Immaturity

[Gentle Lamb]

...

 

[SavedByGrace3]

Absolutely. I was "sheltered" during my early life, mainly because my mother died when I was young, and so some people "pulled their punches" when perhaps I should have taken some bruises to strengthen me and show me I could survive a good punch. So I grew up into my teenage years, sometimes afraid, sometimes shy (especially with girls), and always with a lack of confidence. I was set up to depend on others to give me breaks and treat me as a weak person and special. I really did not know what was happening. I needed someone to sit me down and, with compassion, explain the facts of life. Took me a long time, even after I was married with kids, to grasp my identity and begin to walk like a responsible adult. An adult faces their problems and learns to communicate with others. I could not defend myself because, subconsciously, I thought I was always guilty. I was totally incapable of doing these things, emotionally or spiritually. I suppose I am saying do not "spoil" your kids. Much better they face the truth about life and their responsibilities when they are young, with loving parents, than to find out in their 20s that they have to grow up... through much pain and sorrow.
I hope this makes sense.
Believe me when I say this has nothing to do with you or your experience. I am just sharing my experience.
Blessings.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

One of the biggest things that has held me back in life and that I had to deal and am still processing is the fact of coming into adulthood entirely immature. I grew up in an incredibly overprotective restrictive home and there was little I was allowed to do outside of the home. Hence, I couldn't relate to other people very well, not even my peers, who were allowed to associate with each other outside of school, go for opportunities that would equip them for a better adulthood, etc. I excelled academically, but that was about the end of it. In almost every other area I was completely immature and I realize now that the reason is that it's only life experiences that allow us to mature. Can anyone else relate? How did you cope with it if you had similar experiences?

I can relate to not having the learning experiences that I needed for adulthood but not from an overprotected childhood. I didn't learn the social skills from a neglectful childhood rather. My sister fared much better because she got a job that required always upgrading skills working with the public so was learning formulas to use for tools later in life. Academically I did well and would have loved to be a professional student but other than that I spent my time raising children and not so much in the company of adults. I feel that I still lack the skills required at times.

 

[InThePottersChamber]

I think poor mental health can cause immaturity. I'm just going to share my experience, not saying this is the case with you. I used to have depression, and as a result was always defensive, negative, stubborn. Once I got diagnosed and took the right amount and type of medication, I became calmer, more observant and therefore I finally matured/ grew up. I'll give you two more examples of why I say this is the case.

One of my friends who is in her forties, never wanted to give psychiatric meds a try although she has severe mental illness, and to this day she behaves like a child. It is so difficult to be patient with her after a while because it comes to a point where you realise that she isn't going to help herself and her attitude is like a child or a teenager in their rebellious phase. I recognise a lot of my old self in her.

Another case in point is one of my best friends have recently been through a rough patch. Whenever she goes through a rough patch, she becomes whiny, helpless, lazy. She isn't diagnosed with any mental illness, but I know her very well and can say that she has some deep rooted issues, emotionally. I've seen her, a 16 year old girl with a very positive, sweet attitude, become someone, now 25, who is lazy, attention seeking, clout chasing, easily upset, complains a lot. So yes, I think trauma, and mental illnesses/ poor mental health that comes with trauma can certainly skewer your personality, making you immature, bias, and irritating.

I think a lot of immaturity is just us being stubborn, thinking whatever we think/say/do is right, never willing to listen to even the gentlest of voices. If we can recognise that we are not always right, and a very important thing: talking helps you short term, but long term wise, it is better to seek professional help and be hardworking/proactive in taking the steps you really need to have a better quality of life, this would save us from so much trouble, humility, flexibility, very important attributes to have in life, are almost like skills. Both of these friends don't really have a lot of friends, although the second one comes from a large tight knit family, so she is always hanging out with a cousin, but yeah, I think largely immaturity comes from trauma of some kind, and it takes very long to undo whatever it is. Even though I am more mature now, I still have weaknesses that makes me feel like I get the short end of the stick sometimes, but it is very important to realise that at the end of the day none of us 'got it together' truly, some people are just better at hiding it than most, so don't sweat it. Pray to God to give you wisdom, and he will direct your steps. God bless you!

 

[Brad D.]

I don't think separation itself is a bad thing. I think it's far more important to consider the type of separation and the motive behind it. Samuel was separated unto the Lord at birth and was raised to hear the voice of the Lord. David is portrayed in His youth as a young lad out in the wilds tending his sheep. It was there he was developing a secret relationship with the Lord, that was preparing him to become king. Even his father didn't suspect anything special was happening with the boy as he didn't even call him in or consider him when the prophet Samuel came to look over his sons. John the Baptist it was said was in the wilderness to the day of his appearing. So some examples to consider.

The Maturity and social graces of the world are far overrated in my opinion. I would much rather have the maturity of Christ. Moses had all the savvy, power and social graces Egypt could offer. The very things God could not use. He took him out into the hinterlands of Midian to empty him of such things. Moses came up out of that place not having one. He was barely able to speak.

So the very things that have made for your weakness in the world, might just be in the end the very things that will make you strong in Christ. Just something to consider. Don't despise the processes. He chose the weak things of this world to shame the wise, the things that are not to shame the things that are, that no man might glory in himself.

 

[Macchiato]

Checking in bc this is me. What you have to do is reparent yourself. You have to teach yourself what your parents didn't and just work on your struggles

 

[Macchiato]

I think poor mental health can cause immaturity. I'm just going to share my experience, not saying this is the case with you. I used to have depression, and as a result was always defensive, negative, stubborn. Once I got diagnosed and took the right amount and type of medication, I became calmer, more observant and therefore I finally matured/ grew up. I'll give you two more examples of why I say this is the case.

One of my friends who is in her forties, never wanted to give psychiatric meds a try although she has severe mental illness, and to this day she behaves like a child. It is so difficult to be patient with her after a while because it comes to a point where you realise that she isn't going to help herself and her attitude is like a child or a teenager in their rebellious phase. I recognise a lot of my old self in her.

Another case in point is one of my best friends have recently been through a rough patch. Whenever she goes through a rough patch, she becomes whiny, helpless, lazy. She isn't diagnosed with any mental illness, but I know her very well and can say that she has some deep rooted issues, emotionally. I've seen her, a 16 year old girl with a very positive, sweet attitude, become someone, now 25, who is lazy, attention seeking, clout chasing, easily upset, complains a lot. So yes, I think trauma, and mental illnesses/ poor mental health that comes with trauma can certainly skewer your personality, making you immature, bias, and irritating.

I think a lot of immaturity is just us being stubborn, thinking whatever we think/say/do is right, never willing to listen to even the gentlest of voices. If we can recognise that we are not always right, and a very important thing: talking helps you short term, but long term wise, it is better to seek professional help and be hardworking/proactive in taking the steps you really need to have a better quality of life, this would save us from so much trouble, humility, flexibility, very important attributes to have in life, are almost like skills. Both of these friends don't really have a lot of friends, although the second one comes from a large tight knit family, so she is always hanging out with a cousin, but yeah, I think largely immaturity comes from trauma of some kind, and it takes very long to undo whatever it is. Even though I am more mature now, I still have weaknesses that makes me feel like I get the short end of the stick sometimes, but it is very important to realise that at the end of the day none of us 'got it together' truly, some people are just better at hiding it than most, so don't sweat it. Pray to God to give you wisdom, and he will direct your steps. God bless you!

This is true. Sometimes you need help for whatever mental ailments you have.

 

[InThePottersChamber]

This is true. Sometimes you need help for whatever mental ailments you have.

mental illness truly stunts development and maturity. I wish more people and especially advocates for mental health would acknowledge this. Many people don't like to be friends or get too close with people who have mental health issues, and being mentally ill myself I used to be so angry at these people, thinking they were narcs, immature, etc, until I improved thanks to the right medications, and realised how most unmedicated/ insufficientlly medicated mentally ill people behave. When things are going wrong we like to think that we all doing right and blame others for our misfortunes. While in some cases it truly is a misfortune to be in the wrong place and wrong time, mostly it is actually because of us. Advocates for the mentally ill are always calling for neurotypical people to be more patient and compassionate, but do not acknowledge that most mentally ill people are not rightly medicated, hence their company would be truly aggravating, and everyone has their own lives, desires and needs. It is no wonder the majority of people would rather avoid all the drama that comes with being friends with those who are mentally ill, and some can be throughly ungrateful as well.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

mental illness truly stunts development and maturity. I wish more people and especially advocates for mental health would acknowledge this. Many people don't like to be friends or get too close with people who have mental health issues, and being mentally ill myself I used to be so angry at these people, thinking they were narcs, immature, etc, until I improved thanks to the right medications, and realised how most unmedicated/ insufficientlly medicated mentally ill people behave. When things are going wrong we like to think that we all doing right and blame others for our misfortunes. While in some cases it truly is a misfortune to be in the wrong place and wrong time, mostly it is actually because of us. Advocates for the mentally ill are always calling for neurotypical people to be more patient and compassionate, but do not acknowledge that most mentally ill people are not rightly medicated, hence their company would be truly aggravating, and everyone has their own lives, desires and needs. It is no wonder the majority of people would rather avoid all the drama that comes with being friends with those who are mentally ill, and some can be throughly ungrateful as well.

I have been friends with some people who have mental illness. It took extreme events for me to realize that one of my friends was spinning an alternate version of reality and I had never had a true idea of who my friend was. Another friend, through incredible drama, polarized and destroyed a group of my college friends, seeming to enjoy the drama and destruction she caused because she had the attention she wanted. Actually, in the OP I was not talking about immaturity caused by mental illness, though I see and understand how that can be a huge contributing factor.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Absolutely. I was "sheltered" during my early life, mainly because my mother died when I was young, and so some people "pulled their punches" when perhaps I should have taken some bruises to strengthen me and show me I could survive a good punch. So I grew up into my teenage years, sometimes afraid, sometimes shy (especially with girls), and always with a lack of confidence. I was set up to depend on others to give me breaks and treat me as a weak person and special. I really did not know what was happening. I needed someone to sit me down and, with compassion, explain the facts of life. Took me a long time, even after I was married with kids, to grasp my identity and begin to walk like a responsible adult. An adult faces their problems and learns to communicate with others. I could not defend myself because, subconsciously, I thought I was always guilty. I was totally incapable of doing these things, emotionally or spiritually. I suppose I am saying do not "spoil" your kids. Much better they face the truth about life and their responsibilities when they are young, with loving parents, than to find out in their 20s that they have to grow up... through much pain and sorrow.
I hope this makes sense.
Believe me when I say this has nothing to do with you or your experience. I am just sharing my experience.
Blessings.

I understand your experience. Mine was the opposite. I was pushed to be independent, however I was also so restricted from growing into an adult that it caused me to regress and act more child like because I wasn't allowed to become an adult with having the privilege of going anywhere or doing anything. I have seen a kid bring coddled due to an absent parent. I did what I could to show the reality and that being without an active parent didn't mean that coddling the kid was the correct answer.

The thing that has really helped me mature in life is yielding to God, His lordship, and His will for my life.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

I can relate to not having the learning experiences that I needed for adulthood but not from an overprotected childhood. I didn't learn the social skills from a neglectful childhood rather. My sister fared much better because she got a job that required always upgrading skills working with the public so was learning formulas to use for tools later in life. Academically I did well and would have loved to be a professional student but other than that I spent my time raising children and not so much in the company of adults. I feel that I still lack the skills required at times.

It took me years to learn the importance of those social skills. I wish I had learned them sooner. Not knowing them made life far more difficult. I'm still learning.

 

[InThePottersChamber]

I have been friends with some people who have mental illness. It took extreme events for me to realize that one of my friends was spinning an alternate version of reality and I had never had a true idea of who my friend was. Another friend, through incredible drama, polarized and destroyed a group of my college friends, seeming to enjoy the drama and destruction she caused because she had the attention she wanted. Actually, in the OP I was not talking about immaturity caused by mental illness, though I see and understand how that can be a huge contributing factor.

Hi Gentle Lamb, yes I know that I have swerved from the OP a little, I apologise, I was replying to Macchiato about mental illnesses. I'm sorry that you have had such terrible experiences with people who are mentally ill. I hope that you will always take care of yourself first, no matter how much you want to be a good friend.

To answer the OP, I guess you just have to 'reparent' yourself, as a comment here has said. I suggest going to a therapist and telling them your problems. Your therapist will most likely tell you about your weaknesses and strengths based on what you tell them, (or they could ask you questions until you arrive at the answer yourself), and then from thereon you can work together with the therapist to give yourself a better quality of life. Therapy is work, just like all things worthy to succeed at in life. Just remember, no matter what happens, God loves you and He will always be your refuge when things don't work out as expected. God bless!

 

[Gentle Lamb]

I don't think separation itself is a bad thing. I think it's far more important to consider the type of separation and the motive behind it. Samuel was separated unto the Lord at birth and was raised to hear the voice of the Lord. David is portrayed in His youth as a young lad out in the wilds tending his sheep. It was there he was developing a secret relationship with the Lord, that was preparing him to become king. Even his father didn't suspect anything special was happening with the boy as he didn't even call him in or consider him when the prophet Samuel came to look over his sons. John the Baptist it was said was in the wilderness to the day of his appearing. So some examples to consider.

The Maturity and social graces of the world are far overrated in my opinion. I would much rather have the maturity of Christ. Moses had all the savvy, power and social graces Egypt could offer. The very things God could not use. He took him out into the hinterlands of Midian to empty him of such things. Moses came up out of that place not having one. He was barely able to speak.

So the very things that have made for your weakness in the world, might just be in the end the very things that will make you strong in Christ. Just something to consider. Don't despise the processes. He chose the weak things of this world to shame the wise, the things that are not to shame the things that are, that no man might glory in himself.

You make a fantastic point here, separation unto God is no joke. I have definitely seen God working in my life and I am grateful. He has drawn me nearer to Him in the way you described with Samuel. It's a blessing in disguise. He also separated me from bad influences and helped me stop being a bad influence. Praise God.

 

[Sabri]

I think poor mental health can cause immaturity. I'm just going to share my experience, not saying this is the case with you. I used to have depression, and as a result was always defensive, negative, stubborn. Once I got diagnosed and took the right amount and type of medication, I became calmer, more observant and therefore I finally matured/ grew up. I'll give you two more examples of why I say this is the case.

One of my friends who is in her forties, never wanted to give psychiatric meds a try although she has severe mental illness, and to this day she behaves like a child. It is so difficult to be patient with her after a while because it comes to a point where you realise that she isn't going to help herself and her attitude is like a child or a teenager in their rebellious phase. I recognise a lot of my old self in her.

Another case in point is one of my best friends have recently been through a rough patch. Whenever she goes through a rough patch, she becomes whiny, helpless, lazy. She isn't diagnosed with any mental illness, but I know her very well and can say that she has some deep rooted issues, emotionally. I've seen her, a 16 year old girl with a very positive, sweet attitude, become someone, now 25, who is lazy, attention seeking, clout chasing, easily upset, complains a lot. So yes, I think trauma, and mental illnesses/ poor mental health that comes with trauma can certainly skewer your personality, making you immature, bias, and irritating.

I think a lot of immaturity is just us being stubborn, thinking whatever we think/say/do is right, never willing to listen to even the gentlest of voices. If we can recognise that we are not always right, and a very important thing: talking helps you short term, but long term wise, it is better to seek professional help and be hardworking/proactive in taking the steps you really need to have a better quality of life, this would save us from so much trouble, humility, flexibility, very important attributes to have in life, are almost like skills. Both of these friends don't really have a lot of friends, although the second one comes from a large tight knit family, so she is always hanging out with a cousin, but yeah, I think largely immaturity comes from trauma of some kind, and it takes very long to undo whatever it is. Even though I am more mature now, I still have weaknesses that makes me feel like I get the short end of the stick sometimes, but it is very important to realise that at the end of the day none of us 'got it together' truly, some people are just better at hiding it than most, so don't sweat it. Pray to God to give you wisdom, and he will direct your steps. God bless you!

I like your post. However, I think maturity or immaturity is subjective. I have heard people say things like” she’s immature” or he’s being immature or stubborn”. What makes them immature? Most of the time because the person does not act or behave in a manner in which someone can explain or control. I have found clarity is great when it comes to understanding others behaviors.

Sometimes it takes putting yourself in one’s shoes to truly understand others. Most people are not as patient to understand being empathic. Additionally, being an active listener. I believe in prayer as a means of healing.

 

[Sabri]

I don't think separation itself is a bad thing. I think it's far more important to consider the type of separation and the motive behind it. Samuel was separated unto the Lord at birth and was raised to hear the voice of the Lord. David is portrayed in His youth as a young lad out in the wilds tending his sheep. It was there he was developing a secret relationship with the Lord, that was preparing him to become king. Even his father didn't suspect anything special was happening with the boy as he didn't even call him in or consider him when the prophet Samuel came to look over his sons. John the Baptist it was said was in the wilderness to the day of his appearing. So some examples to consider.

The Maturity and social graces of the world are far overrated in my opinion. I would much rather have the maturity of Christ. Moses had all the savvy, power and social graces Egypt could offer. The very things God could not use. He took him out into the hinterlands of Midian to empty him of such things. Moses came up out of that place not having one. He was barely able to speak.

So the very things that have made for your weakness in the world, might just be in the end the very things that will make you strong in Christ. Just something to consider. Don't despise the processes. He chose the weak things of this world to shame the wise, the things that are not to shame the things that are, that no man might glory in himself.

This is true. I have found God has separated me from my norm . At first I didn’t understand what was happening and was very much resistant. Through the separation and pruning process I started to see the real me. To be transparent I didn’t like the person I started to see.
Sometimes it takes separation to pull off the outer shell. In my case I saw me as an onion. Multiple layers of things I didn’t know existed. The scripture is true- the heart is desperately wicked who can know it. The more that was peeled off the smaller i became. This separation has caused me to become closer to Christ. To finally examine me in the mirror of truth. At times to repent and rewrite my wrongs. For me this was the humbling part. To say you are sorry to those you didn’t know you hurt and to those you feel that hurt you.
Jesus commands us to walk in the newness of life. I feel that he separated me to become a better leader. How can you truly lead if you don’t want to serve. Also, before you get to the palace you need the humbling experience of the pit, the awakening experience of being placed in jail to understand you need others to assist you in this walk.
I came to the understanding that I didn’t know everything and I wanted so badly to sit at his feet and learn. Knowing that he will send people who can and want to assist us in the process without any strings was then only thing I desired. I found myself running from everyone because I believed they wanted something from me. Usually they did. Albeit my beauty, perceived wisdom, talent, or to be their prized possession. There love or desire to be around me came with an attachment. Most of the time I played into it until I became like Jacob, and was at the end of my rope and met my match.
I believed this was divine to stop me from this disgusting behavior I was so familiar with. To show me who I really was and to show me the true love of the Father. To grow to become mature in him and immature in the world.
Now I understand how great is his faithfulness and mercy towards me. I yearn to be near him albeit prayer, worship, praise. Lastly, to be raptured up in that glorious day when corruptible is made incorruptible and mortal become immortal. My prayer come Jesus, now come.

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

The Maturity and social graces of the world are far overrated in my opinion. I would much rather have the maturity of Christ. Moses had all the savvy, power and social graces Egypt could offer. The very things God could not use. He took him out into the hinterlands of Midian to empty him of such things. Moses came up out of that place not having one. He was barely able to speak.

So the very things that have made for your weakness in the world, might just be in the end the very things that will make you strong in Christ. Just something to consider. Don't despise the processes. He chose the weak things of this world to shame the wise, the things that are not to shame the things that are, that no man might glory in himself.

Maturity and social skills, while not the same thing are definite advantages. And we all have our disadvantages. But you are right, with God it doesn't matter. I am reminded of St Francis. I don't remember the source. But a follower asking him, "Why you?" His answer was something like, "Because I am the most useless and incompetent so God chose me for this work to show what he can do with anybody."

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

From the Little Flowers Chapter X

Brother Masseo answered: “I mean, why is it that all the world goeth after thee; why do all men wish to see thee, to hear thee, and to obey thy word? For thou art neither comely nor learned, nor art thou of noble birth. How is it, then, that all the world goeth after thee?”

St Francis, hearing these words, rejoiced greatly in spirit, and lifting up his eyes to heaven, remained for a long space with his mind rapt in God; then, coming to himself, he knelt down, returning thanks to God with great fervour of spirit, and addressing Brother Messeo, said to him:

“Wouldst thou know why all men come after me? Know that it is because the Lord, who is in heaven, who sees the evil and the good in all places – because, I say, his holy eyes have found among men no one more wicked, more imperfect, or a greater sinner than I am; and to accomplish the wonderful work which he intends to do, he has found no creature more vile than I am on earth; for which reason he has chosen me, to confound all strength, beauty, greatness, noble birth, and all the science of the world, that men may learn that every virtue and every good gift cometh from him, and not from any creature, that none may glory before him; but if any one glory, let him glory in the Lord, to whom belongeth all glory in eternity.”

Little Flowers of St. Francis: The Little Flowers: Chapter X. How Friar Masseo, as if in raillery, said to St. Francis . . .

The Little Flowers of St. Francis, tr. by W. Heywood, [1906], full text etext at sacred-texts.com

www.sacred-texts.com

 

[Brad D.]

@Sabri @Akita Suggagaki those were both really beautiful replies.