem is in today's society it is often hard to plan for a perfect time to get married and have kids etc. I can attest to that myself. And so much of the problems in society, like with illegal immigration, Social Security going bankrupt in the future etc. stems from the fact we as a society have become too cautious compared to other generations of the past that got married younger (our birth rate is way too low, we put off marrying and having kids to late as a whole).
 
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bèlla

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Enrique,

Congratulations to you both! I'm glad you're well and found someone you love who returns your affections wholeheartedly. I agree with your decision to wait and finish school. Having your studies out of the way will make things easier. You don't have long to go. If you elected to marry now, what challenges would you face?

I understand the other side too! I went through the same recently and I'm usually controlled. The chemistry is strong and yowza, I'm on fire! Some people trip our switch. You make adjustments, breathe deeply, and don't stir the pot. That's easier said than done. But it gets easier with time. :)

Yours in His Service,

~bella
 
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ChetSinger

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Me and my girlfriend have been courting for almost 6 months now. We are very very in love and we know for certain that we want to marry each other. The problem is neither of us are in a place where we can get married. Were both just finishing our Junior year of college and we want to wait until graduation because that would work best for many obvious reasons. We are too in love though. We talk about marriage a lot but society says we cant do it yet. Purity is hard. We have never had sex but we have come close. We have tried on multiple occasions to stop dating because we cant control ourselves, but it only lasts like a week or two before we are back in love again. We just can't turn our love off. We both feel trapped. Like we want to honor God and get married like what 1st Cor says because we can't control ourselves, but we don't want to get married because that would complicate things greatly. We don't know what to do. I guess I just need prayer and Godly advice in how I lead her and what is the best thing to do, because I feel stuck, and she does too. I would be open to marriage if God provided a way for it to happen, but I don't know how it would.
One step at a time. You don't say whether you're engaged. If not, and if you truly do want her to be your wife, ask her formally and make it public and official if she accepts. Public formalities matter.
 
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Sal Robinson

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I think the responses on this post have been awesome

i have nothing to add except that that I want to commend you for the purity of your heart in this endeavour

so many would have given in the flesh in your situation, and your example is really inspiring. Especially for me as a young guy myself

thank you for being a light to the world through your behaviour
 
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EnriqueNye

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I feel the same as the above poster. I've known so many couples that got married while studying, and they were/ and still are very happily married. I'm not too sure why it's a barrier.

Neither of us are really in the place financially to get a place to live together, and he parents are paying for her college. Her family is not christian and is opposed to Godly marriage. They believe people should do everything they want to outside of marriage, but not get married. They said that when she gets married she is cut of entirely from them, and she really wants them to pay for her college.
 
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Tolworth John

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Neither of us are really in the place financially to get a place to live together, and he parents are paying for her college. Her family is not christian and is opposed to Godly marriage. They believe people should do everything they want to outside of marriage, but not get married. They said that when she gets married she is cut of entirely from them, and she really wants them to pay for her college.

Six months is a very very short period of time.
Your priority now is your course and getting good grades. A secondary matter is seeing each other.

Talk about how you both aim to do this and how you intend to see each other.

May I suggest that part of your seeing each other be part of your attendance in church and any church related activities. These will enable you to be together, but also reduce temptation.
On those occasions you are alone together have a imple rule.
No removing of clothing. ( Other than winter coats, rain coats etc )
Get involved in any Christian organisations at your college, work hard, have fun just being together doing things with other people.
Live as Christian examples to those around you.
 
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ReesePiece23

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And I don't want to be accused of ageism or whatever else I'm guilty of in this day and age, but let's get realistic: 21 is YOUNG. Really, young. Hell, *I* am still young, but unlike you, I remember the 90s. So think of that!

My point is that between the ages of 21 and 27/8 you'll climb the Himalayas. Right now, you're in the lowland areas, just starting to feel the ascent. But by 25, you'll be above the clouds. So by all means marry this girl, but keep in mind a few things:

- You have a LONG steep climb ahead
- You've only known her six months (which is always the primrose season of the relationship)
- You both deserve a fair chance to grow, learn and develop
- You really should travel and see the world before you settle - you don't want to miss out on that
- Both of you will evolve as the years go on. (Don't stifle it, just let it happen)
- This time next year, things could look very different. (That's your 20s for you.)
 
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LifeHouse

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Me and my girlfriend have been courting for almost 6 months now. We are very very in love and we know for certain that we want to marry each other. The problem is neither of us are in a place where we can get married. Were both just finishing our Junior year of college and we want to wait until graduation because that would work best for many obvious reasons. We are too in love though. We talk about marriage a lot but society says we cant do it yet. Purity is hard. We have never had sex but we have come close. We have tried on multiple occasions to stop dating because we cant control ourselves, but it only lasts like a week or two before we are back in love again. We just can't turn our love off. We both feel trapped. Like we want to honor God and get married like what 1st Cor says because we can't control ourselves, but we don't want to get married because that would complicate things greatly. We don't know what to do. I guess I just need prayer and Godly advice in how I lead her and what is the best thing to do, because I feel stuck, and she does too. I would be open to marriage if God provided a way for it to happen, but I don't know how it would.
hello

can i ask what is the barriers that are stopping you guys from getting married now?

it can't be financial, can it?

i am not from US, so I don't really know how the system works there.

but here in New Zealand, i would think it actually makes financial sense for a young couple like you to get married. as you could move in together instead of renting two separate accommodations, and the rest of your expenses would stay the same.

as far as the wedding goes, if you two are happy to have a small intimate wedding, i don't see how it would be prohibitively expensive.

so exactly what are the barriers towards you guys getting married?
 
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EnriqueNye

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hello

can i ask what is the barriers that are stopping you guys from getting married now?

it can't be financial, can it?

i am not from US, so I don't really know how the system works there.

but here in New Zealand, i would think it actually makes financial sense for a young couple like you to get married. as you could move in together instead of renting two separate accommodations, and the rest of your expenses would stay the same.

as far as the wedding goes, if you two are happy to have a small intimate wedding, i don't see how it would be prohibitively expensive.

so exactly what are the barriers towards you guys getting married?

Her parents are paying for her college, and I am still in college. If she gets married they wont pay for it anymore, and I can't get a full time job yet to support us. I still live at home while in school
 
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bèlla

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Married students are considered independent for financial aid purposes. The expected contribution (EFC number) is based on your income. You can petition financial aid for extra resources or recalculation if your status changes after the award is made.

You're eligible for additional funding that isn't available to dependent applicants. Verify if your university provides housing for married students. The rent is usually term billed and removed from your award. Work study funds and loans are possibilities too.

Do your parents support the union? Are they willing to allow her to live with them? Have you discussed it with them?

Yours in His Service,

~bella
 
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LifeHouse

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Her parents are paying for her college, and I am still in college. If she gets married they wont pay for it anymore, and I can't get a full time job yet to support us. I still live at home while in school

sorry to hear this.

yes, from what i read, colleges in the US are notoriously expensive compares with many other Western countries.

praying for you both.
 
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